Two questions regarding content, one regarding style

[RexEatapuss]

I'm working on my second story for Literotica, and can't quite find the answers to two content questions. The third is more of a style question. It's a true story (I swear to God) based on a conversation I had with a pornstar I friended on another website.

First, is it permissible in a story to mention other sites? Not links to them, but refer to, say, PornHub, where the conversation took place? What about the site the model worked for, such as, say Wicked Pictures? I could make up a name, but it would take away, I think, from the sense of realism and accuracy. I want people to be able to fact check, if they so desire, to prove that I'm not just making it up.

Second, the model had posted several pictures of herself in action, which would help illustrate the story. However, I assume the images are copyrighted. Then again, most pro images are copyrighted. I assume it's verboten to use them here, correct? Or is there a workaround if I've mentioned the site they're from?

Third, style issue. I like to separate out dialogue into separate paragraphs, as spoken by each character. In other words, I don't have more than one character speaking in a given paragraph. However, it seems clumsy to do this if there are a lot of short, one or two word bits, like "Faster!" "Mmm, yes!" "I'm cumming!" Does it disrupt if these are strung together into a continuous paragraph, as long as it's clear which character is speaking at any given moment? Does it hurt to mix these styles?

If there's a better place to have these questions answered, please direct me. Otherwise, I appreciate your input.

 

[sr71plt]

If the editor sees the name of a Web site (even a made-up one), she'll reject the story. (She did that to one of mine.)

Copyrighted photos are verboten, photos are assumed to be copyrighted until/unless proved otherwise, and your story probably would be rejected until you could show some proof of permission to the editor that she'd accept.

Still keep the separate dialogue in separate paragraphs.

 

[Bramblethorn]

If the editor sees the name of a Web site (even a made-up one), she'll reject the story. (She did that to one of mine.)

I had one that mentioned Facebook and that went through OK, but then FB is pretty much part of the landscape these days.

 

[sr71plt]

I had one that mentioned Facebook and that went through OK, but then FB is pretty much part of the landscape these days.

Mine was a fake name. There's no telling what Laurel will catch and what she won't whatever the rule on it, though.

 

[yukonnights]

I'm working on my second story for Literotica, and can't quite find the answers to two content questions. The third is more of a style question....

Third, style issue. I like to separate out dialogue into separate paragraphs, as spoken by each character. In other words, I don't have more than one character speaking in a given paragraph. However, it seems clumsy to do this if there are a lot of short, one or two word bits, like "Faster!" "Mmm, yes!" "I'm cumming!" Does it disrupt if these are strung together into a continuous paragraph, as long as it's clear which character is speaking at any given moment? Does it hurt to mix these styles?

If there's a better place to have these questions answered, please direct me. Otherwise, I appreciate your input.

I think the main thing to keep in mind about dialogue is that it must be clear and flow smoothly to the casual reader. If I have to go back and try to figure out who just said what too often, I'll probably hit the back key. I try to avoid as much of the 'he said' and 'she said' as possible, but sometimes it's unavoidable. It's easier with only two characters though. One way to keep it interesting (and bring more substance into the story) is to use the "spoken" dialogue to segue into a thought or emotion wherein you can use a less harsh approach to identify the speaker. { "Mmm, yes," the soft moan floated out as the moment arrived that was for so long just a dream. And he loved her all the more for....} Clearly, it is "he" who had said "Mmm, yes! Personally, phrases such as "Mmm, yes! have limited value to me as a reader...unless, and until, you adequately paint me a picture of what that person is thinking/feeling/experiencing. If you don't make me care, there is very little chance I will stay with the story.

I think you can mix styles, if it seems appropriate and makes the story unfold more smoothly/clearly. Personally, I would avoid putting more than one person's dialogue in a paragraph. If the dialogue looks flimsy/shallow/unmoving when set out on it's own, combining a bunch of it together won't make it better.

 

[NotWise]

I like to separate out dialogue into separate paragraphs, as spoken by each character. In other words, I don't have more than one character speaking in a given paragraph. However, it seems clumsy to do this if there are a lot of short, one or two word bits, like "Faster!" "Mmm, yes!" "I'm cumming!" Does it disrupt if these are strung together into a continuous paragraph, as long as it's clear which character is speaking at any given moment? Does it hurt to mix these styles?

There is no story content in "'Faster!' 'Mmm, yes!' 'I'm cumming!'" Consider spending your words on things that do more to tell your story.

Or just write it out and see if that's what you want to say.

 

[RexEatapuss]

If the editor sees the name of a Web site (even a made-up one), she'll reject the story. (She did that to one of mine.)

Copyrighted photos are verboten, photos are assumed to be copyrighted until/unless proved otherwise, and your story probably would be rejected until you could show some proof of permission to the editor that she'd accept.

Still keep the separate dialogue in separate paragraphs.

Thank you! Most helpful!

 

[RexEatapuss]

I think the main thing to keep in mind about dialogue is that it must be clear and flow smoothly to the casual reader. If I have to go back and try to figure out who just said what too often, I'll probably hit the back key. I try to avoid as much of the 'he said' and 'she said' as possible, but sometimes it's unavoidable. It's easier with only two characters though. One way to keep it interesting (and bring more substance into the story) is to use the "spoken" dialogue to segue into a thought or emotion wherein you can use a less harsh approach to identify the speaker. { "Mmm, yes," the soft moan floated out as the moment arrived that was for so long just a dream. And he loved her all the more for....} Clearly, it is "he" who had said "Mmm, yes! Personally, phrases such as "Mmm, yes! have limited value to me as a reader...unless, and until, you adequately paint me a picture of what that person is thinking/feeling/experiencing. If you don't make me care, there is very little chance I will stay with the story.

I think you can mix styles, if it seems appropriate and makes the story unfold more smoothly/clearly. Personally, I would avoid putting more than one person's dialogue in a paragraph. If the dialogue looks flimsy/shallow/unmoving when set out on it's own, combining a bunch of it together won't make it better.

Thanks for the feedback. I certainly do use descriptive language as you referenced in letting the reader get a feel for how a piece of dialogue is said (the soft moan, etc), but I feel too many disrupts the flow of a conversation. You lose the sense of a rapid-fire exchange, otherwise. But having each short thought (more than just "Mmm, yes!) in a separate paragraph looks awkward, if it's not more than just a short sentence.

What I'm taking away from your comment is to let it flow organically-- if it seems odd or stilted to me as I'm writing it, it will seem that way to the reader.

 

[RexEatapuss]

There is no story content in "'Faster!' 'Mmm, yes!' 'I'm cumming!'" Consider spending your words on things that do more to tell your story.

Or just write it out and see if that's what you want to say.

Okay, poor example. I don't really write like that, just trying to give a shorthand example of how short snippets of dialogue might crop up.

 

[RexEatapuss]

Thanks, all!