Turkey Help Lines

[R. Richard]

Apparently many people other than Literotica authors have problems with Thanksgiving turkeys. There are help numbers at the end of the article. DO NOT USE A CHAIN SAW ON YOUR TURKEY.

Help Lines Hear Thanksgiving Horror Tale

U.S. National - AP By BETSY TAYLOR, Associated Press Writer

ST. LOUIS - Concerned about cooking that Thanksgiving turkey? Just keep in mind that if you don't slice the bird with a chain saw, stomp on it to make it fit in a pan or lose it in a snowdrift, you'll already be doing better than some other Americans.

Cooks who have questions about how to prepare the seasonal feast have long been able to call help lines, offered by turkey producers, schools or others looking to provide assistance. But sometimes, the turkey traumas on Thanksgiving have even the experts stumped.

Mary Clingman serves as director of the Butterball Turkey Talk Line in Downers Grove, Ill. It expects to take more than 100,000 inquiries through Christmas.

Some past callers stand out.

"We got a call from a guy last year whose turkey wouldn't fit in his pan. He wrapped it in a towel and stomped on it until it did," Clingman said.

Another caller cut a turkey in half with a chain saw, then worried that oil on the saw might have transferred onto the turkey. A woman in Colorado who left her turkey outside to keep it frozen realized she couldn't find it when more snow fell.

And one phone call began: "You don't know anything about kitty litter, do you?" Clingman said a woman called after her husband poured kitty litter on the bottom of a new grill in hopes of absorbing drippings. Fortunately, the grill hadn't been lit yet, so the turkey was pulled off and cooked more conventionally, she said.

Kathy Bernard with the U.S. Department of Agriculture (news - web sites)'s Meat and Poultry Hotline in Beltsville, Md., said a caller last year wanted to make her bird inside a roasting bag, but didn't have one, so had improvised.

"She pulled a dry cleaning bag off her husband's suit, and it melted onto the bird," Bernard said.

Chris Whaley, a spokeswoman for Perdue in Salisbury, Md., said people should keep in mind that the Thanksgiving meal can be as simple or as complicated as they'd like it to be.

"I do believe it's reassuring to know not everyone's done it perfectly over the years," she said.
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Butterball Turkey Talk Line: 1-800-288-8372

USDA Meat and Poultry Hotline: 1-800-535-4555

Perdue Consumer Help Line: 1-800-473-7383

 

[OhMissScarlett]

"We got a call from a guy last year whose turkey wouldn't fit in his pan. He wrapped it in a towel and stomped on it until it did," Clingman said.

Can't stop laughing about this one. It reminded me of the year my roommate was cooking some sort of soy turkey for thanksgiving.

She couldn't find a pan to put it in, so after trying to mash it into a pan that was much too small, she just decided to cook it on the rack in the stove with no pan at all. It was so smooshed, it was falling through the rack and burning up in the oven. Nothing quite as appetising as the smell of flaming synthetic turkey curd.

 

[Evil Alpaca]

Apparently many people other than Literotica authors have problems with Thanksgiving turkeys. There are help numbers at the end of the article. DO NOT USE A CHAIN SAW ON YOUR TURKEY.

Help Lines Hear Thanksgiving Horror Tale



And one phone call began: "You don't know anything about kitty litter, do you?" Clingman said a woman called after her husband poured kitty litter on the bottom of a new grill in hopes of absorbing drippings. Fortunately, the grill hadn't been lit yet, so the turkey was pulled off and cooked more conventionally, she said.

The fact that this ALMOST happened it disturbing beyond the telling of it. Particularly if the kitty litter was used.

 

[Guest]

Thanks, RR. I just copied and sent the article to a couple friends, including my sis-in-law who is cooking the bird this year. P.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

It's scary too hear how stupid some people can be. I can't tell you how many people I've dealt with in my line of work, where people are upset we've sent their bills to the Collection Agency.

"But what did you expect us to do?" I say. "We sent you the bill in July, you didn't pay it, we sent you a letter reminding you of your debt, you didn't pay that either - we HAD to call in the Collection Agency. Why didn't you pay your bill in time?"

"Because I didn't agree with the sum, so I throw the bill away!"



Ofcourse. Silly me. Everyone knows that if you don't like your bills, you can just throw them away, and that's the end of that.