Valentine's Day Antidote

bogusagain

Literotica Guru
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Feb 18, 2009
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Romantic love is a false sentiment. Like consumerism the point of it is to keep you dissatified and yearning for something that doesn't really exist. Romantic love's fleeting nature reveals how dishonest it is. Once you have your object of desire, reality as a habit of quickly gate crashing your fantasy. Somehow those lush lips have a severity about them, those eyes you once gazed into seem too close together, her perfect nose is really puggish and her sense of humour has a hard and bitchy edge to it. The fact is, your last lover had better tits and a more pert arse and demanded less attention and now you come to think of it, she was better in bed too. It is so reminiscent of the new bike you bought, the old one was more comfortable and reliable, a little tired at the edges but could still do the ton and give you an exciting ride. The new one is all mouth and no trousers, looks the part but doesn't handle too well and accelerates uncontrolably. Nothing makes me feel more unromantic than a day that is set aside for people to be romantic, it's like being ordered to be happy, it's impossible. So how about posting your anti-romantic poems, be they bitter, reality checks or anything else that lifts the romantic fog that is supposed to smother us today.

THE END OF THE ROAD

I rode pillion on the way back
BLIP BLIP VRROOOOOOM!
the engine belched and growled
as we thundered up Spandauer Damm
my hands clenched onto your leather clad hips
animal skin stretched over animal
the rounds of your buttocks
pushed hard into my groin
not that I was in control, I was hanging on
I am always hanging on, as we race
headlong into some new adventure
each morning I think I’ll leave before the crash
each morning I see you, stretched naked before me
just one more time, just one more time
I will grow tired of this manic world you inhabit
I will wake up and see you for what you are
clutching onto your youth as you take the final bend
bitter that age has robbed your beauty


TURNING THE OTHER CHEEK

in your dreams, maybe
whoever he is, he never arrived
just some unsuspecting dick artist
that circled your fashionable periphery
the truth is here, we experience it
you woke up in my bed

we can debate your choice
that maybe drink got the better of you
the convenience of my apartment
and your long ride home to the suburbs
it seemed a fair exchange
as you clawed my back

morning has a contrary view
your bitter lines, the pull of your face
drawing on my last cigarette
the suggestion of, could have done better
your hangover, adding a hard lesson
to your mistake

well, Entschuldigen Sie bitte!
your forty something body
unapologetic in the morning light
is a triumph of experience over form
confidence over desire
bare faced cheek (quite literally)
occupies my bed
 
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The Straight Up Valentine’s
he farts under the covers, he’s had at least six other lovers
one named Babs had crabs; he claims I nabbed them from a crapper.
he wipes his nose on his sleeve, then picks it and flings
that skeevy mole near his eye, dead ringer for a fly
but I’m no peach, my arse cheeks weigh about thirty pound each
I pee when I laugh, not just a drop
my knockers didn’t just fall with age, they flopped
I popped the cherry of next door’s kid; he was fourteen when I did it
I’ve been known to grease the floor next to his bed when I'm pissed off
I’ve been known to piss the bed when I'm pissed
I’ve been known to taste like someone else’s arse when kissed
but it’s Valentine’s, so I try to forget his crimes
I bought him a tennis racket; he bought me a Venus fly trap
he said it reminded him of my flaps...


This was just a bit of fun I wrote after reading the challenge. I hope it makes someone laugh.:D
 
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Here is an exceptionally cheesy poem dedicated to old folks who love cheese. Enjoy.


"Roses are Red,
Violets are Purple,
Your so gay
that your straight as a circle.

Roses are dead,
Violets aren't blue,
all because they saw you.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
this is my heart,
you broke it in two.

Roses are red,
violets are blue
This is what i have to say
You suck. I hate you.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
At 3 o Clock tonight
Im coming to kill you."

- Anonymous
 
I'm glad it was just a joke because I was experiencing deja vu when I read it.:D

You must have a fucked up love life!:D;) I just tried to think of the most disgusting things I could and wrote em down. My fav was probably the last couplet.
 
The Straight Up Valentine’s
he farts under the covers, he’s had at least six other lovers
one named Babs had crabs; he claims I nabbed them from a crapper.
he wipes his nose on his sleeve, then picks it and flings
that skeevy mole near his eye, dead ringer for a fly
but I’m no peach, my arse cheeks weigh about thirty pound each
I pee when I laugh, not just a drop
my knockers didn’t just fall with age, they flopped
I popped the cherry of next door’s kid; he was fourteen when I did it
I’ve been known to grease the floor next to his bed when I'm pissed off
I’ve been known to piss the bed when I'm pissed
I’ve been known to taste like someone else’s arse when kissed
but it’s Valentine’s, so I try to forget his crimes
I bought him a tennis racket; he bought me a Venus fly trap
he said it reminded him of my flaps...


