Virginity Talk!

[secretgirl16]

Hi!

I’m new here and I finalllly worked up the courage to post this. I’m twenty-one years old and I’ve never been with a man intimately. Overall, I am proud of my virginity. As cliché as it sounds, I plan to save it for the right guy.

The problem is, I can’t help but feel so different compared to other girls my age, including my closest friends. Sometimes I feel embarrassed to be a virgin. Sometimes I feel left out. I have no one in my life to relate to when it comes to this.

I am no angel. I’m very curious about sex and I can’t help but fantasize…and fantasize. Waiting is so difficult at times.

I can’t help but wonder if this is normal? Am I alone out there??
I would love to hear personal thoughts, experiences, and advice. Please be genuine
(I am NOT looking for anything more than friendship)

 

[ShyJake]

Don't be embarassed Personally, I think it's great that you're a virgin.

 

[jboss08]

And you're most certainly not alone!

The problem is that you just don't *hear* about hundreds of other virgins because for whatever messed up reason (most of) society would have you think it's a flaw... much worse for guys, I can tell you that!

But other than some drunk frat boys calling names or the like, most people I've found have a sincere respect, if not awe for that choice in life. "Woah, really? That's so cool..."

Now if we could only dispel the myth that virgin = never thinks about sex, we'd be in good shape

 

[ShyJake]

Now if we could only dispel the myth that virgin = never thinks about sex, we'd be in good shape

I've noticed that, the way people rib virgins. It's like if you're a virgin past 18 or 19 people assume you're a eunuch.

 

[Noor]

There is a lot of sex you can explore without losing your virginity.

You could start with kissing and work from there.

 

[darkangel86]

Hi!

I’m new here and I finalllly worked up the courage to post this. I’m twenty-one years old and I’ve never been with a man intimately. Overall, I am proud of my virginity. As cliché as it sounds, I plan to save it for the right guy.

The problem is, I can’t help but feel so different compared to other girls my age, including my closest friends. Sometimes I feel embarrassed to be a virgin. Sometimes I feel left out. I have no one in my life to relate to when it comes to this.

I am no angel. I’m very curious about sex and I can’t help but fantasize…and fantasize. Waiting is so difficult at times.

I can’t help but wonder if this is normal? Am I alone out there??
I would love to hear personal thoughts, experiences, and advice. Please be genuine
(I am NOT looking for anything more than friendship)

You are not alone sweetie. I waited for awhile too, all my friends left the V-club and I was still there lol. It is very normal. Go at your own pace is my advice. I waited until I was ready, both physically, mentally and spiritually before I lost it. And when the time came, I had no regrets

 

[TheNiteSiren]

Hey suga,

My name is Cyren and I am a Cajun lay from Louisiana. My circumstances are different than yours but I am 33 years old and I have never been with anyone either. Still haven't been kissed to boot. This site has been immensely helpful and there are some really cool people hang out here. *Waves to Noor* Good example of one.

My door is always open, so to speak,, if you need anything. I hope we can be friends.

 

[Spyderpenn]

Great place for information without risk

Hello secret,

I think that is not something to be ashamed about at all. This site seems to be a really good supportive community based on the previous comments I hope you see that. In addition this is a great area to ask your questions. I wish you the best in your search and learning.

 

[photobuff56]

just as the people above are saying, it is perfectly ok to stay the way you are. Guys may try to pressure because you would be a trophy to them. if your friends are pressuring you their not really your friends. Take your time there's rush, I was a virgin until I was 20 or 21 and it is harder for guys at that age.

 

[YoungOldTimer96]

I'm 18 and I'm still a virgin somewhat. I've never been with a man though I have been with women (had my first this year). It's the same with most of my friends. They lost their big V when they were 16 which I thought and still think is kinda young. Even though I'm a virgin I'm very sexual which the guys I have talked to always seem surprised if I tell them I'm a virgin after dirty talk. Being a virgin doesn't mean being an angel I'm not one either, it's another one of those things society puts on us. I'm very happy with my decision to wait because it has gave me much needed time for myself to figure out what I like, all the things my body likes, and more I think more girls should wait and figure themselves out a little more I can say I have avoided alot of problems doing this.

 

[MasterMix]

I don't think a lady should feel that concerned for this issue. In addition to those good points above, market also speaks.

Did you notice those news regarding selling virginity on ebay or so? That means virginity can be more valuable. And you might notice that all who sold their virginity are FEMALE. Had any MALE sold his virginity? It is a male who may feel more worried or frustrated about not losing his virginity.

Gender equalty groups should take actions for this issue.

 

[GrrlFriday]

There is a lot of sex you can explore without losing your virginity.

You could start with kissing and work from there.

Part of the trouble with this is finding someone who won't get put out when you say 'no' or 'wait'.

 

[SensualSam]

.....

 

[Noor]

Part of the trouble with this is finding someone who won't get put out when you say 'no' or 'wait'.

The word "next" comes in handy...

Hi Cyren, Hi GF!

 

[Noor]

Seriously it's all in the attitude.

Tell guys up front when things feel sexual, I am not interested in intercourse but I'd love to try-whatever it is you want to try.

I went through a long period of not kissing, you might think that would be a deal breaker, it wasn't. I still seem to find kissing much more intimate than most other people.

I am not clear what the OP is interested as far as remaining a virgin especially as she is on an erotic board but I am assuming she means penile penetration, and there is so much more to sex and intimacy than that.

 

[GrrlFriday]

Yep - it's too draining to be with someone who isn't right for you.

Something that's really stuck with me is the idea that 'if you can't talk about sex with your partner, then you're not mature enough to have it' - stuff like consequences, contraceptives, likes and hates, etc. It just seemed to make sense for me... What do you think? The downside of this is that the first guy I ever kissed, in the course of our relationship, asked me if I wasn't a virgin. XD I think I was a bit of a shock to him.

