Trying to decide - gay or straight or both

[GuitarRocker]

Hello,

I'm a new user here, this is a great site btw.

I'm a virgin at 28, yes 28. There is a reason I'm still a virgin and never had sex yet. I have a tough time on trying to keep a girl that I'll be happy with. Every girl I date as a friend just turns into a disaster nightmare, there's so many evil women out there just use you for money or whatever, it's just overbearring for me. Since I'm having a tough time on trying to find a steady girlfriend to be happy with, I'm thinking of going gay 'cause I figure finding a guy friend will be easier to keep a relationship with.

I've heard from many people that being gay is a lot of fun and enjoyable and more pleasurable.

For some reason I get very turned on by guys now. I get attracted by guys I think are good looking. I am addicted at looking at photos of nude men and I love gay porn. Gay porn is absolutely fancinating and looks a lot of fun. Although anal sex on a man doesn't look all that fun, but sucking another man's hard cock looks so much fun and I wouldn't mind trying it one day. Making love to another man also looks fun.

I love both men and women. People are just people to me no matter what gender, so I guess I am a little bi-curious. I'd love to actually have sex with a woman first before going for a man though.

It's just that having sex with a man it's just a private fantasy of mine. Many straight people think being gay is bad, but how they know? I hate it when straight people bash the gay community. Just wrong IMO. I find the gay community a beautiful thing and nothing wrong with it. I think men are great.

Do any of you have this problem on trying to decide on whether to stay "straight", go "gay" or be "bi-sexual"? I'm thinking of going "bi", but a little nervous and un-confident about letting people know in the public like telling friends/family. If I was to go "bi", I probably keep it for myself.

Thoughts???

 

[GuitarRocker]

*bump*

Any thoughts on this? I'm sure every gay or bi person had a tough time on trying to decide if they want to be straight, gay or bi....

 

[Queersetti]

*bump*

Any thoughts on this? I'm sure every gay or bi person had a tough time on trying to decide if they want to be straight, gay or bi....

I wouldn't say that every gay person goes through a period of trying to decide "if" they are gay. I think it would be more accurate to say we often go through a period of struggling to accept that we are gay.

 

[SweetErika]

I wouldn't say that every gay person goes through a period of trying to decide "if" they are gay. I think it would be more accurate to say we often go through a period of struggling to accept that we are gay.

Well said. I don't personally believe you choose your sexuality, GR. You can choose to act on your attraction, but you can't really "go" gay or straight or bi. If you're attracted to both women and men, you're probably bi, and you certainly have lots of options of who you want to date or express your sexuality with. You're young and single, so you might as well have fun exploring (safely, of course)!

 

[Pookie]

Do any of you have this problem on trying to decide on whether to stay "straight", go "gay" or be "bi-sexual"? I'm thinking of going "bi", but a little nervous and un-confident about letting people know in the public like telling friends/family. If I was to go "bi", I probably keep it for myself.

Thoughts???

It was never a choice for me. It's who I am. I can't change or decide to be any different. You seem to be bicurious. I wish you the best with finding out who you are.

 

[kbate]

Any thoughts on this? I'm sure every gay or bi person had a tough time on trying to decide if they want to be straight, gay or bi....

I have always been gay, I didn't have to choose or decide, I just am.

I did experiment with Bisexuality for many years, thinking I might get to live a normal acceptable life. The good thing about the experiment is that I got to have good and bad sex with a lot of men, and I no longer have doubts about my sexuality.

 

[Raimondin]

*bump*

Any thoughts on this? I'm sure every gay or bi person had a tough time on trying to decide if they want to be straight, gay or bi....

No. It was never a matter of "deciding" if I was gay or not. I have always been gay from day one. These things are not a matter of choice.
I'm not bisexual, but in your case I would recommend you continue exploring and "act" upon these curiosities you have. You won't know unless you try.
Good luck in your quest for identity.

 

[John Doe]

Well said. I don't personally believe you choose your sexuality, GR. You can choose to act on your attraction, but you can't really "go" gay or straight or bi. If you're attracted to both women and men, you're probably bi, and you certainly have lots of options of who you want to date or express your sexuality with. You're young and single, so you might as well have fun exploring (safely, of course)!

That may be true for you, but not everyone.

yes, a lot of gays struggle with thier sexuality at one point, perhaps all do. You know what that's called? Puberty. And don't nobody even try to tell me it's different. Anyone who was 'born gay', who's always known they are different wouldn't tell the difference between thier struggles and regular adolescent struggles. People who later discover they are really gay or bi after 'being' straight can compare. They often describe the internal development and dialogue (aside from societal ramifications of who they're going to tell and how it will be recieved) as a second puberty, and that's rather what it seemed like for me, so I'm not just just pulling shit out of my ass here.

 

[SweetErika]

That may be true for you, but not everyone.

yes, a lot of gays struggle with thier sexuality at one point, perhaps all do. You know what that's called? Puberty. And don't nobody even try to tell me it's different. Anyone who was 'born gay', who's always known they are different wouldn't tell the difference between thier struggles and regular adolescent struggles. People who later discover they are really gay or bi after 'being' straight can compare. They often describe the internal development and dialogue (aside from societal ramifications of who they're going to tell and how it will be recieved) as a second puberty, and that's rather what it seemed like for me, so I'm not just just pulling shit out of my ass here.

Of course it's not true for everyone! Perhaps I should put a disclaimer in my sig line since "personally" and "maybe" and other such terms don't seem to be sufficient for "some" people.

Anyhow, I like how you described the discovery process as a second puberty. For the record, I used to consider myself straight, and only act on my attraction to men. However, that doesn't mean I actually was straight... for me (not for everyone though because everyone is different), it means I was bi and miscategorizing myself.

