Wanted: Lesbian "zipless fuck"

[NoJo]

I have a serious question: honest!

I'm writing a scene in a script about a sexless romance between a lesbian girl and a middle aged man. No, he doesn't "convert" her in the end, that's not what their relationship is about.

Anyhoo. My lesbian, "V", is an odd character: She was a child prodigy, a genius, but at twenty three, she's now a drop-out, back living with her high-powered businesswoman Mom. V is a moody sociopath who has retreated into an angry depression, where she spends most of her time watching MTV and trying to ignore her Mom telling her to go out and look for work.

V had a girl-friend "J", that she'd hoped to move in with. V loves J, but is unable to show her emotions. J is not seriously into V.

One day, In typical fashion, V just turns up on J's doorstep with all her stuff, but J has another girl-friend living with her now, Iris, a beautiful model. V is really angry and upset. She moves back home to her Mom. But after a while she can't stand it.

She goes round to J's place when J has gone out to work, and has sex with Iris. Partly out of revenge, partly becuase she's attracted to Iris physically, and partly because she just needs sex.

Now I know a *little* about lesbian sex, romantic sex. But I just realised I have no idea how to write this scene, where V just comes in and "thrusts herself" on Iris and fucks her, quickly and emotionlessly. Very "male" behavior. Maybe.

Has anyone read any stories here where this kind of sex is well described? Or can anyone think of how this scene should go?


The whole scene should really be:

1. Iris answers the door: It's V.
2. V goes straight for her; little to no dialog. Iris likes it, gets horny.
3. Sex.
4. V leaves, feeling more like she's just masturbated than had sex.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

The whole scene has one little flaw: Why would Iris accept her girlfriend's ex-lover throwing herself at her like that?

If there was an attraction between them earlier in the story, it would be more believable.

 

[NoJo]

SF. Yes, I should have mentioned. there was an attraction earlier in the story. Thanks for that.

Iris was attracted to V when V first met her, but V was just pissed off with her -- it was J she wanted. Here's the scene where V meets Iris -- I called her "India" in this draft:


JAN opens the door to Veronica. Veronica’s holding a suitcase with wheels and carrying a black bin liner. Jan looks surprised to see her.
They kiss, on the lips.
A beautiful woman emerges from the bedroom, with a spliff. Jan laughs nervously. Her name’s INDIA.
INDIA
Hi. You must be Veronica.
JAN
This is India.
VERONICA
Are you fucking her?
India smiles. Beautiful teeth.
JAN
Ron, you can’t just turn up unannounced with all your stuff like a-
VERONICA
Homeless person.
JAN
Ron, honey, you can stay here.
(to India)
She can stay here, can’t she?
INDIA
Sure.
VERONICA
No. It’s okay. It’s okay. I just need to stash some of my stuff here. Fuck.
India offers her the spliff.
JAN
She doesn’t smoke. You can stay here, baby. With me and India.
VERONICA
No. Thanks. I just panicked because Mum’s coming back. She’s okay. She’ll let me stay there. She’ll just nag me to find work for about two days, until she gets too busy with her own work to notice me. It’ll be okay.
Veronica dumps the contents of the black bin liner onto the floor. The booty from an Ann Summers raid.
India picks out a pink strap-on dick, tries it on. It’s not her colour.
INDIA
Are you sure you won’t stay here?
VERONICA
Fuck off.
(tearful rage)
Fuck off.
She storms out, leaving Jan and India alone.
INDIA
Poor kid.
JAN
Come here a sec.
Jan clamps one handcuff on India’s wrist, the other on her own. They exchange glances.
INDIA
Where’s the key?
JAN
Shit.
They rummage frantically among the gear for it.

 

[Guest]

Joe, I think I wrote something like a zipless fuck between two women. It's very short and the sex is in the dialogue mostly. It's the last of four stories in issue 6 of Snipps (see my sig line).

Perdita

 

[pop_54]

Ha!

Looks brilliant to me Joe, gave me a boner right off. I'll get the wife to cast her expert eye over it for you, she knows about these things.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

What does "zipless" mean, BTW?

 

[gauchecritic]

Now I know a *little* about lesbian sex, romantic sex. But I just realised I have no idea how to write this scene, where V just comes in and "thrusts herself" on Iris and fucks her, quickly and emotionlessly. Very "male" behavior. Maybe.

Has anyone read any stories here where this kind of sex is well described? Or can anyone think of how this scene should go?

