Unusual idea

[UtilityCurve]

Hear, hear! Pantyhose are a curse upon malekind: The part everyone gets to see is fine, but the special reveal--not so much!

 

[sirhugs]

I loved the use of dialogue. It was very natural.

Cute, hot, a bit funny. All good.

I agree with the comment on the story that there was not much in the way of Romance. The way I had thought to put it until I saw that comment was that your score would likely be higher in Erotic Couplings. I suspect readers in the Romance category and very specific in their requirements. They want more time when the characters bond, and Dave's character is more fully developed. Romance stories tend to have more build up, less explicit sex.

It could have benefitted from a proofreader.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Hear, hear! Pantyhose are a curse upon malekind: The part everyone gets to see is fine, but the special reveal--not so much!

Only fun comes when you can see the panties through the nylon - or if she has any panties at all. But I mostly agree with you.

I've had a couple of stories where the guy impulsively rips the pantyhose off before sex - there's usually a run in them where you can get a finger in - and the woman goes along with it.

Fishnets can be interesting. And crotchless pantyhose is available.

 

[Jsnweir29]

I loved the use of dialogue. It was very natural.

Cute, hot, a bit funny. All good.

I agree with the comment on the story that there was not much in the way of Romance. The way I had thought to put it until I saw that comment was that your score would likely be higher in Erotic Couplings. I suspect readers in the Romance category and very specific in their requirements. They want more time when the characters bond, and Dave's character is more fully developed. Romance stories tend to have more build up, less explicit sex.

It could have benefitted from a proofreader.

Yes I agree with you about putting it in the erotic encounters category. To be honest I completely missed that category and romance seemed to be the only other appropriate category.
I did proofread it myself but after it was published, I still caught errors. Guess a second set of eyes are better.

Thanks for your honest feedback

 

[gunhilltrain]

Yes I agree with you about putting it in the erotic encounters category. To be honest I completely that category and romance seemed to be the only other appropriate category.
I did proofread it myself but after it was published, I still caught errors. Guess a second set of eyes are better.

Thanks for your honest feedback

First, use the checker on Word or whatever you have for writing. Then get Grammarly - the free version should be adequate. It's hardly perfect, and you will have to use your own judgment about what it suggests. One of my favorite examples is that it will change "brown stone" (meaning the color of the rock) to "brownstone," which refers to a building type, usually an old row house. It does a lot of that. But it does help.

If you have it plugged into your browser, it should automatically check things like your forum posts too.

What I do is copy an entire story into Grammarly, then I paste the results into a new Word document (or whatever) and name it something like "Sexy Story Grammarly" to distinguish it from the original Sexy Story. That way you can keep track of whether you actually checked it not. (Believe me, it's easy to forget). The program will also keep its version on file for you.

I guess you could delete the original Sexy Story if you wish to save file space, but for some reason I never do.

Oh, another thing. Just before you post a story on Lit, copy it and save it in a folder called Submitted. (There will always be last minute changes you made.) That way, you have something to use if you need to submit an edited version after it been published. (I don't bother for one or two typos, because it takes a long time to get approved and once it's been around for a while, the readership drops off.)

There is another site with more modern software that let's you edit an existing story "in place," but Lit is not like that. I suppose you could also just copy the existing story from the Lit site and paste that into your word processor. There is usually a font change in that case, or other formatting issues. I'd have to try it again to see how well it works.

 

[sirhugs]

the typos, IMHO, are not distracting enough to require a repair job.

 

[Jsnweir29]

Thanks sirhugs. I tend agree with you. I've read plenty of stories on here that contain horrid grammar and spelling.. almost to the point of distraction.I did re-edit it though, but only to place it in a mire appropriate category.
It was correctly pointed out that erotic couplings is much more appropriate than romance.

 

[PattieD]

Powerful woman turned vulnerable could be a psychological surprise for her.

Being unknown somewhere in the swamps of nowhere takes away the power of position. Needing to have she and her car rescued by an unknown removes the power of possession. What remains is the last layer of power which is her exquisitely tailored exterior accentuated by the delicacies of her interior.