 

[John Doe]

Of course it's not true for everyone! Perhaps I should put a disclaimer in my sig line since "personally" and "maybe" and other such terms don't seem to be sufficient for "some" people.

Well, many people explain thier opinion ina way similar to waht you did "I believe that you are/do this and that, but never the other thing" and to me at least it gives the impression they believe it's that way for everyone and not just themselves.

 

[GuitarRocker]

Interesting posts, yeah, maybe I should try to have sex with both genders to see which one I want to be. I should continue to explore and try to have sex with both. But you're right, you'd never know what you are until you explore and try. I might actually "try it" to have sex with a man to see if I really like it or not. Thanks for the cool advice.

 

[Bridget69]

I don't think it's something you can choose, eventhough there may be some periods of confusion and indecision.

 

[Baskin Robbins]

Be with a woman before you decide. I'm very straight, but I would be open to sex with a man. I only want to be with my wife though. Sex is one thing, sharing your life is another.

 

[John Doe]

Of course it's not true for everyone! Perhaps I should put a disclaimer in my sig line since "personally" and "maybe" and other such terms don't seem to be sufficient for "some" people.

Anyhow, I like how you described the discovery process as a second puberty. For the record, I used to consider myself straight, and only act on my attraction to men. However, that doesn't mean I actually was straight... for me (not for everyone though because everyone is different), it means I was bi and miscategorizing myself.

Wait wait, I almost forgot something I'd like to confirm...

Are you saying that someone on the GLBT board AGREES with me on this issue?

 

[deezire1900]

Wait wait, I almost forgot something I'd like to confirm...

no one agrees with you...it just sounded that way.


BTW, at 28 are you still living at home and playing Halo on the weekends?

Just curious.

 

[GuitarRocker]

Be with a woman before you decide. I'm very straight, but I would be open to sex with a man. I only want to be with my wife though. Sex is one thing, sharing your life is another.

Great idea, that I'll probably do. I've already planned going for a woman first. I want to lose my virginity to a woman since it's been said that you can't lose it to a man. Everyone knows that the only way to break a virgnity is sexual intercourse with a woman.

 

[GuitarRocker]

Wait wait, I almost forgot something I'd like to confirm...

no one agrees with you...it just sounded that way.


BTW, at 28 are you still living at home and playing Halo on the weekends?

Just curious.

I live alone at home, I play video games sometimes, I have a Nintendo Gamecube with a few games but don't have Halo.

 

[SweetErika]

Great idea, that I'll probably do. I've already planned going for a woman first. I want to lose my virginity to a woman since it's been said that you can't lose it to a man. Everyone knows that the only way to break a virgnity is sexual intercourse with a woman.

By that logic, people who have only had sex with same-sex partners are still virgins, no matter how old they are or how many times they've had sex. Historically, and for many people, virginity means never having had PIV sex. However, it's a very personal thing, and there are many definitions ranging from touching certain ways to oral sex to having done everything in the book. Do what feels right for you and your partner(s), and don't worry about definitions of virginity or the "proper way" and the like.

 

[deezire1900]

and don't worry about definitions of virginity or the "proper way" and the like.

You read my mind.


I Know to me 28 and a virgin is almost shocking, but thats in my world.

I was assulted when I was 15, and I do not consider that when I lost my virginity...i call that...when I lost my innocents.

 

[GuitarRocker]

I'm a virgin at choice 'cause in the past, I was never a "sex with random people" or "one night stand" kind of guy, I was always a serious relationship kind of a guy. I'm tired of being single and now it seems like I'm in a rush of losing my virginity 'cause I want to get laid sometime before I turn 30 years old.

I guess there is nothing wrong with being gay or bi. People are just doing whatever makes them happy.

But sucking another guys cock and kissing another man is something I've always wanted to try though.

 

[John Doe]

By that logic, people who have only had sex with same-sex partners are still virgins, no matter how old they are or how many times they've had sex. Historically, and for many people, virginity means never having had PIV sex. However, it's a very personal thing, and there are many definitions ranging from touching certain ways to oral sex to having done everything in the book. Do what feels right for you and your partner(s), and don't worry about definitions of virginity or the "proper way" and the like.

And also byt the same logic, even women aren't nonvirgins anymore until they have sex with a woman, as he did technically say that "everyone knows that the only way to break a virgnity is sexual intercourse with a woman."

"Break"? As if it's a curse...? Oh, I see...

And ever notice how sometimes when people say the strangest misconceptions, they seem to start with "everyone knows..."?

Anyway, the way I look at it is vriginity just means you haven't done it yet (whatever THAT is) and so I like to think I have several virginities. Opposite-sex sex virignity, a same-sex sex virginity, anal virginity (both giving and recieving) and even an oral virginity (again, both giving and receiving).

 

[John Doe]

Wait wait, I almost forgot something I'd like to confirm...

no one agrees with you...it just sounded that way.

Ohhh, okay. that was a close one.

BTW, at 28 are you still living at home and playing Halo on the weekends?

Just curious.

HEY, Halo rocks the casbah, dammit!

 

[Samuelx]

Join the Bi-sexual Male revolution !!!!

 

[deezire1900]

HEY, Halo rocks the casbah, dammit!


oh SF, you would say that. Baby, it is time to get out of the adult sized footie jammies and start meeting real people.

 

[John Doe]

HEY, Halo rocks the casbah, dammit!


oh SF, you would say that.

WTF is that supposed to mean, you ha'diBah!

Baby, it is time to get out of the adult sized footie jammies and start meeting real people.

What do you think I'm doing here? And for your information I sleep in a t-shirt, boxer briefs and socks. So there.