Using foreign languages in story

[BlackSnake]

I have a character that speaks only Russian. I used a translator, but I have no idea if it makes since or not. What is the common rule on using foreign lanuages?

Passage:

“Excuse me,” Eric got the waitress attention. “Is there a waitress that speaks Russian here?”
“Yes sir,” the waitress replied.
“My fiancée only speaks Russian,” he said.
“No problem sir, I’ll send her right over,” the waitress said.
Eric lifted Anna’s hand and kissed the back of it. A few minutes later an older dark headed woman came to their table.
“Привет, мое название – Iska,” the waitress spoke in Russian. “Hello, my name is Iska,” she repeated in English.
“Меня зовут Анна,” Anna replied.
Eric looked to the Russian waitress as to what Anna had said to her. He slipped a hundred dollar bill into her hand.
“She said that her name is Anna,” Iska replied.
“Could you tell her that she looks beautiful?” Eric said.
“Он сказал, что Вы выглядите красивыми,” Iska said to Anna.
“Пожалуйста, он купил меня от сутенера. Я - из Молдовы. Можете Вы помогать мне?” Anna spoke.
“Не делайте неприятность здесь. Вещи могли быть намного хуже для Вас. Cмотрите на него. Он любит Вас. Конечно ничто плохо не случится с Вами глупая девочка.” Iska kept her voice low. “She said that you are very handsome and that she is happy to be here with you.” She looked back to Anna. “Она сказала, что Вы очень красивы и что она является счастливой быть здесь с Вами. Теперь улыбнитесь Вы глупая девочка. Вы одеты в прекрасной одежде.” She smiled at Eric. “She will have the shrimp and stake. What will you have sir?”
“I thought she might want something Russian,” Eric said.
“Do you not think that we have shrimp and stake in Russian?” Iska joked.
“I’ll have the same then,” Eric said handing Iska the menu.
“Креветка и Доля для Вас. Очень к хорошему для Moldovian,” Iska said to Anna. “Enjoy your meal sir.”
Anna forced a smile as Eric kissed her hand again. The waitress warned her not to make trouble and that she was better off with Eric, in spite of being sold into prostitution. She thought that maybe the waitress was right as she looked into Eric’s eyes. She had been desperate to leave the life of poverty in Moldova. She didn’t want to return to that life, but she didn’t want to prostituted and used like a piece of meat either. Even when Eric had sex with her, he was gentle and passionate. Things had been worse for her. She thought that if she did not please him that he could sell her just as easily as he had bought her.
Eric held his glass of wine up and encouraged her to do the same. He tapped her glass to hers and encouraged her to drink. “To us,” he said.
“К нам,” the waitress said standing by.
Anna smiled drinking and getting an approving smile from Eric and the waitress.
“Ask her if she like the shoes and clothes that I bought her,” Eric said to Iska.
“Он хочет знать, любите ли Вы ботинки и одежду,” Iska said to Anna.
“Да, благодарите Вас очень,” Anna said.
“She said yes, thank you very much,” Iska translated in English.
“Could you ask her if there is anything else she needed like women things?” Eric asked.
“Sir, her country is very poor. She wouldn't know of the things American women used to take care of themselves,” Iska said. “I could recommend a very discrete doctor who could help her understand about these things.”
“I’m leaving for Atlanta in a couple of days and will be taking her with me. When could she see this doctor?” Eric asked.
“The doctor could come to you sir. I could arrange this,” Iska said. She held her hand out discretely.
Eric slipped her another hundred dollar bill. “Tell her what we are talking about,” he said.
“Он хочет заботиться о Вас. Он устраивает доктора, чтобы удостовериться, что Вы имеете хорошее здоровье,” Iska spoke to Anna.
“Я понимаю,” Anna replied.
“She says that she understands,” Iska said to Eric and left them as their food arrived.

 

[672]

Why not just make the different language narrative between the two Russians? Honestly, the use of it is crowding and confusing, and in my opinion would throw the reader.

I think they would get that the person speaks Russian, without it having to be there. Especially since you're translating it anyway.

 

[J.Doe]

That's Russian how it's read, not how it is spoken. If you don't speak the language at all it's best to keep it to the minimum and find yourself someone who does speak it or buy yourself a Russian phrase book because online translators like Bablefish are practically useless.

 

[BlackSnake]

Thanks this helps

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Snake,

There's a very good thread by KillerMuffin that's been revived on the Story Discussion Circle Forum about this very topic. You might want to check it out.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[Selena_Kitt]

Snake,

There's a very good thread by KillerMuffin that's been revived on the Story Discussion Circle Forum about this very topic. You might want to check it out.

