Trying to Understand Men...

jujee

Virgin
Joined
Oct 28, 2005
Posts
28
I'm recently single again. And have been thinking quite a bit about a guy who I used to see on a regular basis. (He used to come into where I worked at. Maybe every weekend.)

I'm SO desperate for some advice on interpreting the way he acts.

I've known him for over a year and a half now.

It started with him coming in every weekend (I managed the clubhouse at a golf course.) He'd come in. Sign up, and when he came back in, we'd talk for 5 minutes or so. We have the same sense of humor, so were always playfully flirting back and forth. (I was in a relationship at this time.)

I broke up with my boyfriend a few months later, and noticed that he, we'll call him Jon, that our conversations became longer. When he'd come in, we'd talk for a few minutes before he'd head out. When he'd order a drink, he'd always ask if he could get me one. (Of course, I always said no. Working and all.)

He works for a company that sells standard gifts... spa, massage products and stuff. He, at one point, gave me the website, and told me to pick out anything on it, and he'd get it for me. I didn't want to be a nuisance, so I laughed it off, and never told him anything.

Our flirting continued. One day, I was telling him how I had almost forgotten how expensive it is to be single, and he says "Yeah, sometimes I think about getting married just to save some money." I laughed a little, and turned around to grab a drink for another customer. While my back is turned, Jon says "So, what are you doing later?" This totally caught me off guard and I turned around with a shocked look, like "HUH?" He just started laughing and walked away.

Flirting like this continued up until I left the golf course. (Found a job in my line of study, that paid for college.) I still work at the club once a month, helping out. About every other month, he comes in. We both smile at each other right away, and start laughing again.

This last time, he even noticed how busy I was with some paperwork, and asked me if I'd like a bite to eat. I said yes, and he went and bought me lunch.

I know I'm horribly overanalyzing this... but WHAT THE HELL IS WITH THIS GUY!?

It's been a year and a half, and he has never come out and ask me out!!!

Maybe I'm just nuts, and it's innocent flirting...

What do you guys think? I'm working at the club Saturday, and am wondering if I should say anything to him...
 
Okay, I don't know you, don't know the guy, but it's too soon for stress and capital letters and advice from strangers.

Breathe. Take it easy.

Here's a wild thought, try the truth. You're free, you're attracted, he showed interest, ask him out for a cup of coffee. Without the capitals.

Innocent flirting and coffee end up fun, but you can't start with desperation or capitals or it's creepy.
 
I LOVE guys! I really do but I think guys are simple. If they pay you any attention they are interested.

What are they interested in you might ask?

Mostly fucking.

Other than that, it usually has to do with making a sale or some other good money thing.

Next and far, far down the list, they are just being nice. That's pretty rare, but you might just remind them of Aunt Angie or something, you never know. Usually guys don't waste time that way. They are like little kids wanting to play with their toys, or make enough money for
more toys, they don't have time to waste.

He may just be too shy to actually ask you out. Which means you, if you are interested might have to push the envelope a bit.

That is only my opinion but it's based on a crap load of experiences.

Fury :rose:
 
Just when you think you have them figured out, they confound you even more. I had been saying "hello, how are you" and little else to this one guy at the health club for at least 3 months. Well, we did chit chat enough that along the way I'd dropped several references to the fact that Id been divorced for 3 years, had 2 older teenage sons, a full time job, etc. It was like selling a refrigerator to an eskimo...nothing.

Out of the clear blue sky last week, he asked me out and last Friday we went to dinner. He's a wonderful guy, 5 years older than me, shy but funny, and we both had a great time. We'll be going out again this weekend. He knows how to talk with strangers, he's a police officer. But sometimes around women I swear guys like this just get a bad case of the jitters. In retrospect I could have asked him out, but I wasn't 100% sure of his status. If you know Jon's situation, I'd grab the bull by the horns and ask him for a date. This isn't 1957 any more...it's perfectly acceptable. Make it something simple, how about just lunch. That way if you're uncomfortable in the middle of it, you can be assured it won't last forever. If things go great, there's plenty of room to grow.

Let us know what happens!

Karen
 
Recidiva said:
Okay, I don't know you, don't know the guy, but it's too soon for stress and capital letters and advice from strangers.

Breathe. Take it easy.

