Twisted Wishes

[Maid of Marvels]

Come one, come all! Step right up and make a wish!

The object is to take the wish that is posted by the previous person and grant it -- BUT -- twist it so that it's either not what the person intended, or not what they wanted, or not exactly what they were hoping for.

For example: I wish for a million dollars.

Okay: You get a million dollars but the IRS puts you in jail for illegal gains.

Once you twist a wish, post your own! Oh, and feel free to elaborate on your twist... just remember what they say -- be careful what you wish for.

 

[Maid of Marvels]

My wish...

It's been kind of quiet lately, I think as I pad through the house. How I wish I had a houseful...

So who is going to twist my wish? (And don't forget to post your own!)

 

[KHAN-E]

Re: My wish...

It's been kind of quiet lately, I think as I pad through the house. How I wish I had a houseful...

Nice idea for a thread!

I'll give it a try.

.......

She lay there on the matress, tired, exhausted. She seemed to stay that way most of the time. Her infant and her 20 month old were nursing, one on each distended, milk-filled tit. Her 3 and 4 year olds eagerly waited their turn. As they waited they stroked the slight bulge in her belly.

She certainly hadn't expected her wish to be granted in such a manner. But now she found herself as a breeding slave. She was kept constantly pregnant and nursing.

If the kids weren't at her tits, it was her master. Or his friends. She had a houseful, but no way of enjoying them.


.......

I wish I had a maid....

 

[LatinLady]

(ooc: I'll give it a shot.)

I am the maid for this very nice gentleman and I take good care of him and his house. What he doesn't know is that I drug him every night so I can have my way with him with my strapon.

I wish I had a big house on the ocean

 

[Dr lovemuscle]

I wish I had a maid....

She was 78 years of age, had never married and was still a virgin . She had long since retired from running the village post office. She had visions of seeing written on her tombstone "Returned unopened"
She was so grateful to be taken in by this kind lady who had brought so many children into the world and who was still prepared to care for her and to push her around in her wheelchair.

I wish to live until I am at least one hundred years of age...

 

[Maid of Marvels]

Just wanted to say that it doesn't matter if the wishes overlap... Just say whose wish you're twisting...

and have fun!

 

[Wolk]

wish to live until I am at least one hundred years of age...

"Oh, dear, I had no idea the inital aggression spike would make him torch that store, Your Honor" the doctor said. "But the pill worked as planned otherwise. He will live til he is 120. His aggression hormone glands have been ruptured, too. He is no longer capable of even hurting a fly, even raising his voice on anybody. I recommend you release him, Your Honor." But the jury was compassionless. Life sentence without parole to be served in a high security prison for dangerous offenders.

I wish I could many any wish come true...

 

[vierge]

Any wish that you granted would be taken from you in return. Meaning that if someone wished for a million dollars, then you'd have to give of yourself a million dollars even if you were destitute, and if someone wished for hair to cure their baldness, it would be your hair. And if you were handsome, and someone else wished it, then you'd be ugly, as they would receive your beauty.


I wish I could be a punk rock star.

 

[LatinLady]

For Vierge -

You are the world's most amazing punk rocker...everyone loves you ... a little too much. You don't have a moment where some crazy fan isn't trying to get in your pants. They break into your house and jack off in your underwear drawer, they follow you everywhere, you have no privacy, ever!

 

[Maid of Marvels]

I wish I had a big house on the ocean.

Oh, you do, do you??

ZAP!!

"I told you we were lost," I mumbled as we drove aimlessly along. It was another of my husband's brilliant ideas; this time, to stray from the regular tourist attractions and take in the local scenery while he was on vacation. Oh, and we were to have cocktails at LatinLady's as well. "She lives near the beach," he'd said as if it were a selling point to soothe my reluctance. I hate the water.

Our day had started out nicely, though dampened by a summer squall which had quickly become a torrential rain. Okay... downpour. Maybe even the precursor of another Great Flood, we could barely see past the hood of the car. I wanted to turn back and phone her with our apologies, but nooo... George insisted that we should go.

"It's just up the road a bit. Stop yer grousin', Agnes."

I bit my lip, looking out my window toward where, on a clear day, I would have had a beautiful view of the ocean. As far as I was concerned, the rain was water enough for me.

"Holy sheeit!"

I looked up as George slammed on the brakes. There was a house sliding down the mountainside. A big house. LatinLady's house. I started to laugh. "Gives new meaning to the words 'mobile home', doesn't it, dear?"

*looking around for the next genie* I wish that I was financially independent. (Well, who doesn't? )

 

[Tibxo]

Maid of Marvels: "I wish that I was financially independent. (Well, who doesn't?)"

Ooohhh! My aching head.

Teach me to spend Christmas with my Uncle Raoul and his horde of Randy Wifes. Never again.

