Vibrator help

[Xenolan]

My wife has suggested to me that if I used a vibrator on her during sex, it would help her to enjoy it more. Since this is about the third comment she's made to me in the past seven years regarding something that might actually make her enjoy sex, I'm very gung-ho over the idea.

However, the idea of using a hard, plastic device on her doesn't do anything for me, and so I wonder if there might not be another possibility. Is there something out there that I could strap to my own hand that would sit on the back of my fingers and vibrate, so that I would be touching her but she could get the vibrating sensation? I think that would give her what she wants and also be more exciting for me than rubbing a plastic thing on her.

Anyone ever seen anything like that?

 

[Bindii]

I remember seeing a sort of 'thimble' like vibrator once in a catalogue but I'm not sure where.
You could try this sort of thing though
http://www.xxxfreesexchat.com/SE/SE2/2089-14.JPG

You can purchase it here.

http://www.literotica.com/adult_store/

I get the impression that you are feeling a little 'left out' by your wife's desire to use a vibrator, honestly though its not a insult to your skills as a lover; your wife probably just wants to try something new. And lets face it there is no way that a human can move the same way that a vibrator does.

http://www.xxxfreesexchat.com/SE/SE2/2083-12.JPG
and there was this one as well.

 

[Bindii]

Is this what you were after???

http://www.xxxfreesexchat.com/MISC/FIN6105.JPG

You can buy it here

http://www.xxxfreesexchat.com/SE/SE0/0073_00.JPG

You can buy it here

Or even better!

http://www.xxxfreesexchat.com/MISC/NO255.JPG

Here it is

 

[Eilan]

I think that would give her what she wants and also be more exciting for me than rubbing a plastic thing on her.

I think that giving her what she wants should be exciting for you, plastic thing or not.

Good suggestions from Bindii, BTW.

 

[TBKahuna123]

My wife has suggested to me that if I used a vibrator on her during sex, it would help her to enjoy it more. Since this is about the third comment she's made to me in the past seven years regarding something that might actually make her enjoy sex, I'm very gung-ho over the idea.

However, the idea of using a hard, plastic device on her doesn't do anything for me, and so I wonder if there might not be another possibility. Is there something out there that I could strap to my own hand that would sit on the back of my fingers and vibrate, so that I would be touching her but she could get the vibrating sensation? I think that would give her what she wants and also be more exciting for me than rubbing a plastic thing on her.

Anyone ever seen anything like that?

Actually you might be surprised. Using a vibrator or other toy to please your wife is something I've found very arousing, and I never really thought I would either. It's something about please her that does it for me, even though I really get no direct stimulation from it.

You can't look at it as "you aren't enough" to make her enjoy sex. The simple fact is that most women need additional stimulation than just PIV intercourse, and vibrators are designed to offer the exact stimulation they need in the most efficient way. Whether you're using your cock, your fingers, or a sex toy you are still the one giving her the pleasure. And note how she said she wanted YOU to use a vibrator on HER DURING sex. This isn't her wanting a toy to masturbate with, she wants you to be a part of this. That's a big deal.

I also get what you are saying aesthetically though. My suggestions would be this:

1.) Stay away from the plastic standard pahllic looking vibes, both realistic and non-realistic looking.
2.) Try a vibrating egg or bullet type vide. Though plastic, they seem to be great for adding additional internala nd external stimulation
3.) Try some of the more creative vibe products our there. All of Bindii's suggestions are great!
4.) There's a great contoured vibe out there that will actually fit between your bodies during sex, or can be used alone. I can't find the link, but I think Erika or NJ posted about it at some point. I hope they see this and know which one I'm talking about.

Now gratned, I'm reading into your tone that this might be a little threatening to you, and I get that. Don't let that bother you, this isn't a failing. As I've said before, they're called sex toys because they are fun!

 

[Vixandra]

Got to second the vibrating egg idea.

An added benefit- the ones with longer cords can be pushed up inside followed by a cock- OMG the orgasmy goodness!
That is as long as she doesn't mind having her cervix moved around/vibrated. Some love it others hate it, its an individual thing.

