Truth

[PageWriter]

The red and blue lights are blinding me now
Surrounded by the results of my retaliation
Hands stained with the blood of the abusers
The horrors and the pain have now ended
Unlawful but just, I hold my head up high
My life as a free man will soon be over
Hers without the abuser has just begun
I will never apologize for the actions I took
For I am her parent, and I am her father
Family will and should always come first

 

[Senna Jawa]

The red and blue lights are blinding me now
[...]​

Only this first line attempts poetry. (The rest is just a sketch of an idea. If you want to write a poem then replace these lines with a relevant reportage of senses).

Thus let's concentrate on this first line. You know that the blue and red light doesn't blind you. You have to be poetically honest in your poem. What intimidates people is not these two colors but their pulsation. And pulsation blinds you when you are not used to it. Your untrained eyes don't adjust to pulsation.

It was great that you attempted a visual scene in the first line but you need to take this business of writing poems seriously if the result is supposed to be a poem and not simply a pretense.

OK, now, if you wish, try again. Good luck.

 

[Jada59]

Not bad to me but perhaps try putting more feelings, more emotions in it.

 

[Senna Jawa]

Not bad to me but perhaps try putting more feelings, more emotions in it.

There is plenty of emotion in the given text. Emotions by themselves don't make poetry.

 

[Jada59]

There is plenty of emotion in the given text. Emotions by themselves don't make poetry.

Okay then. I somehow think you wouldn't like my poetry.