Try This & Report Back

[SweetErika]

Thanks for the peer support TBK. When I apologized earlier I told her everything's ok but we have to talk but I'm confused and need to think how to talk about what I said.

I humbly request any and all feed back, quicker the better. I especially want to hear from the ladies, tell me if I'm on crack and just get over it....or would you sympathize with my situation.....or better yet, can you think of an approach I can take with my beloved wife that would help keep her off the defensive???

-JB

TBK gave you good advice. From my perspective, it's not unreasonable at all for you to be hurt, resentful, or want reciprocation.

Your current routine obviously isn't working for you, so before you talk to her, sit down and really consider some possible solutions. Don't get set on anything, just come up with a list of well thought-out, workable ideas from your side. You might think about reserving some of her orgasms for later, asking for more foreplay prior to sex, working on coming quicker, etc. The point is that you're coming to the table with ideas on how to make it better, not just blaming or complaining (which I know you're not doing anyway, but I appreciate it and have had good results with the "let's fix it together, and here are some ideas" approach).

As for the conversation itself, I'd approach it from the overall view of our sex life angle. Talk about what's working for both of you first, and give some sincere, meaningful compliments. Review the good things, maybe share some memories and laughter...establish a positive connection.

Then, ask her what she might like to work on in the future...you're just checking in with her because you're a team and communication is one of the biggest things that's allowed you to have 23 amazing years together, right?

She should ask what YOU'D like to work on, but even if she doesn't, now's the time to kindly bring up the situation and ask if you two can work together to come up with some things to try. Let her know you understand there are some problems on your end: maybe it's getting a little tougher to come as you're getting older, you worked on not coming so much that you've kind of dug yourself into a hole, etc. Ask her what she think you two can do to start working on this. If she needs some time to consider it, great, and schedule a time to talk again soon. Tell her you have a couple ideas, and ask how they strike her. Obviously you need to stay away from things like telling her she may be getting too much of a good thing, and suggesting it's selfish or unfair. You get the idea.

That's what I'd do, and how I appreciate things being brought up to me. Most people don't feel defensive or hurt when they're asked for their opinion and to work on something in a cooperative manner. Good luck!

 

[TBKahuna123]

TBK gave you good advice. From my perspective, it's not unreasonable at all for you to be hurt, resentful, or want reciprocation.

Your current routine obviously isn't working for you, so before you talk to her, sit down and really consider some possible solutions. Don't get set on anything, just come up with a list of well thought-out, workable ideas from your side. You might think about reserving some of her orgasms for later, asking for more foreplay prior to sex, working on coming quicker, etc. The point is that you're coming to the table with ideas on how to make it better, not just blaming or complaining (which I know you're not doing anyway, but I appreciate it and have had good results with the "let's fix it together, and here are some ideas" approach).

As for the conversation itself, I'd approach it from the overall view of our sex life angle. Talk about what's working for both of you first, and give some sincere, meaningful compliments. Review the good things, maybe share some memories and laughter...establish a positive connection.

Then, ask her what she might like to work on in the future...you're just checking in with her because you're a team and communication is one of the biggest things that's allowed you to have 23 amazing years together, right?

She should ask what YOU'D like to work on, but even if she doesn't, now's the time to kindly bring up the situation and ask if you two can work together to come up with some things to try. Let her know you understand there are some problems on your end: maybe it's getting a little tougher to come as you're getting older, you worked on not coming so much that you've kind of dug yourself into a hole, etc. Ask her what she think you two can do to start working on this. If she needs some time to consider it, great, and schedule a time to talk again soon. Tell her you have a couple ideas, and ask how they strike her. Obviously you need to stay away from things like telling her she may be getting too much of a good thing, and suggesting it's selfish or unfair. You get the idea.

That's what I'd do, and how I appreciate things being brought up to me. Most people don't feel defensive or hurt when they're asked for their opinion and to work on something in a cooperative manner. Good luck!

Uh...yeah what she said! Wow, Erika, what a great description.

 

[jethrobodeen]

Sounds a lot like my wife. She is a taker, I'm a giver. Sometimes I want to be the taker.

Until recently (and it ain't fixed yet) she wouldn't even 'finish me off' if she climaxed before me. A dry handjob just doesn't cut it. Takes too long, I do it better, and she tires quickly. The other night I handed her a tube of lube, and said "here, try it with this". Well, it worked. I shot so hard it hit us both in the face. We both laughed. She told me she felt better, because she HAD been thinking about how she never reciprocates. It blew my mind that she actually thought about it!

Anyway, without presenting new ideas/thoughts (through communication) you won't get anywhere. You need to sit her down and blurt it all out. Tell her how you really feel. I'm still having a hard time with this, but I'm slowly learning it's the only way to do it.

TALK TO HER.

