Valentine's Day Support Thread

[OhMissScarlett]

In my closet, I had two stuffed fluffy bunnies, two teddy bears, and five (five!) stuffed doggies. No adult should own that many stuffed animals! Stop giving them to me people!!!

I just want to point out that I've never ever given him a stuffed animal. People should know by now to send him porn or food.

 

[Norajane]

Now that I think about it, Valentines Day has generally sucked, whether I've been in a relationship or not. Even though my expectations are minimal, it seems like the guys I've dated go out of their way to make it a disaster.

I think of it as a day to celebrate sex. A day to spend some quality time together, naked. If a little wine or chocolate and sweet-smelling flowers are involved, great. If not, it doesn't matter, but the Time together does. Is it too much to ask for a little nookie on Valentine's Day?

So, over the years, I've bought the flowers, I've written erotic poems, I've planned a little sex play...and somehow, I end up hearing "it's too much pressure" or "Valentines Day is a Hallmark holiday" or "women expect too much" or "why make such a big deal out of it" ad nauseum, or worse, nothing, no acknowledgement of said day and said relationship and said great sex.

So, I've learned to get together with my gay males friends on Valentines Day. They love flowers and good food and tell me my legs look great in my red heels.

 

[Belegon]

Now that I think about it, Valentines Day has generally sucked, whether I've been in a relationship or not. Even though my expectations are minimal, it seems like the guys I've dated go out of their way to make it a disaster.

I think of it as a day to celebrate sex. A day to spend some quality time together, naked. If a little wine or chocolate and sweet-smelling flowers are involved, great. If not, it doesn't matter, but the Time together does. Is it too much to ask for a little nookie on Valentine's Day?

So, over the years, I've bought the flowers, I've written erotic poems, I've planned a little sex play...and somehow, I end up hearing "it's too much pressure" or "Valentines Day is a Hallmark holiday" or "women expect too much" or "why make such a big deal out of it" ad nauseum, or worse, nothing, no acknowledgement of said day and said relationship and said great sex.


So, I've learned to get together with my gay males friends on Valentines Day. They love flowers and good food and tell me my legs look great in my red heels.

proof that way too many of my gender can't deal with getting what they suppossedly want...

PROMISE you never would have heard such a thing from me...(although I will gladly tell you how great your legs look in heels)

 

[Guest]

 

[Sex and Death]

Now that I think about it, Valentines Day has generally sucked, whether I've been in a relationship or not. Even though my expectations are minimal, it seems like the guys I've dated go out of their way to make it a disaster.

I think of it as a day to celebrate sex. A day to spend some quality time together, naked. If a little wine or chocolate and sweet-smelling flowers are involved, great. If not, it doesn't matter, but the Time together does. Is it too much to ask for a little nookie on Valentine's Day?

So, over the years, I've bought the flowers, I've written erotic poems, I've planned a little sex play...and somehow, I end up hearing "it's too much pressure" or "Valentines Day is a Hallmark holiday" or "women expect too much" or "why make such a big deal out of it" ad nauseum, or worse, nothing, no acknowledgement of said day and said relationship and said great sex.

So, I've learned to get together with my gay males friends on Valentines Day. They love flowers and good food and tell me my legs look great in my red heels.

Norajane,

Dear, don't settle for a little nookie or gay male friends, although those aren't bad things, but ask for what you really want: your man's full attention and presence, whether their is literal sex involved or not.

Sex, chocoaltes, flowers, weekend jaunts, cards...do these things really matter if your man is distracted, preoccupied, and uninterested? Do they matter if you know in your heart that he is feeling like you and/or Valntine's Day are a burden, duty and obligation? Sex or no sex, wouldn't you rather feel in your heart that you are the one flower in the entire glorious garden whose beauty he has chosen in that moment to worship, serve and, like a predator, ceaslessly hunt down no matter how you test him?

As a man, I often fail my woman at birthdays and holidays because I focus too much on things like presents, cards, flowers, etc... I undertsand the feeling of pressure to make things perfect and just right, and it can feel like something that burdens me and something from which I want to escape. I often end up feeling surprised (after putting in motion a comedy of errors by trying to fill her with trinkets, chocalte and flowers) when I finally remember what she really wants (you'd think I would have learned by now), which is my full attention and presence, like a metaphoric erect cock, invading and penetrating her soul.

