Using manners when giving commands

[RJMasters]

A question in how you see this.

Example "A": The Dom/me wishes the bedroom to be cleaned up and then to join them to watch a movie.

a1. I want you to clean up the bedroom and then join me afterwards to watch a movie.

a2. Please clean up the bedroom and then join me afterwards to watch a movie.


Example "B": The Dom/me wants to restrain the submissive to the bed.

b1. Give me your wrist *ties*, now give me your other wrist *ties*, now give me your ankle *ties*, now give me your other ankle *ties*.

b2. Please give me your wrist. *ties* Thank you, Please give me your other wrist. *ties* Thank you, Please give me your ankle. *ties* Thank you, Please give me your other ankle. *ties* Thank you.

In the above examples...as submissives, if a dominant uses manners while giving commands as shown in a2 and b2, is that a turn off or viewed as just normal curtesy? Assume that disobedence will be met with just as hard or firm resolve. Also, do you see words like "Please" as more of a request than a command?

Dom/me(s) how do you feel about using words like "please" and "thank you" when giving commands and acknowledging efforts/obedience?

Just interested in knowing is the D/s dynamic "allows" for this type of mannerisms or does it typically exclude it because of the Power exchange nature of the relationship.

No right or wrong answers just looking for opinions and discussion.

Please pass the salt and hold the onions...thank you

 

[graceanne]

Wow, great thread idea RJ.

With me and K it depends. Normally he is polite, says thank you, please - all that. It's just common courtesy, frankly. Not to mention that we have several children with big ears around, and the best way to teach is to do. If we expect them to be polite we need to be polite. We are also polite with them, cause children are people too. But that's another rant.

On the other hand, when we're alone and in our room having 'fun' he doesn't say please and thank you, and until now I've never noticed, really. I guess it's part of what we're doing. I mean he doesn't say 'please give me your right wrist, thank you.' I don't know, I think it would sound and feel weird at that moment for him to be 'requesting'. Even if I knew that it wasn't a request, it just sounded like one. And quite frankly the whole commanding thing is a turn on. I like it. *shrugs*

 

[Justina123]

Sir normally says please and thank you, particularly when it has to do with household chores and the like. Our intention is to practice mutual respect, especially in front of the kids, it is such a good example for them. However, yes, I do see his politely worded "suggestions" as commands and only rarely may I have some reason to say, "May I check on the kids' homework first, and then...?" etc.

He sometimes is polite also about sexual activties. However, the most erotic and fantasized about and enjoyed times are when he is rough and pushy and simply tells me what to do. Or maybe doesn't even tell me, just manhandles me and calls me "slut." Very little gets me hotter in a shorter amount of time.

justina

 

[dolf]

not for every little thing {the being tied up eg was kinda silly} but manners are good. please doesn't have to imply that there is a choice. thankyou is always nice to hear.

the manners make the man
xx

 

[graceanne]

LOL I have been known to ask my kids to do something, and they'll say no and my exact words are . . .

"That may have sounded like a request, but it wasn't."

You can tell someone to do something, and still be polite about it. It doesn't make it any less and order.

 

[A's Sweet Baby]

Interesting thread RJ. And i completely agree with graceann, justina and dolf. And agree the second example was a bit silly sounding

But the first example was a good one, but may i add another variation?

a1. I want you to clean up the bedroom and then join me afterwards to watch a movie. (this is still phrased gently ... "I want" does not imply the strength of command example #3 does).

a2. Please clean up the bedroom and then join me afterwards to watch a movie. (i actually think this is more strongly phrased than #1; although "please" is there to add the polite intimation of a request it is strongly phrased)

a3. Clean up the bedroom and then join me afterwards to watch a movie. (imo, that is the strongest of the 3)

Though of course all 3 can have varying effects depending on the tone of voice, nature of the relationship, and circumstances.

Looking forward to read what others have to say,
ASB

 

[Mr Blonde]

Dom/me(s) how do you feel about using words like "please" and "thank you" when giving commands and acknowledging efforts/obedience?

I like to mix it up. Sometimes casual. Sometimes formal. Sometimes polite. Sometimes crude. Giving some variety to the interaction feels most satisfying to me.

 

[h_i_s]

my Master is quite polite when others are around, as well as when we are alone. Many times His commands may sound like a request, while in fact they never are. Regardless of how it is worded, His 'suggestions' are actually 'demands'. i tend to like it that way, He is never rude, always caring & loving, (unless it fits into a current mode of playing ) yet quite assertive.

