True or False?

[InFlight]

Hi! I need a little help understanding the situation I'm in. I'd like to know what you think about this statement?

"Committment means 'no matter what'. You don't get to break promises, you don't get to pick and choose what part of a partner's needs are important, you don't get to tell them 'I will take care of you', and then minimize or dismiss their feelings as 'just feelings' (not based on reality like facts are) because you don't feel like changing, or for any reason. Especially when you've agreed to something. You don't get to say 'but look at the bigger picture', and expect them to be OK just because you are."

I believe that when you are committed, when you promise to take care of eachother and you promise to give full access to yourself, there is no room for any of the above. And when I say committed, I mean planning to marry.


I'd really like to have another way to see this, if I'm seeing it wrong.

 

[lilpriss]

Committed is not to say you'll never screw up again... it means accepting the person you want to commit to, for however they are... flaws and all.

The only part I agree with in that statement is the "no matter what" part. It ends there. If it's "no matter what," then the rest of the statement is null, b/c it just turned around and placed a "no matter what... except..." on the end.

Sounds like a very UNSATISFIED person who feels as if his/her partner minimizes his/her emotions and feelings to the point of uncaring and condescension...


If you're thinking of marrying the one who made this statement, and it was made to you, then you may want to rethink it, because people don't say things without a reason... and that sounds like (to me) someone is saying, "I don't want to 'commit' to you, you break promises, pick and choose which needs of mine are important, dismiss my feelings, yet say you'll take care of me, you are stubborn and short sighted to think that because you're all right, that I'm supposed to be, too."

I don't know if you are male or female... but it would appear that you are male... and the statement maker is a female.

Good luck to you.

 

[sheath]

Hi! I need a little help understanding the situation I'm in. I'd like to know what you think about this statement?

"Committment means 'no matter what'. You don't get to break promises, you don't get to pick and choose what part of a partner's needs are important, you don't get to tell them 'I will take care of you', and then minimize or dismiss their feelings as 'just feelings' (not based on reality like facts are) because you don't feel like changing, or for any reason. Especially when you've agreed to something. You don't get to say 'but look at the bigger picture', and expect them to be OK just because you are."

Commitment does not mean that you suddenly become an icon of perfection. Commitment does not mean that you are suddenly immune to those things that you were prone to screw up on in the past. Commitment does not mean that you will not fuck up, that you will not have moments of ignorance, and that you will not argue, dismiss, or be less stubborn than you were to begin with. Commitment is not an ultimate fix.

Commitment means accepting flaws, embracing those little quirks, and saying, "I love you, and I'm here for you...you and me against the world, babe." Commitment means that you are willing to try, to do the best you can to create a life with someone. Commitment means compromise. Commitment means understanding that though you might be two people who love one another and are determined to make your relationship work, you are still two individuals.

Assuming that commitment makes all things better is only setting the relationship up for a proverbial slap in the face. Real commitment is sometimes disappointing, sometimes infuriating, but always honest. In my opinion, whoever made that statement to you needs to take a good, hard look at themselves.

My ten cents...

S.

 

[fgarvb1]

Life IS change.

People grow and hopefully their wants and needs change and grow also.


Never and forever are two of the most overly used words in relationships.

 

[CWatson]

So what is your situation? I ask because details are always helpful. And also because I think I've been in a similar one, though not quite as extreme. So, the more you tell us, the more we tell you, and the happier everyone is.

 

[ApplesMcgee]

sheath

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