catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
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Bump anyone?
Catalina
Catalina
Trust: Where does it begin, where does it end?
- Thread starter catalina_francisco
- Start date
MasterPhoenix
The Phoenix is hunting
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Trust is the only currency we truly have...
When its gone, its the ultimate bankruptcy.
When its gone, its the ultimate bankruptcy.
This is a very interesting thread and something I've done a lot of thinking about. Thanks for the bump.
Trust, for me, has been primarily a one-way street since adolescence. Other people could - and often did - trust me with their deepest secrets, and they could trust me to keep them and to help in any way I could. Due to my family and/or my struggles with depression, though, I didn't believe that anyone would love or trust me unless I seemed to be strong. If I was weak, then I was not deserving of trust, so I kept the nastiest of my own secrets and only "trusted" people with the little ones. And in terms of romantic love - forget about it. Nobody was going to love me for the mess I was underneath, and I got burned enough times trying the one-way trust thing (or just going for the physical and forgetting about the emotions) that I'd given up.
The only people I trusted were those who had somehow jumped all the walls I'd put up, figured out one of my dark secrets and confronted me with it, and still liked me anyway. That didn't happen often. I was aware that this was a problem, but I wasn't sure what to do about it.
My current SO came into my life at one of the lowest points as far as me trusting anyone else was concerned. He wanted to be with me, and I tried as hard as I could for months to push him away. Finally I decided that the solution to all of this was to scare him out of being interested - so I told him all of the things that I was sure would terrify any rational person till they ran screaming. He didn't run, he put his arms around me and told me that I wasn't the disaster I thought I was. And from that point on he has had my full trust. (And I have begun to understand that I don't need to be perfect, which is a wonderful feeling.)
As we are starting to explore BDSM, I like the point that s_red830 made earlier in the thread. I need to be comfortable with and to trust what is inside me, to understand that my needs/desires aren't wrong and that it really, truly is okay to do what I am doing. This is much harder for me as a Top than when I am bottoming, because in that case all I have to do is to trust him. I know, though, that the more that I can trust myself the better this relationship and our experience with BDSM will be.
(Side note: I know I've been switching words/titles around a lot, but I'm only beginning to understand what they mean to me and what fits best. I am very new at all this. Please bear with me.)
Trust, for me, has been primarily a one-way street since adolescence. Other people could - and often did - trust me with their deepest secrets, and they could trust me to keep them and to help in any way I could. Due to my family and/or my struggles with depression, though, I didn't believe that anyone would love or trust me unless I seemed to be strong. If I was weak, then I was not deserving of trust, so I kept the nastiest of my own secrets and only "trusted" people with the little ones. And in terms of romantic love - forget about it. Nobody was going to love me for the mess I was underneath, and I got burned enough times trying the one-way trust thing (or just going for the physical and forgetting about the emotions) that I'd given up.
The only people I trusted were those who had somehow jumped all the walls I'd put up, figured out one of my dark secrets and confronted me with it, and still liked me anyway. That didn't happen often. I was aware that this was a problem, but I wasn't sure what to do about it.
My current SO came into my life at one of the lowest points as far as me trusting anyone else was concerned. He wanted to be with me, and I tried as hard as I could for months to push him away. Finally I decided that the solution to all of this was to scare him out of being interested - so I told him all of the things that I was sure would terrify any rational person till they ran screaming. He didn't run, he put his arms around me and told me that I wasn't the disaster I thought I was. And from that point on he has had my full trust. (And I have begun to understand that I don't need to be perfect, which is a wonderful feeling.)
As we are starting to explore BDSM, I like the point that s_red830 made earlier in the thread. I need to be comfortable with and to trust what is inside me, to understand that my needs/desires aren't wrong and that it really, truly is okay to do what I am doing. This is much harder for me as a Top than when I am bottoming, because in that case all I have to do is to trust him. I know, though, that the more that I can trust myself the better this relationship and our experience with BDSM will be.
(Side note: I know I've been switching words/titles around a lot, but I'm only beginning to understand what they mean to me and what fits best. I am very new at all this. Please bear with me.)
the_pet
Literotica Guru
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- Dec 31, 2006
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Greetings All
I'm glad this was bumped. It was asked at what point do we begin trusting....i don't know if i will be able to explain this but i feel two different forms of trust play out for me....I am able to follow and obey without question but do i trust that what i'm following is right.... not always. I can easily trust the D/s relationship process/dynamics but i sometimes i have trouble trusting the person (if that makes any sense). Like the relationship i'm in now I am completely devoted to his lead but sometimes i think i shouldn't trust so completely in someone else... that's it's a recipe for disaster and heartbreak.
I apologize in advance if i'm not making much sense.
pet
I'm glad this was bumped. It was asked at what point do we begin trusting....i don't know if i will be able to explain this but i feel two different forms of trust play out for me....I am able to follow and obey without question but do i trust that what i'm following is right.... not always. I can easily trust the D/s relationship process/dynamics but i sometimes i have trouble trusting the person (if that makes any sense). Like the relationship i'm in now I am completely devoted to his lead but sometimes i think i shouldn't trust so completely in someone else... that's it's a recipe for disaster and heartbreak.
I apologize in advance if i'm not making much sense.
pet
nh23
Daddy's chunky monkey. :)
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Trust has always been a major obstacle for me. Having a history of sexual and physical abuse in childhood destroyed my trust for all people. For years I claimed to only trust myself and never went into any details of my life even with the closest friends. My master is slowly changing all that. I had more trust for him in the first few months than I have ever had for anyone in my life. May be a little off the subject but my submission to him especially when it involves pain or bondage is slowly healing the wounds that have been open for so long.
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SilkVelvet
Really Really Experienced
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- Dec 31, 2002
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Reading tzigane's post strikes a chord with me..the part about pushing people away..
I was in the earthquake in Southern England Saturday (4.7 on the Richter scale lol) and I rang the guy I really want to be my Master and left message on his voicemail saying I was OK. He didn't call back Saturday, Sunday or today.
So instead of trusting that he would call when he has sorted work etc and that there was nothing to worry about, I got myself into a spiral of anxiety thinking that he didn't care, wasn't interested and isn't even bothered enough to be angry with me.
So he's probably well p*ssed off with me for leaving voicemails and texting and I probably have blown it, just because I find it difficult to trust a guy when he says I have X to do but I will call you at X time or on Y time or leave a message and I will get back to you soon as I can.
<stomps off kicking self>
I was in the earthquake in Southern England Saturday (4.7 on the Richter scale lol) and I rang the guy I really want to be my Master and left message on his voicemail saying I was OK. He didn't call back Saturday, Sunday or today.
So instead of trusting that he would call when he has sorted work etc and that there was nothing to worry about, I got myself into a spiral of anxiety thinking that he didn't care, wasn't interested and isn't even bothered enough to be angry with me.
So he's probably well p*ssed off with me for leaving voicemails and texting and I probably have blown it, just because I find it difficult to trust a guy when he says I have X to do but I will call you at X time or on Y time or leave a message and I will get back to you soon as I can.
<stomps off kicking self>
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
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SilkVelvet said:
If that is all it takes for him to move on, he wasn't worthy of your attention in the first place.
Catalina
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
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nh23 said:
Makes sense to me. So many feel trust is something that is easily won, that if they break it once or repeatedly, that the other should immediately believe in them again as long as they swear they will never betray that trust again. It takes time, and once trust has been misplaced and broken, it is often a very long road back to restoration, if ever, with that person. No matter how much one might try, there is that little voice inside reminding you of what has happened in the past....some feel that is unfair, I feel it is human instinct for survival where all else may fail.
Catalina
