Very confused.,..

[Boston111]

Hey All...I wasnt sure were to post this since I'm new other then that...I am a mother of a 12 year old boy, and I have questions for you all that have sons my age or older. I know my son does Masterbate... but I dont know if he 'cums'. and I dont know what age he will start...I am confused becease I dont know how to deal with this, is it something I should discuss with him? or should I keep my mouth shut and have him deal with it as his body is getting bigger and 'things' are starting to change. *ADVICE NEEDED* and just anything for what you know whats going on..haha..I try to talk to him about girls but hes one of those kids who dosent want anything to do with talking to his mother about girls haha funny smiley....ok people. Just looking for advice and how you guys dealed with it. Thanks!

 

[keack1]

Why does it matter to you if he cums or not? Don't really feel that is something you should be worrying about.

 

[dollface007]

If he doesn't get the info from you, he's going to get it somewhere else. Just think of the potential sources:

his 12 year old buddies (yikes!)
movies
tv
internet porn
Maxim magazine
church
etc
etc

As we all know, these are excellent sources for contemporary information on sex, relationships, and how to respect women....or maybe NOT!!!

I know there are books out there to help with this process. Maybe some other posters can recommend particular titles. Perhaps "Our Bodies, Ourselves"...but i'm not sure if that's more appropriate for boys or girls or both.

Maybe you can have "the talk" over sunday breakfast at a restaurant. That way he can't stomp out of the room or scream or make a scene. I don't think it's necessary to go into the gory details of masturbation, nor do i think it's really important whether he comes or not. He probably does already or will very soon.

 

[Weird Harold]

I am confused becease I dont know how to deal with this, is it something I should discuss with him? or should I keep my mouth shut and have him deal with it as his body is getting bigger and 'things' are starting to change. *ADVICE NEEDED*

I only have two daughters but I think how I handled "Puberty" and "The Talk" is relevant.

In short, I was just simply blunt and direct -- "You do know that this means you can now become pregnant?" (In your case, "you can get a girl pregnant.")

I followed it with short and graphic sermon on why getting pregnant -- or fathering a child in your case -- would be a "bad idea."

I was NOT indulging in "fear-mongering" but simply reinforcing ground-work that was laid over the preceding twelve years about relationships and thinking for themselves with a blunt and unmistakable reminder that what had been theoretical, some-time-in-the-future-when-your'e-all-grownup was now directly applicable to them.

 

[LadyJeanne]

If he doesn't get the info from you, he's going to get it somewhere else. Just think of the potential sources:

his 12 year old buddies (yikes!)
movies
tv
internet porn
Maxim magazine
church
etc
etc

As we all know, these are excellent sources for contemporary information on sex, relationships, and how to respect women....or maybe NOT!!!

I know there are books out there to help with this process. Maybe some other posters can recommend particular titles. Perhaps "Our Bodies, Ourselves"...but i'm not sure if that's more appropriate for boys or girls or both.

Maybe you can have "the talk" over sunday breakfast at a restaurant. That way he can't stomp out of the room or scream or make a scene. I don't think it's necessary to go into the gory details of masturbation, nor do i think it's really important whether he comes or not. He probably does already or will very soon.

Aacck!! No, no, no, do NOT talk to him about masturbation in a restaurant! The embarrassment will scar the boy for life. Do it at home, where he can feel more relaxed and comfortable than amidst strangers, please.

Is there is a male in his life (uncle, cousin, grandfather, even a good friend of yours)? Your son might be more comfortable talking about these kind of changes with him.

 

[wicked woman]

Main thing I remember telling my sons was that it was natural and good but was a private moment thing...didn't want to think it was bad....it's not...but didn't want to worry about them entertaining themselves at the dinner table either.

 

[EJFan]

i didn't actually cum from masturbating until i was about 13 or so... but it could have been more from not knowing how to deal with the sensation. i'd back off before i came because it started to feel odd. everyone's different of course.

like most everyone else has said, i think you have to be frank and open. most importantly, make sure he feels as though he can come to you with any and all questions/problems he has. that's the best help you can be to him.

a guy i used to work with summed parenting up this way, "with boys you only have to worry about one penis, with girls you have to worry about ALL penises."

 

[dollface007]

Aacck!! No, no, no, do NOT talk to him about masturbation in a restaurant! The embarrassment will scar the boy for life. Do it at home, where he can feel more relaxed and comfortable than amidst strangers, please.

