Trying to introduce BDSM into our marriage

Joined
Jul 20, 2006
Posts
3
I have a wonderful and loving husband who will try anything once...or twice. I have tried repeatedly for him to tell me at least one fantasy he has but he never has one to tell. My whole life I have always wanted to be in a bdsm relationship but never pursued it. Buying our first house with a basement has brought these feelings to the surface again. I really want to be donaited. At work when I was offered a management position and took it for the money. But my boss knew I would rather be on the recieving end of orders. I'm getting side tracked. So I have searched and read this board over and over. I even sent my DH the BDSM checklist to try and see what he into at least. So keep your fingers crossed that something comes from this. If not I will keep finding ways to at least get light BDSM into this relationship.
 
My husband and I have recently started experimenting with some light BDSM, algthough it's been my fantasy since I've been too young to know what a fantasy is! I wrote him a letter because I've always been a better writer than speaker and told him what I wanted to try. I put it out to him as kind of a sex-slave fantasy. For some reason, that fantasy might sound more "normal" to someone else. I was able to use that fantasy as a way to express how I wanted him to dominate. I gave him some ideas of ways to control me and told him some of the things I was interested in trying (spanking, clothespins, bondage, etc.). Lastly, I told him that I really loved the idea of him completely owning my pussy and wanted him to tell me how he wanted it (trimmed, shaved, full-hair). He wanted it shaved completely, which is something I never knew adn I really enjoy doing now. Every time I shave it reminds me that I no longer dictate how it's going to look. Of course, it is available for his inspection at all times. I also told him that ownership included orgasms and I am now forbidden to masturbate without his permission. Although that sometimes (often!) drives me crazy, I love the humiliation of having to report when I feel the need and the desperation I feel when he tells me "no." He definitely likes that aspect of control and it makes me hornier than I've been in years! We've worked our way into blindfolds, clothespins, and spanking with a flogger and even a fly swatter (I got that idea here and the sting is wonderful).

I know this seems pretty light to most of you here, but it's a great beginning! We've just gotten back from a two-week vacation in a small condo with the kids too close for comfort and we haven't had a "session" since before we left. I think this weekend should be pleasantly stingy and I'm counting the hours we can be alone.

By the way, we've been married for 20 years - it's never too late to indulge your fantasies!

Good luck,

Femsub
 
Actually I think it sounds great!

You ladies are finding ways to spice things up and grow together.

The other night my husband told me what He wanted to do. I was thrilled because he actually stated his desires. They happened to be just the sort of thing I've been trying to slowly get him comfortable with. Instead of it being my idea, it was his and he took the lead!

Fury :rose:
 
femsub said:
My husband and I have recently started experimenting with some light BDSM, algthough it's been my fantasy since I've been too young to know what a fantasy is! I wrote him a letter because I've always been a better writer than speaker and told him what I wanted to try. I put it out to him as kind of a sex-slave fantasy. For some reason, that fantasy might sound more "normal" to someone else. I was able to use that fantasy as a way to express how I wanted him to dominate. I gave him some ideas of ways to control me and told him some of the things I was interested in trying (spanking, clothespins, bondage, etc.). Lastly, I told him that I really loved the idea of him completely owning my pussy and wanted him to tell me how he wanted it (trimmed, shaved, full-hair). He wanted it shaved completely, which is something I never knew adn I really enjoy doing now. Every time I shave it reminds me that I no longer dictate how it's going to look. Of course, it is available for his inspection at all times. I also told him that ownership included orgasms and I am now forbidden to masturbate without his permission. Although that sometimes (often!) drives me crazy, I love the humiliation of having to report when I feel the need and the desperation I feel when he tells me "no." He definitely likes that aspect of control and it makes me hornier than I've been in years! We've worked our way into blindfolds, clothespins, and spanking with a flogger and even a fly swatter (I got that idea here and the sting is wonderful).

I know this seems pretty light to most of you here, but it's a great beginning! We've just gotten back from a two-week vacation in a small condo with the kids too close for comfort and we haven't had a "session" since before we left. I think this weekend should be pleasantly stingy and I'm counting the hours we can be alone.

By the way, we've been married for 20 years - it's never too late to indulge your fantasies!

Good luck,

Femsub
Hi femsub, loved your story. Since I was a child I like the aspect of being dominated as well, with my GF we played a little bit with some BDSM fantasy's, but I think we are both subs :(
 
E's Toy said:
Hi femsub, loved your story. Since I was a child I like the aspect of being dominated as well, with my GF we played a little bit with some BDSM fantasy's, but I think we are both subs :(

That doesn't have to be a bad thing. You could possibly find a Dom to dominate you both. Also, if you try, you might find that taking turns doing for one another brings you both most of what you want. Being a sub that wants to please his or her mate can make you very eager to do for each other.

Fury :rose:
 
FurryFury said:
That doesn't have to be a bad thing. You could possibly find a Dom to dominate you both. Also, if you try, you might find that taking turns doing for one another brings you both most of what you want. Being a sub that wants to please his or her mate can make you very eager to do for each other.

Fury :rose:
Thanks for your reply, I will keep this in mind :rose:
 
E's Toy said:
Thanks for your reply, I will keep this in mind :rose:

Oh and you could find a local group or club in your area then y'all could both get some being Dom-ed or trying stuff there!