*Placing bucket of ice on top of head*

Now, let me see. Someone just asked for a wish if my poor beleagued ears can still hear okay. By Allah, I never knew women could scream so loud. Especially into a hot water bottle.

Ah! Here it is! It's from a young lady called 'Maid of Mevils', or is that 'Evils'???

*Shrug*

"I wish that I was financially in Dependent."

*Stroking chin*

I must say. This is a strange request but I as a humble Genie will grant your wish. *CLICK* All your financial assets, including your home has now been invested in Dependent Inc stock.

Ah.

Oh dear.

*Scratching back of head*

It seems that Dependent Inc has just gone into liquidation, taking everything you have with you.

*Grimacing*

Oh I see the Repo Men knocking at your front door. Evidently they want to reprocess your house and kick both you and your two kids onto the street. By Allah, they are not even allowing you to keep your suitcase?

Oh dear! Who is that marching up the street? Isn't that your ex-husband??? Oh my! Because you can no longer look after your children, he is getting sole custody?

Who is this? Surely it can't get worst can it? Immigration?? Obviously, because you were not born in this country and have no financial way of supporting yourself (evidently you lost your job for 'insider dealing'), you are being deported as well.

Oh dear. Sorry, Maid. But frankly, if you don't mind me saying so, what a waste of a good wish. Besides, you could have done the investment thing yourself.

Ah! Is it my turn to wish? How about having a big willie (two inches is just too small for what I want to do with it) and a libido to use it with?

WAIT!! WAIT!!! WAIT!!! Evidently I wished for this already and it didn't turn out very good. Can I wish for..for...I GOT IT!!! I want to be irresistable to all women!

 

[Dr lovemuscle]

I wish I was financially independent...

Folks sniggered knowingly as she trudged throught the marketplace with her wheelbarrow. It was loaded with large notes of all denominations. She strolled past stalls displaying wares of obsidian and amber and sex toys of all descriptions. The Clitorus clamp and pelvic dilator attracted her attention. A young girl sat on a wicker commode with her legs splayed whilst the stallholder demonstrated the clitorus clamp to the passers by. The young girl knew that she must not orgasm because this would mean no wages for the day. He invited the passers by to stroke and lick her engorged clitorus but she strained to withhold her climax, whilst the market trader endeavoured to acquire her cheap labour. 'Excuse me, can I purchase the clitorus clamp sir?' "With what do you have to Barter madam?" 'I have this wheelbarrow full of money' "Sorry Madam the whole world Barters now" "Didn't you Know?" 'Damn, and I wished to be financially independent' she said sadly as she ambled away.
I wish I was famous...

 

[IrishPitchford]

I wish I had a maid

I am a maid for a wealthy couple with children. I moved in and became the nanny, taking care of the children and the parent's wants. I seduced the man of the house. He is now falling in love with me and thinking of me when he screws his wife. One evening the mom goes to a play that both the children are in and the dad says he has a business meeting so he can't make it. Now it's just him and I in this big old house. All along I've been making passes at him (for months since I moved in). Tonight's the night. They make some glasses of wine and sit by the fire place. I leaned over to kiss him and put my hands down his pants. That's all that it took. Finally a night alone with him and he was mine. After that we had an affair for months more. I couldn't stand knowing that he was with his wife, so I told him I was leaving. I got my own apt. and he popped over one day. He said he wanted to leave his wife and for him and I to raise his children and he'd buy us a huge beautiful home. The marriage between him and his wife was all torn apart and the children were sufforing. Just think if they didn't get a maid, and a beautiful young girl at that.

I wish for: a sex slave

 

[caela]

Re: Maid of Marvels: "I wish that I was financially independent. (Well, who doesn't?)"

WAIT!! WAIT!!! WAIT!!! Evidently I wished for this already and it didn't turn out very good. Can I wish for..for...I GOT IT!!! I want to be irresistable to all women! [/I]

Another wish! Damnit don't genies get a day off? We should start a union or something.

Irresistable to ALL women huh? That's an easy one but do remember that you asked for it and forgot to add the qualifiers.

With a nod of the head and an wave of the hand your wish is granted and no woman can resist your dubious charms. Sadly for you I am in a very literal mood and so you are now constantly hounded by women, any woman that sees your for that matter. The 102 year old grandma down the steet is stalking you, and so is that girl from work that everyone stays at least 10 feet away from when they can because she doesn't seem to know what soap is.

Oh the pretty ones are there too of course but well, they can't get near you. In fact no woman can because as soon as any woman sees you with another woman they start fighting and so sadly you have to move to the mountains and become a hermit to avoid the deluge of estrogen sweeping down on you.


Now damnit it I wish I had a day off.

 

[chris2c4u]

a day off

They came in through the window of the old house, tying up the old man who sobbed as they began to bag the loot. Jewels, money, movables.

