Vaginismus

[AmyS78]

I was just curious if any other female suffered from vaginismus when they first started having sex. Its a psychological problem from the little bit I've read, that makes penetration, painful if not impossible.

I'm 26 and my first time was last week. After great difficulty penetration was made briefly before slipping out. Last night we tried three times and nothing. We're both getting frustrated and angry at ourselves and considering that I've only been in the relationship for a month and a half, it could damage it.

So if anybody has any advice, or experienced this, PLEASE share.

 

[Avery_Chisholm]

 

[Ms_Lilith]

You've only been in the relationship a month and a half. Okay, let's look at this in perspective, shall we?

This is your first time, and your first few times. For a lot of women, it's a very emotional, very psychologically charged moment (or few moments). That sometimes causes women to have some troubles, which require either counselling.. or, in your case, from what it sounds like.. a more patient partner.

Foreplay in these situations, is your friend. So is lube. Lots of fingering, lots of oral, lots of time spent loosening you up down there, but also catering to the rest of you.. time spent making you calm and comfortable, making you really lusty through touch, kisses, etc... that kind of lengthy, caring foreplay often calms a woman down enough to enjoy sex without much pain.

If you think that this could damage your relationship, consider two things:

1) It's not a lengthy relationship anyway, and

2) If the guy is going to leave you over this? He's not worth your time.

 

[Lancecastor]

New research suggests it's also caused by a lack of fresh air getting to the pubic region because of synthetic materials, tight jeans, legs being crossed and so forth.

Many recommend removing all pubic hair and going without underwear for a month, wearing skirts made of natural materials short enough to allow for good air circulation. Sitting slouching forward a bit with your legs apart and skirt hiked up also helps.

 

[dollface007]

New research suggests it's also caused by a lack of fresh air getting to the pubic region because of synthetic materials, tight jeans, legs being crossed and so forth.

Many recommend removing all pubic hair and going without underwear for a month, wearing skirts made of natural materials short enough to allow for good air circulation. Sitting slouching forward a bit with your legs apart and skirt hiked up also helps.

Go back to the GB, will you???

Amy,
Please don't freak out. I agree with Vixenshe...slow down and take a deep breath. I've never heard of this condition, and from the little bit i just read on Medline, it's very rare. From what you've said, this is a self-diagnosis. Do you fit the profile? Have you been sexually abused or had genital trauma? Have you ever been penetrated by something else like a tampon or vibrator? Have you ever had a pelvic exam?

What is leading up to these penetration attempts? I know that when i'm ready to be penetrated, i'm REALLY ready...meaning that i'm aroused, i'm wet and/or lubed up, there's been lots of kissing, oral, fingering. By the time we get around to penetration i'm practically (okay...literally) begging for it.

Chances are, you've built up this moment for a really long time and you're probably just nervous and tense. Is there something specific that worries you about it?

Tell your boyfriend to spend more time giving you oral and fingering you until you're really really hot and ready to for him to be inside you. Better yet, get yourself a dildo or a vibrator and use it on yourself so that there's no pressure on you to hurry up before he loses his erection.

Good luck!

 

[Lancecastor]

I've never heard of this condition, and from the little bit i just read ...

Thank you for admitting you don't know what you're talking about.

Get lots of fresh air and sunshine on that vag!

 

[SweetErika]

After you've done EVERYTHING vixen and dollface mentioned, it might be wise to see a doctor to make sure it's nothing physical and a therapist to get to the root of the problem. But I'd also like to add that if you're psyching yourself out with, "Oh god, I have a condition, it's gonna hurt really bad" type thoughts, that could be the problem right there. The more mentally tense you are, the more physically tense you will be. Try to change your thoughts to something like, "it was jitters before, and I'm going to enjoy myself and not focus on sex this time".
You are not alone either! I'd guess most women have some pain their first time(s). I had good protection, loved and trusted the person, was incredibly aroused, had been loosened up, and it still hurt! I wondered what was wrong with me, but as I relaxed and gained experience, the pain went away. Most of the pain has a psychological root, so figure out and address your fears, and give yourself lots of time!

 

[Lancecastor]

Exactly; the condition is in her head and almost certainly not between your legs.

Learn to love your love canal.

Read the Vagina Monologues.

Go get a Brazilian ...or a Brazilian wax.

Lose the panties.

Wear some short skirts.

Get in touch with your pussy power.

Loosen up emotionally about your femininity and your genitals will be right there with you.

Have fun!

 

[aegis9591]

I was just curious if any other female suffered from vaginismus when they first started having sex. Its a psychological problem from the little bit I've read, that makes penetration, painful if not impossible.

I'm 26 and my first time was last week. After great difficulty penetration was made briefly before slipping out. Last night we tried three times and nothing. We're both getting frustrated and angry at ourselves and considering that I've only been in the relationship for a month and a half, it could damage it.

So if anybody has any advice, or experienced this, PLEASE share.

My first wife had this problem...

Basically, she was terrified of the pain of her first penetration, each and every time I came near her, however ready we felt she was, her subconcious tightened every muscle in her pelvic region.

It took us a little while to get round to full on penetrative sex, and a lot of patience, understanding, and playing.

We also made sure she was checked out by our Doctor at the time, who assured her there was nothing physically wrong.

The root cause turned out to be the horror stories her mother had told her when she was in her early teens. Tales of how much pain she could expect had scared the crap out of her.

Eventually, we got round it with a succession of toys. We played for hours, each night for what seemed like ages, but was probably just a couple of weeks. Lots of oral, and using fingers and stuff like that progressed to a fairly small toy. When she was accustomed to that, we moved on to a slightly larger one, and so on. At each stage, she had to be convinced in her own mind that there was plenty of "room" for the next size up. Until she realised that the huge toy she had just used, was bigger than me ! Once she realised that her vagina was an incredibly stretchy piece of anatomy which brought her a massive amount of pleasure, she simply climbed across me, positioned herself above me, and slowly but surely lowered herself on top of me !

The rest as they say, is history..... Once we had awakened her sexuality and made it realise that everything her Mom had told her was crap, there was no stopping her... We even used the same technique (at her suggestion) when we started down the backdoor route, but thats another subject.

Basically, if you have a loving partner, whom you can trust implicitly, and who will be as patient as he needs to be, then together you can get past the problem with a little bit of care and consideration.

Be prepared to stop if you feel uncomfortable, and only progress at a rate which you feel happy with....

Best of luck and enjoy !