Thanks for the feedback vato. I know my wife's been thinking about me not getting fulfillment, so its not going to be a surprise when I talk to her. But I'm curious, do you experience both sides of "the yearning". I yearn for simple release from a long session of sexual stimulation--call that the physical side. But I also yearn for her to enthusiastically take charge and explore me and with determination and sheer will to milk me silly even if we hadn't had sex yet--call it the emotional side, knowing she wants to please me as much as I want to please her. And not just want to but DO IT.

 

[Don K Dyck]

Thanks for the feedback vato. I know my wife's been thinking about me not getting fulfillment, so its not going to be a surprise when I talk to her. But I'm curious, do you experience both sides of "the yearning". I yearn for simple release from a long session of sexual stimulation--call that the physical side. But I also yearn for her to enthusiastically take charge and explore me and with determination and sheer will to milk me silly even if we hadn't had sex yet--call it the emotional side, knowing she wants to please me as much as I want to please her. And not just want to but DO IT.

Uhmmm . . . my two cents worth . . .

It appears that you too have reached the physical limits of sexual pleasure with your long loving spouse. When she is cruising through the clouds and spasming uncontrollably then you have probably reached it . . . and she will be delighted . . . and probably delerious as well

(Contrary to some male expectations there is a limit to pleasure for women . . . some reach it, some don't )

I cannot add any more than has already been said.

Just talk.

You appear to have a strong relationship, so use that strength to discuss your individual needs and responses.

Try to pick an appropriate place to do it.

Talk . . . for as long and as often as is necessary for both of you to understand the position of the other.

It may be that she needs permission to get involved in taking a female dominant role in what you described above as principally male dominant intercourse. She may need reassurance that you think it is OK for her to take her turn at being dominant, if she wants to, or you want her to.

She may need encouragement in turning you on as you would like. There are a million other 'what ifs'.

Most of all, just talk.

 

[jethrobodeen]

TBK gave you good advice. From my perspective, it's not unreasonable at all for you to be hurt, resentful, or want reciprocation.

Whew! Erika, it's a huge relief that you don't think I'm being some kind of jerk only fixated on shooting my load. Thank you for understanding.

Your current routine obviously isn't working for you, so before you talk to her, sit down and really consider some possible solutions. Don't get set on anything, just come up with a list of well thought-out, workable ideas from your side. You might think about reserving some of her orgasms for later, asking for more foreplay prior to sex, working on coming quicker, etc. The point is that you're coming to the table with ideas on how to make it better, not just blaming or complaining (which I know you're not doing anyway, but I appreciate it and have had good results with the "let's fix it together, and here are some ideas" approach).

Yeah, do some prep work first, think of possible solutions to the immediate obstacles: both of us worn out, her overwhelmed orgasmic state, and my drive to keep chasing after the finish line. Use my pre-meditated ponderings
to hopefully get her more involved by drawing her out and using suggestion and openness with the solutions-oriented portion of our talk. I will have to patiently wait for the right time to bring up the other side of what I want from her (a deep hunger for my pleasure the way I crave hers). I assume it will take more than one conversation to cover all, so at first we talk about how we can vary our routine so JB's manhood gets more attention somewhere in the middle, or three-quarters of the way through, and gets to shoot and add to our messiness and she can climb back on and ride me cowgirl for a few more -gasms before we need a recovery period.

As for the conversation itself, I'd approach it from the overall view of our sex life angle. Talk about what's working for both of you first, and give some sincere, meaningful compliments. Review the good things, maybe share some memories and laughter...establish a positive connection.

Then, ask her what she might like to work on in the future...you're just checking in with her because you're a team and communication is one of the biggest things that's allowed you to have 23 amazing years together, right?

Oh Erika, please teach me. My mind is fixed on dealing with what I said in anger and hurt feelings. I don't know how to approach without clearing the debris from that fall-out. She already knows there is something bothering me that I need to talk about with her. I've already given her a huge clue by blurting out that she doesn't give me what I want--and worse, in a sexual context. Had that not been the case, however, the approach you suggested seems ideal. Or am I still too blonde (hey its dishwater blonde...alright alright its grey and brown....damn you harsh interrogators) or am I too male and too blind to see that your suggestion is still ideal?

She should ask what YOU'D like to work on, but even if she doesn't, now's the time to kindly bring up the situation and ask if you two can work together to come up with some things to try. Let her know you understand there are some problems on your end: maybe it's getting a little tougher to come as you're getting older, you worked on not coming so much that you've kind of dug yourself into a hole, etc. Ask her what she think you two can do to start working on this. If she needs some time to consider it, great, and schedule a time to talk again soon. Tell her you have a couple ideas, and ask how they strike her. Obviously you need to stay away from things like telling her she may be getting too much of a good thing, and suggesting it's selfish or unfair. You get the idea.

Yeah, I know how important it is not to play the give/take ratio card, I can reinforce how much pleasure it brings me to turn her into complete mush, and I'm still hunting down new and different things for her. Somehow, though, I've gotta let her know that I want her to be "the doer" sometimes and take me places I can't visit solo.

