Trust and STD results

[superlittlegirl]

This thread is inspired by the Prostitution Poll.

The question is:

Do you require proof (written and authorized, not verbal) of STD free status before you will have sex with a new partner?

The choices:

A. Yes, I want to see the results of the test in writing.
B. No, I trust him or her.
C. No, but we use a condom, gloves, and a dental dam each and every time.
D. No, but we use a condom every single time.
E. No, but we use a condom most of the time.

Answer, then discuss.

I edited the choices to reflect to more realistic options. If there is an option not represented here, feel free to state it and please explain.

 

[TWB]

I can't think straight. I can't answer.
I am distracted by your ta ta's.

 

[SleepingWarrior]

I agree with TWB on the ta ta thing.

I would say B but with a lil twist... If she ain't on the pill the rubber goes on regardless.

 

[superlittlegirl]

Sorry for the distraction.

OK, I changed the AV. I'll be more than happy to change it back once I get a good number of replies to my question. How's that?

Step right up, Ladies and Gents! Reveal your deepest secrets! If we can pack the house, the little lady will show you her tits!

 

[cymbidia]

B, sometimes C.

Since i rarely have actual fluid-exchange kinda sex, and when i do, it's only with people i've built a trust relationship with, then it easily becomes a matter for B or C.

Anyone who relies on tests is a fool, in my opinion.

All the tests mean is that at the precise moment that test was done, there were no discernable problems present in the blood sample. It doesn't man that two hours later the person who provided the blood sample wasn't out fucking crackheads for a hit or two, you know? One cannot rely on those tests to be at all meaningful.

I use protective barriers with people very often when there's anal play involved - and then it's mostly for hygienic reasons. I've never used a dental dam and cannot see a reason i would. On the other hand, condoms are a fact of life, are they not?

I do have unprotected sex on occasion. Rare occasions, actually. Last October was the last time for me, though i've got something in the works for next month (the 19th through the 24 in a distant city, actually - already have the plane tickets) that will be an "unprotected" occasion, and at fucking last, as far as i'm concerned.

If one chooses her partners carefully, if she plays sexually by engaging her brain before her body, if she protects herself when it's necessary, she should be safe.

Sex is a joy.
It's wildly necessary to my fundamental well-being.
It's something i feel, sometimes, that i'm dying for.

It's not something that is worth dying for, though, not for real, not to me. There are too many incredibly and deeply satisfying ways to make love to another person that do not involve risky behavior that to take such risks is utter stupidity.

 

[TWB]

Put the old av back! I still see em anyway! *distracted* (nice eyes.)

Now you have changed the choices, too. I am very confused. Anyway, I have not had sex in over 12 years, so I can't remember that long ago.

 

[alphacat]

it depends...

With a girl - That would depend on whether I trust them or not. My girlfriend and I have unprotected sex all the time, but if it was a stranger... well, i've never had sex with a stranger before. I'm pretty sure I'd use a dental dam. (Ew.. rubber... do they make them in flavors?)
With a guy - I always use a condom. I'm not on the pill, and I can't afford to risk pregnency, nevermind an STD. Even if I was on the pill, though, I'd still use a condom.

 

[riff]

I wish they had one of those test things for at home: like like you stick your dick in a jar full of clear fluid the the room begins to glow ith florescent green light and you shout:

Hell yeah! Look! I am clean!


Call me Mr. Clean.....

 

[Linedrive]

We don't fuck strangers is about the easiest way to say that. My wife has a regular girlfriend and we have played with several couples that are good friends, we have known for a while.

I suppose, hypothetically, if we did hook up with a stranger, definately a condom...but we still prefer to know the people we fuck before commencing the act.

 

[superlittlegirl]

well, I'll put the saucy av back.

It's not like everyone here hasn't seen my tits already, anyway.

The question was meant rhetorically, really. It is in response to a post in another thread that asserted that having sex with a sex-worker (even with mandatory testing and use of condoms) is the easiest way to get an STD.

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=86565

That's absurd, of course, and I just wanted to demonstrate that you're probably more likely to get an STD from casual sexual contact than from paid (protected) sexual contact.

Relationship sex is about trust. For-hire sex is about business. You would never ever trust a sex worker to be STD free, and she would never trust a client who claimed the same. That mistrust (if channelled effectively) could be lifesaving.

Let's face it. A secure as a relationship is, as well as you know a person, as much trust as you have in a partner, extra-curricular sex activity is always a possibility. An STD can easily sneak in. And within the security of an ostensibly monogamous relationship where there should be no need for testing, an STD could go undetected for quite some time.

I'm not trying to down anyone's relationship security. I am not trying to imply that trust is futile or worthless. I am not trying to mire anyone in the what-ifs. I'm not trying to question your judgement, or call your decisions into question, or imply that everyone is at risk.

