Try This & Report Back

[ickle_stace]

its impossible for me to relax as im so under pressure for this to happen from him, i mean if you where to sleep with someone and get yourself all worked up and they after 10 mins just said to forget it as they couldnt feel anything or where in pain, just how long do you think you would keep trying for? so then i get the blame for either him going of somewhere lese for sex, someone more exciting and receptive than i am, or the fact that his sex life has come to an end! so you see if things dont improve this is what i feel will happen to us, it would only be natural, that if he wasnt getting anything and some girl was offering it on a plate the chance to actually enjoy himself and his efforts where being rewarded for him to do this.

well sorry but you're never gonna cum while he's pressuring you to, and all these books and sites should have told you that

you need to talk to him and tell him that you can't enjoy things while you're feeling like you have to cum for him

 

[ickle_stace]

to explain things better, until last year i didnt know that women orgasmed, i didnt know i had a clit, i didnt know about a g spot. i knew nothing except that the sex we did have there was soemthing more to it than him getting his rocks off and then going to sleep. so after a while i just had enough and never did it for a long time, 10 years was the last stint. so when we started arguing about stuff and we where making plans for one of us to leave i eventually told him just how i felt about stuff and the fact that sex hurt me so much and it was only when i got checked out by the doctor that she asked about me orgasming, when i said i thought that only men did that she was shocked, but it answered her question. so ok ive learnt a bit more, but the trouble is that although ive got that info its no use to me til i can feel the stuff it talks about, thats the problem here i dont feel anything or pain.

I didn't know anything till about 3 years ago either hun, and it took me a while to know what an orgasm was and how to have one, you just have to keep trying

 

[orgasmless]

we both know this and although he doesnt do it intentionally when we do have sex i dont feel like anthing has happened earthshattering or anything, well even nice would be a start!!!so why do i keep doing it? i havent got a clue, to please him i suppose, to show him how much i love him, but then things go on at his pace i feel pushed to catch up with his level of arousal all the time when to be honest with you i havent even got a clue as to what it feels like to even be aroused!!!!! wetness is not the proof of that is it? occasionally i am wet but most of the time im not for a long time after and eventhen i can go dry in a split second. more often that not im left so far behind him that i dont stand a chance of ever getting turned on before its all over!!!

 

[orgasmless]

it wasnt knowing what an orgasm was, it was i didnt know women did that i thought that was what men did when they ejactulated, i didnt know they where two separate things

 

[M's girl]

we both know this and although he doesnt do it intentionally when we do have sex i dont feel like anthing has happened earthshattering or anything, well even nice would be a start!!!so why do i keep doing it? i havent got a clue, to please him i suppose, to show him how much i love him, but then things go on at his pace i feel pushed to catch up with his level of arousal all the time when to be honest with you i havent even got a clue as to what it feels like to even be aroused!!!!! wetness is not the proof of that is it? occasionally i am wet but most of the time im not for a long time after and eventhen i can go dry in a split second. more often that not im left so far behind him that i dont stand a chance of ever getting turned on before its all over!!!

Relax.... contrary to what you would believe reading this thread not every woman is 'capable' of reaching an orgasm through PIV sex or G-spot stimulation. Since it's been only a short while since you became sexually more aware I think it's time you first learn how to please yourself. Your husband needs to take the time to find out what it is after you did but be sure that for a lot of women PIV alone just does not work. I'm the same. I can orgasm, but I need to stimulate my clit at the same time and then still it does not happen all of the time.

As for the G-spot. They say every woman has one. Well, I'm sure I'm no exception to the rule then, but it must be VERY well hidden! Believe me; I tried and tried in all positions possible. Nothing. And I'm very open to the idea and all. I also have been a very sexual being forever (I'm 43 now) so it's not quite inexperience or something. I have had a fair number of sexual partners too.

