Two Dommes? or adventures w/ my sub

Lydia_Trent

Virgin
Joined
Jan 14, 2007
Posts
18
just venting, done now

Well, Let me start off by saying I fell into this entirely by accident, I was role playing in a Brothel thread as a “Dove” and one of the regular “customers” who I followed, but never actually talked to was caught my eye, his profile said something about being submissive and about having a Mistress, what irked me was none of the girls were meeting his needs, as I saw them. I said hmm…I bet I could do that, and started researching, I did not want to just pretend to be a Mistress, I was going to “be” a Mistress, so I read voraciously and then one night when he came in I talked to him and it quickly led to PMs, well after the 4th post he was saying if I didn’t already have a Mistress I would be begging you to be my permanent one.

So anyway, I liked him he was a great sub, and soon little did I realize I was getting sucked into the world little by little, I kept reading and researching to come up with better rps and situations, by this time I had 4 subs all completely different rps. Well anyway after a few months of this I realized damn I would get jealous of my subs, and especially of my first one, I was jealous of his real life Mistress, of which I really had no knowledge. All I knew was she did not have time for him right now which is why he was “playing” in the first place.

He finally got his own computer and got on msn, and we began to chat. I was finally in a space and comfortable with my growth to ask him about his realationship, he has never met her IRL. This is when I learned some startling things; 1) he was only 17, 2) she wanted to take his virginity when he turned 18 3)she had been “training “ him since he was 16 4) he was going to live with her after college. Ok all totally new to me I thought he was 18 and not a virgin, and thought they had already met. To complicate things She is a switch and her Dom will be moving in as well.

Now the reason I even asked these things was because I had thought to set up a meeting with him. Now here is my problem: I truly care for this boy, and even if we didn’t have the D/s thing going, I would at least love him as a friend, if I couldn’t as a lover or sub. I fear that he will be neglected even when he lives with her, I fear the Dom will manipulate her into giving him less than he needs. This really pains me, now of course I do not know her at all. And I cannot offer a live in situation, so I hope he is making a wise decision. I fear when she finds out how close we are she will bann him from communicating with me. In his heart when we are together he is mine, but he was hers first. She is not or is unable to care for him now and he is lonely, so that is a just begging your sub to get into trouble. I had no qualms with giving him what he wants if I can, because I was happy in my ignorant bliss, now that I know so much I have issues about undermining her authority.

If as a primary Domme she cannot, will not or is unable to meet his needs I would gladly be a secondary, but is this ever the case? I feel selfish and want to have my control over him which he has so graciously offered me, but fear he will be punished for it. He says that they love each other and that she told him and her dom that if it came down to it that she would choose her submissive over her Dom, huh? Is that even possible. Anyway, sorry to ramble but perhaps some thoughts? And I know I probably left tons out. I feel after asking about what shes trained him with that I have actually been training him far more than she has. Sometimes I want to be unscrupulous and enforce some training and conditioning on him , but other times I hesitate.
thanks in advance for any advice.
edited to add:sorry for the rambling rant, just needed to vent I guess and by doing so I realize I need to stepout of this for awhile. so because of all the wonderful advice here I am no longer rping nor dealing with anyone under 35 lol. oh btw, I did not seek this boy out because of his age, it was a random rp luck of the draw so to speak. just got caught by surprise at the intensity of an online relationship. anyway thanks again to all who helped me.
 
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A) this person is apparently underage- big issue.

B) this person aparently has quite enough drama in their life to be going on with, already. (and you are only getting *his* views of the situation)

C) does this "real life Mistress" whom he's apparently never met, know you exist, and that he wants you to be his new "real mistress"?

D) you have no freaking idea what you are doing. Books and role play do not give one enough real life experience to be in charge of another.
 
CutieMouse said:
A) this person is apparently underage- big issue.

B) this person aparently has quite enough drama in their life to be going on with, already. (and you are only getting *his* views of the situation)

C) does this "real life Mistress" whom he's apparently never met, know you exist, and that he wants you to be his new "real mistress"?

D) you have no freaking idea what you are doing. Books and role play do not give one enough real life experience to be in charge of another.

you are quite right i dont know what im doing hence this post, also i am not asking nor is he asking me to be his real life mistress not at all.
and yes he is underage which I did not realize til talking with him on msn, needless to say I wouldn't do anything until he's 18, if ever.
I will reread and edit if I said that was the case, sorry.
if anything though it has given me the initiative to go get some real life experience.
 
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It sounds fishy all around.

He's emotionally cheating on his domme if she even exists. You have gotten too emotionally wrapped up with him.

