Trust, Proving Your Point

[FungiUg]

In a conversation, people state views... not absolutes.

Well, agreed. But that's how it SHOULD be. Unfortunately, people DO attach ego to their viewpoints, and if you challenge their viewpoint, you also challenge them personally.

I'm rather bad at this, for example. I will jump in boots and all and state my viewpoint without first trying to skirt around issues like attached egos. And man, the shit hit the fan a month or so ago at work because of this very thing.

I find I need to keep one thing in mind: my desired outcome. If I am stating a viewpoint and the other person refuses to listen, then I can just let it go. But if it's something that has to be done RIGHT, then I have to be willing to SHOW why my viewpoint is right. And accept that I could be wrong.

By keeping my desired outcome in mind, I can often rein myself in from going in full guns blazing. Because that can be counter productive to acheiving what I want or need to acheive.

 

[TigerClaw]

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[A Desert Rose]

There are some things that are absolutes. Either it is black or it is White. Those should be simple. You would think. I have seen examples where the person who was wrong was insulted for it being pointed out.

As for the grey non absolute areas. Perception. I think understanding of different beliefs, trust, and respect all need to be there. If the conversation is disintergrating something is missing in the equation. Is someone pushing their point? Is there a lack of respect or trust? Does the person have to be right whether their facts are wrong or right?

What i think is so important for me is now I can be more aware. If I see it is disintergrating and I am part of the conversation I have to step back. There is something else going on here besides the issue being right or wrong.

I will also add that it will not be confrontational if they have trust and respect of each other.

I guess my definition of a conversation connotes friendliness.

 

[FungiUg]

I guess my definition of a conversation connotes friendliness.

It often does, but I think it's possible to have a conversation without friendliness. I've also seen serious challenging conversations break down friendliness. In fact, we recently saw an example of that on Lit.

 

[TigerClaw]

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[catalina_francisco]

Re: Re: Re: Trust, Proving Your Point

Now that can be made into a different topic. Challenging someones beliefs. Not aggressively but in play or conversation. I find that this works when you have a little more then basic trust and respect for someone.

I know a woman that I can take the most extreme position in opposition to her and we enjoy that banter back and forth. It start out as play and often is. Sometimes it strikes a cord and really makes you think about your position on things.

So true. I learn more from someone challenging me, than someone agreeing with me 100%, especially if I can tell they are doing it under false pretenses. Sometimes it will result in my changing my view, sometimes it will coach me in learning better how to defend, explain, or justify my view. It is all good. and not nece3ssarily anything to do with someone having to prove they are right. That is a misconception I find many have. Perhaps for some people it is, but there are also others who enjoy challenging the brain cells. F and I are much like that, and I suspect Pure is another. Looking at it from another angle, someone who is willing to challenge you in conversation or discussion is often doing so because they respect you and also because they feel comfortable enough with you to do so. It is not always easy to do, it often is a risk, but the values far outweigh the risks IMO and lead to understanding between willing and open people...even if it takes time for what is said to process through the brain cells and the emotions.

Catalina

 

[FungiUg]

The first thing I was surprised to find when I first started to seriously post on a bb was how easily your words could be misunderstood.

Yeah, I agree with that. We lose a lot of intonation and facial expression. It's also easier to chat with complee strangers who you don't know... and hence don't know what they are like or how they will respond.

 

[TigerClaw]

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[TigerClaw]

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[A Desert Rose]

Yeah, I agree with that. We lose a lot of intonation and facial expression. It's also easier to chat with complee strangers who you don't know... and hence don't know what they are like or how they will respond.

very good point. Body language is very important or lack of it.

 

[TigerClaw]

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[catalina_francisco]

Sometimes it is not about being right. It is about being understood.

Very true. I think when partaking in conversations anywhere, but especially on a discussion board it is important to remember not everyone thinks the way you do so to decide their actions come from a particular place is not always benificial or informative and can result in missing the message completely by mentally blocking it based on assumptions. I know we have lost count of the times we have been told someone knows we must do xyz in our private life and support things we don't in reality, or we said this because we are thinking that. It gets frustrating and limits the experience of learning from a broad base of people with diverse experiences and personalities.

Catalina

 

[TigerClaw]

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[catalina_francisco]

You dont have regional, country and geographic cultures to over come at home. No one can be aware of all the nuances and slight differences each cultural group has.

LOL, we still have the occasional mixed or misunderstood messages based on cultural differences. Takes communicating, telling the other how something is perceived, then taking it from there and trying to walk in the other's shoes in a sense. Add to that it can also be language differences too which make the message change from what was intended.

Catalina http://www.smilies4you.de/content/sonstige/c66.gif

 

[TigerClaw]

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