That's what I'd do, and how I appreciate things being brought up to me. Most people don't feel defensive or hurt when they're asked for their opinion and to work on something in a cooperative manner. Good luck!

Thank you, dear SweetErika. It means so much to me to be able to bounce this off an open minded and communicative woman about my personal trials and you've been here for me.

-JB

 

[jethrobodeen]

Thank you Don for sharing your wisdom to help with my situation...

It appears that you too have reached the physical limits of sexual pleasure with your long loving spouse. When she is cruising through the clouds and spasming uncontrollably then you have probably reached it . . . and she will be delighted . . . and probably delerious as well

Sometimes catonic!!!

It may be that she needs permission to get involved in taking a female dominant role in what you described above as principally male dominant intercourse. She may need reassurance that you think it is OK for her to take her turn at being dominant, if she wants to, or you want her to.

Man, I think you're onto something there. I am a little dominant in general, but recognize when it can be a flaw and try to adjust my personality. But the dominance I would be looking for from her would be tender sternness out of determination "now you just lie back and let me do what I want to you and you just let me try to show you how you make me feel". This is the attitude I want to see, then the technique can be easily mastered.

She may need encouragement in turning you on as you would like. There are a million other 'what ifs'.

Whoah, you could be onto something there too. Maybe I need a type of "safeword" to keep me from falling into the no-orgasm abyss. Or perhaps more descriptively, a "keyword" that we've already discussed and know what it means when spoken, like don't forget about JB he needs x, y, or z. Let's find out which.

Most of all, just talk.

You guys and girls are great. I'm starting to think more clearly about this now and might be ready to write out what I want to say to her, not that I would read back word from word from a piece of paper. But a bullet list of the items on an index card that I need to cover works well for me. Simply explaining to her that it helps me keep my thoughts organized (I have ADHD) so I can get as much about how I feel accurately across as I am able.

 

[wicked woman]

I think Don might have hit on something....realizing I'm generalizing. Women get used to men desiring us...wanting to please us. So much so that sometimes we don't fully understand how being desired can be an aphrodisiac. When I read what you're saying...I hear the words you want things to be more evenly distributed...but what I feel is you saying you need her to desire you so much she just can't resist you.

Personally I find that if a man explains to me how something makes him 'feel' or why it's important to him or talks to me so I can understand him better...it helps me see things from his perspective and that's good for me....and him.

Don't know if this makes sense...if I'm explaining myself well enough, but it struck a chord with me.


As an aside....bows down before the all inspiring SweetErika.

 

[vato]

Thanks for the feedback vato. I know my wife's been thinking about me not getting fulfillment, so its not going to be a surprise when I talk to her. But I'm curious, do you experience both sides of "the yearning". I yearn for simple release from a long session of sexual stimulation--call that the physical side. But I also yearn for her to enthusiastically take charge and explore me and with determination and sheer will to milk me silly even if we hadn't had sex yet--call it the emotional side, knowing she wants to please me as much as I want to please her. And not just want to but DO IT.

Man, if you only knew. I take so much pleasure in pleasuring HER, I almost get off from it. I literally ooze while I'm 'doing my thing'. I LOVE to love her.

It's nice to know you aren't alone huh?

Somewhat more on-topic - I have sort of experimented with MR GGG's technique, and she seems to enjoy when I play with her G-spot. I think she pushes back at me, and moves around in such a way that I'm encouraged to continue. If she'll allow me, I'm going to go at it tonite, and hope she sees stars. (there I go again!)

vato

Oh, and good luck JB. Keep us posted on your progress.

 

[MR.GGG]

Different directions

Jethro - I mentioned the huge joy I, and obviously most of the guys here, get from pleasing our women in ways most women can only dream about. That said, I think I can understand where you're coming from too. There is a point at which you want not the same type of release (GAWD! 40 + giant O's in one session would kill me !!) but you DO want that release. When she is not willing to even try then there will be a build up of resentment which is clearly a bad thing. How you "fix" it though depends on what is causing it in the first place.

There are so many way that our women could turn us on if they wanted to so when they don't, our reaction may not be correct but we conclude that she doesn't want to. That can hurt a relationship big time unless it is talked out and a remedy is found.

If she is just being a brat, is spoiled and thinks your job is to pleasure her and if you want to cum then that's your problem then may I suggest you take a good look at an exercise described on page six of this thread. Her "release" may be negotiated but only after she is a puddle. It might be fun. It might be a role reversal where you are in control even during the act of making her cum which I don't think you are now. It sounds like you are making her cum in a very subservient venue or roll. You may have slid into that roll without knowing or realizing it but that's how it sounds to me. Personally I love that feeling SOMETIMES but to have it dominate your love life is only OK if you have accepted it and clearly you haven't.