A lot of subs see a guy who's needs are not being met and try to switch to be what they need and this sounds like what you are going through.

If you are feeling that you are a dominant then with your situation I'd suggest contacting some local dommes to train under or to talk with in person.

My opinion, the rp may have affected you a bit too much.
 
Lydia_Trent said:
you are quite right i dont know what im doing hence this post, also i am not asking nor is he asking me to be his real life mistress not at all. I will reread and edit if I said that was the case, sorry. if anything though it has given me the initiative to go get some real life experience.

I was writing while you posted. I'd still say to find a domme or even a dom in your area to talk with. Once you actually see it in real life and experience then you will have a much better idea of where you will fit in.
 
Betticus said:
It sounds fishy all around.

He's emotionally cheating on his domme if she even exists. You have gotten too emotionally wrapped up with him.

A lot of subs see a guy who's needs are not being met and try to switch to be what they need and this sounds like what you are going through.

If you are feeling that you are a dominant then with your situation I'd suggest contacting some local dommes to train under or to talk with in person.

My opinion, the rp may have affected you a bit too much.
thanks for your post your right and I had already decided to get more info.
I'm sorry if I came across as a switch, I dont recall mentioning that but I will edit if I did, I am definitely Domme
 
Lydia_Trent said:
you are quite right i dont know what im doing hence this post, also i am not asking nor is he asking me to be his real life mistress not at all. I will reread and edit if I said that was the case, sorry. if anything though it has given me the initiative to go get some real life experience.


The child doesn't HAVE a real life mistress. Kink based relationships are difficult enough, without all the added drama of an underaged kid, who claims to have a online mistress, who claims to have been in training for over a year, who has convinced you to train him as well... the whole thing screams horney net geek wanker, to me.

If you are interested in learning more about BDSM, the Library thread stickied at the top of the forum is an excellent starting place, and I'd recommend doing a Google search for local BDSM organizations to attend munches (low key social gatherings) or conferences/seminars. Figure out what YOU need/what from BDSM before you worry about someone else.
 
CutieMouse said:
The child doesn't HAVE a real life mistress. Kink based relationships are difficult enough, without all the added drama of an underaged kid, who claims to have a online mistress, who claims to have been in training for over a year, who has convinced you to train him as well... the whole thing screams horney net geek wanker, to me.

If you are interested in learning more about BDSM, the Library thread stickied at the top of the forum is an excellent starting place, and I'd recommend doing a Google search for local BDSM organizations to attend munches (low key social gatherings) or conferences/seminars. Figure out what YOU need/what from BDSM before you worry about someone else.
thank you very much, that is the most inciteful thing I have read, yes, I always seem to put others first lol your absolutely right, I have to be me first. that advice was worth this whole thread lol and just writing this out has helped me realize what an absurd situation this is and how alarming as well . It really sucked me in with out meaning to though.
also as a side note I want to claarify that I did not know he was underage when i started to rp with him, nor did I seek him out because of his age, it was merely fantasy rp so at the time I did not think age made a difference. however as Betticus mention I definitely am too emotionally involved right now.
 
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Of course, there is another angle....there have been a few cases I have heard of in the news in recent times where police are on the net acting the part of children and then arresting the person who they have been talking to in chat rooms and on IM, when a meeting is arranged.....arrested person is then charged with pedophilia because they have continued the online sexual relationship with someone they believed to be a minor, and taken the next step to meet them in person. Personally, I am not attracted to people who are even near to underage, even though still legal....I much prefer adult relationships with someone who has a little history as an adult with which to contribute to conversation and the relationship.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/152/379518922_f20116d9b2_t.jpg Catalina
 
catalina_francisco said:
Of course, there is another angle....there have been a few cases I have heard of in the news in recent times where police are on the net acting the part of children and then arresting the person who they have been talking to in chat rooms and on IM, when a meeting is arranged.....arrested person is then charged with pedophilia because they have continued the online sexual relationship with someone they believed to be a minor, and taken the next step to meet them in person. Personally, I am not attracted to people who are even near to underage, even though still legal....I much prefer adult relationships with someone who has a little history as an adult with which to contribute to conversation and the relationship.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/152/379518922_f20116d9b2_t.jpg Catalina
yes of course that is true, and yes i do prefer adults myself. It's amazing what just posting helped clear my mind and sort of gave me a wakeup call.
guess i was too stuck in my own little world and it helped to sort of get it out there so to speak.
 
It could be setting up for a new episode of Dateline: To Catch a Preditor.