Hubby and I have used a vibe in bed and for me, its wonderful going from a cool toy weilded by a man who adores me to the the heat of him as he replaces the toy with himself. A dramatic change that's a lot of fun.

To find a toy- go toy shopping with her, be it from your home on the computer or at the local adult toy store.

 

[Snowman5933]

We have a vibrating egg that I use on my SO during foreplay every now and then. It really seems to do the trick.

Snowman

 

[Eilan]

1.) Stay away from the plastic standard pahllic looking vibes, both realistic and non-realistic looking.

Why? Just curious. I have one that I like really well, and it's inexpensive enough that I won't feel guilty when it dies.

2.) Try a vibrating egg or bullet type vide. Though plastic, they seem to be great for adding additional internala nd external stimulation

I have a bullet vibe as well, but I rarely use it because even though the rate of vibration's adjustable, it seems to be too much for me. Then I giggle because it tickles--and not in an arousing way.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Why? Just curious. I have one that I like really well, and it's inexpensive enough that I won't feel guilty when it dies.

Strictly advice based on the tone of the post. He seems to not like the idea, so my thought was that going away from phallic to something that offers a different type of stimulation from a penis might prove easier for him to enjoy using. Now this may not be the case and if not, I wouldn't not recommend the afore mentioned phallic vibe. It had nothing to do with function, and everything to do with form.

 

[Lust Engine]

My wife has suggested to me that if I used a vibrator on her during sex, it would help her to enjoy it more. Since this is about the third comment she's made to me in the past seven years regarding something that might actually make her enjoy sex, I'm very gung-ho over the idea.

However, the idea of using a hard, plastic device on her doesn't do anything for me, and so I wonder if there might not be another possibility. Is there something out there that I could strap to my own hand that would sit on the back of my fingers and vibrate, so that I would be touching her but she could get the vibrating sensation? I think that would give her what she wants and also be more exciting for me than rubbing a plastic thing on her.

Anyone ever seen anything like that?

Waitaminute here... she's making a request here about HER pleasure. She's already telling you what's going to turn her on. Why twist it into what you want??

Am I missing something here as to your disdain here??

And I do appreciate everyone else's attempt to help here but I'm wondering if this query is more about your comfort than hers.

 

[Eilan]

Strictly advice based on the tone of the post. He seems to not like the idea, so my thought was that going away from phallic to something that offers a different type of stimulation from a penis might prove easier for him to enjoy using. Now this may not be the case and if not, I wouldn't not recommend the afore mentioned phallic vibe. It had nothing to do with function, and everything to do with form.

Oh, okay. I thought there was something else going on here. Makes perfect sense now.

And I do appreciate everyone else's attempt to help here but I'm wondering if this query is more about your comfort than hers.

I was wondering about this as well.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Waitaminute here... she's making a request here about HER pleasure. She's already telling you what's going to turn her on. Why twist it into what you want??

Am I missing something here as to your disdain here??

And I do appreciate everyone else's attempt to help here but I'm wondering if this query is more about your comfort than hers.

Again, I'm wondering if maybe he feels a little wierd about bringing something else into bed, like he isn't enough on his own or that it's impersonal. While I know this isn't something to be threatened by, I can understand that fear.

I mean, I'm all about doign whatever it takes to make my lady happy, but us guys do have feelings too you know.

 

[Norajane]

4.) There's a great contoured vibe out there that will actually fit between your bodies during sex, or can be used alone. I can't find the link, but I think Erika or NJ posted about it at some point. I hope they see this and know which one I'm talking about.

Ooo, my favorite vibe for partner play these days is the Layaspot. Freddy and Eddy give a great detailed review of it, but you can usually find it for less on Amazon. It's made of high quality silicone, and it's so ergonomically well-designed, that you can do all kinds of fun things with it.

http://www.freddyandeddy.com/productreviews/Funfactory/layaspotvibereview.htm

I would encourage you to look at the whole using a vibe thing as one more way to explore your wife's sexuality with her. Be playful with it; it's really fun to see how many different ways she can orgasm.

 

[A_Kefka]

Dont' think he is twisting it into being about what he likes. He is asking, so seems to want to do this for her even if it feels weird to him. He is asking fro something that can do what she wants that he will be a little more comfortable with. Sounds like just what he shoudl be doing to me, because if he isnt' comfortable doing it, then he will do it badly and she won't like it.