If she is just being selfish I wouldn't suggest a page six. If, on the other hand, she may simply be unsure of what to do for or to you to get anywhere near the kind of response you can "inflict" on her. This is a lack of confidence and getting spanked for it would be a mistake. Few women realize how simple it is to please us. Communication certainly helps. The simple way is to find out our fantasies and what we need on an average night to cause that release. What we need most of the time can be as easy as a good BJ, a erotic memory while she gives you a HJ, knowing some of the buttons on our bods that can easily make us feel used and taken helps. I think on occasion, even the most dominate guy enjoys that too. Basically though men know that there is no way we can experience the kind of sexual peaks we can drive our women to and if women feel inadequate because of that then it is misplaced. We need little to get off. We need enthusiasm more than anything else. We need to feel YOUR hunger too - your hunger to feel our build up and the release that comes far too easily most of the time. Women can tease or be unusually direct. No one solution works all the time. We do need variety but we also appreciate that same enthusiasm we have when we are pleasuring her.

Most of the problem has been discussed already so I'll just reiterate. Talk to her. Find out since when she figured she didn't have to even try and get you off. She may have assumed from your actions that you were getting off solely on getting her off and you need to make sure she understands that is NOT how you feel. If she lacks confidence then reassure her that "I just need you there, Babe. I need you to want me to cum as much as I get off on making you cum." Simple. Also VERY simple for her because you cum once - maybe twice if you're young. It's waaay easier for her to get you off than the effort you put in to get her off for an hour at a time or more. If she gets uppity and has decided that things are fine the way they are you can become her bitch and quit complaining or you can decide to show her that you still have a set of nuts and give her a good long page six.

Whatever happens I'd love to be a fly on the wall. Good luck let us know how things turn out.



I just wanted to add one thing. It seemed too obvious to mention but then again ...

Considering what this technique, especially when done for any length of time with many many orgasms, DOES to a woman, it is completely unfair to expect her to do much of anything at the end. Most women fall into a contented exhausted coma at best. If you want her to help get you off DO NOT WAIT until you've finished her. Cum to an arrangement where she does everything she can to get you off first and then you'll be free to DO her until the cows come home and not have to worry about being all that horny yourself and needing to get off at the end. It can be just as much this way without the frustration of masturbating alone after she's fallen asleep with a feeling of being abandoned by the person you've just sent over the moon!

 

[Don K Dyck]

Thank you Don for sharing your wisdom to help with my situation...

You guys and girls are great.

Simply explaining to her that it helps me keep my thoughts organized (I have ADHD) so I can get as much about how I feel accurately across as I am able.

Uhmmm . . . don't be surprised but many of the best people from the last 400 years are overADDchievers like us . . .

So, remember . . . "Only the mediocre are always at their best".

 

[imsnowman]

Your conditioning

People can get conditioned to an orgasm practise. Some guys get so used to the way they masturbate they can't come without a specific kind of pressure. It sounds like you might have conditioned yourself to the looooong wait too well.

Rather than training yourself to wait, train yourself to come at will much as most porn stars do. Try mixing it up. Be fast one time but take care of her orally or manually. Don't come at all another but don't obsess over it. Since sex is mostly a mental game worrying about how you're going to come is the worst thing you can do. In fact, your wife may have unconsiously realized this. Her delay tactic is a change in your routine which is what it sounds like you need.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Jethro, even though you are worried about fixing the fallout of your outburst, Erika's suggestion on how to proceed is still perfect. The fact is, you don't have to make it up to her for your outburst. It happened for a reason and to ignore that it happened is to ignore the issue that caused it. I say DON'T dwell on it and don't make it all better before you proceed. Say you're sorry for the insensitive way you said it maybe, but don't apologize for the emotions that caused it.

That outburst was your reaction to internalizing the issue that you want to bring forth. Concentrate on that issue. If you get that resolved the outburst will become a forgotten component of the whole sittuation. Let it be what it was, a cry of frustration and a cry for help. That's not always a bad thing. Sometimes it takes a jarring cry like that to make us realize that everything isn't perfect.

Just as your instinct is to do everything you can to give her pleasure, your instinct is to fix any feelings you may have hurt before moving on to your problem. In this situation I don't think you need to put that priority first. Let it be the catalyst for some serious discussion, then once that's complete, worry about any residual fallout. Chances are, by the time you get done talking about the issue, she'll have forgotten her hurt feelings over the outburst.

Plus remember, all you did was state the truth: she's not giving you what you want. While that might be upsetting, perhaps she needs to be upset a bit. It's not like you said something harsh like she was the worst lay in the west or something. I understand though, whenever I say something blunt like this that hurts my wife's feelings I'm instantly full of guilt. It's called love(or being pussy whipped, I always get those confused.).

 

[jethrobodeen]

Thank you wicked woman so much for helping me put more of the puzzle together.

I think Don might have hit on something....realizing I'm generalizing. Women get used to men desiring us...wanting to please us. So much so that sometimes we don't fully understand how being desired can be an aphrodisiac. When I read what you're saying...I hear the words you want things to be more evenly distributed...but what I feel is you saying you need her to desire you so much she just can't resist you.