Here's a wild thought, try the truth. You're free, you're attracted, he showed interest, ask him out for a cup of coffee. Without the capitals.

Innocent flirting and coffee end up fun, but you can't start with desperation or capitals or it's creepy.

Okay... I guess I need to clarify a bit. I'm recently single... however, it was a very short relationship, and not very serious. We both knew the fun would end shortly.

During that time, I saw Jon a few times. During that time is when he bought me lunch.

I'm just really bashful around guys, and have been brought up to let them chase you, let them take the first move.

I just dont' know what to do in this case. Jon is VERY handsome, has a great sense of humor, similar interests... the only thing really making me wonder if he's interested is the fact that he is probably in his mid to late 30's, while I'm 24. When we met, I was only 22.

I know I should say something to him. I mean, what do I have to lose right?

I guess I'm just trying to psych myself up for it. lol

Jolts back to reality help too. Like being reminded how this is very normal behavior for a guy who isn't interested in anything and is just being nice...
 
jujee said:
Okay... I guess I need to clarify a bit. I'm recently single... however, it was a very short relationship, and not very serious. We both knew the fun would end shortly.

During that time, I saw Jon a few times. During that time is when he bought me lunch.

I'm just really bashful around guys, and have been brought up to let them chase you, let them take the first move.

I just dont' know what to do in this case. Jon is VERY handsome, has a great sense of humor, similar interests... the only thing really making me wonder if he's interested is the fact that he is probably in his mid to late 30's, while I'm 24. When we met, I was only 22.

I know I should say something to him. I mean, what do I have to lose right?

I guess I'm just trying to psych myself up for it. lol

Jolts back to reality help too. Like being reminded how this is very normal behavior for a guy who isn't interested in anything and is just being nice...

That's true. But it's also true that I've also just bantered like this with guys until they say "What is WRONG with you woman, are you gay or dense or what, do I have to strip?"

Someone has to do something eventually that is the slightest bit risque.

Might as well be you. You are an adult and all. Risque can be fun.

And if he screams and runs the other way you can giggle. It's fun.
 
Get real Sugah, he is into you. Trust me. He's at a great age. Just let him know!

Fury :rose:
 
Women actually have to make the first move. Men can show they're interested, but women have to make the first sexual invitation. Men just vamp until the woman is ready.
 
FurryFury said:
Get real Sugah, he is into you. Trust me. He's at a great age. Just let him know!

Fury :rose:

Well... I guess he might be interested...

He did say one day, after I handed him his reciept. "You wrote your number on the back right?" But then he smiled and laughed a bit and walked away...

So I figured he was just joking...
 
jujee said:
Well... I guess he might be interested...

He did say one day, after I handed him his reciept. "You wrote your number on the back right?" But then he smiled and laughed a bit and walked away...

So I figured he was just joking...

Men have a one track mind.

SEX!

SEX!

SEX!

and sometimes

Games.

Fury :rose:
 
jujee said:
Well... I guess he might be interested...

He did say one day, after I handed him his reciept. "You wrote your number on the back right?" But then he smiled and laughed a bit and walked away...

So I figured he was just joking...

No, that wasn't a joke. You were being hit upon and he walked away saying "Swing and a miss. What the hell?"
 
jujee said:
While my back is turned, Jon says "So, what are you doing later?" This totally caught me off guard and I turned around with a shocked look, like "HUH?" He just started laughing and walked away.

Um, that right there? That was him asking you out. He laughed it off because you, basically, turned him down. Better for him to maintain the flirtation than lose face at that point.

Be prepared for next time: "What did you have in mind?" Smile.

There you go. :)
 
jujee,

He likes you but lacks the confidence or social skills needed to take things to the next level.

He's thinking about you and what he's going to say before he even sees you. And then thinking about you and what he should have said when you're gone.

I'm terribly shy around women I like and act just like "Jon" does. It has been so refreshing on a few occasions when the woman was bold enough to move things forward. The rest of the time its just frustrating for both parties.

If you want him make your move. Go for coffee or lunch a few times and hopefully he'll come out of his shell.

Good luck.
 
jujee said:
Well... I guess he might be interested...

He did say one day, after I handed him his reciept. "You wrote your number on the back right?" But then he smiled and laughed a bit and walked away...

