Virginity/About me

[Intodesire]

Well, my question is a common one, and probably going to seem very childish.

Is there ever a right "time" in a relationship to go for it, and break the "V-card" in half?

I would I know she is ready?
If I'm ready?

I'm only 18 years of age, and a senior in High School, but I am however a virgin..
I've never really met the kind of girl or guy who could satisfy me both emotionally and physically, but mainly emotionally -- I'm in search for someone to match emotionally then further advance into a physical relationship, possibly...

If you have any questions, please, feel free to post them here, send me a private message, whatever. I am in need of help, and I'm hoping you guys and/or girls here can help me figure out what I need to know =/


This is what I look like, by the way:

http://i39.tinypic.com/2qi5m40.png

Edited the 4 pictures together in Adobe Photoshop CS3

 

[Vixandra]

I truly fail to see what's so horribly wrong about being 18 and a virgin.
It means that you don't have an STD (aka crotch rot) that could kill/maim you.
It means that you haven't helped create a child you're not ready to care for.


Been there, done that, waited til I was 18 and found the one I wanted, that I trusted, that I loved (sappy aww noises aside).

Teens have so much crap to deal with these days, why add to it? There's nothing wrong with being a virgin.

I'm not saying wait for your wedding night, because I sure as hell wouldn't buy a car without test driving it and a spouse is a much bigger commitment. But sex should mean something, in my opinion. Not just a few moments of physical gratification with a person you couldn't care less about otherwise.

 

[Intodesire]

I truly fail to see what's so horribly wrong about being 18 and a virgin.
It means that you don't have an STD (aka crotch rot) that could kill/maim you.
It means that you haven't helped create a child you're not ready to care for.


Been there, done that, waited til I was 18 and found the one I wanted, that I trusted, that I loved (sappy aww noises aside).

Teens have so much crap to deal with these days, why add to it? There's nothing wrong with being a virgin.

I'm not saying wait for your wedding night, because I sure as hell wouldn't buy a car without test driving it and a spouse is a much bigger commitment. But sex should mean something, in my opinion. Not just a few moments of physical gratification with a person you couldn't care less about otherwise.

I did not mean there was something wrong with it - I was just questioning whether there's a time I'll know when both of us are prepared for it..

 

[N_B]

Wait, emo kids get sex?
Just bustin' your balls there, kiddo.

When the time is right, you'll know it. Just prepare to have your heart broken if you split up. The vast majority of high school and early university relationships do not last, and sex with someone you love makes you attached to them more. Just be ready for that.

Otherwise, be safe. In fact, above all, be safe. Use some form of birth control (preferably a condom to protect you both from STDs) and be prepared to deal with the mess aftermath if something goes wrong with said protection.

 

[fire_breeze]

I did not mean there was something wrong with it - I was just questioning whether there's a time I'll know when both of us are prepared for it..

When you and your potential partner feel the desire to have sex with an individual, when you are comfortable talking about sex with said person, when you feel that you can be fully responsible and mature about sex (emotionally, physically, etc) and its possible consequences.

Otherwise, personally, I don't think there is a 'said' time.

 

[SweetErika]

Is there ever a right "time" in a relationship to go for it, and break the "V-card" in half?

Yes. That right time is when you both feel it's right and are both sufficiently mature, responsible and prepared to deal with the physical, mental and emotional consequences of sex.

I would I know she is ready?

Communicate with her. When it feels right for you, ask if she's ready and talk about things like your mutual desires for the relationship, feelings, health status (virgins can have STIs and things like vaginal infections, too), the safer sex measures you plan on taking, birth control, views on pregnancy, the morning after pill, abortion, etc.

If I'm ready?

You'll feel and know you're ready mentally and emotionally (i.e. beyond your genitals and hormones). Your mind and heart will know you won't regret your decision to move forward down the line because you've thought it out, waited, communicated with your partner and taken every reasonable precaution.

I'm only 18 years of age, and a senior in High School, but I am however a virgin..
I've never really met the kind of girl or guy who could satisfy me both emotionally and physically, but mainly emotionally -- I'm in search for someone to match emotionally then further advance into a physical relationship, possibly...

Good for you.

Now I'm sure at least some of the leg humpers won't be able to hold back from trying to convince you to give them your virginity here and via PM.

 

[Eilan]

I'm not one of those people who thinks virginity is a sacred gift to be given only to one's soul mate, but at the same time, I didn't want to just get my first time over with, either.

My ex-husband and I were 20 when we lost our respective virginities to each other. If we hadn't been at separate colleges for most of the first year of our relationship, it probably would have happened sooner. We'd been a couple for just over a year, and it just seemed like the next logical step for us.

 

[Intodesire]

I truly appreciate the kind responses, I'm feeling a TON better now.

 

[naughtyboy5150]

I truly appreciate the kind responses, I'm feeling a TON better now.

