Ultimatums......Do they turn you on?

[xxxSubSamxxx]

As a sub, if your Dom tells you to do something once and you refuse is it then a challenge for your Dom to push your limits?

As a Dom, if your sub refuses to do something you instruct them do you see it as a challenge to push their limits?

As a sub, if you refuse a few times and get punished for not being obedient and still refuse, how do you respond to ultimatums?

What ultimatums has your Dom given you? If you're a Dom, what ultimatums have been successful for you?

I would love to hear your experiences as I am very inexperienced but extremely interested in this lifestyle.

Sam xx

 

[seela]

I'm not sure if I understand the word ultimatum correctly, but I find it hard to come up with an ultimatum other than "if you keep on (not) doing that, this relationship is over". Definitely not something that would turn me on. For me, if my relationship were in the point where ultimatums had to be thrown around, the relationship would pretty much be over already.

In my relationship J pushes my boundaries because he wants to or I've asked him to do that. Sometimes I need him to push way past my comfort zone even in ways I don't find a turn on at all (at the moment when it's happening).

We don't do punishments at all. If I refuse to do something, I have a good reason to do so and offer another solution, and usually J respects that. I don't say no to him willy-nilly.

The situations when I refuse to do something 99% have nothing to do with sex anyways. They're more about me refusing to carry home groceries, because I'm having a bad joint day or something like that.

 

[xxxSubSamxxx]

Thanks Seela for your reply. I think it's very informative and helping me shape my new desires into safe desires.

Sam xx

 

[9to5]

if they refuse do the need to be punished?
tough question. some sort of punishment is in order.
if they refuse one thing then a second command might be worse or just different.
then agin it might be something they need to talk about if its really something the sub wont do

 

[xxxSubSamxxx]

Thanks 9to5

I guess communication is the answer to my question. Submitting to ultimatums could just lead to abuse and misuse of power I expect

Sam xx

 

[9to5]

misuse of power is right this should be enjoyable for both. maybe push their limits a little but a real no should mean no

 

[xxxSubSamxxx]

Thanks for the useful advice xx

 

[Primalex]

As a Dom, if your sub refuses to do something you instruct them do you see it as a challenge to push their limits?

It really matters what and why I request something.

I can request something to test limits, to push limits, merely for my own sexual pleasure or when the whole thing looks fishy.

If you're a Dom, what ultimatums have been successful for you?

Ultimatums, like humiliation, should be tailored individually. That's the whole difference between a dominant and a horny net geek. A horny net geek applies the same methods to everyone and hopes for them to work, very much like spam.

 

[xxxSubSamxxx]

Yes I am figuring out the difference between a horny net geek, a guy who wants blow jos all the time and a true Dom xx

It really matters what and why I request something.

I can request something to test limits, to push limits, merely for my own sexual pleasure or when the whole thing looks fishy.



Ultimatums, like humiliation, should be tailored individually. That's the whole difference between a dominant and a horny net geek. A horny net geek applies the same methods to everyone and hopes for them to work, very much like spam.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Yes I am figuring out the difference between a horny net geek, a guy who wants blow jos all the time and a true Dom xx

I'm a born dom but don't wear the uniform or toss around threats and ultimatums. What I do is let behavior have its natural consequences. For instance: Friday the wife and I were coming home from buying groceries, the car was filled with stuff, some of it heavy (water).

So we had a quarrel and she ordered me out of the car several blocks from the house. I looked at her, smiled, and got out. She sped off and unloaded all the groceries, something I normally do.

 

[Primalex]

Okay, one real life example of an ultimatum from me:

I was talking with a woman. I made a request, she hesitated. I offered then a deal:"I make x, you make y. How about that?"

She agreed. I fulfilled x. She backed out.

Now there are multiple options how to proceed and basically this is where the different kind of dominants come into play.

I belong to the 'firm but fair' fraction. (At least I believe I'm fair.)

So, I explained to her that she has made a deal and that it's now too late to back out and she either holds the end of the bargain up or I have to treat her as unreliable and untrustworthy person and will leave.

She decided to not fulfill the agreement.

Was this ultimatum now a failure? This really depends on the point of view in my opinion.



A year later she approached me again. I was polite and reserved and after a few minutes I explained to her that I'm not interested in playing with her, she still owes me y. (This is the fair part - I do offer second chances.) She paid off her debts with interest and interest on interest.


I think it's important to uphold your own principles as dominant, even if it means losing out short term.

 

[xxxSubSamxxx]

When you talk about playing with her do you mean on the net or in real life?

Okay, one real life example of an ultimatum from me:

I was talking with a woman. I made a request, she hesitated. I offered then a deal:"I make x, you make y. How about that?"