Heh, I don't think we'll ever be evenly distributed, I can't imagine me having 30-50 orgasms in two hours. . But if even=satisfied, then yes. I don't have to have wobbly legs, or collapse into a coma to be satisfied although if anyone knows how to do that to a man, I'm ALL EARS

She already desires me deeply, she doesn't resist any of my sexual advances. Quite contrary, she welcomes and responds extremely well. Unless I approach
her for help with a quick release just for me. Then she gives the "whats in it for me" crap. I want the "whats in it for her" to be a fulfillmnent of her own desire to bring me off using her own talents.


Personally I find that if a man explains to me how something makes him 'feel' or why it's important to him or talks to me so I can understand him better...it helps me see things from his perspective and that's good for me....and him.

I did that (told her how it made me feel) when she recently approached me on a Sunday afternoon during the NFL playoffs. She snuggled up behind me and started showing me affection. I was trying to keep my mind on the game but she started rubbing my swelling erection through my jeans and I was distracted from the game. Then I told her to pull it out, she asked "right here?" the kids were in the family room, so she led me to the bedroom and continued what she started. Teasing my balls and head, rubs her thumb on the magic spot, got me so hard it literally hurt. She pulled my jeans down around my ankles but made me keep them on, and squeezed my shaft in her hand pumping and wispering and tounging my ear, telling me how horny I am and how bad I must want to shoot. It was a dry hj but I still blasted to the moon within say 5 or 10 minutes. I've always had a pretty good size load, but with the herbals I'm taking, I keep spewing and spewing. We both remarked that she never before did anything like that in our entire lives together. I told her if she's going to interrupt football, she certainly found the right way to do it.

I have no doubt that she knows this is something I like

-JB

 

[jethrobodeen]

Man, if you only knew. I take so much pleasure in pleasuring HER, I almost get off from it. I literally ooze while I'm 'doing my thing'. I LOVE to love her.

You bet, I get huge jollies from doing her and making her putty in my hands. But that alone could never satisfy me as long as I have cock and can still squirt with it.

-JB

 

[vanelane]

Thank you wicked woman so much for helping me put more of the puzzle together.



I did that (told her how it made me feel) when she recently approached me on a Sunday afternoon during the NFL playoffs. She snuggled up behind me and started showing me affection. I was trying to keep my mind on the game but she started rubbing my swelling erection through my jeans and I was distracted from the game. Then I told her to pull it out, she asked "right here?" the kids were in the family room, so she led me to the bedroom and continued what she started. Teasing my balls and head, rubs her thumb on the magic spot, got me so hard it literally hurt. She pulled my jeans down around my ankles but made me keep them on, and squeezed my shaft in her hand pumping and wispering and tounging my ear, telling me how horny I am and how bad I must want to shoot. It was a dry hj but I still blasted to the moon within say 5 or 10 minutes. I've always had a pretty good size load, but with the herbals I'm taking, I keep spewing and spewing. We both remarked that she never before did anything like that in our entire lives together. I told her if she's going to interrupt football, she certainly found the right way to do it.

I have no doubt that she knows this is something I like

-JB

I've been following this without posting 'cause everyone else had great things to say, but I just wanna say how nice to see it working out for you.

 

[jethrobodeen]

I am honored to have your input MR.GGG

Jethro - I mentioned the huge joy I, and obviously most of the guys here, get from pleasing our women in ways most women can only dream about. That said, I think I can understand where you're coming from too. There is a point at which you want not the same type of release (GAWD! 40 + giant O's in one session would kill me !!) but you DO want that release. When she is not willing to even try then there will be a build up of resentment which is clearly a bad thing. How you "fix" it though depends on what is causing it in the first place.

Absolutely. However, I can't say my wife is unwilling to try, I think it is much more that she is spent, can't walk, barely talk, and simply can't.

There are so many way that our women could turn us on if they wanted to so when they don't, our reaction may not be correct but we conclude that she doesn't want to. That can hurt a relationship big time unless it is talked out and a remedy is found.

You're right about that. I'm trying to find a thoughtful and considerate way to discuss this with her. It didn't work very well a month or so ago during casual, after-sex conversation. I told her what I read about the Aneros and the potential life saving, but certainly sexual health benefits from regular prostate message as it softens the organ and expells built-up toxins and other stuff that if left there can lead to serious problems. Doctors often have to do a prostate message when older men come in with urological problems. It won't cure cancer but there is growing belief that it could help prevent it. Since prostate cancer runs in my family I told her I should buy one. Then I mentioned that the men who use the Aneros experience something like multiple orgasms and then she accused me of only being interested in the sexual pleasure aspects. Damn, I'm really more like 50/50
on the pleasure vs long term health benefits, but she laughed at me and turned it into like 90/10

If she is just being a brat, is spoiled and thinks your job is to pleasure her and if you want to cum then that's your problem then may I suggest you take a good look at an exercise described on page six of this thread.

