V.A. suicide questions

[Balladeer08]

Okay, I know it is a serious subject. 22 veterans a day are committing suicide. I get it.

BUT do they have to ask me if I am contemplating suicide every time I talk to someone from the V.A.?

It has annoyed me to the point that I am trying to annoy them back.

Here are some of the replies I've come up with so far:

"No. Do you think I should?"

"No. But I'll take your suggestion under advisement."

"If you don't stop asking me if I'm suicidal, I'm going to kill myself!"

"The voices haven't discussed that with me. Yet."

"Yesterday I killed myself. Does that count?"

"Why? Was there someone else you wanted me to kill first?"


I figure there are plenty of people here who could chip in with some more suggestions.

 

[McKenna]

"Oh my God, who told you?!"

 

[phrodeau]

"Not for me, but you might want to look into it."

 

[Bert Notorius]

Okay, I know it is a serious subject. 22 veterans a day are committing suicide. I get it.

BUT do they have to ask me if I am contemplating suicide every time I talk to someone from the V.A.?

It has annoyed me to the point that I am trying to annoy them back.

Here are some of the replies I've come up with so far:

"No. Do you think I should?"

"No. But I'll take your suggestion under advisement."

"If you don't stop asking me if I'm suicidal, I'm going to kill myself!"

"The voices haven't discussed that with me. Yet."

"Yesterday I killed myself. Does that count?"

"Why? Was there someone else you wanted me to kill first?"


I figure there are plenty of people here who could chip in with some more suggestions.

my brother in law committed suicide after coming home from vietnam. it just took 3 bottles of vodka and 2 bottles of advil a week. and 45 years.

 

[Sinny]

You mean we're NOT dead already??

 

[BotanyBoy]

"After waiting 6 mo for my apt? Not before I take some of you fuckers with me."

I only popped off with that shit once....fuckers back here in the nanny state can't take a 3rd world joke for shit that's for sure.

Then b/c I think it's funny "OHHH himz haz the PTSD!!" jesus fuckin' christ on big throbbin cock!! Get this man some pillz!!" Which they almost killed me with btw...why? Gubbmint' iz evil that's why!! They won't even let you have a fucked up sense of humor...not in public anyhow.

WTF ever bitches you god damn right I'll take the retirement...get in touch with nature n' shit......mother earth has the chill pill them punk mother fuckers at big pharma can't imitate or recreate which means they can't legally own it...HA! Corporate pigs!!

 

[hogjack]

"With 17 more things to complete on my Bucket List I am very busy. Uh, you wouldn't happen to have Reba McEntire's number, would you?"

 

[LiFeNdEaTh]

"Oh my God, who told you?!"

lol.. you beat me to it

 

[Balladeer08]

"Oh my God, who told you?!"

That made me think of a corollary: "I KNEW you had my phone tapped!"

These responses have been great, consider them SWIPED!

 

[Balladeer08]

"After waiting 6 mo for my apt? Not before I take some of you fuckers with me."

I only popped off with that shit once....fuckers back here in the nanny state can't take a 3rd world joke for shit that's for sure.
[/IMG]

Why only once? What are they going to do, make you walk point?

 

[McKenna]

How's about, "Men don't contemplate suicide; they just do it."

 

[Balladeer08]

How's about, "Men don't contemplate suicide; they just do it."

We can refer to that as a "Nike suicide".

Everything is about the merchandising, after all. 8)

 

[sweepthefloor]

I guess they are just doing their job, and take care with the reply cause you might find a crisis unit car at your house.

 

[Balladeer08]

I guess they are just doing their job, and take care with the reply cause you might find a crisis unit car at your house.

I'll offer them kool-aide. 8)

 

[a1eyeblind1]

Okay, I know it is a serious subject. 22 veterans a day are committing suicide. I get it.

BUT do they have to ask me if I am contemplating suicide every time I talk to someone from the V.A.?

It has annoyed me to the point that I am trying to annoy them back.

