trying to find a way ...

[BonBon1976]

I am not a shy person but usually keep things close to my chest. However...I have always fantasized about elements of pain and submission. I also enjoy romantic soft cuddly sex but seem to be craving more lately. A whole nother issue but i am also in a relationship that seems to have abandoned sexual ..anything. So I have mentioned my desires to DH and he seems unresponsive or maybe he just doesn't take them seriously. So I guess what i am looking for is help from other on how to explain what I would like ...which is just small steps for now... some spanking, role playing, bondage. I have spoke to him about bondage before but he was not willing to try it ... Any comments, advice etc?

My other question and I am sure this is stupid but i have no experience so ... here goes... are there places, chats, forums to help in training ... for lack of a better word? I have found a chat room sort of place locally where they have meetings and stuff -- are those acceptable places for someone who knows nothing to ask questions though?

 

[Stella_Omega]

This is an excellent place to ask questions!

Also, you can search the forum for topics you're interested in, and add a question to any thread you find, which will bring the thread to the front page. I love it when some of these old discussions get restarted.

If you are talking about face-to-face chat, then I think you're talking about "munches" which are informal gettogethers. There is no play at munches, they are almost always held in some family-friendly restaurant-- but it is a way to start meeting your local community.

If you have a local community, they will probably have classes on various techniques. My advice is to google for BDSM+your area and see what comes up-- also, fetlife.com is kind of a facebook for perverts

Anyway, welcome!

 

[Azalea]

I am not a shy person but usually keep things close to my chest. However...I have always fantasized about elements of pain and submission. I also enjoy romantic soft cuddly sex but seem to be craving more lately. A whole nother issue but i am also in a relationship that seems to have abandoned sexual ..anything. So I have mentioned my desires to DH and he seems unresponsive or maybe he just doesn't take them seriously. So I guess what i am looking for is help from other on how to explain what I would like ...which is just small steps for now... some spanking, role playing, bondage. I have spoke to him about bondage before but he was not willing to try it ... Any comments, advice etc?

My other question and I am sure this is stupid but i have no experience so ... here goes... are there places, chats, forums to help in training ... for lack of a better word? I have found a chat room sort of place locally where they have meetings and stuff -- are those acceptable places for someone who knows nothing to ask questions though?

This is definitely a good place for you to ask questions and explore. I know the folks here put up with me and my questions and opinions and don't ever judge me, even when I'm being totally ignorant! SO, feel free and feel safe here.

 

[BonBon1976]

okay ... questions.
What are some good things to start with to see if what I think I would like is something that I will/do like. And let's say I may need to try things that can be done on a one person basis. Then also what are some things to do to introduce a partner into some scenes and start the experience slowly? What I have in mind are things that i wil need to work my way up to. So really I need the guide for dummies version with simpe instructions on the right and wrong ways to use thing and try things.

so what works for bondage that wouldn't seem to overkill for a newbie trying
things out for the first time??

Messages are fine too - if no one wabts to air their newbie laundry a list or some pointed ideas can be sent to me in a message and I can ask about anything I wnt to know more about on this thread.

I am also interested in some insight into Dom/Sub relationships ... not sur eif I would fit into that, but the idea is exciting to me ... how do I know where I fit in...is that someting you have to try to see if you react the way you think you will?? You know jump in the water and see if I can swim lol

 

[Azalea]

I'm willing to share the one "bondage" experience I had with my hubby. He tied my wrists behind my back. I remember starting to breathe shallowly, downright panting.....the sense of sudden helplessness was amazingly arousing.
But then, I was lying on my back, therefore on top of my bound wrists, which began to numb out.
We just didn't do the "logistics" of it right, I guess. We ended up untying my wrists and just laughing together. I never did try to get him to do it again.

I have a problem that is probably pretty common, actually.....I can only orgasm with oral stimulation. And the fantasy in my head has to be just right. It could be that I'll always be limited to a pretty vanilla sex life in reality. Maybe you'll be luckier than me and your partner and you will figure out stuff like positions, the right bindings, etc.

For beginners, I think it comes down to logistics, logistics, logistics...
Actually, I wish I had the courage to talk about stuff like velvet floggers with him.
That would be a place to start, for you, I think.

 

[BonBon1976]

I don't mind talking about it actually I am approaching this like I approach all things in life...full speed ahead .. after some research and an established comfort zone Once I make up my mind to do something I want to know all about it and I am not patient lol hence jumping right in with questions.

So googled velvet flogger ... sounds interesting. Is this something I can just walk into a sex shop and ask for or are they in specialty shops only or online?? Are there different kinds that are easier to use or better for beginners?? ha ha I am making myself laugh I must sound really really new

I think the behind the back thing wouldn't be good but to bed posts or some such thing may work ... I think I could be comfortable with something like that.

 

[Azalea]

I don't mind talking about it actually I am approaching this like I approach all things in life...full speed ahead .. after some research and an established comfort zone Once I make up my mind to do something I want to know all about it and I am not patient lol hence jumping right in with questions.

So googled velvet flogger ... sounds interesting. Is this something I can just walk into a sex shop and ask for or are they in specialty shops only or online?? Are there different kinds that are easier to use or better for beginners?? ha ha I am making myself laugh I must sound really really new

I think the behind the back thing wouldn't be good but to bed posts or some such thing may work ... I think I could be comfortable with something like that.

Hey, you're cool. No matter how ignorant I think I sound, the folks here treat me with respect and......strangely enough.......a kind of gentleness.

 

[Licia]

An idea come to mind for newbie bondage:

While the two of you are having missonary sex, you could raise your arms above your head and cross them at the wrist. Hold the pose and whisper to him (during the actual sex act) about how you wish there were actually handcuffs/rope as a binding, how hot you think that would make you feel and suggest that even if he used just one hand to cover your wrists how lusty you would become. I don't know if you're into power play. If you are you could talk to him about how even just one hand placed over your wrists reminds you of how much you enjoy a "man".