So, relax.... if it doesn't happen overnight. But I do think your husband really needs to find out about other forms of stimulation of your mind and body first. Foreplay is so important. The average women takes at least 30 minutes to be somewhat ready. The fact that you are well lubricated does not say/mean a thing! And foreplay is not always, or rather, not from the start, genital stimulation. It should involve kissing and carressing and making you feel at ease. A lot of women need to feel loved and appreciated too first. For most that starts outside the bedroom and has really nothing to to with sexual techniques like G-spot stimulation. If you can't get near that place (relaxing, feeling secure enought etc) in your mind first, the big O will never happen!

 

[emptynester]

Oless- SO and I started out by searching the net for info about each other. I would come home from work and he would show me what he learned on the net re: Gspot or whatever. I did the same. I researched everything I could about him and also read what he showed me re:females.
We have been married 26 years. I thought sex was great even though I felt it was mostly about pleasing him. That was my fault. He would have been a willing participant if I had just said the word.
Problem for me was I didn't feel good about myself. I couldn't imagine him wanting to touch me or do those things the way I felt I must have looked to him. Once I lost my weight, I guess that was the beginning of it all.
You have so many issues you are dealing with. You can't pee in front of him. You are afraid he will go elsewhere if he can't please you. You have more issues here than having an orgasm. Read my last pm to you and take a break.
We all want to help but at this point don't know what else to say.

 

[orgasmless]

hope this is easier to answer some of the things

Oless- SO and I started out by searching the net for info about each other. I would come home from work and he would show me what he learned on the net re: Gspot or whatever. I did the same. I researched everything I could about him and also read what he showed me re:females.

i have been the one doing all the research etc, buying of the books toys whatever else, he has read the odd thing and the odd book but i have begged and pleaded for him to take some active part in this but so far hes been doing very little in research, and only came to the sex therapy to please me, even though that went wrong!!

We have been married 26 years. I thought sex was great even though I felt it was mostly about pleasing him. That was my fault. He would have been a willing participant if I had just said the word.
Problem for me was I didn't feel good about myself. I couldn't imagine him wanting to touch me or do those things the way I felt I must have looked to him. Once I lost my weight, I guess that was the beginning of it all.
You have so many issues you are dealing with. You can't pee in front of him. You are afraid he will go elsewhere if he can't please you. You have more issues here than having an orgasm. Read my last pm to you and take a break.
We all want to help but at this point don't know what else to say.

 

[orgasmless]

i will try and some of your things too

Relax.... contrary to what you would believe reading this thread not every woman is 'capable' of reaching an orgasm through PIV sex or G-spot stimulation. Since it's been only a short while since you became sexually more aware I think it's time you first learn how to please yourself. Your husband needs to take the time to find out what it is after you did but be sure that for a lot of women PIV alone just does not work. I'm the same. I can orgasm, but I need to stimulate my clit at the same time and then still it does not happen all of the time.

im not realy all that interested at this moment in orgasms, starnge but true, i just want to feel "nice" feeling instead of pain!! i have never masterbatedin my life but as with the reading that we have been doing and it has recomended this i have been trying, however i just cant even get started, i cant get wet, i cant find anything that even slightly feels ok, i am even taking part in a tv programme that is filming us with a woman in new york teaching me how to diddle myself!! i go a week on saturday!!!!!

As for the G-spot. They say every woman has one. Well, I'm sure I'm no exception to the rule then, but it must be VERY well hidden! Believe me; I tried and tried in all positions possible. Nothing. And I'm very open to the idea and all. I also have been a very sexual being forever (I'm 43 now) so it's not quite inexperience or something. I have had a fair number of sexual partners too.

So, relax.... if it doesn't happen overnight. But I do think your husband really needs to find out about other forms of stimulation of your mind and body first. Foreplay is so important. The average women takes at least 30 minutes to be somewhat ready. The fact that you are well lubricated does not say/mean a thing! And foreplay is not always, or rather, not from the start, genital stimulation. It should involve kissing and carressing and making you feel at ease. A lot of women need to feel loved and appreciated too first. For most that starts outside the bedroom and has really nothing to to with sexual techniques like G-spot stimulation. If you can't get near that place (relaxing, feeling secure enought etc) in your mind first, the big O will never happen!

ok so it doesnt happen overnight, but surely after our amount of time together something would have happened? even if you just look at the last 12 months and i still cant find anything to tell him to do more of it does get dissapointing. when he does the kissing etc away from the bedroom it makes me anxious cause no matter what we do i just dont get a reaction going on, i have told him i need help and that starting with stuff in my head might help as i just dont get the fantsy thing going on to fuel my body i need much stronger input than what my head can do i need it in my face. he does so much to help me around the house that i think its me that needs to learn how to show him appreciation.

