Victoria Beckham

[sfor]

I wrote these stories over a lengthy period some time ago. However I wondered, given the higher profile of Ms Beckham in the US now, whether there might be a few people out there who didn't read them when they were first submitted and might now be interested.

The first chapter of the first story, Posh's Dilemma, can be found at: http://www.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=86288

This has further chapters and is then followed by Posh's Dilemma II and Posh Spice in 'Retribution'.

Hope you enjoy.

Regards,
Sfor.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

You do not write very well. Your masturbatory fantasy about Posh has nothing that suggests a story. How? Why? What? And then?

I'm sorry but this is not the kind of stuff that plays too well here - it's too personal a fantasy.

 

[CeriseNoire]

Ugh. The "plot" is more than contrived, sentence structure is awkward at best, paragraphing is off, and there are a few odd speaker attributions. I suppose it' a great fantasy in your head, but it's too poorly written to appeal to those of us that aren't in there.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

You've fallen into the same trap that a lot of fan-fic writers do - you have fantasized about this well-known woman, then written your fantasy from the image in your head. The problem is always the same, you could call her Mrs. Smith and the story would be the same. You haven't shown me Victoria Beckham, the TV and Movie personality. You've shown me some faceless figment of your imagination.

In order to make this work as fan-fic you have to do the background research. Where is she from? What TV show is she working on now? Who's her boyfriend? What kind of car does she drive? Where does she live? In other words, you have to show me the one and only, Victoria Beckham - differentiated from all the other women in the world.

As far as your writing is concerned, I was disappointed. You premis was confused and just wrong. Ms Beckham is worried about the pics hitting the web? I don't think so. Want a link to more pics just like these you discribe? Besides, it would be a boost to her career, so why would she care?

You have one long, confused, unreadable paragraph in the middle of the story that will get you nothing but "back clicks" - not votes.

There are some grammar errors. For instance, "High cut and laced up the back." If this is a sentence, where is the Noun?

Another instance, " 'Hey now stop it, this is not what you asked for!' she complained." You are missing a comma after Hey. The comma after it should be a period and This should be capitalized. Then you use the tag, "complained." Wow. Not what I would have used, especially after the exclamation point

I could continue, but why? Go back and proof read this thing. Find and editor, do your research and try it again.

 

[drksideofthemoon]

I totally agree with my colleagues that posted previously.

Your "story" is totally uninteresting. What the hell is that huge, massive paragraph, it's virtually unreadable.

I have no idea who Victoria Beckham is, and from what you've written, I don't even have the interest necessary to Google her name.

 

[sfor]

Okay guys ............

..thanks for the feedback, and I have to say you make some valid points. I have written quite a lot since chapter 1 of Posh's Dilemma and can see upon reflection that what you say is valid. It was indeed a fantasy in my head and I cannot account for the huge paragraph in the middle! My intention through posting this thread was to hope that the first chapter's url would be a lead into reading the rest of the story chapters (which are all reated 'H' by the way). However, I guess any goodwill I had with you all is gone now, so to suggest a look at the other chapters is probably a 'no-no'.

Anyhow, thanks again,
regards,
Sfor.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

However, I guess any goodwill I had with you all is gone now, so to suggest a look at the other chapters is probably a 'no-no'.

Anyhow, thanks again,
regards,
Sfor.

I'll look at your other stories later this afternoon. I'm off to do some work now. And don't worry about the goodwill thing. A few of us do this every day and we don't have any feeling one way or the other about a writer, sfor. We are just intent on raising the average level of writing on lit by helping out the new kids on the block.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

[QUOTE/sfor My intention through posting this thread was to hope that the first chapter's url would be a lead into reading the rest of the story chapters (which are all reated 'H' by the way). However, I guess any goodwill I had with you all is gone now, so to suggest a look at the other chapters is probably a 'no-no'./QUOTE]

Sfor, you get us all wrong. You'll never lose anyone's goodwill here by trying, writing and asking for feedback. That's the rollercoaster we're all on.

From what I've seen, comments here are never intentionally nasty or derisive, but always meant to help fellow writers. Reading through what was said, no-one criticised your writing ability. The point we all tried to make was you are writing a fantasy for yourself - nothing wrong in that, it just doesn't make it easy for the reader to swim along.

You need to make us as excited as you are with the celeb. Your scores show you have a redership but, if you come here, as I hope you will again, we can move you beyond Stories 101 to 'infinity and beyond'.

Elle

 

[sfor]

Jenny and Elfin

Thanks for the extra feedback. I shall certainly try to take what you have said as a positive indication to create something more engaging. Maybe I shall revisit when I have 'that story' ready.
KR,
Sfor.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Thanks for the extra feedback. I shall certainly try to take what you have said as a positive indication to create something more engaging. Maybe I shall revisit when I have 'that story' ready.
KR,
Sfor.

If you ever want a quick read through, PM or mail me.

 

[RetMarut]

Fill Yer Boots Indeed

Back when you wrote this Posh was still the head WAG over there. In your story no way she would've been so acquiescent. Then she was eons away from her Spice Girl days so no more grateful knee-knocking with the likes of whoever hoped to exploit, one way or the other, her compromised position. She would've been frothing with newly entitled wrath. With every thrust, anger surpassing the frustration which had overtaken her humiliation, perhaps she might've found herself considering whether she could cajole Becks into recruiting some yobs (or Vinnie Jones) to give her extortionist a beatdown enough to have made him a Hotspurs fan. Of course such an admission, the incriminating photos, then her yielding, would've raised a whole other set of problems. In fact during a lucid moment maybe she may've thought of how vengence could've worsened her current predicament altogether. Now if all that went on in her head while she's getting the business I think this story's detractors would've been somewhat muted.