I don't think she's being a brat, and she does want me to cum and doesn't mind helping, but we formed our relationship putting her satisfaction first so I definately have spoiled her! But I'll still go look at page six

Her "release" may be negotiated but only after she is a puddle. It might be fun. It might be a role reversal where you are in control even during the act of making her cum which I don't think you are now. It sounds like you are making her cum in a very subservient venue or roll. You may have slid into that roll without knowing or realizing it but that's how it sounds to me. Personally I love that feeling SOMETIMES but to have it dominate your love life is only OK if you have accepted it and clearly you haven't.

Interesting notion, subservient role. I took responsiblity for anything I can do on my part to see that she is sexually satisfied (within reason like I won't offer another man to her with a bigger cock, or take golden showers, not that I'm judging others, just describing how my motor runs). And I often just have her lay back or turn over and work my magic on her, so it is something like performing a service. Why do you think I may not be in control of her orgasms? Oh, maybe because I don't hold her back enough. But she loves it when I call her my horny little bitch. The sub- part of the subserviance, could stem from placing her pleasure above mine. However, I only place her pleasure above mine in relationship to TIME. If I cum first, I don't always lose arousal, but I gotta admit after I cum, my drive to get her off decreases.

If she is just being selfish I wouldn't suggest a page six. If, on the other hand, she may simply be unsure of what to do for or to you to get anywhere near the kind of response you can "inflict" on her. This is a lack of confidence and getting spanked for it would be a mistake. Few women realize how simple it is to please us. Communication certainly helps. The simple way is to find out our fantasies and what we need on an average night to cause that release. What we need most of the time can be as easy as a good BJ, a erotic memory while she gives you a HJ, knowing some of the buttons on our bods that can easily make us feel used and taken helps. I think on occasion, even the most dominate guy enjoys that too.

Gosh, now I wonder. I have a selfish streak in me. Am I trying to compensate by being unselfish in giving sexual pleasure? She has a selfish streak in her too, but I don't think that's the problem. I do believe that she is lacking confidence and is stifled somehow in the reciprocation department. Maybe she has other issues with me and receiving pleasure helps her tolerate. Like Erika suggested, I'll do some preparation on possible solutions to our trouble before bringing everything out into the open. Whether or not my wife has some issues with me, we are both very strong willed and stubborn, but I wouldn't think for a second that she would be ok with me leaving because I wasn't sexually satisfied. So, she'll come around.

Basically though men know that there is no way we can experience the kind of sexual peaks we can drive our women to and if women feel inadequate because of that then it is misplaced. We need little to get off. We need enthusiasm more than anything else. We need to feel YOUR hunger too - your hunger to feel our build up and the release that comes far too easily most of the time. Women can tease or be unusually direct. No one solution works all the time. We do need variety but we also appreciate that same enthusiasm we have when we are pleasuring her.

AND ALL GOD's CHILDREN SAID, AMEN

Most of the problem has been discussed already so I'll just reiterate. Talk to her. Find out since when she figured she didn't have to even try and get you off. She may have assumed from your actions that you were getting off solely on getting her off and you need to make sure she understands that is NOT how you feel. If she lacks confidence then reassure her that "I just need you there, Babe. I need you to want me to cum as much as I get off on making you cum." Simple. Also VERY simple for her because you cum once - maybe twice if you're young. It's waaay easier for her to get you off than the effort you put in to get her off for an hour at a time or more.

You got that right, man. The only exception is after I've given her countless orgasms with PIV, I can have lots of trouble cumming. She needs to either reassure me (and follow through) that I'll get mine after we both recover or she'll take extra good care of me next day and no expectation of getting her off, although *chuckle* it only takes about 30 seconds to make her cum so I could still show appreciation.

If she gets uppity and has decided that things are fine the way they are you can become her bitch and quit complaining or you can decide to show her that you still have a set of nuts and give her a good long page six.

Hey, them's fightin' words!

Whatever happens I'd love to be a fly on the wall. Good luck let us know how things turn out.



I just wanted to add one thing. It seemed too obvious to mention but then again ...

Considering what this technique, especially when done for any length of time with many many orgasms, DOES to a woman, it is completely unfair to expect her to do much of anything at the end. Most women fall into a contented exhausted coma at best. If you want her to help get you off DO NOT WAIT until you've finished her. Cum to an arrangement where she does everything she can to get you off first and then you'll be free to DO her until the cows come home and not have to worry about being all that horny yourself and needing to get off at the end. It can be just as much this way without the frustration of masturbating alone after she's fallen asleep with a feeling of being abandoned by the person you've just sent over the moon!

Yep, I have fallen into this trap, but I can't help myself. It is so much fun watching while I'm getting her off. It's amusing how her hips shake uncontrollably. But she wants my cock after a few and it really keeps her cumming so I hate to take it away from her. If I cum first, I fear that she'll be left unsatisfied, eventhough I can keep going for a little while. But I'm in my forties now so unless I take an ED pill, after I shoot and go soft it'll be a while before I'm hard again (well, long enough that she'll fall asleep at least).