I'm not sure that the behaviour is too 'male' Joe. I have it on certain authority that this behaviour is not uncommon. I've been told about an event where a 'straight' girl was followed into the dressing room at a pool party and screwed there and then, without pre-amble by one of the other female guests.

I think the scene itself would go well by introducing tension just as soon as the visitor realises they are alone, having visited hopefully for just that occurence.

As you say that may be seen as 'male' behaviour or even male oriented stereotyping. But it is fantasy afterall. As I see it, if you can include the feelings and emotions then I can't see any problems really.
Except of course the "she shouldn't behave like this and I hope she dies" feedback from L and L.

Gauche

 

[NoJo]

here's a quote from Erica Jong, who invented the term "Zipless Fuck"


Sex

The zipless fuck is absolutely pure. It is free of ulterior motives. There is no power game. The man is not "taking" and the woman is not "giving." No one is attempting to cuckold a husband or humiliate a wife. No one is trying to prove anything or get anything out of anyone. The zipless fuck is the purest thing there is. And it is rarer than the unicorn. And I have never had one.


(so I was wrong to descibe the scene I want to write as a "zipless fuck" -- V does have an ulterior motive -- to get back at her girl-friend).

 

[Guest]

Joe, I remember how fast Jong's term got bandied about, but ZF eventually came to mean something not so 'pure' and impossible. Don't get stuck on that definition or technicalities. A zipless fuck, or 'a fuck on a dime' now simply means a very intense, mutually satisfying, hard fuck. The motives, relations or backgrounds are irrelevant.

Perdita

 

[NoJo]

Re: Re: Wanted: Lesbian "zipless fuck"

Gauche,

I'm now confident that what I wanted to write is in character.

Going straight for the clit, I think, is the key to the scene. I started to write it this way, thinking (yeah, right!) that's what I's do in this situation, but was overcome with doubt. A modest young lady has just sent me some examples of great scenes she's written that run pretty much like this.

Who are L and L?

Perdita. All I can say is Conho! you're good. Thanks for snip 6.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I don’t know if your problem has as much to do with anything specific to lesbians as if does with basic human behavior. I think it’s just odd to have someone come to the door all upset and in five minutes have her fucking anything, woman or man. What’s happened to all she was so upset about? People just don’t go from tears of rage one minute to seducing their lover’s lover the next.

I would think you need a moment to shift emotional gears. I would think that Veronica needs to calm down, maybe be comforted by India. At least, that’s the way I’d play it. Then she could turn India’s tenderness back against her by turning it into revenge sex.

Or else, don;t have her show up in tears. Have her already know about India and show up all cold and calculating, having already decided to put the moves on India. That would be easier to swallow.

You can go straight for the clit if you want, but I think it'll be hard to make it at all believable.


---dr.M.

 

[NoJo]

Dr M, there's fifty pages of dialog and action between the scene I posted and the scene I'm writing. About two weeks in the story.

Sorry if you were confused by this. when I wrote that she moves back home with her Mom, I mean she returns to living with her.

I don't know where you got the idea that I would have her show up in tears. Now that *would* be out of character.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Oops. I just figured with her standing there with the suitcases that she'd just been kicked out or left and so was naturally pretty upset.

Never mind then.

---dr.M.

 

[sweetnpetite]

sounds like an interesting story. I'd love to know when it's posted.

 

[NoJo]

Here's the current draft of the scene, weeks later, when V goes round to pick up her stuff. I decided to keep it really brief:

              EXT. JAN'S PLACE - DAY

               India answers the door.

                                   INDIA
                         Hi.

                                   VERONICA
                         Hi.  I need to pick up my stuff.



               INT. BATHROOM, JAN'S PLACE - DAY

               India is naked in the empty bath, her hands cuffed to the
               taps.   Veronica, also naked, straddles her, shifts forward
               so she's sitting on her face.

                                   VERONICA
                         Want a drink?

               India's voice is muffled.

                                   VERONICA
                         Yes? Want a drink, bitch?

               Veronica starts the tap running.  A slow trickle.



               INT. BEDROOM, JAN'S PLACE - EVENING

               India is asleep on her back, Veronica lies next to her,
               strokes India's skin thoughtfully.

               She jumps up, dresses quickly.

                                   VERONICA
                         Where's my suitcase?

               India wakes. She gets up, pads across the room.

                                   INDIA
                         I'll get it.

               She opens a wardrobe, takes out the suitcase and the black
               bin bag.

                                   VERONICA
                         You can keep the toys.