She agreed. I fulfilled x. She backed out.

Now there are multiple options how to proceed and basically this is where the different kind of dominants come into play.

I belong to the 'firm but fair' fraction. (At least I believe I'm fair.)

So, I explained to her that she has made a deal and that it's now too late to back out and she either holds the end of the bargain up or I have to treat her as unreliable and untrustworthy person and will leave.

She decided to not fulfill the agreement.

Was this ultimatum now a failure? This really depends on the point of view in my opinion.



A year later she approached me again. I was polite and reserved and after a few minutes I explained to her that I'm not interested in playing with her, she still owes me y. (This is the fair part - I do offer second chances.) She paid off her debts with interest and interest on interest.


I think it's important to uphold your own principles as dominant, even if it means losing out short term.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Just like here, give them the rope they need to tie themselves into Sweet Nellie on the railroad track.

 

[Netzach]

It really matters what and why I request something.

I can request something to test limits, to push limits, merely for my own sexual pleasure or when the whole thing looks fishy.



Ultimatums, like humiliation, should be tailored individually. That's the whole difference between a dominant and a horny net geek. A horny net geek applies the same methods to everyone and hopes for them to work, very much like spam.

This. Most of my ultimatums are amusing for me, uncomfortable but fun for the other person. I don't apply them to heavy relational topics because when has that ever worked? You're into each other, or you're not.

 

[Netzach]

Okay, one real life example of an ultimatum from me:

I was talking with a woman. I made a request, she hesitated. I offered then a deal:"I make x, you make y. How about that?"

She agreed. I fulfilled x. She backed out.

Now there are multiple options how to proceed and basically this is where the different kind of dominants come into play.

I belong to the 'firm but fair' fraction. (At least I believe I'm fair.)

So, I explained to her that she has made a deal and that it's now too late to back out and she either holds the end of the bargain up or I have to treat her as unreliable and untrustworthy person and will leave.

She decided to not fulfill the agreement.

Was this ultimatum now a failure? This really depends on the point of view in my opinion.



A year later she approached me again. I was polite and reserved and after a few minutes I explained to her that I'm not interested in playing with her, she still owes me y. (This is the fair part - I do offer second chances.) She paid off her debts with interest and interest on interest.


I think it's important to uphold your own principles as dominant, even if it means losing out short term.

If someone left me hanging with my end of the bargain, I don't think there'd be a second chance scenario. It's one thing not to do something, it's another to put me in an idiot position, even for a moment.

I am firm and unfair. Yes, firm, but massively unfair.

 

[desertslave]

When Master asks me to do something, I do my very best to accomplish it. If it's something that is fundamentally repugnant to me, I'll endeavor to talk about it with him so we can sort out what's going on. We don't do "punishment."

 

[9to5]

now would it be a turn on for the slave to say no and see what the punishment would be?

 

[xxxSubSamxxx]

now would it be a turn on for the slave to say no and see what the punishment would be?

Yes I like the idea of being punished for insubordination on occasion xx

 

[9to5]

Yes I like the idea of being punished for insubordination on occasion xx

on occasion you would be and even just for fun

 

[xxxSubSamxxx]

on occasion you would be and even just for fun

Oh yes 9 to 5. It's a thrill. I fantasise about allowing my pubic hair to grow a little stubble and being disciplined for being unkempt and having it in a way that my Dom does not like xxx

 

[9to5]

Oh yes 9 to 5. It's a thrill. I fantasise about allowing my pubic hair to grow a little stubble and being disciplined for being unkempt and having it in a way that my Dom does not like xxx

I would then have a punishment of having it waxed by another women with me watching and directing the pulling off

 

[xxxSubSamxxx]

I would then have a punishment of having it waxed by another women with me watching and directing the pulling off

Sounds great. That would be easy to arrange as most waxers are women, but growing the stubble long enough for Sir not to notice would be a problem you would need at least two weeks growth, and I couldn't abstain from sex for that long lol xx

 

[9to5]

Sounds great. That would be easy to arrange as most waxers are women, but growing the stubble long enough for Sir not to notice would be a problem you would need at least two weeks growth, and I couldn't abstain from sex for that long lol xx

good point so you are a horny one and want to be filled a lot.
then we could do a pussy spanking then a ass spanking. now comes the butt plug to wear for the day

 

[Primalex]

Would you two please move to the sexual roleplaying forum? This place is for discussion.

 

[xxxSubSamxxx]

Would you two please move to the sexual roleplaying forum? This place is for discussion.

oops sorry are you a moderator. Have I derailed my own thread? I originally wanted experiences about ultimatums.

So has anyone got some more experiences please?