Here are some of the replies I've come up with so far:

"No. Do you think I should?"

"No. But I'll take your suggestion under advisement."

"If you don't stop asking me if I'm suicidal, I'm going to kill myself!"

"The voices haven't discussed that with me. Yet."

"Yesterday I killed myself. Does that count?"

"Why? Was there someone else you wanted me to kill first?"


I figure there are plenty of people here who could chip in with some more suggestions.

No I am number 23 today.

If I strap a bomb to myself before I do it, do I get seven virgins or just fries.

 

[McKenna]

We can refer to that as a "Nike suicide".

Everything is about the merchandising, after all. 8)

Bwah! You're dark and twisted. I like that.

 

[SeaDaddy1]

How's about, "Men don't contemplate suicide; they just do it."

That's right! Real men just do it!

 

[LucyH]

They're probably even more tired of asking than you are of hearing it. They've also heard every silly response anyone could think of, and they're as tired of hearing those as you are of hearing the question.

 

[BotanyBoy]

Why only once? What are they going to do, make you walk point?

Sweeps got it...

I guess they are just doing their job, and take care with the reply cause you might find a crisis unit car at your house.

Yea get to be too much of a smart ass and you will find yourself laid out with a drool bib....

They don't fuck around either...they rotate you through warfare schools and deployments for the better part of a decade and then they want you to just turn it ALLLL off and be

And if not...you obviously need therapy/50 pills a day and more therapy.....if they just passed out joints, beer filled solo cups and kept hookers available the VA nut house could send 1/2 their patients home this afternoon.

They're probably even more tired of asking than you are of hearing it. They've also heard every silly response anyone could think of, and they're as tired of hearing those as you are of hearing the question.

IDK about the first part...after you get deployed they won't serve you lunch with out asking if your going to harm yourself or someone else.

But yea the last half is totally spot on...ESP the VA doc's...when you're still in and your sitting in a O4-6's office you fucking behave...even if he/she is a soft footed pen pusher, he/she is a pen pusher with enough rank/position to destroy your universe.

I went to Brooke AMC in San Antonio before rolling out of TX to pick up my records, which requires a physical..cool NP, but I forgot how fucking dry military doctors are. Glad I was never that much of a tight ass...

VA though? I feel bad for them...they get all kinds of smart ass's, I can see the pain and "AWWW FUCK!" look on their face when they crack my file and look right under my name where it says "Infantry".

BTW Everybody who would enjoy some vet humor

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycM_d2-H8Go

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kc_WZ_gT9bw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hXmm7kUMkE

 

[McKenna]

BTW Everybody who would enjoy some vet humor

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycM_d2-H8Go

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kc_WZ_gT9bw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hXmm7kUMkE

I'm not a vet, but I still LOL'd.


(I wonder if this means I need therapy?!)

 

[Balladeer08]

I'm not a vet, but I still LOL'd.


(I wonder if this means I need therapy?!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4Esni1RbwU

I thought this WAS therapy?!

 

[John Doe]

"No, but I'm told it's very painless and it brings on many changes. I can take or leave it if I please."

 

[Balladeer08]

I finally figured out why the questions annoy me so much.

It is the arrogant assumption that they could stop me from doing something if I chose to do it.

That's just offensive as all hell to me.

 

[1sickbastard]

Say, "You betcha! That's why a drink like a fish, smoke like a coal fired power plant, eat bacon cheeseburgers and fuck skanky hookers without any sort of protection. In fact, the only thing that keeps me from eating a shotgun is my meetings to answer asinine questions about whether I'm contemplating suicide. That and the fact I don't like myself enough to take the quick and easy way out."

It works even better if you happen to bring a cooler full of beer, a cigar, and a bacon cheeseburger to consume during the session.

Of course, the best answer would be '"Not until I kill that fucking (insert name of political ass-wipe or celebutard of your choice)".

 

[tactful]

Sounds like a Catch 22.