Maybe I'm way off base here, which is not uncommon...women?

S&D

 

[Norajane]

Norajane,

Dear, don't settle for a little nookie or gay male friends, although those aren't bad things, but ask for what you really want: your man's full attention and presence, whether their is literal sex involved or not.

Sex, chocoaltes, flowers, weekend jaunts, cards...do these things really matter if your man is distracted, preoccupied, and uninterested? Do they matter if you know in your heart that he is feeling like you and/or Valntine's Day are a burden, duty and obligation? Sex or no sex, wouldn't you rather feel in your heart that you are the one flower in the entire glorious garden whose beauty he has chosen in that moment to worship, serve and, like a predator, ceaslessly hunt down no matter how you test him?

As a man, I often fail my woman at birthdays and holidays because I focus too much on things like presents, cards, flowers, etc... I undertsand the feeling of pressure to make things perfect and just right, and it can feel like something that burdens me and something from which I want to escape. I often end up feeling surprised (after putting in motion a comedy of errors by trying to fill her with trinkets, chocalte and flowers) when I finally remember what she really wants (you'd think I would have learned by now), which is my full attention and presence, like a metaphoric erect cock, invading and penetrating her soul.

Maybe I'm way off base here, which is not uncommon...women?

S&D

Well, just to be clear, I don't consider it settling when I have a wonderful evening with my gay friends. I value those relationships very highly, as those are the people that have consistently stuck by me through thick and thin over many years.

I don't ask for presents, cards, flowers, or a weekend jaunt or anything, frankly. Never have. As I said, all I want is Time. So, in that respect, you are correct. I want the attention and the recognition that our relationship is special, and that I am special to him.

Is it really that much of a burden for a guy to take one freaking day out of the year to say, thanks for all the fantastic blowjobs and the love, sweetheart, you're the best ?

Last year, all I wanted/expected is a phone call (since we were long distance). Didn't even get that. I guess the burden was so heavy he was too worn out carrying it and couldn't pick up the phone.

(And yes, I called him, after the erotic poems I sent got no response. He didn't pick up the phone to answer, or return my message. He'd been really busy, you see, getting ready for his vacation later that week.)

 

[Guest]

Is it really that much of a burden for a guy to take one freaking day out of the year to say, thanks for all the fantastic blowjobs and the love, sweetheart, you're the best?

Right on, hermana. Great sentence, it'd make a a fine opening for a humor/satire piece methinks.

Perdita

 

[Selena_Kitt]

Is it really that much of a burden for a guy to take one freaking day out of the year to say, thanks for all the fantastic blowjobs and the love, sweetheart, you're the best?

I've found... that the more expectations I have.. .the worse things are...

If I can let go of whatever "outcome" it is that I want, and simply relax and open and just love him... the less pressured he feels and the more willing he becomes to give what it is I wanted in the first place... if that makes sense...

it's like a dance... the more I open, the deeper he can move in...

 

[rgraham666]

Now that I think about it, Valentines Day has generally sucked, whether I've been in a relationship or not. Even though my expectations are minimal, it seems like the guys I've dated go out of their way to make it a disaster.

I think of it as a day to celebrate sex. A day to spend some quality time together, naked. If a little wine or chocolate and sweet-smelling flowers are involved, great. If not, it doesn't matter, but the Time together does. Is it too much to ask for a little nookie on Valentine's Day?

So, over the years, I've bought the flowers, I've written erotic poems, I've planned a little sex play...and somehow, I end up hearing "it's too much pressure" or "Valentines Day is a Hallmark holiday" or "women expect too much" or "why make such a big deal out of it" ad nauseum, or worse, nothing, no acknowledgement of said day and said relationship and said great sex.

So, I've learned to get together with my gay males friends on Valentines Day. They love flowers and good food and tell me my legs look great in my red heels.

Once again, amazed at the selfishness of my sex.

 

[Norajane]

Right on, hermana. Great sentence, it'd make a a fine opening for a humor/satire piece methinks.

Perdita

I like that idea! Maybe that's what I'll do on Valentine's Day - settle in with a glass of wine and write a little story...

 

[Sex and Death]

Well, just to be clear, I don't consider it settling when I have a wonderful evening with my gay friends. I value those relationships very highly, as those are the people that have consistently stuck by me through thick and thin over many years.

