Vivi's Labyrinth

[Miss_Vivi]

There exists a place that was built for one. A girl, for whom the world was an ever changing, challenging, confusing and exciting place. Her home would be the same.

The center of the labyrinth is her home, with all the creature comforts that one such as her would enjoy, and she saw to the enjoyment of her guests who knew the way into her world.

Others, would be lost. She would neither mourn them or help them to find their freedom, their hearts and voices forever seeking their way back into her heart.

The labyrinth is always changing, step in and you may be lost, or you might find your way to the center and find the girl, giggling and inviting you closer.

Bonne chance, mes amis.

 

[Miss_Vivi]

reserved.

 

[Miss_Vivi]

reserved

 

[Miss_Vivi]

The theme for the May writing challenge was about telling someone something.

I need to tell you.
I need to tell you...

A near constant and consistent theme in my life. Being poly is like that, daily, weekly, minutely check ins... something that you grow used to. Where are your feelings with this? What do you think about this? How are you feeling with the amount of time that we are spending together? What are your needs? It can be exhausting for someone who isn't capable of segmenting their partners into individual boxes and addressing the specific needs of each partner...Sometimes.. I'm really talented at parsing this out. And sometimes, I suck at it and the partners become a jumbled mess.

Sometimes though.. sometimes communication breaks down. Whether through my own fear or insecurities, I lack the words to make the moment right and they spin and spin out of control, until I'm crying and can't say what I need.

I'm trying. I promise that I'm trying.

Especially with the newest partner. Things are changing in their world. Big Changes too. I can't compete or compare with those and they very much want me in their world. But I feel like I already ask so much of them, that to continue to ask more is unfair. Or that my having any feelings for them is a burden, or will be a burden. In my head, I'm a lot of work. They make me happy. They're honest, and trustworthy, and there... more than any person who has been there before, with the exception of Zom. It's been hard to not scream things from building tops, or bounce with excitement, or to plainly act like a silly girl with a new crush, a new love or a new toy. They remind me consistently to live in the present moment, that what we have now is amazing, and tomorrow is something that we can worry about tomorrow. Now if I'd just listen.

A break up in my recent past, and I'm still reeling. Striving to understand what it means to hurt like this and how to move past it. Not easy.

Something new on the horizon, a wedding, and a deepening of feelings. I am fortunate in those who love me. I know I am.

I just need to remember to use my words.

 

[Miss_Vivi]

This played out in my head between Vail and Daddy. Why..? I have no idea, but it absolutely couldn't be helped.


The samples won't delay but the cable
There's another way, say something, anything
Test, one, two, three, anything but that

This is weird, it's weird
Very weird, fuckin' weird
I'm so mad that I don't know what to do

Fighting with microphones
Freezing down to my bones
And to top it all off I'm with you

Feel like going insane?
Got a fire in your brain?
And you're thinking of drinking gasoline?

As a matter of fact, honey, I know this act
It's called the 'Tango Vivi'

The 'Tango Vivi'
It's a dark, dizzy merry-go-round
As she keeps you dangling
You're wrong, you're heart she is mangling

It's different with me
And you toss and you turn
'Cause her cold eyes can burn
Yet you yearn and you churn and rebound

I think I know what you mean
The 'Tango Vivi'

Has she ever pouted her lips
And called you 'Pookie'?
Never, have you ever doubted a kiss or two?
This is spooky

Did you swoon when she walked through the door?
Every time, so be cautious
Did she moon over other boys?
More than moon, I'm getting nauseous

Where'd you learn to tango?
With the French Ambassador's daughter
In her dorm room at Miss Porter's and you?

With Nanetter Himmelfarb
The Rabbi's daughter at the
Scarsdale Jewish Community Center

It's hard to do this backwards
You should try it in heels

She cheated, she cheated
Vivi cheated, fuckin' cheated
I'm defeated, I should give up right now

Gotta look on the bright side
With all of your might
I'd fall for her still anyhow

When you're dancing her dance
You don't stand a chance
Her grip of romance makes you fall

So you think, might as well
Dance a tango to hell
At least I'll have tangoed at all

The 'Tango Vivi'
Gotta dance 'til your diva is through
You pretend to believe her 'cause in the end
You can't leave her

But the end it will come
Still you have to play dumb
'Til you're glum and you bum
And turn blue

Why do we love when she's mean?
And she can be so obscene
My Vivi, the 'Tango Vivi'


Oh.. that was awesome.

 

[Miss_Vivi]

Nadya Brase