I'm just saying that at least with a sex-worker, you know your enemy, and you can take precautions. While it's not entirely safe, protected sex with a sex-worker is no riskier than unprotected sex with the girl or boy next door. And most people participate in some degree or another of unprotected sex. I know I have. I know that I still do, within a relationship where I feel that I have trust. I'm not proud to say it, but I've done it. And it is scary to me, deep down. Being ambushed has got to suck, and suck badly.

I'm actually sorry to drag you all into a post that was meant for the sole purpose of proving a point. I hope it hasn't been too grim, and I hope I didn't make it such. I appreciate all of you who answered, and thank you for helping me gather the thoughts I needed to follow through with my argument. It's certainly not scientific, but I think it makes a point.

--Freya

 

[riff]

I think you are being realistic.

 

[zetacon4]

This is my story...

Up until February of this year, when I joined Lit, I had only had sex with my wife and one other girl. The other girl was a church member at that time (1981) and sex was not as risky then as it is now. She was having sex with only one other person to my knowledge then. We just had a one-nite fling. No love interest.
We did not use any protection. She was on the pill.

Step forward to this year.
I met a girl here on Lit.
She and I talked a great deal to learn about each other.
She has 4 kids, divorced and has had limited sexual exposure outside of her ex-husband. Had her tubes tied, so pregnacy was not an issue for her.
She never said whether she had undergone testing for diseases or not. She said she was in good health.
I have never had any diseases either. So we met.
We have had 5 occasions of really great sex and no protection of any kind was asked for or used.
Purhaps I was very trusting, but that is required for me to be comfortable having sex with another person anyway.
We are just great fuck buddies. No romance desired or needed.
So the answer here is B.

 

[zetacon4]

Super...
I'm glad you put that wonderful breast av back.
You are simply divine!
wow, what gorgeous breasts!
And good topic here too.

 

[Lovepotion69]

I want as nice boobies as superlittlegirl!


Regarding the question...I don't think I've ever had written proof. I guess it's a matter of trust, but at the same time I at times ask myself if I shouldn't stop being trusting and just go for hardcore facts.
I use condoms unless it's gone a while and I'm in a monogamous relationship. Also depending on sexual history of my partner. The ones I've been having longer relationships with usually had never had a partner, or just one before.

 

[superlittlegirl]

I have never asked for proof, either.

I do think that it would be a lovely gesture of commitment to go get tested as a couple, before sex happened, but that's not realistic. To put it simply, I don't know if I'd want to be with someone long-term without knowing if we were sexually compatible. It's a lovely idea, but probably not for me.

I am not really an avid supporter of monogamy either-- I think it's dictatorial and a set-up for failure in many cases, and I resist it on principle (although I have never once cheated on a lover. Not even a little bit!)

It all boils down to trust for me, and for a lot of people, I'm sure. I always know my status, but I can't ever be 100% sure that my partner does. I can only hope, and be as cautious as possible without becoming celibate.

 

[Lovepotion69]

Re: I have never asked for proof, either.

I do think that it would be a lovely gesture of commitment to go get tested as a couple, before sex happened, but that's not realistic. To put it simply, I don't know if I'd want to be with someone long-term without knowing if we were sexually compatible. It's a lovely idea, but probably not for me.

We have decided that even if we get together and are monogamous in practice, we will both be open to a change in that status when and if it becomes an issue. I still would have (and have had) condomless sex with him, providing I took care of the birth control end of things. Are we safe? Theoretically yes, realistically-- maybe not.

It all boils down to trust for me, and for a lot of people, I'm sure. I always know my status, but I can't ever be 100% sure that my partner does. I can only hope, and be as cautious as possible without becoming celibate.

I totally agree with you on this whole paragrah. I was going to give the whole 'test before sex' thing a try, but it just doesn't work that well...which I admittedly at times kick myself for. It would just be so much safer and smarter,but....yes, not very realistic.

I'm in a casual relationship too at the moment, and no, haven't gotten tested. Last time I was tested was in mid Jan and been using protection since then, so I figured things should be ok. He has only had one sex partner before me. On the pill too. Still, it'd be ideal to test together.

 

[superlittlegirl]

A tangentially related question.

Do you think the emphasis on the importance of HIV testing, combined with the reality that many STDs diagnoses require physical exams (rather than drawn blood only) may lead people to have a false sense of being STD free?

A person can quite truthfully say "Yes, I've been tested, and I am negative for HIV" and still be infected with chlamydia, herpes, HPV or any number of other illnesses that may or may not show physical symptoms. How detailed are you when (and if) you are enquiring about a partner's status? is it even a discussion that would come up, or would you expect your partner to volunteer the pertinent information?

Would you refuse to have any sexual contact if your potential partner had an incurable STD like genital herpes? Or would you use condoms and other preventive measures?