BE careful with your choices here, and as others have said learn yourself before taking on another, especially a younger one with little expierence.
 
MasterPhoenix said:
It could be setting up for a new episode of Dateline: To Catch a Preditor.

BE careful with your choices here, and as others have said learn yourself before taking on another, especially a younger one with little expierence.
thank you for your input, and yes i think I will now have to distance myself from this relationship it does neither of us good. But looking forward to seeking out advice and experience from local venues.
 
I read and re-read your first post Lydia.

I wondered about a slightly different perspective on this.

Were you role playing on Lit, if so I am curious about his being 17 and openly telling you this.
This lead me to thinking about his situation. You come across as intelligent woman, most 17yr olds I know use text speak as part of their writing. Was there anything in his words that flagged up for you he may only be a teenager? If not, are you sure he is not lying?

You met in an rp situation. RP is a form of exaggerated lies (in the same way as some stylised porn and fiction novels are). If he can rp, then he can lie.

He may well be aware of your wish to be his Mistress and re-invented himself as an 'out-of-reach' person. He could be a middle aged man with a boring sex life and 3 kids.

The red flag for me was the concept of this young man going to live with both a Domme and her husband. Smacks of a potentially abusive situation AND it makes things too complicated for you to get near him. If the Domme is out, her husband is still around and vice versa.

I can be a mean person sometimes. If this were me I would be tempted to let the police know this 'young' man was potentially putting himself into an abusive situation and then see what happens.
After all, if this man was your son you would be concerned about his moving in with a couple, no matter what capacity you thought it was in.
 
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shy slave: thankyou so much for this response, because really this is my main concern. and yes , i do worry about this being an abusive relationship. however, I think I will just wait this out awhile, first of all It was not on Lit that I was RPing with him.
I never played a Mistress before we rpd together, so in sense Betticus may be right about the reinventing myself, i did go through several phases there.

the meeting him was a passing fancy, that is why i thought gee i better findout more if im going to meet and now i really dont feel the need to meet him, but still I do worry so i will just offer up a way to keep in touch in case it does turn ugly. the need to be his Mistress has certainly waned since I wrote this post, it was very cathartic.

but in the mean time I really do need to get much more experience, i think that is my first priority.
 
You might like to look at this . Though it is the UK, it is a sign of how much trouble you can get into just by talking online about things which are not considered legal.

Catalina :catroar:
 
Lydia_Trent said:
It was not on Lit that I was RPing with him.
Whew! I was worried when you said he was 17. I always feel bad having to kick the youngsters off here.
 
Etoile said:
Whew! I was worried when you said he was 17. I always feel bad having to kick the youngsters off here.

Just outta curiousity, do they get IP banned? Because I can't think of a way that they wouldn't just come on again as soon as the ban ran out.
 
Cheshire D said:
Just outta curiousity, do they get IP banned? Because I can't think of a way that they wouldn't just come on again as soon as the ban ran out.
Actually, I don't know. Usually what happens is somebody reports a post for the poster being underage, and that report comes to the mods for the forum. Then I forward it on to the admins, Laurel and Manu. Users can also just send a note directly to the admins if they spot an underage user...mods don't have any special banning powers. (We do move threads started by underage users though...I've had to do that a few times.)
 
haven't logged in for awhile, but thanks for all the great advice.

geoff:thanks I will look at those links

shy slave: a few more points I thought of, I really dont know if he is lying actually. I don't think so, but you never know, text speak is highly frowned upon in role playing forums, so even the really young ones write decently.

He knew from the beginning that I was not the real thing, only role playing. so I didnt mislead him in that regards.

Cat: well, this is true, but his Mistress won't be meeting him until after he turns 18, now I won't either, unless he's in trouble. He won't be moving in with her until after college, so that is about 5 years down the road, he should be able to make an informed decision by then I should hope. They live across the country I believe, so she may have found someone closer by then , who knows? The red flags certainly went up , but sitting back I think its not quite as alarming as it seems, now if he was moving in at 18, I would be worried.

and after having posted here, and realizing that you can actually develop strong feelings rping, I have stopped rping altogether. too emotionally draining. lol okay, hope I didnt forget anything. thanks again, everyone.
 
Lydia_Trent said:
and after having posted here, and realizing that you can actually develop strong feelings rping, I have stopped rping altogether. too emotionally draining. lol
You might consider channeling your energies into writing stories...it's like playing both parts of an RP!
 
Don't hesitate to keep coming in here to suppliment your learning.

Aslo, I am glad that you made peace with yourself in tath situation.
 
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