Uncles (no, not incest thread)

[NoJo]

I always wished I'd had an "uncle" who got me laid on my sixteenth birthday. My brother-in-law had one, and quite a few guys I know had an "uncle-figure" to show them the ropes.

My older brother did eventually set me up with my first fuck, but he wasn't around when I was growing up, so I was already nineteen. (My first time was with a much older woman, which was prefect for a guy who almost literally didn't know what to do with it besides pee).

Guys, did you have an "uncle"? or have you been one to someone in the family?

 

[oggbashan]

Uncle Harry

I wrote this some time ago. Uncle Harry was useful in other ways too!

***
Uncle Harry at Christmas

Family Christmases were dominated by the Uncles and Aunts. Even now they seem larger than life, with an infectious joy for living.

Uncle Harry had been a soldier but he had none of the soldier about him. He was the grasshopper who sang while the busy ant gathered food for winter. Not that Harry was much good at singing. Tuberculosis had damaged his lungs. For the two years immediately after the war he had lived in hospital. Even there he came up smelling of roses. He married his nurse and they were blissfully happy together. Harry was a born survivor, living for the moment and apparently careless of whatever the future might bring. Whatever it would be, Harry would survive it, and would get as much enjoyment out of it as he could.

One explanation given for Harry’s devil may care attitude was that he had come so close to death from the TB so many times that he was determined to live every day as if it were his last. That can’t have been wholly true because his elder brothers had moaned about his attitude before the war. While they had been improving themselves at evening classes Harry had been at the Hammersmith Palais with a floozy in his arms. If Aunt Gladys was a sample, Harry had good taste in floozies.

Harry delighted in twisting his brothers’ sense of propriety. While they were steadily working their way through the ranks of the Civil Service, he had a barrow in Bethnal Green market. He could get things “off ration”, “off the back of a lorry”, “no questions asked”. He kept his Cockney accent that his brothers suppressed. He could speak the Queen’s English but whenever his brothers were near his Cockney became broader. Harry’s proper job was as a Bank Messenger in Top Hat and Tails either guarding the door of the bank or taking messages from branch to branch in the City. That brought him the flat above the Bank in Bethnal Green. Whether his barrow goods were legitimate or not, no policeman could search his flat without warning because access was through the Bank.

At Christmas, Harry came into his own. He organised the adults into silly games, into sing-songs that the children could join, far from his brothers’ stolid renditions of Victorian Ballads. Harry was “Down at the Old Bull and Bush”. His brothers were “The Larboard Watch” or serenading “Ramona”. He might accompany them with his trombone but we children expected the fortissimo trombone raspberry. Harry never failed to give one whenever his brothers were in full flow.

Harry always produced mint fresh halfcrowns from a child’s ear or nose. His sleight of hand was almost professional. Cards would appear and vanish, scarves and plastic eggs would be taken from unlikely places. Harry was a favourite with the younger generation. His older brothers seemed to disapprove but I think they envied Harry’s sense of fun.

Harry encouraged any budding artistic talent. His Christmas presents were plasticine, paintboxes and penny whistles or kazoos. When one of his older brothers had been particularly irritating Harry gave his small nephew a tin drum.

I knew that Harry’s magic was done with agile fingers. What puzzled me was the freshness of the halfcrowns unlike the worn and dulled ones I usually saw. It took me twenty years to connect the newly minted halfcrowns and Harry’s employment in a bank. I just could not imagine Harry as a bank clerk. He wasn’t. He stood outside the bank in uniform and greeted customers and staff by name. I wish banks now were like Uncle Harry’s bank but they are gone, as is Harry, his super floozie Gladys, and the ghosts of Christmases past.
***

Og

 

[Guest]

I was an "uncle" to my little brother, if that counts?

He'd been out with some girls, but never got past going to the cinema, or anything like that. He was a bit shy, and when he reached the age of 21, he talked to me about it, confessing he was still a virgin (quite an admirable thing to admit to your big Sister). I'm 8 years older than him, but we've always had a really close relationship, and I've always been like a second Mum to him, but not, if you get me?

Anyway, I knew a really nice girl, who worked in the same office as me. She was 19, and I knew they'd make a brilliant couple. So alike, in so many ways, but different enough in others for things to work. I invited her out for a drink, and told him to come, too. After fifteen minutes, I went home and left them alone in the pub together. They not only got on, they "got it on", but not in the pub.

That was three years ago, and this year they are getting married, and they are expecting their first baby (the wedding was planned for September, but their little surprise is now due then, so they've brought it forward to April). I'm gonna be their "Matron of Honour" (hahaha! BIG joke in my family ) and my daughters are going to be bridesmaid.

I have never known a better suited couple, and they ain't 'arf done me proud.

Lou

 

[dr_mabeuse]

That was sweet, Og. I had uncles something like that too, and they're all gone now.

They don't make them like that anymore.

---dr.M.

 

[mrboom]

I’m an uncle, but my nephew never needed me to help him with girls, being very good-looking and funny to boot. But we have been very good friends from the day he was born (I was 13 at the time.). I’m looking for him to set me up now-a-days as all his girlfriends are very sexy.

 

[Boota]

I'm an uncle, but all my nephews are really young still. If I can do anything to help them get laid when the time comes, I'll do it. I only have 8 real nephews and nieces, but a couple dozen kids call me Uncle Boota. I don't have time to get them all laid.