I don't ask for presents, cards, flowers, or a weekend jaunt or anything, frankly. Never have. As I said, all I want is Time. So, in that respect, you are correct. I want the attention and the recognition that our relationship is special, and that I am special to him.

Is it really that much of a burden for a guy to take one freaking day out of the year to say, thanks for all the fantastic blowjobs and the love, sweetheart, you're the best ?

Last year, all I wanted/expected is a phone call (since we were long distance). Didn't even get that. I guess the burden was so heavy he was too worn out carrying it and couldn't pick up the phone.

(And yes, I called him, after the erotic poems I sent got no response. He didn't pick up the phone to answer, or return my message. He'd been really busy, you see, getting ready for his vacation later that week.)

Norajane, your poutiness is absolutely delicious...have you shown him your poutiness (you might have toexaggerate it and turn up the volume a bit, we guys are sometimes as dense as a brick)? Don't know how he could resist paying attention and responding.

I'm not a woman, so I don't know, but I bet it makes your heart want to curl up like a dead dried flower when you are open and inviting him to pay attention to you and he doesn't get the message...then, after awhile, you just get angry and give him hell, or you start feeling like something is wrong with you.

When my woman gets angry or closes down because I haven't been paying attention to her it's easy for me to decide that she's being a pain in the ass, and then I can feel justified in checking out even further than I had already. But when she openly expresses her anger or sadness (her anger and sadness usually mean she is feeling unloved, unseen and neglected), when she shows me her deepest feeling that she can in that moment, even if that feeling is considered ugly to express according to our society, I am deeply moved and feel invited by her gift of trust and vulnerability to step up and pay attention. In those moments I know she is really opening her heart to me and I do not feel the need to escape from her dumping of a lifetime's worth of pent up dissapointment on me. How can I not respond from the best part of me to such a gift?

If you're not giving your man your deepest feeling, whatever you are really feeling in the moment, then your man will think eveyrthing is fine the way it is. Basically, as men, if we have wood for the fire and food, we won't leave the cave. The open, vulnerable heart of a woman when she is offering her true deep feeling will wake us up out of our video game-television stupor. That yearning pout I feel in your post is far more attractive than television, beer or packing for a vacation! I trust that if you give it to him he will either repsond fully ro run for the hills.

S&D

 

[Norajane]

Once again, amazed at the selfishness of my sex.

It's everywhere, Rob. I've been dating for 20 years, and I can't even begin to tell you how much difference the smallest gesture makes. When men can't be bothered to do even that, well, you keep dating and dating and dating in the hopes that you eventually meet someone who can be grateful for the woman in his life.

I know there are men out there who are appreciative and express it to their loves. My ex-fiancee's parents have been married for a zillion years and are hardly at all romantic. However, every year, they leave a little kids' valentine on the fridge for each other...

Be Mine

Kiss Me

Maybe that's why they've been married for a zillion years...


And Bel...thank you.

 

[Norajane]

Norajane, your poutiness is absolutely delicious...have you shown him your poutiness (you might have toexaggerate it and turn up the volume a bit, we guys are sometimes as dense as a brick)? Don't know how he could resist paying attention and responding.

Yes, I've expressed myself. And yes, they can and do resist. See aforementioned responses: Valentine's Day is a Hallmark holiday, it's too much pressure, etc. etc. etc.

I'm not a woman, so I don't know, but I bet it makes your heart want to curl up like a dead dried flower when you are open and inviting him to pay attention to you and he doesn't get the message...then, after awhile, you just get angry and give him hell, or you start feeling like something is wrong with you.

No, I don't start feeling there's something wrong with ME.

When my woman gets angry or closes down because I haven't been paying attention to her it's easy for me to decide that she's being a pain in the ass, and then I can feel justified in checking out even further than I had already. But when she openly expresses her anger or sadness (her anger and sadness usually mean she is feeling unloved, unseen and neglected), when she shows me her deepest feeling that she can in that moment, even if that feeling is considered ugly to express according to our society, I am deeply moved and feel invited by her gift of trust and vulnerability to step up and pay attention. In those moments I know she is really opening her heart to me and I do not feel the need to escape from her dumping of a lifetime's worth of pent up dissapointment on me. How can I not respond from the best part of me to such a gift?