 

[orgasmless]

so it appears that i may never have been aroused at all!!! from the description i have just heard, so just how and what can i do about that as a starting point, we will just forget about thing more than that for starters them

 

[MR.GGG]

""the pain is similar to getting a cathata placed in you, that burning sort of pain from a hot knife.""

""have you had an orgasm just using your vibe on your clit orgasmless?""

""short answer is i dont know, probably not, i get some feeling of something, hubby says i have ""

"PROBABLY NOT" ???? Just leave out the probably!!

Something is seriously WONKY here. How TF does "hubby" know you've had an orgasm when you don't "think" you have. Trust me. If you're not sure you've never had one. You would KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt and it wouldn't be up to hubby telling you had or not !!!

When you talk about PAIN during intercourse I take it dear hubby has never heard of lube other than for his transmission, right? If you are NOT turned on you will not lubricate. If you aren't slippery inside the pain will build. The worse the pain gets the less you will be turned on and the less you will lubricate at all. And during this your hubby sez you've had an orgasm??? Ya and bears don't poop in the woods!!

What I would suggest is either INTENSE research on the net and some proper sex EDUCATION for you and dear hubby or go and see an actual sex therapist so you can learn some ways to make sex fun. You are NOT going to enjoy anything if you're scared, unlubed and in pain.

Where do you live? I still find it hard to believe that a couple in this day and age with computers and all, have such an abysmal ignorance of what sex is all about and how to make it work. I understand about the ignorance of and about the GSPOT because even the experts haven't figured that one out yet but just regular sex?

 

[orgasmless]

ok mr ggg heres some of the background stuff,

here in the uk sex ed is a lesson that takes one hour, the girls and boys are separated into different classes and then are told of the relative neccessaties! i.e. a girl has periods, this happens every month, she needs to use tampons/sanatary towels, then goes on about how to become pregnant and how to stop that happening, the boys get a similar talk, without to much on the periods. and that is your life long lesson!! 1 hr!!!

so ok most boys have learnt what it feels like when they rub themselves from very early on, wel they would, just to do normal things like peeing they have to touch themselves, whereas girls dont, oonly when in the bath would they wash the area and that would be the most you would do.

so hubby is convinced that i orgasm! not to surprising when you consider that even after all this time together that he took it so much for granted that i had orgasmed for the last 25 years!! it was such a shock to him when i said i didnt have a clue what he was talking about, and i thought that only men did that in the ejaculation process, i didnt know that the 2 events where unrelated, nevermind that women did it as well.

so until 1 year ago, no we had never used any lube of any sort ever, never heard of it! so we use ky and the durex one, i dont mind the taste of the durex one but i hate the feeling of them both on my skin, it makes things feel numb and certainly i cant feel anything other than the lube on me.

sex therapy!!! been there done that! i was raped 10 years ago and never told anyone until last year, went to the theraphist to be told that nothing to traumatic happened!! really? before that she got us doing the sensate focus, i hated it, it was so awkward and cold and just a horrible thing to do, it even gave me panic attacks, and when we reported back to her, more of the same!! this went on for 3 months and she never once listened to a word that was said and eventually we came to think that if what we talked about wasnt in the chapter of the book she was directing us from then she was at a complete loss as to what to do!!

that woman abused and blamed me for the most part, and hubby actually got into the habit of sitting next to the door so if i got out of the chair at anytime he was going to grab me and push me out as she made me want to hit her!! he was doing that for both of our safety as to be honest i do have a temper and i would have killed her if i got started!!!