Even the old oil lamp that was sat on the table.

The genie was excited; she had been granting the same wish for ages, the old miser wanted more gold, more jewels. He watched his pile of lucre grow, sitting on it like a dragon. Now, at last, a day off and then a new owner!

The gang met the Chinese fence on Water Street. He took one look at the lamp and tossed it over the bridge where it sank into the murky waters of the river.

The one day off became two. Three. Three hundred.

The ooze slowly covered the lamp.

Civilizations came and went. The ooze became rock.

The genie, slowly, surely, went mad in her solitude.

I want an erector set.

 

[Dr lovemuscle]

I want an erector set...

In the depths of a murky river bed stirred a hungry nematode, little did this miniscule multi-cellular organism realise what immense power it was about to unleash, As it slithered over a copper coloured artifact covered in the river detritous of milleniums.
Suddenly kerzang, kerbomb, kebab in a blinding flash the Genie was free. Admittedly his long sojourn had impaired his memory a little. At first he was at a loss to know what to do, after all the nematode had no way of communicating a wish to him, then consulting his ancient book of Genie union rules read this passage .(rule 33g page 1007) If you are ever conjured into existance by a life form with extremely limited intelligence and no possible way of communicating a wish, you must honour the wish of the last wisher. AH! that would be chris2c4u, and with his slight loss of memory said "I know ! Yes he wants his erection set and so it shall be done", kerzang, kerboom, kebab.
Chris was sitting down to christmas lunch with all his family when the wish struck, suddenly his trousers bulged and tented and his rigid penis struck the underside of the table propelling Christmas lunch into the lap of his mother- in- law. "I didnt want stuffing chris!" his mother in law screamed. Chris removed himself hurriedly from the table and went to the toilet where he spent the afternoon masturbating to no avail, his penis was set rigid. Then muttered to himself " I wish I hadn't tried to end the twisted wish thread by trying to dispose of the lamp. I wish to be cleverer in future".

 

[candygin]

Dr. Lovemuscle: "I wish to be cleverer in future."

Hope no one minds me jumping in, but this looks like fun.

"I wish to be cleverer in future"

He was laying in bed, sound asleep, when a beautiful voice awakened him. A sexy nurse in a crisp white uniform was leaning over him.

"It's time to get up," she said perkily. "Breakfast is in an hour. Don't forget your teeth." She headed for the door before he could figure out what's going on.

He sat up, groaning... his knees, his back.... it all hurt.... On the nightstand was a piece of paper, a certificate... proclaiming him the Scrabble champ of the Shady Acres retirement home, 2046.


*****

I wish I looked like a supermodel.

 

[Maid of Marvels]

Re: Dr. Lovemuscle: "I wish to be cleverer in future."

I wish I looked like a supermodel.

ALAKAZAM!

"She's perfect! Look at those cheekbones! The way the clothes fit her... like a second skin," the photographer commented. "That outfit will never look this good on anyone else... But they'll buy it because of the way it looks... on her."

"I know," the designer giggled. "Even when she hits fifty her boobs aren't likely to sag. No implants either. And that waistline is to die for."

The kudos abounded as the photo shoot progessed; each new piece of apparel eliciting more. Finally, though, it was over. "Wrap!" the photographer called. "Props!"

A wizened old man who'd been with the studio for years came running from the back room. "Done?"

"Yup. Get her cleaned up. We have another session scheduled for tomorrow."

Grinning, the old man nodded his head in assent. "Come on," he said fondly. "Let's get you out of these lights... they're a bit harsh on your hair, I think."

Her painted smile and her steady, unreproachful gaze seemed both thoughtful and grateful. Unlike other supermodels, she was easy to work with and never had a harsh or petulant word for anyone -- one of the many reasons old Fred was so fond of her.

"Well, then. We'll be off. See you tomorrow," he said to the photographer and the remaining crew.

Picking up the mannequin, he tucked her under his arm and returned to the prop room. "They think I'm confuzzled, you know," he whispered to her. "Naming you Candygin and all."

My wish: to be laying on a tropical beach beneath swaying palm trees with a drink in my hand.

 

[Wolk]

LOL at Maid's spin. Nicely done.

to be laying on a tropical beach beneath swaying palm trees with a drink in my hand.

The tropical beach was so peaceful, the sand so warm, the ocean roaring nearby so soothingly, all other sounds drowned in its might. Except the palms' soft rustling overhead, as wind played with their big leaves up high. It felt so wonderful to lay there, she almost forgot all the pains of her life, feeling more relaxed than ever.

Seeing the shadow fall over her, the Maid turned her head slowly, a smile on her face when she saw a handsome man with a drink in his hand. He gave it to her, sat down nearby.

