Want to learn about BDSM

[Wilmo]

Hey, there.

This is probably a post of the rare kind in this forum, haha, so I'll issue a newbie alert before writing any further.

My reason for this post is that my girlfriend is into BDSM and her previous sex partner was very dominant and very 'into' his role and knew what he was doing. She tells me that I don't have to worry about BDSM and that the sex we're having is great. However, BDSM has always fascinated me and I've fantasized about it many times. I would very much like to surprise her with some rough sex, but unfortunately for me I don't have enough knowledge about it to do so.

Therefore I've decided to read about it and at least try and see how it goes. Worst case scenario is that I'm failing. So I found this forum on Google and it seems perfect for me. I'm going to browse through the library, but I'd also like to ask you guys for help and guidance. How can I surprise my gf with some domination? Any advice is received with gratitude.

FYI, I'm male 21yo and not very experienced when it comes to sex, unfortunately xD


Thanks guys

 

[Ishkar]

Surprising someone with rough sex is the last thing you want to do, particularly if it is not the norm' for your relationship. One thing you will learn is that BDSM is about consent and negotiation, and pre-arranged agreements and limitations. There are hard limits and soft limits, negotiable areas and most importantly of all, safewords. If you want to get a BDSM dynamic going with your girlfriend that isn't going to fail spectacularly, talk to her about it. She is more experienced than you in it anyway, so you might as well learn the ropes from her.

 

[SpunThings]

Here's the problem: BDSM is an umbrella term for a large number of activities and desires. Not everyone into it is into the same things. I suggest you take some time to discuss fantasies first. Even if you know she likes to be submissive, that doesn't play out the same in every relationship. Make sure sh clikes rough sex first, and what exactly that entails. For some rough sex is a heavy painful cervix pounding, for others it involves biting and passionate grabbing, or others it could involve slapping and punching... Everyone is different.

 

[SpunThings]

Also not everyone does safewords. Some people use clear plain language. Safewords are good if your partner may do actions that would under normal circumstances seem like they want to stop.

 

[BBbumboy]

Its incredibly important you begin by matching your fantasies with hers and starting with those. The possibilities of expanding are there, but compatibility needs to be established before a relationship in my opinion. That's just being responsible.

 

[Anonymaso]

If you surprise her with rough sex you're not giving her the opportunity to consent to it. Are you sure she still wants BDSM in her sexlife? She's going out with you, not him. Worst case scenario, it could be triggering of a negative experience with her ex.

Maybe she knows you're not experienced and wants to wait till you're confident about the basics before spicing things up.

Maybe her submission was more of a phase and she's not really interested any more.

Only way to find out is to ask.