Vanilla Sex

[Easyvirtue]

Wife is very vanilla, how in the world can I spice this up?
I’m kinky, perverted, sex craved on the daily and she’s not accepting to my “world.” Any advice is welcome.

 

[StrongMaster7]

I have the same issue. Here's my opinion.

Honestly, just do whatever she wants. Do it enthusiastically and maybe the 'envelope' will grow a little.

I've actually studied and looked for serious recommendations. The one I found said for the woman to do 'something' even if she didn't enjoy it. I cajoled my wife into having sex only a couple of days after the last time. Unheard of. She acted like she was being forced to do someone else's taxes. She started sucking my hard cock I was so turned off I got soft. That was the last time I suggested we have sex when she wasn't on board.

Now, I wait. And she's never going to do anal, finish me off with her mouth, eat my ass or let me eat hers, or use a toy, or any of a thousand other things many 'normal' couples do. That's the hand I have been dealt.

BTW, when I wait for her to be ready, the sex is good. It's the same two or three things we always do, but it's better than nothing. Nothing is the alternative.

 

[Easyvirtue]

I have the same issue. Here's my opinion.

Honestly, just do whatever she wants. Do it enthusiastically and maybe the 'envelope' will grow a little.

I've actually studied and looked for serious recommendations. The one I found said for the woman to do 'something' even if she didn't enjoy it. I cajoled my wife into having sex only a couple of days after the last time. Unheard of. She acted like she was being forced to do someone else's taxes. She started sucking my hard cock I was so turned off I got soft. That was the last time I suggested we have sex when she wasn't on board.

Now, I wait. And she's never going to do anal, finish me off with her mouth, eat my ass or let me eat hers, or use a toy, or any of a thousand other things many 'normal' couples do. That's the hand I have been dealt.

BTW, when I wait for her to be ready, the sex is good. It's the same two or three things we always do, but it's better than nothing. Nothing is the alternative.

I agree and do fully enjoy the sex as it is, but yes, there are a list of no no’s and the thing that pisses me off is we have on the past done some cool stuff, but not anymore and I guess I can’t argue that peoples tastes change as they get older.

 

[HumpDayHoratio]

Wife is very vanilla, how in the world can I spice this up?
I’m kinky, perverted, sex craved on the daily and she’s not accepting to my “world.” Any advice is welcome.

Start here. Does she know you’re on Lit? If yes, go to story side of the forum and let her read a fairly vanilla story and gauge her response. If no, ask her if she’d like to peruse a naughty site with you.

There are plenty of R rated movies that push some boundaries. Watch a flick that has some sexy scenes then copy whatever move the piqued her interest.

Whatever you do, DON’T RUSH IT! You’ve waited this long, you can wait longer. It might take a year or two? The last thing you want to happen is you force something she’s not ready for and then you‘ve screwed the pooch!

I have the same issue. Here's my opinion.

Honestly, just do whatever she wants. Do it enthusiastically and maybe the 'envelope' will grow a little.

I've actually studied and looked for serious recommendations. The one I found said for the woman to do 'something' even if she didn't enjoy it. I cajoled my wife into having sex only a couple of days after the last time. Unheard of. She acted like she was being forced to do someone else's taxes. She started sucking my hard cock I was so turned off I got soft. That was the last time I suggested we have sex when she wasn't on board.

Now, I wait. And she's never going to do anal, finish me off with her mouth, eat my ass or let me eat hers, or use a toy, or any of a thousand other things many 'normal' couples do. That's the hand I have been dealt.

BTW, when I wait for her to be ready, the sex is good. It's the same two or three things we always do, but it's better than nothing. Nothing is the alternative.

Don’t give up hope brother! My wife went from Vixen to vanilla housewife to a new sexual renaissance where she’s starting to do things she’d never done before! This is over a thirty five year period so you have to be in it for the long game.

It just took the right spark and it wasn’t anything I necessarily did other than to fan the flames and support her. Good luck and don’t lose hope.