 

[Noor]

Yep - it's too draining to be with someone who isn't right for you.

Something that's really stuck with me is the idea that 'if you can't talk about sex with your partner, then you're not mature enough to have it' - stuff like consequences, contraceptives, likes and hates, etc. It just seemed to make sense for me... What do you think? The downside of this is that the first guy I ever kissed, in the course of our relationship, asked me if I wasn't a virgin. XD I think I was a bit of a shock to him.

I used to like talking about contraception and abortion in public places preferably while having a meal. It's kind of fun to watch guys eyes bug out while they are eating and you ask them open questions about how they feel about condoms and abortion.

First guy who kissed me was cool, would have done more whenever he wanted but he was a good boy among other things. We did eventually have full on sex about 5 yrs later while I was still under the age of mentioning on this board, at his parents cabin in the mountains, it was cool but unplanned, we raided his parents condom supply We'd been fooling around on and off for years, we had other interests but we were still connected. Trusted him with my life.

 

[gabriel16]

Virginity

Virginity is just fine. No hurry, secret girl. And you can be sexual in many ways while a virgin. Not just in fantasy.

Take your time.

Gabriel

 

[lakesailer_mi]

Like you, I didn't lose my virginity until after I was 21.

I don't regret it at all.

As another person said, there is a lot you can do with another person other than vaginal (or even vaginal and anal) sex.

Kissing and touching are great.

I know it can be difficult. But it's worth waiting for someone special.

Remember, when you have sex with someone, you invite them into your life in a very intimate way, and you will remember that forever.

I've never ever heard someone say "yeah, I wished I'd slept around and had meaningless sex when I was younger" but I have heard people say "I really wish I hadn't slept with that person."

Also, you can always lose your virginity tomorrow, but you can't unlose it, once you've lost it.

 

[PrincessLeigha]

Hi. I'm almost 20 and I have never dated, never been kissed (except on the forehead during recess in grade 2, but that's another story), and still a virgin. I've been lucky enough to have many friends; male and female, who are still virgins and one friend who is in the same boat as me. we call it our "Never Been Kissed" Club. It has very exclusive member ship.

So you're not the only one. When I first joined Lit, I had a freak out thinking I was the only virgin territory left in Canada. I wanted it over with. I looked to other Litsters for advice. They told me to wait. And they were right. I don't believe that I'm not ready for sex. But I do believe that I want it to be with the right person at the right time. Not a fiance or a husband, but a guy I feel fully comfortable around and someone whom I have an organic relationship with; not something forced or based on our mutual sexuality.

I'm pretty kinky. Or at least I think I am and I've had offers aplenty from guys online to take my virginity and get dirty with me (usually at least 18 years older). Sometimes, it was really tempting. Like, really, really tempting. But I always go with my gut. I call it my "No" feeling. I think it will let me know when the right guy comes around.

If you want to talk, I'm here

 

[secretgirl16]

Oh wow, I really wasn’t expecting so many replies. Thank you all for your input, I feel really welcomed. And it’s so comforting to know that I’m not crazy There are so many valid points made, I kind of don’t know where to start!

ShyJake, jboss08, YoungOldTimer96: I agree! People aren’t black and white, right?

Noor: I love to flirt, date, and have fun I agree there are things to do besides the textbook definition of sex. I am curious…I just haven’t connected with anybody enough (yet) to really explore. Thank you for your advice. I really do plan on working my way up to…the deed lol.

darkangel86: Your words are reassuring

TheNiteSiren: It’s nice to meet you. I’m sure we can be friends!

photobuff56: I’m really grateful that my closest friends don’t pressure me. I love being around positive people They encourage me to give people chances and I’m learning to do so. Thanks for your input!

MasterMix: I’ve never thought about it like that before. How is taking a girl’s virginity something desirable? I’m curious. It seems like guys don’t prefer girls without experience.
I’m sure guys feel pressure too! And now that you mention it, it does seem like they must struggle in a different way. Societal expectations suck

SensualSam: You have such a good point! A lot of people I know don’t seem to see it like I do. How do I put this? It’s so hard to explain…I haven’t connected with someone who…turns me on? Makes me want to give him more of me? I move on from guys very quickly. I know it sounds terrible of me. Thanks for your insight!

PrincessLeigha: I definitely know where you’re coming from. Sometimes I wonder if I am the lone virgin in my university! I’ve always felt like such a kid around my friends, and I get lost when they get into the topic of sex. But listening is interesting I can’t lie lol. I’m so glad you can relate and understand.

I apologize for not getting to everyone’s comments. This post is pretty long and my head is spinning lol. Feel free to reply. I love hearing all these perspectives…it’s so refreshing!

 

[ShyJake]

Secretgirl, you seem like a very level headed person. There's no shame in waiting or going at your own pace and I doubt you'll regret doing so.

 

[AJ78]

I happen to know that you're not the only one around here. Lit is a pretty virgin-friendly place. And some of em are plenty kinky. Which makes sense -- if this had been around when I was 18 it would have been a nice way to figure out just what I was into before I actually started doing it. Anyway, I haven't been a virgin for a long time, but I was 19 before I had sex. I made up for lost time quickly. There's absolutely nothing wrong with waiting, whether on purpose or just by chance.

 

[YAK411976]

I wish I'd waited for my first time. It sucked. All fumbling and no real connection. I learned from that just to enjoy company and the next time it came around with someone I was dating and it was so much better. So just take your time, keep doing what you're doing and enjoy life. To be honest you have plenty of time to fantasie. That can be just as much fun.