¸,ø¤º°sinn0cent1°º¤ø,¸ (proudly owned by, and devoted to INSIDEYOURMIND)

 

[RJMasters]

Interesting thread RJ. And i completely agree with graceann, justina and dolf. And agree the second example was a bit silly sounding

Looking forward to read what others have to say,
ASB

Thank you Graceanne, Justina, Dolf and you for all your input. I enjoyed all your comments.

I made example B a bit silly though for a reason. It certainly sounds silly when you read it one right after the next...though it is possible that if it was done very slowly...methodicaly...and the "please give me your wirst" was a very soft whispered command...you feel your wrist tied firmly into place...checked carefully, then say...a light kiss applied to the inner wrist...and a thank you whispered....moved to the next wrist...taking time...again...leans down whispers in ear...please give me your other wrist now....etc...adds a different dynamic or can produce a whole different set of feelings.

I agree your added example is the most forceful spoken wise.

It is interesting that if you add the simple word "me" after the word "please", you actually get a better understanding of what the word implies when it is used.

Please me, give me your wrist. Please me, clean up the bedroom. Please me, pass the salt.

Kinda interesting eh?

and I certainly agree with -- All can have varying effects depending on the tone of voice, nature of the relationship, and circumstances.

 

[RJMasters]

Re: Re: Using manners when giving commands

I like to mix it up. Sometimes casual. Sometimes formal. Sometimes polite. Sometimes crude. Giving some variety to the interaction feels most satisfying to me.

Nods...very much simillar here too. Sometimes its the mood that strikes me...and some times the circumstances or environment.

 

[RJMasters]

my Master is quite polite when others are around, as well as when we are alone. Many times His commands may sound like a request, while in fact they never are. Regardless of how it is worded, His 'suggestions' are actually 'demands'. i tend to like it that way, He is never rude, always caring & loving, (unless it fits into a current mode of playing ) yet quite assertive.

Often, my suggestions are also my demands, so I understand what you mean.

Thank you for your input

 

[Kajira Callista]

Here is the thing...if someone said to me.."please may i tie you up" i would laugh and say nope. (brat girl) If someone told me they were going to...i would prolly like that. But............. if someone said "gimme the salt" i wouldn't, it would make me angry. It wouldn't haveta be please pass the salt, maybe just can i have the salt...yeah that would work.
Guess im a li'l weird eh?

 

[RJMasters]

Here is the thing...if someone said to me.."please may i tie you up" i would laugh and say nope. (brat girl) If someone told me they were going to...i would prolly like that. But............. if someone said "gimme the salt" i wouldn't, it would make me angry. It wouldn't haveta be please pass the salt, maybe just can i have the salt...yeah that would work.
Guess im a li'l weird eh?

No not at all...

see I am not sure I would ever say...please can I tie you up...just wouldn't come out...

It would be more like..."in ten minutes from now you are going to be spread eagle tied down on the bed...how you choose to get that way is up to you...but if I were you...I would go jump in bed and wait for me.

See then...I would come in...I would see you on the bed waiting...and when I came up...I might say...give me your wrist please....then tie it up.

So my use of the word "please" is not so much a request of permission as it is...good manners when I do say or use it...kinda like...please pass the salt...

Don't pass it and see what happens next...lol.

Make any sense?

 

[catalina_francisco]

Manners have a place in life, and it is interesting that Amo is often noted as being a gentleman to the point many have felt it so unusual as to comment on it favourably and with admiration. That being said, apart from the very occasional sadistic type delivery of a 'thank you, and even rarer 'please' delivered with strength and no leeway during a D/s moment, I prefer it left out of the BDSM equation....it can be all in the delivery, but can also be overdone.

There is plenty of variation in how things are done, when and how, but I like to have clear differentiation in what is a direct order and what is a casual request. Both mean he is served, but while one may allow for a request to complete something else first, the other does not. I love subtlety so to overdo the over emphasised polite command, especially in one session, would for me become too much a situation of seemingly trying to create an image more so than doing what brings pleasure to both of us, basic Domination and submission. I think too, as it is a 24/7 situation for us it would begin to erode the essence of the relationship we wish to live....he does not have to be polite or request my obedience or compliance as if it were something special, out of the ordinary, it is who we are.

I can see what you mean with the idea of replacing please with 'please me', but IMO I would also find that too false or worse still, an underlying request in that it implies there is a choice available, a softness perhaps. I also think on some days I could find it a red flag (or depressing) in that it could make me feel he had not felt I had been pleasing him and/or I needed to be reminded he would like me to...then we would be back into one of those situations where I keep trying harder and harder until I drive us both crazy. It is just not something that would sound natural to me, nor have any positive outcomes.