 

[jethrobodeen]

Uhmmm . . . don't be surprised but many of the best people from the last 400 years are overADDchievers like us . . .

So, remember . . . "Only the mediocre are always at their best".

Then I am in good company. Thanks

-JB

 

[jethrobodeen]

People can get conditioned to an orgasm practise. Some guys get so used to the way they masturbate they can't come without a specific kind of pressure. It sounds like you might have conditioned yourself to the looooong wait too well.

Soooo true...

Rather than training yourself to wait, train yourself to come at will much as most porn stars do. Try mixing it up. Be fast one time but take care of her orally or manually. Don't come at all another but don't obsess over it. Since sex is mostly a mental game worrying about how you're going to come is the worst thing you can do. In fact, your wife may have unconsiously realized this. Her delay tactic is a change in your routine which is what it sounds like you need.

Hmmm, "come at will", I like the sound of that. I think I'll spin that off on another thread, but please keep this going. I feel kinda like a thread high-jacker with my problem, but then, maybe we're like a case history and demonstrate at least one potential issue that can develop and MR.GGG or anyone else can refer back to this later as "page 75?" as I report how we're dealing with this. I've been giving my wife multiple -gasms for about 10 years using largely the technique MR.GGG has so graciously condensed to a form that virtually anyone can learn. Many women have you to thank MR.GGG

-JB

 

[MR.GGG]

One of the reasons I push the THUMB (so to speak) is the fact that as we age into our 40's and 50's and beyond (ahhhhhh!) women get hornier and men lose the ability to maintain a woody for three days straight. If there are some ED problems and who hasn't had a few failures just before TAX time.. you always have your thumb. You can have yo dick shot off and still reduce most women to a quivering puddle with this technique. People who have severe arthritis and simply can't do the moves and the positions they used to because of the pain and joint stress can accomplish a phenomenally satisfying sex / love life again. You don't have to worry about traditional intercourse and the gymnastics of youth. People with heart conditions, asthma and other similar conditions can give orgasms until the cows come home and not have to worry about vapor locking in mid-fuk. ... then again can ya'll think of a better time to croak ? "I'm cummin ...ACk"...thud. If you've given her 30 orgasms just prior to that she won't even be pissed at you.

Seriously, what you've got to do reestablish a chronology for your sex so you cum first and you're not holding off until you are so desensitized that she feels frustrated that nothing she does is working.

BTW - I don't consider this hijacking. Mindless prattle I get pissed off at in this thread because I think it has helped a lot of couples but a genuine problem that can be helped with some feedback from the good folk on the "TEAM" here is great. Better than having Dr. Phil call you a dickless whoose on International TV, huh. I just hope you can change your itinerary so you can feel satisfied, she can feel satisfied she got you off and then you can concentrate on her using thumbs, toys, gerbils, Anaconda, electric drills ...



""WHATEVER WORKS""


and don't be taking any of those li'll blue pills. They'll make you go blind. No REALLY. They will.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Seriously, what you've got to do restablish a chronology for your sex so you cum first and you're not holding off until you are so desenitized that she feels frustrated that nothing she does is working.

Funny you mention that. I just got yelled at last night because I always hold back trying ot make sure she experiences as much pleasure as possible. Instead what I've been doing is frustrating her because she feels like nothing she "does" makes me cum, meaning when she's in control of the encounter. She was vexed that I didn't seem to think that she'd get the same pleasure from making me orgasm that I get from making her orgasm. Like i ws denying her a pleasure that I so rellish myself.

Ahhh what wonderfully complex and confusing creatures women are.

 

[jethrobodeen]

Jethro, even though you are worried about fixing the fallout of your outburst, Erika's suggestion on how to proceed is still perfect. The fact is, you don't have to make it up to her for your outburst. It happened for a reason and to ignore that it happened is to ignore the issue that caused it. I say DON'T dwell on it and don't make it all better before you proceed. Say you're sorry for the insensitive way you said it maybe, but don't apologize for the emotions that caused it.

That outburst was your reaction to internalizing the issue that you want to bring forth. Concentrate on that issue. If you get that resolved the outburst will become a forgotten component of the whole sittuation. Let it be what it was, a cry of frustration and a cry for help. That's not always a bad thing. Sometimes it takes a jarring cry like that to make us realize that everything isn't perfect.

Just as your instinct is to do everything you can to give her pleasure, your instinct is to fix any feelings you may have hurt before moving on to your problem. In this situation I don't think you need to put that priority first. Let it be the catalyst for some serious discussion, then once that's complete, worry about any residual fallout. Chances are, by the time you get done talking about the issue, she'll have forgotten her hurt feelings over the outburst.

Plus remember, all you did was state the truth: she's not giving you what you want. While that might be upsetting, perhaps she needs to be upset a bit. It's not like you said something harsh like she was the worst lay in the west or something. I understand though, whenever I say something blunt like this that hurts my wife's feelings I'm instantly full of guilt. It's called love(or being pussy whipped, I always get those confused.).