I will admit to having an extreme phobia about oral herpes (because it can be transmitted to the genital area). I do make it a point to ask people I'm considering as partners if they have ever had a cold sore. I have never fallen in lust with someone who has oral herpes, but I know that if I did it would put a severe damper on my enthusiasm. I could not enter a long-term relationship with that person. I probably would not even kiss that person in a non-outbreak time. Or ever. I know that my fear is irrational, because it is a very manageable condition, but it freaks me out to the extent (regardless of all rational thinking) that I could never be comfortable being physical with that person. I hate it that I am so prejudiced about this, but it is a deep fear. (Wow. I just exposed myself as being an intolerant asshole. That stings.)

Any thoughts?

 

[SailorC272002]

None of the choices apply to me. I am married no other partners.

But on a side not why would you change your AV what I see is fabulous.

 

[SailorC272002]

One more thing by looking at the times on your post. When do you sleep? LOL

I know it will screw of the thread PM me if you would prefer.

 

[Lovepotion69]

Super! Your inbox is full!

 

[superlittlegirl]

Sailor,

I took the boobies down for a little while to help people post. They were confusing some people. I put them back up though, because I thought it would be a good device good to offset the serious tone of the thread.

Sleep? What's that? No, really.....I sleep from about 8am till 1pm. Perfect-o! I am mostly nocturnal these days. I guess I am up past my bedtime now...

Thanks for answering, BTW.

--Freya

 

[Lovepotion69]

Sleeping at weird hours is highly underrated.

I sleep at 3am normally and till noon. It's great!

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Re: well, I'll put the saucy av back.

The question was meant rhetorically, really. It is in response to a post in another thread that asserted that having sex with a sex-worker (even with mandatory testing and use of condoms) is the easiest way to get an STD.

Well, since that was mostly me who stated that, let me add that I was thinking of unprotected sex, and you are right, with protected sex it would be a lot safer unprotected sex with a casual contact. My points were to not rely on the STD test, and that since sex-worker have a lot more sexual contact with strangers, that they are a lot more likely to pick up STD.

Sorry about forgetting about protection and concentrating on the STD test, but I have a lot of professional experience with the STD test, having worked for a bio-tech company that developed, manufactured and sold them, so I know what the ups and downs of the tests are.

Same for unprotected sex vs. protected sex; I have not had that many sex partners, I do not have casual sex, and I am very monogomous, so once I have a partner I am comfortable with, and we are sure we are each STD free, we have unprotected sex.

So my answer would be that I would want to see the test paper, and I would want to know about my partner's history. I have been celibate for quite some time, and I am STD free, and if I ever get involved again I will have a vasectomy, so unprotected sex is the way I would be going.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Re: A tangentially related question.

Do you think the emphasis on the importance of HIV testing, combined with the reality that many STDs diagnoses require physical exams (rather than drawn blood only) may lead people to have a false sense of being STD free?

Yes - that was the whole point of my posts in the prostitution thread. However, it is all a matter of risk; for a sex-worker the risk is high because they have a high rate of exposure (and condoms are proof against infection - they only decrease the risk), but people who engage is less risky sex (monogomous, their partners have been tested and are not promiscuous) have less risk.

A person can quite truthfully say "Yes, I've been tested, and I am negative for HIV" and still be infected with chlamydia, herpes, HPV or any number of other illnesses that may or may not show physical symptoms.

I know there is an immunoassay for Chlamydia as I worked on it, and I believe there are tests for various types of herpes, and I believe HPV too as I recall. For asymptomatic but infected persons, STD imunoassay tests may be the only tests that show an infection.

How detailed are you when (and if) you are enquiring about a partner's status? is it even a discussion that would come up, or would you expect your partner to volunteer the pertinent information?

I would not leave it to chance; I would bring it up, and I would expect to see the proof. If she had not been tested after a recent relationship with someone else, then I would expect her to get tested again, and I would want a period of time to have passed since she had sex with someone else. That is unless she was someone as careful and knowledgeable as say Cym, and even then...

Would you refuse to have any sexual contact if your potential partner had an incurable STD like genital herpes? Or would you use condoms and other preventive measures?

I would have to do some research and get counseling from a professional on the risks before making that decision.

 

[Guest]

I am not surprised that I have not read anyone speaking up about their own experience of having an STI. Still, figuring that something like 50% of women and probably equally as many men have been exposed to and contracted HPV (I don't know what the prevalence rate for Herpes is), I figure that some of you have had to deal with it. HPV is extremely contagious. You can contract HPV from a partner who does not have any visible warts, even while using condoms; it is that easy.

I have HPV. Imagine what it is like being on the other side of things. Imagine what it is like to have to tell someone with whom you have just started to develop a relationship that you have one of those icky diseases. It sucks. Still, I figure that (No, I know that) most people with "hidden" STIs do not bother to inform their partners of their situation. A lot do, though - and have to face the risk of rejection, humiliation - whatever one can conjure up in one's head. It ain't pretty.

I'm sure I'm not the only one in this boat here.