i really dont know whatelse to do as there arent any other therapists within travelling distance of where we live in the uk.

as far as ignorance is concerned, he knows exactly what makes him tick sexually, and because he never once talked to me about sex and how i felt about it in all that time, neither of us have been able to find anything out about it as there just isnt the info banded around the uk unlike the classes and stuff you have in the us/canada

need to add that the pain isnt just from intercourse its from most of the activities that we do! from the moment that he places a finger on me and my clit to when he actually puts himself inside of me, and everything in between,

 

[cumhungry]

orgasmless......wow hon, that's a lot of baggage to be carrying around. no wonder things are a bit out of whack! i won't presume to offer "advice" on some of the deeper issues you raise, but i would say.........slooooow waaaay down, way down. something was taken away from you many years ago, and IMHO i think you are trying to now give that same something, only it's just not there to give.......right now.

its wonderful that you have such a desire to please your man......and he's a lucky sob..........but what about you? i mean what about you taking time to get comfortable with just you first, explore and discover your own body, what feels good to you.....and not just sex related stuff either.....do you like the feel of cashmere or silk? do you like the scent of lavender or musk? do you prefer the hearty robust taste of beef burgundy or the light and playful dance of veal scallopini with lemon on your tongue? are you more of a beethoven or bo diddly kinda gal?

begin to identify and own your own feelings. name 'em, claim 'em. don't even worry about the BIG O right now.......concentrate instead on the things that delight your senses, that intrigue, inspire, beguile..............

 

[orgasmless]

weel i dont really understand to much of what your meaning but i will try to answer

orgasmless......wow hon, that's a lot of baggage to be carrying around. no wonder things are a bit out of whack! i won't presume to offer "advice" on some of the deeper issues you raise, but i would say.........slooooow waaaay down, way down. something was taken away from you many years ago, and IMHO i think you are trying to now give that same something, only it's just not there to give.......right now.

its wonderful that you have such a desire to please your man......and he's a lucky sob..........but what about you? i mean what about you taking time to get comfortable with just you first, explore and discover your own body, what feels good to you.....and not just sex related stuff either.....do you like the feel of cashmere or silk? do you like the scent of lavender or musk? do you prefer the hearty robust taste of beef burgundy or the light and playful dance of veal scallopini with lemon on your tongue? are you more of a beethoven or bo diddly kinda gal?

i have no way of ever finding out about the things that you describe,money!! or the lack of it!!!!!! cashmire, i just wouldnt go near it as im allergic to wool anyway, and seeing as its from an animal i wouldnt risk touching it not for the sake of loosing my eyesight for a couple of hours with the swelling, silk, again ive never felt real silk, just the cheap imatation stuff!!! i dont really like perfume, again its the allergy thing, i dont like one half of the things that he seems to though, music, food, films, etc

begin to identify and own your own feelings. name 'em, claim 'em. don't even worry about the BIG O right now.......concentrate instead on the things that delight your senses, that intrigue, inspire, beguile..............

 

[ickle_stace]

i dont like one half of the things that he seems to though, music, food, films, etc

it's not about what he likes, its about what you like. Its just about expressing your feelings, I think thats what cumhungry was getting at anyway

its about what drives you, what makes you feel good inside, and not concentrating on how to have an orgasm, just about what makes you feel good

 

[cumhungry]

EXACTLY!!!!! what do YOU like orgasmless? if you don't know, that's OK....how about beginning to explore that? i didn't mean cashmere or anything else specifically.........just tossed out some suggestions to get YOU thinking......


what's your favorite two or three foods? so like me, for example, i LOVE stouffer's mac n cheese....it just sends my little mouth into heaven...i love the texture, the aroma, i like it when it browns around the egdes just a little, and then there's the taste.

notice how it affects me on different levels, different senses? sight, smell, taste.

favorite movie? MINE......Gone with the Wind. i love Scarlett's dresses, her heart shaped face, Clark Gable's tall dark good looks......the tension between them.