You wanna feel like a million bucks? Listen to this...

I'm the inspiration for the 40-Year-Old Virgin.

 

[NippleMuncher]

What it really boils down to is communication. You'll know when you're ready, don't let ANYONE force you into something you don't want to happen. Conversely, you do not have the right to force anyone to do anything they don't want either. Communication with your perspective partner will allow both of you to prepare and know when the other is ready so that when the event happens, it can be the best that your first time can be.

My first time was with a more experience woman, however I knew far more about sex and the pleasuring of others than she did. Part of that was my upbringing, part of it was my physical knowledge of how things work, part of it was the desire to know how to please my partner. In the end, my first time, while not the highlight of my sexual experience, was indeed pleasurable for both of us.

It was through communication that we learned of each others needs and experiences. We had talked about the moment for a long time, probably several months, before it actually happened. Ultimately, the timing and experience was perfect in that moment, and it is something that I still look fondly on nearly 30 years later.

 

[shiny5437]

Intodesire - welcome to HT!

I was 21 when we popped my cherry and hearing about others' experiences of when they did it earlier I'm kinda glad i waited a bit longer. Might be different for others though.

So ignoring the emotional side of things altogether I think the principle is that good sex is great; bad sex isn't worth having.

So unless you have nipplemuncher's natural prowess you have to assume that your first time is more of an 'experience' than something fun.

So I would say that a couple is ready for sex when:
1. they can trust each other enough to know that they can comfortably get their lumpy bumpy bits out,
2. if it doesn't go swimmingly they won't get dumped,
3. they won't be gossiped about to their friends
4. are prepared to invest a bit of effort, time, and communication to get it right. Plus this is half the fun!

Plus the good stuff only happens when both people are equally up for it.

Rather than just a quick fumble on the bowling green while your mates are getting drunk round the corner. Or having a partner that's immediately expecting you to meet their every desire rather than knowing it's a team game!

You've got a whole lifetime till fill up with mediocre sex so for now I'd just focus on meeting lots of people and seeing who you click with on an emotional level.

(now if only I could follow my own advice...)

 

[Intodesire]

Intodesire - welcome to HT!

I was 21 when we popped my cherry and hearing about others' experiences of when they did it earlier I'm kinda glad i waited a bit longer. Might be different for others though.

So ignoring the emotional side of things altogether I think the principle is that good sex is great; bad sex isn't worth having.

So unless you have nipplemuncher's natural prowess you have to assume that your first time is more of an 'experience' than something fun.

So I would say that a couple is ready for sex when:
1. they can trust each other enough to know that they can comfortably get their lumpy bumpy bits out,
2. if it doesn't go swimmingly they won't get dumped,
3. they won't be gossiped about to their friends
4. are prepared to invest a bit of effort, time, and communication to get it right. Plus this is half the fun!

Plus the good stuff only happens when both people are equally up for it.

Rather than just a quick fumble on the bowling green while your mates are getting drunk round the corner. Or having a partner that's immediately expecting you to meet their every desire rather than knowing it's a team game!

You've got a whole lifetime till fill up with mediocre sex so for now I'd just focus on meeting lots of people and seeing who you click with on an emotional level.

(now if only I could follow my own advice...)

Thank you so much for the help !

 

[goud21]

Something to keep in mind to is that the time frame when someone is "ready" is different for everyone. Just because I lost my virginity at 18 doesn't mean that's the right time for someone else. Some people are 25 before they feel ready. It's entirely a personal thing. The only problem with that is, if your first time is also the first time for your partner, you both need to be ready at the same time. My first time was also my girlfriend's first time, but she was 20. She was nervous because she was certain she wouldn't have been ready at 18, so she wanted to make sure I was. I have no regrets about it. My only thought is, make sure you're ready.

 

[cebalrai]

I was 21 when I lost my v-card, to a girl that was 20 and also a virgin. No regrets waiting that long because I knew I wasn't ready until then...

 

[Firebrain]

I was almost 18. I 'waited' and he turned out to be a fucktard anyway. At 18, your character judgement is not so hot!

You will know when you want to have sex with someone because you will be hard pushed to think of reasons not to. As for seeing whether the other person is ready; if you have to ask, then do. And while I wouldn't advise jumping head-first into anything (excuse the pun), I wouldn't get overly bothered about finding the perfect person either. Just relax and see where the world takes you; you will know.

 

[swampydonkey]

You are an emo like me. you better keep off yourself from girls. just lead an isolated life me that's called real emotional life mate. otherwise you can't be a perfect emo.

 

[TeriGirl1983]

Sometimes wish I'd waited

I'm a bad example, but I strongly suggest you wait until the very minute that you're ready to go, with no pressure. If there's any pressure from anyone at all, make it an instant "No".