 

[Lust Engine]

Dont' think he is twisting it into being about what he likes. He is asking, so seems to want to do this for her even if it feels weird to him. He is asking fro something that can do what she wants that he will be a little more comfortable with. Sounds like just what he shoudl be doing to me, because if he isnt' comfortable doing it, then he will do it badly and she won't like it.

I guess until he tries it, he really doesn't know so what's the phobia or fear here? She's obviously has a desire for it and she's communicating it to him in from what I can tell, pretty blunt terms. My suggestion is try it her way and THEN bring in more if need be.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Ooo, my favorite vibe for partner play these days is the Layaspot. Freddy and Eddy give a great detailed review of it, but you can usually find it for less on Amazon. It's made of high quality silicone, and it's so ergonomically well-designed, that you can do all kinds of fun things with it.

http://www.freddyandeddy.com/productreviews/Funfactory/layaspotvibereview.htm

I would encourage you to look at the whole using a vibe thing as one more way to explore your wife's sexuality with her. Be playful with it; it's really fun to see how many different ways she can orgasm.

This is one of the ones I was thinking of. I was originally thinking of one which was ergonomic like this, but more flat. I do remember tyou pointing this one out though. Looks fun.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Dont' think he is twisting it into being about what he likes. He is asking, so seems to want to do this for her even if it feels weird to him. He is asking fro something that can do what she wants that he will be a little more comfortable with. Sounds like just what he shoudl be doing to me, because if he isnt' comfortable doing it, then he will do it badly and she won't like it.

I agree 100% with this. That was how I read the initial post too.

I guess until he tries it, he really doesn't know so what's the phobia or fear here? She's obviously has a desire for it and she's communicating it to him in from what I can tell, pretty blunt terms. My suggestion is try it her way and THEN bring in more if need be.

OK I hope this doesn't sound insensitive. I think that at times, this board seems to have the attitude that men should do whatever it takes to please their partners. While I agree, it seems that at times if a guy states he's uncomfortable with something, or would like to modify the request in someway to bring him pleasure as well, then he is labelled as being selfish. Just because she's communicating a desire doesn't mean he should drop everything else and break his neck to fulfill her wishes.

I agree, in this case it is a prime example of an easy to fulfill request and one that really has no downside. The only downside might be that he's not comfortable with the idea, at least not fully. There's nothign wrong wiht that and he shouldn't be made to feel that it is. What would the reaction be if some girl posted that her man wanted her to perform oral sex, and she asked if there was a position that would make her feel more in control, and the guys asked her why she wouldn't just do it his way, then try to get him to do it a different way? It's kind of a double standard.

Don't get me wrong, I love all you ladies and I think most of the time it's you all who do get the short end of the stick. I personally have yet to have a request that I wouldn't be willing to throw myself into fully, but that doesn't mean I haven't felt uncomfortable with certain things in the past. Remember that while we may be raging horn dogs most of the time, we're soft in the middle.

Also, think about what Xenolan said in his first post.

However, the idea of using a hard, plastic device on her doesn't do anything for me, and so I wonder if there might not be another possibility. Is there something out there that I could strap to my own hand that would sit on the back of my fingers and vibrate, so that I would be touching her but she could get the vibrating sensation? I think that would give her what she wants and also be more exciting for me than rubbing a plastic thing on her.

He stated that he was gung-ho on the idea of giving her what she wanted, but a hard plastic device wouldn't do anything for him. What was he looking for? Something to fulfillher needs that would be more exciting for him. Is that a bad thing? Is it wrong for a guy to want to find a way to be excited about giving his lady what she desires? Hell no, that's exactly what he should want to do. The way I read this, he wants to give her the vibrations she's looking for, but to do so in a sensual and engaging way, a way that maintains the connection and intimacy between them. I agree that there are ways and certain kinds of toys that can do that, and others maybe less so. I think what he'll find thoguh is that it's less of a matter of what you use, but more how you use it, that determines how that intimacy is maintained.