Rumple Foreskin

On Writing: Foreign languages in an English story


I used French in French Lessons ... and was just BASTED for my (admittedly rudimentary!) attempt... Then I found a good editor who cleaned it all up for me...

I'd suggest you find someone who speaks Russian... does Lit have a Russian forum?

 

[Stella_Omega]

Regardless of how good the translation is- it's really much more dialogue than the scene needs, I think, simply because you have to repeart every sentence.
Also-

shrimp and stake

*grin* it's either steak, or a weapon against vampires...

 

[oggbashan]

I have indicated in several of my stories that conversations take place in another language, e.g. French in part of 'The Casbah'.

I always write the whole thing in English because the majority of my readers speak English. I think that once I write in a foreign language I will lose someone.

If I want to suggest that the dialogue is not understood by one of the characters I might put that part in italics and show in the responses that the foreign language was not understood.

The whole of 'The Giant Squid' should be assumed to be in French. 'The Maypole' would be partially in an unspecified Balkan language.

Several authors in the 1930s used to write large chunks of their works with several European languages without translating any of them. They assumed that their readers would be sufficiently well educated to read simple sentences in French, German, Italian, Spanish, Latin and Greek. Today that assumption would be unjustified.

I once owned a 17th (1637) commentary on St Paul's Epistle to the Colossians. The text was taken from the Latin Vulgate. The commentary was in Latin but all the footnotes were in Classical Greek. The first verse of the Epistle Col 1.1. 'Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ by the will of God, and Timothy our brother,' had seven pages of Latin commentary and about one and half pages of Greek footnotes on that one verse. The whole book was large and heavy. The writer assumed that any educated member of Western Civilisation would be able to read Latin and Greek fluently. In 1637 he may have been right. Now?

Og

 

[3113]

From the look of what you've got, you don't need the russian. If you want to keep the language barrier, you can keep it as follows:

“Hello, my name is Iska,” the waitress said to Eric, then repeated herself in Russian to the woman.
The woman replied in the same language. Eric looked to the Russian waitress as to what Anna had said to her. He slipped a hundred dollar bill into her hand.
“She said that her name is Anna,” Iska replied.
“Could you tell her that she looks beautiful?” Eric said.
Iska smirked and said something to Anna who smiled at him before replying.
“She said that you are very handsome and that she is happy to be here with you," Iska translated.

See. No need of the Russian at all--though you can toss in a few words if he wants to "learn" some Russian words in order to have a little fun with her. A language lesson lets both character and reader in on the joke. Like Eric saying, "how do you say, 'Sexy,' in Russian?" And then Anna can ask the waitress something, and use an English word.

Frankly, however, it's a whole lot more likely that Anna can speak English--at least a little. It's widely taught and almost the lingua franca of the modern world.

 

[hotchkiss]

I think 3113 has it sussed perfectly. I was going to say much the same thing.

I have to say that after scanning through your paragraph I felt quite giddy and confused with all the back to front text that threw my eye.

 

[CharleyH]

That's Russian how it's read, not how it is spoken. If you don't speak the language at all it's best to keep it to the minimum and find yourself someone who does speak it or buy yourself a Russian phrase book because online translators like Bablefish are practically useless.

I agree in part and would suggest saying a phrase or two throughout the story, just to remind the reader of the Russian. I use French, Spanish and Portuguese incrementally, but only those phrases that might be easily interpreted. Sometimes I don't bother interpreting in a story, but that's only when a phrase or word is so simple as to be understood by the (edit to add - English) reader. Otherwise? I think it really depends on how "important" being Russian is in the story. I think you can have two characters and use the language differential to build the miscommunication and sexual tension between them, and ultimately in the reader. Just my op. Good luck BSnake.

 

[BlackSnake]

I like the idea a having the Russian language used at this point. I agree that having too much would not add anything to the story.

What I would like is to allow readers to translate the short phrases I used.

Does anyone here know Russian?

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Regardless of anything else, having the Russian bits written in Cyrillic is just plain silly. If they're to have any effect other than to be glossed over by 99% of readers, they should be romanized, so that at least the readers can read it and get a feel for the different sounds. If that foreign quality of the sound isn't what you're looking for and is irrelevant to you in this piece, then in all likelihood so is the inclusion of Russian to begin with.

 

[BlackSnake]

Regardless of anything else, having the Russian bits written in Cyrillic is just plain silly. If they're to have any effect other than to be glossed over by 99% of readers, they should be romanized, so that at least the readers can read it and get a feel for the different sounds. If that foreign quality of the sound isn't what you're looking for and is irrelevant to you in this piece, then in all likelihood so is the inclusion of Russian to begin with.

Yes, Russian written phonetically in English