Floggers? Yes, I've simply walked into sex shops and found them. A lightly made crop (I've used a small rubber spatula. Having children around can sometimes be the mother of invention. ) is highly functional as it can work for either teasing or stinging. I noticed you mentioned a velvet flogger. You could get a velvet glove which also works both ways: teasing and impact/massage and spanking.

 

[BonBon1976]

Okay alot to think about and oh look it's the weekend let's see what i can come up with

 

[Azalea]

Hopefully you will get into all kinds of "trouble" together. I plan to work on it myself. I like the simple wrists crossed above the head idea.

 

[KlaytonFrost]

An excellent place to find like minded people to advise is Fetlife. It's sort of like Facebook, but for kinky people. There's endless advice there about introducing kinky aspects to a vanilla partner. It's worth it just for the inspiration it provides.

 

[BonBon1976]

thanks so far...I willl have more questions shortly

 

[BonBon1976]

how scared am I ... the first rejection and now I am a big baby... ok I am thinking that not everyone's sig other jumped on this right away. But I am thinking to myself ...how can it not be a turn on to spank me?? Does this speak volumes as to his attraction to me or what?? Have spouses seemed not interested because they are unsure etc? What a cluster F%&$...seems like maybe I have become a kinky girl over night and I don't even want to think about not trying it now that I have my mind set on it. Okay ladies let's marshall up - what is hte sexiest thing you did that really got sig O turned onto this...I am not the most experienced in the acts of seduction but am willing to learn and take some guidance from the ladies and the men. I have only brought this up once and had a few visual aides as well but ... seemed to be a stale response. Could be I am not making it sexy enough, I wanted him to see all the stuff and take the lead over from me - I am not a good leader in this I want him to do it, even though I am the one who wants it. Maybe more indepth preperation is required. So any suggestions welcome, I'll just pick and chose a selection of them that I can do and away we go I should mention that i am not used to being a sexy person ... I am not sure where my sudden desire to be one came from but why not!! We are all sexy ... we just have to wake up our sexy sometimes

This is so wickedy embarrassing to type. Not a week on this forum and I am ready to spew all my personal failures and desires ha ha ha this must be so good for me on so many levels!

Having a great time and not discouraged but determined...

 

[Stella_Omega]

here, try this book;
When someone you love is kinky

If he's a reader, you can give it to him to read, otherwise, you can read it yourself and use the arguments when you're trying to explain this to him.

Some women have said that they've spanked themselves in front of hubby-- worked like a charm, in some cases.

Tell you what though, take this to the fetish forum. A lot more men post there, and what you really need is men's input.

The problem that I think you're describing is that you have always been sexually "conforming" and that's what he expects from you. Your waking up is throwing him for a loop....

 

[Primalex]

No matter how ignorant I think I sound, the folks here treat me with respect and......strangely enough.......a kind of gentleness.

Sorry, I've been a bit busy lately and didn't post much here.

 

[BonBon1976]

Books on my kobo ... starting it tonight. I have been peaking around and looking at threads and comments. I love the ready sarcasm and wit in some of the comments. Glad I came here! Thanks all I will continue my looking!

 

[Azalea]

"I should mention that i am not used to being a sexy person ... I am not sure where my sudden desire to be one came from but why not!! We are all sexy ... we just have to wake up our sexy sometimes."

Back in 2001, something in me woke up big time......for a couple of years, we were crazy, aroused just 24/7. I can remember standing in line at a WalMart burning with desire so bad I didn't know how we'd make it home without pulling over somewhere and going at it. Our kids, teenagers at the time, were embarrassed by our constant cuddling and canoodling.

Was it hormones? Viggo Mortenson as Aragorn? (LOL) Who knows.......but it was lovely while it lasted. Be happy that something in you has come to new life.

 

[BonBon1976]

I've gotten some great book titles suggested to me for reading...anyone want to post there favorites here - something I can read and enjoy - fiction or non fiction

 

[Himself128]

50 Shades of Grey

 

[BonBon1976]

just started Anne Rice series ... interesting.

 

[laceNlthrgrrl]

50 Shades of Grey

Oh puhleeese! Grey is kinkus interruptus at best! Twilight for bored housewives at worst.

The Beauty books are cute but artificial and her writing is effing painful IMO. Reminded me of the Victorian stuff I had to read in school. <yawwwwn>

Fiction:
Cherise Sinclair's Shadowlands books. They describe a structured dungeon (been to a few that resemble it, more or less) and some 'hawt scenes' LOL. Laura Antoniou's Marketplace novels are old faves of mine. My very favorite one-handed reads cum from Coming to Power, a vintage collection of lesbian BDSM stories. They're good, some humerous, and all genuine on levels that matter.

Nonfiction:
SM 101 - Jay Wiseman (smart guy)
Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns - Phil Miller and Molly Devon
can't remember the title but it's by Dossie Easton


Have fun! Book reports due weekly.

P.S. I can soooooo relate to absentee DH. The kicker is, mine "owns" me but just doesn't care anymore, I guess.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Books on my kobo ... starting it tonight. I have been peaking around and looking at threads and comments. I love the ready sarcasm and wit in some of the comments. Glad I came here! Thanks all I will continue my looking!

he needs to read that book too, if you can possibly get him to do so.

Which can be hard, I know-- Oh how I know!

Seriously, do not waste your time with Fifty Shades. You are already way past that level.

 

[hurt_me_please]

Try Annabel Joseph's books. Sweet, emotional, BDSM.

 

[MeekMe]

Hm...