So I figured he was just joking...
He's tossing out some pretty good lines, and, it sounds to me as if he is simply waiting for you to bite.

He's interested and is trying to show you this by hinting in a harmless way, by passing it off as innocent flirting in the form of jokes. That way, you either play along and give him a sign that you are interested in him or you don't respond, and he saves face by not having to feel rejected. i think he's just waiting for a sign or a response from you that indicates to him that he has a chance. If so, once you indicate an interest toward him, he may feel safe enough to take it a step further.

And regarding the age difference ..it is rarely a bad thing. Most older men stand a much better chance of being more responsible, more mature, more appreciative, trustworthy etc (yeah yeah, the younger guys may flame me for that one ... but i did say MOST ..) . my Husband is 11 years older than i .... best relationship i have ever been in. i'm having the time of my life ....
 
CowBoy18^ said:
gaarrrrrrrrrrr! me man

me want:
fire
meat
woman

lol

Absolutely and don't forget, money, games and cars~

LMAO!

Seriously, when it all comes down to it we all want the basics don't we? Man or woman, we all want the basics, we just might not agree about what the basics are.

Fury :rose:
 
lizaveta said:
Um, that right there? That was him asking you out. He laughed it off because you, basically, turned him down. Better for him to maintain the flirtation than lose face at that point.

Be prepared for next time: "What did you have in mind?" Smile.

There you go. :)
Bingo.
 
Okay... you guys aren't even giving me a scape goat! lol If I listen to any of you at ALL I'm basically asking him out this weekend...

*sighs*

Why can't he just come out and ask me? He's super cocky about everything else in his life. Why not this one area?

Should I be so bold as to put my number on his scorecard or something this time?
 
LOL Jujee...the advice I gave to my boys can work for you too. Somedays you just gotta bite the bullet and spit out the words. What's the worst that can happen? It doesn't work out and you move on. Five years from now you be saying to yourself, "so what was the big deal?"

Do it girl...report back! :)
 
So I'm going to disagree with most of the people on here.... but I say don't ask him out.

He's a big boy.

If he's really that into you, he'll ask you out. If he thinks you are half as cute, smart, funny, sophisticated and sexy as you totally are, then he will ask you out.




Can you tell I'm in the middle of that "He's just not that into you" book?


Reguardless, like you said- he's cocky about everything else in his lfe. So be your wonderful self, flirt a little, and let him ask you out. We women make way toooooo many excuses for men who are totally capable of going after what they want, if they really do want it.

Good luck and keep us posted!
 
NaiveOne said:
So I'm going to disagree with most of the people on here.... but I say don't ask him out.

He's a big boy.

If he's really that into you, he'll ask you out. If he thinks you are half as cute, smart, funny, sophisticated and sexy as you totally are, then he will ask you out.




Can you tell I'm in the middle of that "He's just not that into you" book?


Reguardless, like you said- he's cocky about everything else in his lfe. So be your wonderful self, flirt a little, and let him ask you out. We women make way toooooo many excuses for men who are totally capable of going after what they want, if they really do want it.

Good luck and keep us posted!

Okay... so I kinda fibbed about the cocky bit to make myself feel better about wimping out possibly. lol

Don't get me wrong. He IS cocky. But only on the surface. He's been in tournaments, where he comes over to me afterward and pouts about how horrible he did, and how he shouldn't have even participated...

When I first talked to him he was always cocky. But the more we do? He reveals his insecurities a bit more.

DAMN IT! Now I don't have an excuse! GRRR! LOL
 
jujee said:
Okay... so I kinda fibbed about the cocky bit to make myself feel better about wimping out possibly. lol

Don't get me wrong. He IS cocky. But only on the surface. He's been in tournaments, where he comes over to me afterward and pouts about how horrible he did, and how he shouldn't have even participated...

When I first talked to him he was always cocky. But the more we do? He reveals his insecurities a bit more.

DAMN IT! Now I don't have an excuse! GRRR! LOL

I still stand by letting him ask YOU out. If he is really interested in you, he will find a way.
 
yeah. i understand what you're saying.

(i read the book after my last bad relationship)

but i just keep thinking that i didn't give him the right hints. and after hearing some of these responses, i'm starting to think that HE thinks i didn't give him ANY hints.
 
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