University Position

[AffectionateGentleman]

UNIVERSITY OF (REDACTED)​

Department of Athletics
Position Title: Corrective Tickling Practitioner (Full-Time, Term-Limited)
Application Deadline: Open until filled

Job Summary:
The Department of Athletics seeks a dynamic individual to pioneer innovative performance enhancement methodologies for female student-athletes. This role requires expertise in applied sports psychology with a focus on kinesthetic-tactile neuromuscular recalibration, colloquially termed "corrective tickling." The ideal candidate will design and implement individualized protocols to optimize flexibility, reaction time, and proprioceptive acuity, particularly for gymnasts and cheer squad members. Competitive salary, university benefits, and access to state-of-the-art training facilities provided.

Essential Duties:
- Develop and administer tailored tickling regimens to address performance deficits.
- Utilize specialized tools (e.g., artist’s brushes, vibratory devices) to stimulate targeted neuromuscular responses.
- Monitor and document athletes' physiological and psychological reactions during sessions.
- Develop and schedule or administer treatments to ensure athlete pedal-sensitivity to corrective techniques.
- Collaborate with university administrators and coaching staff to integrate tactile conditioning into existing training programs.
- Identify student-athletes suitable for intensive, specialized sessions.
- Evening and weekend availability required.

Minimum Qualifications:
- Advanced degree in Performance Arts, Kinesiology, or related field (or equivalent professional experience).
- Demonstrated expertise in restraint-based kinetic therapy (minimum 5 years preferred).
- Ability to assess and exploit individual athletes’ tactile sensitivities.
- Familiarity with collegiate athletics compliance protocols.
- Excellent oral and written communication skills for both technical reports and… persuasive recruitment dialogues.
- Demonstrated ability to securely immobilize subjects for prolonged periods
- Portfolio of prior work (video submissions acceptable).

 

[dirk2024]

I like the idea, a lot. I think the advertisement above is the perfect lead-in for the story and would start with that.

Then you could go one of two ways; either directly introduce the new hire and his/her need to recruit a few grad students to help, or you could start with the interview process, with a panel of the universities professors/adminstrators thoroughly exploring the interviewee's. (essentially fucking the top three candidates - after signing a NDA of course - to determine the best candidate for the job)

And actually, you could do both, turning this into a lengthy or multi-part story.

 

[TheWritingGroup]

Then you could go one of two ways; either directly introduce the new hire and his/her need to recruit a few grad students to help, or you could start with the interview process, with a panel of the universities professors/adminstrators thoroughly exploring the interviewee's. (essentially fucking the top three candidates - after signing a NDA of course - to determine the best candidate for the job)

Locking yourself in a room with a certified master/mistress of corrective tickling?

All the panelists leave the room as the interviewee's mental slaves.