This was just a bit of fun I wrote after reading the challenge. I hope it makes someone laugh.:D

OH
If I seen this over in new poems
a 7
I like it when I spit my coffee all over myself
 
I came home to your dog's feces on my floor this Valentines,
I hate your dog, he's vile, old, worthless, loud
he drools on my new couch, only minutes later
did I discover your cats' hair covering my bed,
I hate your cats, they're obnoxious, boring, lazy
I'd put your cats to work,
I'd put your dog in a Soviet rocket,
I guess that means I love you, Valentine
 
I came home to your dog's feces on my floor this Valentines,
I hate your dog, he's vile, old, worthless, loud
he drools on my new couch, only minutes later
did I discover your cats' hair covering my bed,
I hate your cats, they're obnoxious, boring, lazy
I'd put your cats to work,
I'd put your dog in a Soviet rocket,
I guess that means I love you, Valentine

I get the feeling this was written from personal experience. I loved it.:D
 
On Valentine's day my true love gave to me
a card written with a hallmark poem
large bunch of overpriced red roses
septic thumb from a thorn
a meal out with grumpy waiters,
gastric enteritis
a hasty fumble in the car
two broken nails from fighting him off
no golddddddd ring
four zebra finches that got on my nerves
ten minute roll in the hay
a dose of the clap
and an appointment for the SID clinic.
 
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On Valentine's day my true love gave to me
a card written with a hallmark poem
large bunch of overpriced red roses
septic thumb from a thorn
a meal out with grumpy waiters,
gastric enteritis
a hasty fumble in the car
two broken nails from fighting him off
no golddddddd ring
four zebra finches that got on my nerves
ten minute roll in the hay
a dose of the clap
and an appointment for the SID clinic.

Seems to spin off from 12 days of Christmas.
This past season I heard someone saying that the 5 golden rings are birds, and not jewelry.
 
Valentine’s Day Rabbit

As Sunday met Monday his weapon enlarged,
shooting pellets at billets hidden in her charm.

‘Tis Espie to the rescue with scissors in hand,
to disarm said man with a significant ban,
that left him shrieking cruel words about nothing of merit,
as he ran off to see if he could grow another carrot.

Teeheehee :D

Yes, this is one of the best rhyming couplets in the history of disconnected genitalia. :rolleyes:
 
Do I remember others? Of course
I do, and sometimes miss their different curves,
because rivers want to flow easily
through rich deltas to the sea.

We streams are simply flow. We must discharge
ourselves. That is what river is,
and why our course is tranquil, for we seethe
full through your narrow banks.

That rough part's called the bar.
It's where we join, in agitatation, practice,
love. Or not. It's where we join, you see?
I mix fresh with your salt,

temporarily.
 
On Valentine's day my true love gave to me
a card written with a hallmark poem
large bunch of overpriced red roses
septic thumb from a thorn
a meal out with grumpy waiters,
gastric enteritis
a hasty fumble in the car
two broken nails from fighting him off
no golddddddd ring
four zebra finches that got on my nerves
ten minute roll in the hay
a dose of the clap
and an appointment for the SID clinic.

One claptastic Valentine's!:D
 
he sat her next to mother
smiling stiffly in the rocking chair
told her to close her eyes and wait -
he had a surprise!
(but her eyes couldn't close
which disappointed him a little)
and when he presented her with the rose
(smelling sweeter than she)
he was pleased enough at the O
her rouged lips formed
 
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he sat her next to mother
smiling stiffly in the rocking chair
told her to close her eyes and wait -
he had a surprise!
(but her eyes couldn't close)
which disappointed him a little
and when he presented her with the rose
(smelling sweeter than she)
he was pleased enough at the O
her rouged lips formed

Bitter.:D
 
he sat her next to mother
smiling stiffly in the rocking chair
told her to close her eyes and wait -
he had a surprise!
(but her eyes couldn't close)
which disappointed him a little
and when he presented her with the rose
(smelling sweeter than she)
he was pleased enough at the O
her rouged lips formed

Is this Pshycho?
 
I said your mouth was beautiful
so you kissed me

I said your mouth was beautiful
so you kissed me

I said your mouth was beautiful
so you kissed me

one of these times
you will take me in your mouth
and I will be able to compare
you with your sister!



what is so bad about my technique?

remember when you came six times
you almost flayed my back
with your gouging fingers
I was going hard as the Paris express
you simply begged for mercy!

what! you faked?

but what about my tortured back?

huh! you were simply getting even?
 
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