O - those are just things i like. things i can easily state - I LIKE THIS....it took me a long long time to get to where i knew what i liked, and what i wanted. about anything. the first time my bf and i had sex he asked, tell me what you like, what do you want...............four years ago all i could do was fall mute, silent, i froze. TELL a man what i like sexually????? since when did what i want have anything to do with sex???

getting in touch with ourselves has to start somewhere......hard to pick out the new nighty if we don't know our favorite color, or if we like silk.....like you said with wool - it wouldn't matter squat how much HE liked it right? you'd still itch and swell. pretend for a minute he's in suspended animation or something..........take some time for YOU.........

 

[bouncingbetty]

its impossible for me to relax as im so under pressure for this to happen from him, i mean if you where to sleep with someone and get yourself all worked up and they after 10 mins just said to forget it as they couldnt feel anything or where in pain, just how long do you think you would keep trying for? so then i get the blame for either him going of somewhere lese for sex, someone more exciting and receptive than i am, or the fact that his sex life has come to an end! so you see if things dont improve this is what i feel will happen to us, it would only be natural, that if he wasnt getting anything and some girl was offering it on a plate the chance to actually enjoy himself and his efforts where being rewarded for him to do this.

Boy, you're really negative about this. The comments about relaxing and not worrying about it is the best. Also, you need some counseling for this. I can't speak for him, but if I'm a guy and you project this kinda attitude while we're working on this issue, then no wonder he is frustrated and yes he will go elsewhere. Get some help (both of you, especially if he's pressuring you so much to put you into this state of panic).

 

[MR.GGG]

The NASTY "G" POLICE (man) is here

This thread went from GSpots to trying to help OrgasmLESS figure out her life and now has deteriorated into favorite movies, love of fuzzy puppies and yummy food items.

Any chance I could RE-HI-JACK this back to GSpots and GREAT SEX topics. I mean I like fuzzy puppies too but people who want to post stuff like that should go to the General Discussion page and start a love of fuzzy things / favorite BubbleGum flavor type thread.

 

[Don K Dyck]

This thread went from GSpots to trying to help OrgasmLESS figure out her life and now has deteriorated into favorite movies, love of fuzzy puppies and yummy food items.

Any chance I could RE-HI-JACK this back to GSpots and GREAT SEX topics. I mean I like fuzzy puppies too but people who want to post stuff like that should go to the General Discussion page and start a love of fuzzy things / favorite BubbleGum flavor type thread.

HI Mr G . . . sometimes we have to go the long way around to reach the answer . . . from personal experience, a woman knows when she has had one of your novagasms, simply because of its intensity and duration (and for some lucky recipients there is the added pleasure of multiples or continuious depending upon definition).

There is a major social problem here that aussie girl Germaine Greer identified about the UK in the 60s . . . many/most Brits don't have a clue about sex!

Then there are also other issues regarding the Orgasmless data . . . incompetent and unsympathetic (negligent?) post rape therapy likely being a major one . . . this is a complex issue and may best be handled by a CARING professional . . .

Glad to be back on air after a too long stint with puta problems . . .

NIce avs ickle stace and bouncingbetty . . . and pics

Bring on the great sex!!!

 

[jaymeyeroskie]

.....

 

[MR.GGG]

Hey Don welcum back. Ya, sad reflection on society and edukashun in particular that "Sex Ed" class is conducted by nuns and other celibates who know about as much about sex as I do about Quantum Mechanics.

What I don't think makes sense though is that "she" was on the net (here) and there IS a whole education available on hundreds of thousands of sites if they'd just take the time to do some research and then communicate. Sumfin duznt add up there.

Hi Jay. Thanks for the post. It hasn't happened often on this thread but considering there are still almost a thousand reads every day and a half I figure there are still lots of people learning from this thread so it really bugs me when it does get hijacked by completely off-topic discussion. It would be nice to keep things focused because as you now know the feeling of giving your woman THAT much pleasure is almost all-consuming, isn't it? After a while it is NOT a power trip (it can be early on) but a glorious gluttony of orgasmic fun that SHE is just as much into as you are. Women become seriously addicted to this and it is THE biggest joy in the world to drive your woman absolutely out of her noggin with pleasure ANYtime you or she wants it.