My only issue is that I have never known a tow truck operator to be handsome, sexual or even clean. The solution is simple by exchanging the operator with the other player necessary to this scenario which is the law. State Highway Patrol men are one of my panty droppers. The uniform, the physique and the power of the law.

The "Hoopie" (as we call them around here) sees an opportunity and with some quick lawful jargon and double talk manages to intercept the lady into the backseat of his car for an overnight in jail for a reason only known to him. Basically, removing her last layer of power to reveal what she needs.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Powerful woman turned vulnerable could be a psychological surprise for her.

Being unknown somewhere in the swamps of nowhere takes away the power of position. Needing to have she and her car rescued by an unknown removes the power of possession. What remains is the last layer of power which is her exquisitely tailored exterior accentuated by the delicacies of her interior.

My only issue is that I have never known a tow truck operator to be handsome, sexual or even clean. The solution is simple by exchanging the operator with the other player necessary to this scenario which is the law. State Highway Patrol men are one of my panty droppers. The uniform, the physique and the power of the law.

The "Hoopie" (as we call them around here) sees an opportunity and with some quick lawful jargon and double talk manages to intercept the lady into the backseat of his car for an overnight in jail for a reason only known to him. Basically, removing her last layer of power to reveal what she needs.

I'll confess to something: the tow truck driver I'm going to use in my story is based on a real person. He did it as a part-time gig; his main job was as a mechanic for a town public works department. He wasn't George Clooney or Brad Pitt handsome but he was articulate, macho, and quite smart. He also could be somewhat overbearing or annoying when not in a good mood. He definitely was physically clean. He could muster charm when he had to.

How do I know this? He's now passed, but he was my ex-wife's second husband. And here's the kicker: she is a lawyer! She came from working-class roots, however, and I think this guy appealed to her partially for that reason. In some ways he resembled her own dad.

He was sort of a black sheep to his family. His dad was a producer for a television network in New York. (It was either NBC or CBS.) Unlike two of his siblings, he skipped college because he preferred to work with his hands.

Now that I think about it, the woman will have some similarities to my ex-wife. (Not in her appearance, however.) She was the first one in her family to go to college and then law school.

 

[PattieD]

I'll confess to something: the tow truck driver I'm going to use in my story is based on a real person. He did it as a part-time gig; his main job was as a mechanic for a town public works department. He wasn't George Clooney or Brad Pitt handsome but he was articulate, macho, and quite smart. He also could be somewhat overbearing or annoying when not in a good mood. He definitely was physically clean. He could muster charm when he had to.

How do I know this? He's now passed, but he was my ex-wife's second husband. And here's the kicker: she is a lawyer! She came from working-class roots, however, and I think this guy appealed to her partially for that reason. In some ways he resembled her own dad.

He was sort of a black sheep to his family. His dad was a producer for a television network in New York. (It was either NBC or CBS.) Unlike two of his siblings, he skipped college because he preferred to work with his hands.

Now that I think about it, the woman will have some similarities to my ex-wife. (Not in her appearance, however.) She was the first one in her family to go to college and then law school.

Then . . .
Don't let me get in the way with my prejudice.
First person knowledge is going to allow your story to flow out of you with ease while enabling your audience to attain a vivid perspective of one of your main players.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Then . . .
Don't let me get in the way with my prejudice.
First person knowledge is going to allow your story to flow out of you with ease while enabling your audience to attain a vivid perspective of one of your main players.

Actually, you do did give me an idea for a story about a woman going for an man in uniform - I mean a first responder, not military (well maybe he was in the past). I was thinking along the lines of a firefighter, possibly FDNY. I don't have a plot yet.

Speaking of police, in another thread I mentioned a possible story about a female detective. I can vividly imagine her, but I've been struggling to come up with a plausible plot.

Another story about men in uniform. My own sister (she's passed now, unfortunately) was married to a guy who was first in the National Guard, then in the Army. It was a challenge for her, because she had to be wherever he was based. Being in Germany for a while was interesting. Being in Watertown, NY next to Fort Drum wasn't so great.

He was deployed three times, to Bosnia, Somalia, and Iraq. He was in the quartermasters corp, but it was still dangerous because there were no set front lines. Now he is remarried and works as a civilian for the V.A. in Colorado. There has to be a good story or maybe essay in all that.