It's when I express the anger and sadness that they shut down and withdraw. When I withdraw, they come running.

If you're not giving your man your deepest feeling, whatever you are really feeling in the moment, then your man will think eveyrthing is fine the way it is. Basically, as men, if we have wood for the fire and food, we won't leave the cave. The open, vulnerable heart of a woman when she is offering her true deep feeling will wake us up out of our video game-television stupor. That yearning pout I feel in your post is far more attractive than television, beer or packing for a vacation! I trust that if you give it to him he will either repsond fully ro run for the hills.

The last thing any of my lovers could accuse me of is not giving them my deepest feelings. That is precisely what makes them run for cover...ahhhh, too much pressure! Too much intensity! It makes them retreat into their video games and cars and sports and whatnot.

 

[NoJo]

The Card

It means

It means what it says

It’s not a riddle for you to ponder

It’s not a threat

It’s not an apology

Okay, next time I’ll won’t use the L word.

 

[cloudy]

Lol.
We have lots. But what I want is one really big one. I almost bought myself one at Christmas, and then I saw the gleam in my daughter's eye and I knew I'd never get my hands on it if I brought it home. Sometimes it's just a big bed for only me, ya know?

Not that I'm sad about it or anything.

We have one.

My mother bought it for my oldest son when he was about three - it was three times his size.

It now belongs to my five-year-old, who is close to four feet tall, and weighs almost 60 lbs. It's still bigger than he is.

 

[sophia jane]

We have one.

My mother bought it for my oldest son when he was about three - it was three times his size.

It now belongs to my five-year-old, who is close to four feet tall, and weighs almost 60 lbs. It's still bigger than he is.

I saw two at Walmart this morning. One is the size of the one I lost and it was $20. Then there was the super huge one, for $40. I guess I'll have to see what they have left on clearance.

 

[Sex and Death]

The last thing any of my lovers could accuse me of is not giving them my deepest feelings. That is precisely what makes them run for cover...ahhhh, too much pressure! Too much intensity! It makes them retreat into their video games and cars and sports and whatnot.

I wonder what could be wrong with them? Perhpas you might re-evaluate the kind of man you choose.

 

[sophia jane]

I wonder what could be wrong with them? Perhpas you might re-evaluate the kind of man you choose.

Why is it necessarily her with the problem here???

 

[Selena_Kitt]

Why is it necessarily her with the problem here?

It takes two to tango, so they say

before this descends into some high drama... funny paradox, that...

there is something to the notion of choosing similar partners, guys (or gals) who do the same things to you again and again... if you find yourself in the "same relationship, different guy" (or vice versa) over and over, it's something to look at... relationships never just go one way, and there is always something for to look at in them for our own part in it... especially if they keep repeating themselves. We can't change other people, we can only change ourselves... <shrug>

 

[Sex and Death]

Why is it necessarily her with the problem here???

Math:
1 + 1 = 2

Really Unhealthy Relationship Math:
1/2 + 1/2 = 1/2

Unhealthy Relationship Math:
1/2 + 1/2 = 1

Healthy Relationship Math:
1 + 1 = 1

 

[zeb1094]

Math:
1 + 1 = 2

Really Unhealthy Relationship Math:
1/2 + 1/2 = 1/2

Unhealthy Relationship Math:
1/2 + 1/2 = 1

Healthy Relationship Math:
1 + 1 = 1

Your's + Her's = Her's

 

[cloudy]

Your's + Her's = Her's

Worked perfectly for us until y'all got here.

 

[NoJo]

Math:
1 + 1 = 2

Really Unhealthy Relationship Math:
1/2 + 1/2 = 1/2

Unhealthy Relationship Math:
1/2 + 1/2 = 1

Healthy Relationship Math:
1 + 1 = 1

Interesting.

I'm not sure, but I think you may have invented anti-gravity there.

 

[zeb1094]

Worked perfectly for us until y'all got here.

Don't I know it!

 

[sophia jane]

Well, back to the point of this thread, which is support...
Now that it's officially February, I'm starting to feel a little shitty about VDay. Last year, ex and I had already decided to split but we were still in the same house. This year, tho, will be my first VDay alone in over a decade. Blech.