Catalina

 

[Desdemona]

I agree with many of the other posts.

Personally, I like the variety. Publicly, manners make the man and rudeness is offensive. Privately, I kinda like it rough and pushy sometimes. Other times, the "please me,...." would make me hot beyond description. It's all in the delivery and context of the situation. A politely worded demand, whispered in my ear as my control is systematically stripped from me is darkly erotic and can be almost sinister. I like that.

 

[ammre]

manners infront of other people so they don't get the impression that they can tell me what to do, but alone, i'd rather not hear "please". That's for me to say.

During play "thank you" i'd rather have in a non verbal form... if i'm good touch me in a way i like... fairly simple idea...

 

[graceanne]

Here is the thing...if someone said to me.."please may i tie you up" i would laugh and say nope. (brat girl) If someone told me they were going to...i would prolly like that. But............. if someone said "gimme the salt" i wouldn't, it would make me angry. It wouldn't haveta be please pass the salt, maybe just can i have the salt...yeah that would work.
Guess im a li'l weird eh?

LOL Nah, you're not wierd, (well you are - but not in this case -makes sense. It's rather strange to be asked if you can be tied up, but the regular common courtesy's are a must. Gimme the salt pisses me off too.

 

[ownedsubgal]

my Master doesn't use "please" or "thank you" around me unless he's being sarcastic lol. if he used them seriously, i'd be very weirded out and i doubt he would have ever become my Master as i'd take that kind of thing from a man towards me as a sign of an A-1 wuss...sowwy.

Daddy just tells me to do things or tells me he's going to do something. there is no "please" or "i want you to". He just states the facts. and i like it that way, thank you very much.

 

[Netzach]

If I'm in a public SM setting with M, I voice my requests quietly, and kindly, but rarely with "please" as much as "Id like you to" or "I'd like it if you would" as the lead in. It's not never said, it's just not said as often as I would if I were in vanilla company, where "please sweetie, will you get me another Coppola claret?" is still kinda rare among liberated hipster women who pour our own Coppola clarets usually and have come to expect to. It sounds like I'm asking him, but the idea that he'd say "get it yourself" is completely not an option in our universe unless he was being attacked by evil midgets with clubs and waylaid in the bathroom or something.

"Thank you", I find I say a great deal. It doesn't imply that I'm asking for something, but it does acknowledge I'm being given something, so if a bottom gives me her wrist or moves her hair out of the way for me to put a collar on her or something like that I will often say "thank you."

 

[A's Sweet Baby]

Re: I agree with many of the other posts.

A politely worded demand, whispered in my ear as my control is systematically stripped from me is darkly erotic and can be almost sinister. I like that.

Desdemona, I agree with your entire response, but this snippet had me nodding my head in full agreement!!!

 

[Desdemona]

Re: Re: I agree with many of the other posts.

Desdemona, I agree with your entire response, but this snippet had me nodding my head in full agreement!!!

Glad I'm not the only one. Wasn't sure I had expressed it quite clearly. In this case manners can be used quite effectively to set the mood. Think Hannibal Lector. That character was always polite even while doing diabolical things.

 

[FungiUg]

I don't have any hard and fast rules around this. I guess it just depends on how I feel at the time. Sometimes I will say please, and sometimes I won't.

 

[Bandit58]

Outside the bedroom, when He asks me to get something for Him, it's "please" and "thank you". During sexual play, "please" and "thank you" are never used.....it's things like "Suck my cock, slut" and a hand grabbing my hair.

Though it's going to be me begging "Please Master may I cum" soon.....

 

[Kajira Callista]

Re: Re: Re: I agree with many of the other posts.

Glad I'm not the only one. Wasn't sure I had expressed it quite clearly. In this case manners can be used quite effectively to set the mood. Think Hannibal Lector. That character was always polite even while doing diabolical things.

Well i like that also... that polite no nonsense tone that makes you shiver with excitement. I guess maybe manners are ok but only if done right?

 

[RJMasters]

Re: I agree with many of the other posts.

Personally, I like the variety. Publicly, manners make the man and rudeness is offensive. Privately, I kinda like it rough and pushy sometimes. Other times, the "please me,...." would make me hot beyond description. It's all in the delivery and context of the situation. A politely worded demand, whispered in my ear as my control is systematically stripped from me is darkly erotic and can be almost sinister. I like that.

You totally get it