Fury :rose:
 
i introduced my boyfriend (and now Sir) to the idea of it after we were going out for a few months. i told him about how i was always a bit of a mosochist and wanted to be tied up etc etc. i was so nervouse about his reaction, but to my surprise he said "i should really spank you. you'd really enjoy it". you never know how your husband or any guy will react untill you put him in that position. who knows, mabye he secretly wants to do to you what you secretly crave.
 
myinnerslut said:
i introduced my boyfriend (and now Sir) to the idea of it after we were going out for a few months. i told him about how i was always a bit of a mosochist and wanted to be tied up etc etc. i was so nervouse about his reaction, but to my surprise he said "i should really spank you. you'd really enjoy it". you never know how your husband or any guy will react untill you put him in that position. who knows, mabye he secretly wants to do to you what you secretly crave.

Yay!

Lately I've had no energy to make things happen and little imagination. When I say lately I mean for at least a month. I was kind of worried that he had lost all interest in sex, scenes with me or with out me. Cause I'm a worrier and that is what I do ya see. So I sent him an e-mail with a lot of "I" messages in it asking if what I was worried about was true or not. I honestly worried that I had pushed him too hard, too fast and into kinkier things than he was interested in.

Well he told me that I was the sexiest woman he has ever known and he feels guilty "asking" for anything. He is so like me that way. LOL.

Anyway, the last few weeks, I'm still sort of feeling like crap and just creatively drained but HE has been stepping up! He has been saying what he wants and a lot of it is stuff I crave but wasn't sure he would EVER be comfortable with. I am SO freaking thrilled!!!

*sighs happily*

I should send him this post.

*GRINS*

Fury :rose:
 
FurryFury said:
Also, if you try, you might find that taking turns doing for one another brings you both most of what you want. Being a sub that wants to please his or her mate can make you very eager to do for each other.
This is exactly how I approach it. Every two or three years, my Daddy gets the urge to submit. (It's happened only a couple of times in more than six years together...it's rare!) When I am asked to dominate my Daddy, I still feel that I am performing a service. If what is asked of me is to dominate, I will still do what is asked even if it is not my usual nature. (Of course I worry the whole time about doing it right!) It is just a very special way to serve.

I think it's a bit silly when someone says "I am too submissive, I could never top someone" - because really, are you being a "good subbie" if you can't do what you're told? Just give it a try! :)

I also think it's good for each partner to change roles at least once during the relationship, to get a better understanding of what their partner does for them. It doesn't have to be more than a couple of hours but it can really give you an appreciation of your partner's gifts to you.
 
hi loving you,

it's good to keep in mind that 'introducing BDSM' is not any one thing, and is not necessarily trying to get one to become "a dominant," nor the other becoming 'a submissive'. there are many SM kinks.
 
myinnerslut said:
i introduced my boyfriend (and now Sir) to the idea of it after we were going out for a few months. i told him about how i was always a bit of a mosochist and wanted to be tied up etc etc. i was so nervouse about his reaction, but to my surprise he said "i should really spank you. you'd really enjoy it". you never know how your husband or any guy will react untill you put him in that position. who knows, mabye he secretly wants to do to you what you secretly crave.
Ow yes I can Imagine... I had the same with telling my partner that I want to be fucked with a strapon, we discussed this for a while, and now I'm fucked sometimes, really good. :heart:
 
Etoile said:
This is exactly how I approach it. Every two or three years, my Daddy gets the urge to submit. (It's happened only a couple of times in more than six years together...it's rare!) When I am asked to dominate my Daddy, I still feel that I am performing a service. If what is asked of me is to dominate, I will still do what is asked even if it is not my usual nature. (Of course I worry the whole time about doing it right!) It is just a very special way to serve.

I think it's a bit silly when someone says "I am too submissive, I could never top someone" - because really, are you being a "good subbie" if you can't do what you're told? Just give it a try! :)

I also think it's good for each partner to change roles at least once during the relationship, to get a better understanding of what their partner does for them. It doesn't have to be more than a couple of hours but it can really give you an appreciation of your partner's gifts to you.

As usual, I LOVE your post!!!

Fury :rose:
 
thanks

Sorry that I have responded since posting my first message. Our life is rather hectic right now. We just bought our first house so we have been moving in and unpacking. Well to bring everyone up to date. We did the bdsm checklist together. I just told him to be honest and answer it truthfully and not what he thought I might want to see. I also had him fill it out first. So now looking over the list I smile knowing where we both stand sexually. I think in 6 months to a year I will have us to do it again just to see if anything has changed. BUT, he is more open minded then I thought he was, so that's a serious plus. I think in a month once the house is to our liking and we have celebrated our 1 year anniversary we will both be sexually and emotionally more ready to see where we want to take things. Thanks everyone for the wonderful posts. It really has helped. Oh on another note to reply to one of the comments. I know that bdsm isn't just being subs or doms. I know that there are other sides. But I had to find out what he was willing to experience before this went anywhere. Thanks again everyone.
 
Sounds like things are looking very exciting!

*hugs*

That's a great deal for you both!!!

Fury :rose:
 
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