Trust...when to trust and when not to

[sub by desire]

In a D/s relationship you have communication and trust. For awhile things are going along quite smoothly and one day the trust is broken. When the trust is broken between the Dom and sub is the trust hard to repair and will the trust ever go back to where it was?

 

[Louise Brown]

In a D/s relationship you have communication and trust. For awhile things are going along quite smoothly and one day the trust is broken. When the trust is broken between the Dom and sub is the trust hard to repair and will the trust ever go back to where it was?

For me, trust and respect are keys to any loving relationship... not just the D/s variety. Trust is very fragile and most difficult to repair if it's damaged. Once it's gone, it's not coming back, ever.

 

[FurryFury]

I can only say I know people in 'nilla relationships whose trust has been broken and they have carefully, painfully worked on it until they got it back or at least got close to the way it was. I thought there was no way they would be able to do it but they stayed together.

Since you don't say what broke the trust it's hard to give even an educated guess about the situation you mention.

Good luck,

Fury

 

[Evil_Geoff]

... When the trust is broken between the Dom and sub is the trust hard to repair and will the trust ever go back to where it was?

Having been in a relationship where trust was severely broken, I can share my personal experience.

1) Yes, trust _can_ be rebuilt but it is a very difficult process.

2) Will it ever go back to what it was? Probably not. Some level of doubt will almost always remain. That doubt may not necessarily be on the part of the person who's trust was broken. The doubt can remain in the mind and heart of the person who broke the trust. Self-doubt is a terrible thing to have to work through.

 

[Etoile]

My experience is similar too. My wife and I had been together not quite two years when her trust in me was lost. We were separated for about six months (I still lived nearby, and we saw each other but it was often tense) and then we slowly started to get closer again because we were still in love. The trust took a LONG time to rebuild. I think we were finally secure again in mid-2004, so about three or three and a half years (which might be fast by some standards?). When we got our "wedding" rings I knew the trust had been rebuilt, but it took a long time.

Can it be done? Yes, in some cases. It's a long hard process. Sometimes it might feel like it's not worth it. But if you both want to continue the relationship, it can be worked on.

 

[silat]

I cheated on my wife (gf at the time) and interestingly enough Thats what introduced us to BDSM. She was looking for a way to regain control over her own life and to introduce respect and submission into mine and a friend emailed a link to bondage.org and it took off from there with both of us discovering roles that it seems we were born to play. Our play and interaction actualy increased our levels of trust because thats what BDSM is founded upon at least for us. Perfect Love and Perfect Trust is our working motto

 

[marieR19]

Trust is very, very important to me in a relationship, whether it be friendship or with my partner. I need to be able to trust in someone completely before I allow myself to open up to them and/or let them into my heart. ... Which is why it shames me to admit that I did lose my girlfriend's trust for awhile, because of a very complicated cheating incident, about a year ago. However, we are amazing when it comes to talking things over... We do not have the blessing of living together or even close to each other, so we have to be very open and helpful and positive in our relationship. She has also broken my trust before. And no matter what, we always spend hours on the phone talking, crying, yelling, whatever, until we have worked it out.


Heather

 

[tiez]

In a D/s relationship you have communication and trust. For awhile things are going along quite smoothly and one day the trust is broken. When the trust is broken between the Dom and sub is the trust hard to repair and will the trust ever go back to where it was?

I have had two and getting close to a third, where I've developed enough trust with someone that I have implicit trust in what they want to do. If I don't agree with their idea but they insist it's good/valid/worthwhile/correct, I will base my decision on trust in them. I will fully accept what they say, just because of my trust with them.

Why? Because as long as I've known them, they've not lied to me or done anything to break my trust. One had some mixed emotions and had trouble making decisions on us, but we eventually ended up married.

Given the inate trust I have with these people, even a small thing that would lead me to distrust them would take away that 100% I have in them. I don't know if I could ever get to 100% again if the trust were broken. I know there are some people commenting on this thread that they have regained trust, but perhaps I'm too paranoid to think that I'd ever regain such trust. Sure, after time, perhaps 99% or 99.9% or some such, but wouldn't there always be that lingering doubt in the back of one's mind wondering "They broke my trust once before.... "

Gah, perhaps I'm being too dramatic...

I think trust is often too easily given and more often than not taken for granted. It takes a while for me to trust someone so implicitly that I'd let them do something like tie me down...

Curse the idea of the lingering doubt... could I get over it. Not sure. I hope to not find out!