Wow, TBK, that sounds like the balanced, realistic view I need to have, not just with this one issue but practically anything that would come between us. No wonder I'm hooked on Lit. Great arousal material, glorious/fantastic women, ladies willing to tell it straight, guys willing to share information, peer support.

-JB

 

[Don K Dyck]

I am honored to have your input MR.GGG

Yep, I have fallen into this trap, but I can't help myself. It is so much fun watching while I'm getting her off. It's amusing how her hips shake uncontrollably. But she wants my cock after a few and it really keeps her cumming so I hate to take it away from her. If I cum first, I fear that she'll be left unsatisfied, eventhough I can keep going for a little while. But I'm in my forties now so unless I take an ED pill, after I shoot and go soft it'll be a while before I'm hard again (well, long enough that she'll fall asleep at least).

Uhmmm . . . JB . . . you interspersed replies suggest two things:

1. a need to re-negotiate the dominant-submissive role aspects of your relationship to a sharing of roles between the parties.

The simple and usually most effective answer is to talk it through . . . as frequently and long as necessary.

As Mr G noted, over time our ability to stay hard for days on end declines while women just seem to get hornier with age and experience.

Some women do not know this.

Your points about postate cancer are well taken and all men over 40 should have a regular medical check for it, especially if there is a family history of it.

2. an internal male fear of (sexual?) inadequacy, possibly an unwanted relic of early family life, or sexual possibly from teenage years when a knock-back was the greatest disaster since Noah's flood.

Remember, us overADDchievers have difficulty with 'shades of grey'. To us there is usually 'all black' or 'all white'. And this thinking just doesn't work in love-making.

If S/O is catatonic then she has been well satisfied . . . indeed, she may even have been satiated long before this state, but just kept getting off on the pleasure of the orgasms.

So, a man is not inadequate if he has his lady moaning in ecstacy and shaking uncontrollably with repeated aftergasms.

In my experience, however, there are some times when this level of arousal becomes a turn-off and a quick nipple pinch in public blows her mind

I had to learn to match the level of arousal to the situation at hand, including her mood at the time. And this was where foreplay became most important. But this was a long term learning experience for me . . . and I am still learning.

So, there are lesser levels of stimulation that ladies find equally satisfying.

And then, a regular, nightly 'Command Performance' is rare, even in the theatre.

There will sometimes be R/L circumstances that take the edge off the performance of either party. PMS for the ladies is one classic example, or alcohol over-consumption is another.

The parties have to realise that anything less than a 12 star rating is OK on any particular night because tomorrow night there will be 12 stars and fireworks to make up for it.

A relationship is not a series of one night stands . . . it is much more than that.

Rather, I suggest that a loving relationship is at least an on-going 24/7 seduction . . .

 

[SweetErika]

JB, I wrote this last night but didn't have a chance to finish. I agree with TBK... it'll still work, though there's a modified approach below if you feel you still need to clear the air first.

As for the conversation itself, I'd approach it from the overall view of our sex life angle. Talk about what's working for both of you first, and give some sincere, meaningful compliments. Review the good things, maybe share some memories and laughter...establish a positive connection.

Then, ask her what she might like to work on in the future...you're just checking in with her because you're a team and communication is one of the biggest things that's allowed you to have 23 amazing years together, right?

Oh Erika, please teach me. My mind is fixed on dealing with what I said in anger and hurt feelings. I don't know how to approach without clearing the debris from that fall-out. She already knows there is something bothering me that I need to talk about with her. I've already given her a huge clue by blurting out that she doesn't give me what I want--and worse, in a sexual context. Had that not been the case, however, the approach you suggested seems ideal. Or am I still too blonde (hey its dishwater blonde...alright alright its grey and brown....damn you harsh interrogators) or am I too male and too blind to see that your suggestion is still ideal?

Hey...we're just coming up on our 3 year anniversary (well, really 7 and a half); with 20 years on me, I'm sure you don't need any teaching.

But as a reminder...
I'd go with another heartfelt apology, explanation that you were frustrated and out of sorts at the time, feel horrible, and want to make it right. Tell her YOUR (JB's) failure to communicate in the first place (and the subsequent bottling up of feelings) was what caused the outburst, so you'd like to rectify that now. The crux is you miss talking to her, feel there are some things you'd like to communicate about better, and apologize for any pain your inability to express that maturely caused.Or whatever's true for you...obviously I'm guessing and assuming A LOT.

From there I think you can easily transition to asking about your overall sex life and having the rest of the conversation.

 

[MR.GGG]

DE-hi-hacking dis thread

Has anybody used the GSpot technique AS an apology? There's NOTHING that sez, "I'm sorry." like 40 or 50 orgasms !

 

[muttley44]

I've always had a pretty good size load, but with the herbals I'm taking, I keep spewing and spewing.

Off-topic question here: What sort of herbals?