Personally I think the way he phrased it is what did him in. "doesn't do anything for me" and "also be more exciting for me" I think set off some disdain from ladies who are used to seeing posts from guys who ARE only thinking about their own pleasure. I realize that those of us who are more mature sexually are in the minority, hell that's what the whole "Sack Pack" thing is all about. I think the problem here is just a question of semantics, not really attitude.

Wanting to be engaged with your partner and maintaining intimacy is what I think this is all about. Initially I was thinking that maybe he was intimidated by the thought of bringin a toy to bed, like it might be a blow to his sexual ego or something. That too is a fairly common attitude. After rereading his post though, I don't think that's what's going on, I think he's just looking for something more personal than a big dildo. I applaud that because I know how intimate it can be using toys to bring your lover to a crashing orgasm, an orgasm that is totally different from one gained through sex. As I said before though, ti really doesn't matter what toy you use, it's how you use it. Eye contact, other touching, things to maintain that connection. These not only will increase the intimacy levels, they will enhance the pleasure his wife recieves. At leats that's how it works for me.

 

[A_Kefka]

I'm all for pleasing your partner (sometimes when I was a bit younger to eager to please, she got off andI didn't because she was too nervous to do anything to me). BUt again, if I'm not comfortable, then I won't be as into it as if I am comfortable or even excited about it. And that attitude will show in performance of the act, whether you want it to or not. So trying to make something she wants more pleasurable for yourself makes it better for her.

 

[Eilan]

OK I hope this doesn't sound insensitive. I think that at times, this board seems to have the attitude that men should do whatever it takes to please their partners. While I agree, it seems that at times if a guy states he's uncomfortable with something, or would like to modify the request in someway to bring him pleasure as well, then he is labelled as being selfish. Just because she's communicating a desire doesn't mean he should drop everything else and break his neck to fulfill her wishes.

Both partners should do whatever it takes to please each other. That includes compromise, if need be.

Now here's where I pretty much contradict what I just said :

Frankly, though, I tend to be one of those men-should-do-what-it-takes adherents, but I've adopted this stance in response to some of the attitudes and double standards (less common at HT than other areas of Lit) on the boards and other sites that I've visited. It's like it's okay for men to be vocal/communicative about their desires, but women, while they can be vocal about what they want, should understand that their SO's might not be comfortable with helping them fulfill their desires.

I've done things with my hubby that I wasn't comfortable with at first, but I did them because I love him and I care about his pleasure. In time, I became comfortable enough to enjoy what I was doing. Why shouldn't I expect the same from him? Does his discomfort take precedence to mine because he's male?

I think that some of the men around here are responsible for this attitude, though. How many times do threads pop up where someone's asking, "How do I get/make/convince my SO to do [insert activity partner is ambivalent about here]"? And how often would you say those threads are started by men? More than half the time, I'd say, though I'm obviously just guessing here.

Here are a couple of fairly common thread titles (I'm assuming a male thread starter here):
--"How to I get my SO to fuck other men/women?"
--"How do I get my SO to let me fuck her ass?"
Now, it obviously depends on the tone that the person who starts one of these threads adopts, but there are lots of times that it's apparent that the thread starter cares more about fulfilling his own fantasies and desires than he does about any potential pleasure that his partner might receive from the act.

I've gotten the impression from reading Xenolan's other posts that he may be a bit frustrated at times by his wife's lack of desire. Since his wife rarely makes requests, he should be jumping at the opportunity to honor the few requests that she does make without worrying about what he'll get out of it. Besides, how bad is it that what he'll get out of it is the opportunity to give his wife pleasure?

 

[TBKahuna123]

I think that some of the men around here are responsible for this attitude, though. How many times do threads pop up where someone's asking, "How do I get/make/convince my SO to do [insert activity partner is ambivalent about here]"? And how often would you say those threads are started by men? More than half the time, I'd say, though I'm obviously just guessing here.

Here are a couple of fairly common thread titles (I'm assuming a male thread starter here):
--"How to I get my SO to fuck other men/women?"
--"How do I get my SO to let me fuck her ass?"
Now, it obviously depends on the tone that the person who starts one of these threads adopts, but there are lots of times that it's apparent that the thread starter cares more about fulfilling his own fantasies and desires than he does about any potential pleasure that his partner might receive from the act.