Giving up your virginity is one of the few things you (hopefully) have control over, and you shouldn't be in too big a hurry to give that up. You can't take it back, no matter how much you pay the plastic surgeon.

I can guaranty you that nobody here is about to tell you that sex is bad, or wrong, or whatever. But no caring, mature, adult human being is going to lose any respect for you because you're a virgin. If they knew they'd probably respect you more - but more importantly - who's going to know? It's no business of anyone but you and your potential partner, and if there is a loving relationship involved, no partner is going to say, "Yuck! A virgin? Go away!"

Sorry for venting.

Love and kisses,

Teri

 

[Ran4]

Don't overthink it. We're talking about penetration plus a couple of feelings, not the end of the world.

Creating some advanced mental image of how exactly something should be just doesn't work. You are as ready when you know how to protect yourself and your partner (from diseases/the like) and you have a willing partner.

It's just sex, dammit!

(And read Erika's advice: her advices are very rarely bad)

 

[LOVE_LAUREN]

I'm eighteen, a female, and can't even get a boyfriend let alone lose my virginity. I'm not really that worried, I don't want to rush things, especially since I never really know what I want. Hopefully though it will all fall into place soon enough.

 

[Mac98]

I've gotta' be 100% bluntly honest here, I know of no one in my group of friends who had a memorable "first time". But then again, they were all really big horn dogs. I'm satisfied with my first time and I suggest you be too. It's nice to fuck, but it's better to make love, imho. And first times should be exactly that.

OR, you could, with all due respect, bang away in a public restroom and wish that you'd have taken your time... but from experience, it's better to do it when it feels right. You'll both know.

And btw, apart from America (and Canada), being a virgin is nothing shameful. I'd rather be an 18 year old virgin than to have nailed 30 girls by the age of 15. I think porn, mainstreamness (it's a word!) and, to a certain extent, consumerism have had a huge impact on how we see virginity.

 

[Intodesire]

You are an emo like me. you better keep off yourself from girls. just lead an isolated life me that's called real emotional life mate. otherwise you can't be a perfect emo.

Look, kid, I'm not an "emo", okay...I am just me, please don't make those statements to me, it only makes you look idiotic in a crowd of people.






Thanks once more to EVERYONE who has said kind words and helped me with this, it truly means a lot

 

[infinity706]

I've gotta' be 100% bluntly honest here, I know of no one in my group of friends who had a memorable "first time". But then again, they were all really big horn dogs. I'm satisfied with my first time and I suggest you be too. It's nice to fuck, but it's better to make love, imho. And first times should be exactly that.

OR, you could, with all due respect, bang away in a public restroom and wish that you'd have taken your time... but from experience, it's better to do it when it feels right. You'll both know.

And btw, apart from America (and Canada), being a virgin is nothing shameful. I'd rather be an 18 year old virgin than to have nailed 30 girls by the age of 15. I think porn, mainstreamness (it's a word!) and, to a certain extent, consumerism have had a huge impact on how we see virginity.

Well, I'm 23 and I've had over 100. I've also had serveral excellent experiences in semi public places. I'm not sure I'd recommend it, but I still don't have an STD, so I must be doing something right. (yes, I do get tested)

Regardless, your first time will probably suck. Most of my 104 haven't been that great. I wouldn't have the excellent fuck buddies I do if I had given up after the first couple bad ones, though.

 

[Intodesire]

Well, I'm 23 and I've had over 100. I've also had serveral excellent experiences in semi public places. I'm not sure I'd recommend it, but I still don't have an STD, so I must be doing something right. (yes, I do get tested)

Regardless, your first time will probably suck. Most of my 104 haven't been that great. I wouldn't have the excellent fuck buddies I do if I had given up after the first couple bad ones, though.

Haha, thank you

I understand it probably will -- I could always pay a super-experienced hooker! Joking, that's wrong xD

 

[Mac98]

Haha, thank you

I understand it probably will -- I could always pay a super-experienced hooker! Joking, that's wrong xD

Hell, that's what I did!

lol just kidding. (But seriously... think about it) (Haha, I'm kidding!) (or am I?) (No, seriously, don't pay urself a hooker, escorts are a safer bet).


lol and perhaps you HAVE slept with 100 women, perhaps it's a persona you put on on Literotica, but fact remains that I, personally, wouldn't gloat or brag about it... but that's just me.

 

[infinity706]

Hell, that's what I did!

lol just kidding. (But seriously... think about it) (Haha, I'm kidding!) (or am I?) (No, seriously, don't pay urself a hooker, escorts are a safer bet).


lol and perhaps you HAVE slept with 100 women, perhaps it's a persona you put on on Literotica, but fact remains that I, personally, wouldn't gloat or brag about it... but that's just me.

I didn't say 100 women. I think it's something like 10 women, one transexual, and the rest are guys. If you didn't know, I'm bisexual. (ok, pansexual or trysexual is more accurate )