Is there is a male in his life (uncle, cousin, grandfather, even a good friend of yours)? Your son might be more comfortable talking about these kind of changes with him.

okay, maybe that wasn't the greatest suggestion, but you get my point, right? you have to go to great lengths to get the attention of a 12 year old. and like i said, no gory details are necessary.

 

[LadyJeanne]

okay, maybe that wasn't the greatest suggestion, but you get my point, right? you have to go to great lengths to get the attention of a 12 year old. and like i said, no gory details are necessary.

Absolutely! I'm just shuddering at the idea of that poor unsuspecting kid eating his pancakes when his mom suddenly starts talking about his penis... Well, I'm laughing too.

 

[CJ-Reaper]

I never had "the chat" with regards to any puberty/sex-related subject.
I learned it for myself, just by assuming that "this is what happens".
And of course that basic stuff you learn at school, but my parents were kinda cool and just left me to it.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

I'm sure there are plenty of books about how to go about talking on this subject. Might be worth your while to buy one and accidentally leave it laying around? Or at least it would be easier! lol

I had two daughters (thank gods) and what I've always tried to keep in my mind was to 'remember what its like to be their age'. That tip has never failed me yet and they're 20 and 23 now! But with a boy --- um -- geesh - I don't have a clue?

 

[zhukov1943]

Honestly? I wouldn't broach the subject with him. He'll learn the nuts-and-bolts part of puberty and sexuality in health class at school, and if he has any questions, he'll probably come to you about it.

"Pinning him down" for a lecture about masturbation will make him EXTREMELY uncomfortable, I assure you...

 

[Lynxie]

Honestly? I wouldn't broach the subject with him. He'll learn the nuts-and-bolts part of puberty and sexuality in health class at school, and if he has any questions, he'll probably come to you about it.

"Pinning him down" for a lecture about masturbation will make him EXTREMELY uncomfortable, I assure you...

I differ on this matter - going by what I learned in health class, I'd say it'd be much, much better to discuss it with your son and let him know it's ok to come talk to you about questions he may have. I really don't think it's wise for parents to avoid the issue - kids get too much misinformation from their peers, television, etc. when it comes to sex. I think we'd have less unplanned pregnancies and STD mishaps if people were just better educated.

 

[zhukov1943]

(shrug)

Fair enough. But expect a "chilly" response when you broach the subject...

Not to be nosy - but is there a male figure in his life that could give him some pointers? It would come MUCH easier for him than hearing it from his mother...

 

[Lynxie]

(shrug)

Fair enough. But expect a "chilly" response when you broach the subject...

Not to be nosy - but is there a male figure in his life that could give him some pointers? It would come MUCH easier for him than hearing it from his mother...

That I do agree with - kids aren't likely to respond well, but I think it's still important to get the message across to them that you're there if they need you. Even if they don't want to discuss it with you, at least you can still spew information at them and hope it sinks in...better than nothing, in my opinion. And yes, a pre-teen boy might be more willing to listen to a male, if there's someone in his life that would talk to him.

 

[LadyJeanne]

I don't know if health class is different today from when I was in school, but it was certainly lacking back then. There was all kinds of clinical-type information and diagrams, but they didn't even begin to touch on the emotions and feelings that go along with puberty and sex. And, at that age, embarrassment about the whole thing is likely to prevent anyone from asking questions in front of their classmates.

What I'm trying to say is, unless things have changed, health class won't answer any questions he might have about why it feels good to touch himself, whether masturbation is 'ok' or 'normal', any concerns that he might be hurting himself, when and for how long he might experience spontaneous erections, and does it happen to everyone.

A parent or other close member of the family that he feels comfortable talking with can give him far more reassurance about his body than health class ever could.

 

[Lynxie]

I don't know if health class is different today from when I was in school, but it was certainly lacking back then. There was all kinds of clinical-type information and diagrams, but they didn't even begin to touch on the emotions and feelings that go along with puberty and sex. And, at that age, embarrassment about the whole thing is likely to prevent anyone from asking questions in front of their classmates.

What I'm trying to say is, unless things have changed, health class won't answer any questions he might have about why it feels good to touch himself, whether masturbation is 'ok' or 'normal', any concerns that he might be hurting himself, when and for how long he might experience spontaneous erections, and does it happen to everyone.