I agree with you on all scores, and that's what I was trying to say at one point. I think the guys who come here and post threads like "how do I get my SO to let me do this..." are what may be clouding the vision here in THIS thread. I also agree with your assesment of Xenloan's other posts. The thing that shouldn't be missed though is that he says he's gung-ho to try it.

I've gotten the impression from reading Xenolan's other posts that he may be a bit frustrated at times by his wife's lack of desire. Since his wife rarely makes requests, he should be jumping at the opportunity to honor the few requests that she does make without worrying about what he'll get out of it. Besides, how bad is it that what he'll get out of it is the opportunity to give his wife pleasure?

It didn't sound like his wife said "I want you to use one of those hard plastic things on me," all she said is she'd like him to use a vibrator. Now they come in all shapes and kinds, but most people are only familiar with your standard tapered hard plastic thing. Sounds to me like he was saying I want to do what she's asking but I'd like to use something other than that standard run of the mill vibe, I want something more intimate. Nothing wrong with that, in fact I think that would probably be better for both of em.

As you said though, a lot of this is about tone. I didn't do myself any favors when I said "this board", because I was talking about Lit as a whole. We all know attitudes over on teh GB are a bit different than HT, and I don't care if that sounds elitist, cause it's true. Anyway, the way he said "better for me" or "more arousing for me" I think gave his post the wrong impression, the wrong tone, and made it sound more self-centered than maybe it was meant to be.

All I'm saying is that maybe we were too quick to jump to conclusions this time, me included, based on the way he worded things. I think if I were in his position I might try something other than your average vibe too because I'd want it to be more of a personal touch.

Why am I getting so defensive about this? Shit I don't even know the guy! LOL! Maybe it's just that kind of week.

 

[Eilan]

I think the guys who come here and post threads like "how do I get my SO to let me do this..." are what may be clouding the vision here in THIS thread.

It's clouded my entire Lit vision.

 

[veme]

If your wife has asked for you to use a vibrator on her during sex then that mean that she feels comfortable enough in your relationship to talk to you about what she wants, a lot of couples would envy you for being in that position.

Maybe you should get your wife involved with buying one, take her online and goto several sex shops and ask her what type of vibrator she likes and then order the one that she wants whilst she's sitting next to you. The pair of you won't be able to wait until it arrives, trust me.

But like most people here we would recommend that you avoid the cheap plastic ones and buy a good quality one.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Maybe you should get your wife involved with buying one, take her online and goto several sex shops and ask her what type of vibrator she likes and then order the one that she wants whilst she's sitting next to you. The pair of you won't be able to wait until it arrives, trust me.

{Slaps forehead with hand}

Are you the first person to suggest this? Good lord I can't believe it didn't even dawn on me to suggest that you buy one together to make sure she gets what she's looking for.

I feel like a dolt.

 

[TBKahuna123]

It's clouded my entire Lit vision.

I understand.

 

[Norajane]

A couple of people have suggested shopping online or at the store together - I think that's a terrific idea! I have done the online shopping thing with my SO, and it's great to generate lots of conversation on the kinds of things that are a turn-on for both of us.

For example, some vibes are for internal and/or g-spot stimulation, and some are mostly external clit stimulation. If you shop together, you can talk about what kinds of stimulation she really likes or would like. Also, some vibes are small enough to fit between the two of you so you can use them during intercourse as well as without intercourse. Some vibes have multi-speeds or pulse or throb or what-not, so it's easy to go off on all kinds of tangents and really have fun with the purchase.

Plus, if you shop together, then you know for sure that you'll end up with something that you both want to try and would find enjoyable. It might be really disappointing to her if you bought the Layaspot vibe I recommended, or the finger vibes you're thinking of, if she was really, really wanting a phallic-shaped internal vibe or g-spot vibe and vice versa.

This website, for example, has great options and descriptions of vibes - check it out together and find out what you'll both be happy with. Or, hell, buy a few different ones and experiment!

http://www.mypleasure.com/store/Beginner-Toys-for-Her/index.asp?dept_id=9041&start_number=31