 

[Easyvirtue]

Start here. Does she know you’re on Lit? If yes, go to story side of the forum and let her read a fairly vanilla story and gauge her response. If no, ask her if she’d like to peruse a naughty site with you.

There are plenty of R rated movies that push some boundaries. Watch a flick that has some sexy scenes then copy whatever move the piqued her interest.

Whatever you do, DON’T RUSH IT! You’ve waited this long, you can wait longer. It might take a year or two? The last thing you want to happen is you force something she’s not ready for and then you‘ve screwed the pooch!


Don’t give up hope brother! My wife went from Vixen to vanilla housewife to a new sexual renaissance where she’s starting to do things she’d never done before! This is over a thirty five year period so you have to be in it for the long game.

It just took the right spark and it wasn’t anything I necessarily did other than to fan the flames and support her. Good luck and don’t lose hope.

Well I’m definitely in for the ride cause if it ever goes back to what it once was I’ll be happy, or at least a glimpse the past.

 

[Ely1987]

What do you want to do with her? Maybe she is right. Some acts are not for everyone.

I believe that in a good relationship, No side should expect the other to submit to extreme sexual desires.

 

[Crownvic]

Wife is very vanilla, how in the world can I spice this up?
I’m kinky, perverted, sex craved on the daily and she’s not accepting to my “world.” Any advice is welcome.

You need some other flavors...

 

[Erosfan]

My wife was amazing in all things sex! She had some limits and I respected them. We had some of the most wonderful experiences I have ever known.
Now that she has passed, I have wonderful memories.

All is not lost. Be patient and talk to each other, honestly. I wish you guys all the best.

 

[Crownvic]

My wife was amazing in all things sex! She had some limits and I respected them. We had some of the most wonderful experiences I have ever known.
Now that she has passed, I have wonderful memories.

All is not lost. Be patient and talk to each other, honestly. I wish you guys all the best.

Sorry for your loss...god bless!

 

[Beth_Anne90]

Talk to your ladies!! You never know what might be trapped inside that mind of theirs!

 

[Easyvirtue]

Talk to your ladies!! You never know what might be trapped inside that mind of theirs!

She’s aware of my wants and kinks and…..isn’t on the “same page” she says.

 

[Easyvirtue]

My wife was amazing in all things sex! She had some limits and I respected them. We had some of the most wonderful experiences I have ever known.
Now that she has passed, I have wonderful memories.

All is not lost. Be patient and talk to each other, honestly. I wish you guys all the best.

Thank you, I’m definitely in it for the long haul, just looking for advice to spice it up.

 

[Easyvirtue]

Then find out what page she's on and get there yourself. Great art comes out of accountability and constraints.

She gets very defensive n has a hard time verbalizing anything sexual. I get it though I’m trying I really am.

 

[Erosfan]

Sorry for your loss...god bless!

Thank you.

 

[hulmule]

She gets very defensive n has a hard time verbalizing anything sexual. I get it though I’m trying I really am.

Sounds like my wife. I try to ask or talk when i feel the moment is at its best. But she always get very defensive. " How many times to i have to tell you" Menopause has really stopped everything for years... Plus depression meds. So i'm trying here and there. But she never was a kisser... Pecks. I love deep kissing, i miss that the most from other women in my life

 

[magicalmoments]

It seems to me that a large number of married couples, even those in the prime of life, are more like flatmates who occasionally screw, a sort of FWB arrangement in which bringing up the kids and paying the rent/mortgage takes precedence over all else. Whatever sexual adventurism that may have existed has long gone.
In my experience the key to breaking through this malaise is talking to each other, openly, honestly, baring your heart and risking rejection. From a sexual perspective, if you are not sharing your sexual fantasies, not incorporating them into your love making, not exploring which of them you might live out in reality, then you may as well not be married.
If you haven't got a history of this level of openess, or if one of you has been unresponsive or has rejected the idea, then you need to carry on raising it. You need to have that discussion about marriage being about meeting each others needs and if one of you is feeling that your needs are not being met then that's damaging to the future of the relationship. It's a hard thing to do, very hard, but that's all you can do. Not persisting and resolvng the issue will end up eating away at you and ultimately destroying you and the relationship.