Welcome to the club! Please come back and submit further research when you can find the time.

 

[cumhungry]

regarding the original topic, while we didn't use your precise recommended method.........i can still report YEEEE HAAAWW. i sound like a valley girl, but O M G, i came so many times i lost count after 30. i do remember having to turn the vibrator off with my teeth cuz we were in a sea of lovely gooey stickiness. my b/f was RELENTLESS and evidently deaf cuz i was screaming oh please stooooopppp, slipping in and out of conciousness.

i apologize if i helped get the thread off track.

 

[orgasmless]

oh dear, im so sorry i didnt want to upset anyone, i thought i was in the best place for asking questions and getting some help, i thought perhaps something we where doing was wrong and causing this,

as i really do have such a hard time with sex and lack of any sensation at all where else can i ask then? ive tried all the other ways i could think, and yes sexualy im very niave and have no real way for getting the info, as nowhere addresses the problems that i have, it tends to make assumptions that i could feel stuff the rest of you all take so much for granted

sorry once again

 

[kitsune_kun]

don't be sorry, and b4 you leave, i think you should know, the hardest thing aobut feeling it, is simply your putting too mch effort into trying to.... and he's pushing u to as well... if one tries to hard, you simply shut off the feeling.... trust me, i'm a GUY, and i used to have this same problem. ASk him to try to warm you up gently, adn then just close our eyes, let your mind slip away from any thoughts, don't care if you cum or not, if you'll feel anything or not... Just relax completely, empty your head of all thoughts.... and suddenly, the pleasure should wash over yuo like a stunami.

 

[file13]

Mr.GGG,
I hope this gets things back on topic. After some trying, patience, and great attitude, my gf recieved the benefits from your technique. We didn't do it in that exact manner as you described, but the principle was there.
Wow! It was awesome. I got so much pleasure from doing that to her.

Hope this is back on track for your thread!

what variants did you use jay? If you're game to share.

 

[MR.GGG]

""what variants did you use jay? If you're game to share.""

The thread is full of variations and although I recommend the best position to use the Technique in (buns up lyin over some pillows) there are almost an infinite variety. If she's on her back you can do the come hither with one or two fingers, you can do it from behind when she's flat on her tummy or "spoon" position with you behind and low on her back so your thumb - wrist - arm are in line with her vagina. That last position makes for a great slow elongated session where neither of you works that heard but she continues to G-Gasm for an hour or three at a time. You can fall asleep together like that and if you wake first, apply the thumb and wake her up in mid G-Gasm. You can do it over an arm rest of a couch, the hood of a car, a see-saw in a park late at night. You can use toys, veggies, fingers, thumbs - anything that will get in there and bends so the pressure is against the right area.

I prefer thumbs for several reasons. ALL the muscles and joints of the entire thumb / wrist / arm / shoulder power movement are lined up to give max stamina, power and endurance. Once you get her going you do NOT want to stop. If she's in good shape and says DON'T STOP and you're fingers and wrist are cramping already and she feels like she could go for another 30 minutes or so before she passes out from pleasure then I suggest you fall asleep with you Kevlar vest on. These G-Gasms really ARE addictive and that's right from the start. Most of the other positions are subject to muscle and joint fatigue. Also you can FEEEL what her reaction is inside where it is most critical. If you use a toy or vibrator you can watch her tummy muscles as she begins to cum but prior to that you don't really know how much pressure is being applied and to what spot or area. If you use thumbs or fingers you can feel the swelling and her muscles reacting to what you are doing. You can feeel the fluids / lubrication building and by feeling those things you can better tell exactly when you can start using force that would hurt her only a minute or three before.

Let us know what variations YOU use. Where have you done it? Once she has the right feeling you can give her G-Gasms in about a minute and a half and keep her cumming as long as you want. It just depends on where you are if you're outdoors or who is around if you're doing it in a semi-public place. What's the most "dangerous" place you'ver done this to a lover. Have you ever been caught?

Keep up that RESEARCH !!!