"It's bad, Maid." He spoke in a deep, soft voice. "Your spine is damaged and we can't carry you or let you fall into their hands. I've added arsenic to your cup..." He laid his hand onto her shoulder, squeezed reassuringly.

"I'm sorry..." With that the handsome man picked up his AK and walked into the jungle, not looking back and leaving the Maid to lay on the beach, beneath the softly rustling palms with a drink in her hand, as the sound of helicopters' blades whooshing through the air got louder, overpowering the ocean itself...

EDIT: Oh, yes, forgot my wish!

I wish I was the smartest man alive.

 

[Maid of Marvels]

That was evil. Just plain evil.

But brilliant.

Please add your wish, Wolk. Give someone a chance to get even.

 

[Dr lovemuscle]

I wish I was the Smartest man alive.

My God He was clever, no man had ever lived with such a high IQ.
Even when that Virus struck which first attacked the Testicles of every living man and spread throughout every mans body until it lead to a certain untimely death.
He was there in his carefully constructed mine shaft ensconsed in his fully filtered Bubble. He had everything he wanted, food and fresh water for years to come.
Everything except feminine companionship. All he had to do was wait for discovery and he knew sooner or later it would be an all woman search party, that would rescue him ,the anticipation was exquisite. After all he would be the only living man in a world of rampant women screaming out for love and child birth.
The very future of the world would be the very seed of his own loins.
He waited and waited and one day he heard a noise,a clattering of rocks,the squelching of feet, High squealing laughter.
There they stood, a group of beautiful rampant women gazing into the bubble."Its a Man, my God he must be clever to have survived the destruction of mankind, In fact he must be the smartest man alive" "Yeh" The pretty half naked one said "Makes me wish the virus hadn't turned us all lesbien"
I wish for a Happy new Year

 

[msboy8]

I wish for a Happy New Year

A wise choice for a wish, especially when you are due to have all of your wisdom teeth removed. Unfortunately you fell in the hands of a mad dentist who keeps you on a slow feed of laughing gas for a whole year removing one of your teeth each week.

You are insanely happy for a year until you wake up naked in the gutter, toothless.


I wish for a volcano to erupt, all the way across the country from me, in Los Angeles.

 

[candygin]

I wish for a volcano to erupt, all the way across the country from me, in Los Angeles.

I'm sitting at home, watching television. On CNN, the anchor was reporting the effects of some unusual weather. "The national weather service, meteorologists, vulcanologists, and geologists are all baffled at the sudden appearance of the giant volcano that has covered Los Angeles in lava. They're working around the clock to find a solution for our current global weather problem."

I stared at the screen... "global weather problem"?

"The volcano has thrown billions of tons of ash into the air, and it appears that by tomorrow, all of the United States will be under a cloud of ash... the national weather service is advising everyone, all around the world to stay inside. Here at CNN, we'd like you to go and enjoy what little time humanity has left on earth."

This time, my wish has doomed the entire world... stupid lamp.

*****

I wish to meet my perfect mate.

Candy

 

[chris2c4u]

Slow motions against Candy.

Nestling warm.

Tongue investigating, probing, licking at the juices that flow.

Moving around, mouth surrounding, tongue invading, lapping.

The juice is so sweet. More, more, yes, lapping at Candy so fast, so urgent.

We were made for each other. Pefect mates.

The rat bit another chunk out of Candy.

I wish for the best cybersex ever.

 

[IrishPitchford]

best cybersex ever

Your long search for the right person has finally come to an end. You met the most charming woman on the internet. You both exchanged pictures and talked everyday online. You've become very close to her. She was so beautiful and perfect. You planned to meet her one day and if things kept getting better with you two, then maybe you'd ask her to marry you. You felt a close connection with her. You've now started this relationship with this woman on the internet, while married. Your wife has no idea why you insist on being on the computor day and night.
One night your online talking to your lady friend that you were falling for. You wanted to become even closer so you started cybering with her. "I slid my big cock in and out of your wet pussy......(put your finger in your cock and imagine it's me)"I bend you over and do you from behind, banging you so very hard."
and she says,"As you pull out, I lick and suck the head on your cock and begin to deep throat it. I suck and lick all my pussy juices off it and slurp up your precum...........

Well after months of this cybering going on, you can't control yourself anymore. You want to finally meet this sex-kitten that you've been talking to for so long. You really feel that you have a huge connection with this woman. You finally set up a meeting time and place after all this time and anticipation.

You walk up to the watercrest park at 4pm and wait at the designated bench across from the dog walk. A woman walks up and asks if your __?___........you say yes, who are you? She says she's Carmen (the one you've been talking to for so long) Your jaw drops and eyes pop out of your head............she's a 80 yr. old woman.(she gave someone elses pic. to you in the beginning and said it was her.)

********************
I wish for my husband and I to get back together and stop this separation shit.