A parent or other close member of the family that he feels comfortable talking with can give him far more reassurance about his body than health class ever could.

There we go...that summed up what I was trying to say much more eloquently

 

[zhukov1943]

You might be suprised at how "frank and open" public school sexual education has become. When I was just out of college and substitute-teaching, I was asked to sub for a high school biology class that was just finishing up it's "sex ed" portion, and I oversaw the test they took on the topic. Anal sex, homosexuality, masturbation, transvestitism, fetishism - the test covered "all the bases", so to speak!

But yeah, nothing beats hearing it from someone who's opinion you respect! All I can say is that when I was 12, and my mother tried to talk to me about such things, I squirmed in my seat and pretended I was somewhere far, far away...

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Back in the stone age when I went to school - the word masturbation was never even uttered in a health class. At least today they talk about it - even if just a little bit. I think even if he gets very embarrassed and seems like he's not paying attention you at least saying the words "its ok - everyone does it. Its a private thing" are important to hear.

 

[londonaberdeen]

You should do it

For what my 2 bits are worth. I don’t have kids…. But being male I did get the chat as a kid. It have both parents in place but mum decided to sit down with me.

She gave me a book no more than 12 pages with a brief outline and told me to read it and that she’d talk to me about it someday.

Two weeks later she asked me sit with her as I walked past her room. She explained about sex, about love. About the changes I can expect and importantly the changes a woman goes through too.

Personally I was glad and comfortable talking to my mother. Dad could never have the patience. He'd have given it his best, this grows and goes in there!

At the time I felt embarrassed, and cocky after all I’d heard it all at school. But at school you don’t get the 1-1 tuition, the detailed explanation of why it’s important.

I don’t know what it’s like the world over, but in the UK believe me this class is far too casual because the riotous kids make it casual.

At that age we all know everything don’t we.

I guess what I’m trying to say is you should do it, he will have more respect for women that way. Even open up or reaffirm the relationship between you at a difficult time for him.

 

[nipers]

Look

I think you should take a look at jackinworld.com.It can help you and maybe you can show it to him.Take a look at it first to see if that is what you want.Good luck.Bob

 

[dollface007]

You might be suprised at how "frank and open" public school sexual education has become. When I was just out of college and substitute-teaching, I was asked to sub for a high school biology class that was just finishing up it's "sex ed" portion, and I oversaw the test they took on the topic. Anal sex, homosexuality, masturbation, transvestitism, fetishism - the test covered "all the bases", so to speak!

But yeah, nothing beats hearing it from someone who's opinion you respect! All I can say is that when I was 12, and my mother tried to talk to me about such things, I squirmed in my seat and pretended I was somewhere far, far away...

WRONG! Half of the U.S. is still under the "abstinence only" sex education model. In fact, that's the only kind of sex education that the Bush administration supports. Yet somehow, the U.S. has the highest teen pregnancy and STD rates among Western countries. Duh!

I'm not sure why a parent would leave it to someone else to teach their child about what is ultimately most important thing - sex - that he/she will ever have to deal with.

 

[zhukov1943]

Dollface:

While the program pushed abstinence, it also discussed birth control and other issues.

This was in South Carolina, by the way - so I doubt it'd be the most "progressive" sex ed program around...

 

[dollface007]

Dollface:

While the program pushed abstinence, it also discussed birth control and other issues.

This was in South Carolina, by the way - so I doubt it'd be the most "progressive" sex ed program around...

I grew up in Texas in a public school district that taught abstinence-only. And when they say "abstinence-only," that's exactly what it means. We were taught what menstruation was, what ejaculation was, and we were talk that we were not supposed to have sex until we were married. No one talked about how to prevent STDs or pregnancy if we decided to have sex. We had avowed virgins come talk to us in high school to tell us that we shouldn't do it, and then we all signed virginity pledges (yes, i signed one too...look at the unmarried slut i am today! ). The entire curriculum taught us pretty much nothing of value....unless you consider your faith in the Lord Jesus Christ a solid contraceptive method.

Even my mother, who is one of the most Catholic women on earth, who chose to have five children rather than use birth control, sat down one day and talked to me and my brother about condoms and if we ever had sex we better use one! I'm glad she was there to explain it to me, b/c up to that point, i thought condoms were the same thing as condominiums...honest.

 

[zhukov1943]

Wow... Not terribly useful!