 

[HordHolm]

Wife is very vanilla, how in the world can I spice this up?
I’m kinky, perverted, sex craved on the daily and she’s not accepting to my “world.” Any advice is welcome.

Reading through this thread there's one question I think hasn't been asked/you might ask yourself: why is she like this? The answer to that question may be important if you want to move forward from where you are now. So, is she going through the menopause? Is there something in her past which might be bothering her? Does she have any moral convictions or beliefs that might affect her attitudes towards sex? Is she working her arse off at home or work or both and is simply worn out? Does she want something you aren't giving her (not necessarily sexual)? Does she just not feel turned on by the same things you are (and if so, what does turn her on, even if not often)? It could be any of these things, it could be a combination of things, it could be something completely left-field. But it's worth finding out.

 

[goldenknights54]

Wife is very vanilla, how in the world can I spice this up?
I’m kinky, perverted, sex craved on the daily and she’s not accepting to my “world.” Any advice is we

Just talk to her about it the same as if you would talk to her about your family finances or other major decision in life. Sex is that important so total communication is always the best way to handle it. And doing it outside the bedroom is far easier as she will not see it as a threat.

 

[Wishingbox]

So much to this. I think if like many here if you’re in Lit you probably have a lengthy kink list. Not everyone likes to explore or entertain kinks. I love learning what makes people tick so I’ve uncovered lots of kinks or turns ones while other concepts I’m like hard pass and don’t get grossed out.

there are a million reservations or hard no’s. The question is what are your wife’s?

I really like the book “Come As You Are” which unpacks some good concepts around Responsive vs Spontaneously sex drives mixed with some accelerators and breaks which either activate or shut down our drives.

The reason I bring up drives is sometimes there are better times to discuss or communicate an about kinks. Like discussing food when hungry. When you’re starving almost anything sounds delicious but once your full some of the same food you thought looked amazing a few moments ago now seems disgusting.

So perhaps there are better times and places to be discussing kinks that could be introducing them in a time that’s not ideal. Especially for someone who is more vanilla and doesn’t necessarily see the need to explore because they’re genuinely happy with what they have (and that’s not a bad thing that’s actually a wonderful thing, for them)

 

[hulmule]

Reading thru these all have some good points. Then i laughed, boy what i would give for vanilla sex vs being in a sex less marriage. But it's phases of life we all go thru . But we married our spouses for " better or worse" . Communications is the best and baby steps.

 

[PhiloDaddy]

I have the same issue. Here's my opinion.

Honestly, just do whatever she wants. Do it enthusiastically and maybe the 'envelope' will grow a little.

I've actually studied and looked for serious recommendations. The one I found said for the woman to do 'something' even if she didn't enjoy it. I cajoled my wife into having sex only a couple of days after the last time. Unheard of. She acted like she was being forced to do someone else's taxes. She started sucking my hard cock I was so turned off I got soft. That was the last time I suggested we have sex when she wasn't on board.

Now, I wait. And she's never going to do anal, finish me off with her mouth, eat my ass or let me eat hers, or use a toy, or any of a thousand other things many 'normal' couples do. That's the hand I have been dealt.

BTW, when I wait for her to be ready, the sex is good. It's the same two or three things we always do, but it's better than nothing. Nothing is the alternative.

Preach it brother. I feel your pain.

 

[Lucien_Al]

We are in a relatively new relationship and while we were having sex almost daily her lack of experience (ex was the 3 minute man who didnt do oral) she was loving it but I really wanted to expand things.

I bought a game called Monogamy which has a slow build up through 3 sets of cards. As a result of this game we are now exploring light bondage, spanking, prostate play etc.

Give it a try.