True Love

[Kajira Callista]

Dolly, I said it right here, a couple of posts back:

But I'm sure there will be those who have known and loved their online PYL/pyl (does anyone know how hard it was for me to type that? AA...) for 6 months and will kick the chair out from under me.

Or try to.

Yep.. you're right Grace... they will come in here and try real hard to knock me on my ass. We'll see how well they can do it... LOL

No one is gonna kick the chair out from under you while I'm around dolly.

As for love... sadly I don't believe it exists.
Online love?
LMFFAO
Here is how i see that subject, and from experience not from off the top of my head. If you think you are in love with someone online, chances are you are in love with who you want the person to be and not who they are. I'm not saying this happens every time but I'm betting I am not the only one here who knows that to be true.
Here are a few other things I have learned. Just because you are honest and completely open about yourself in no way means the person on the other end is doing the same. With no body language to read and no changes in voice and no every day "seeing" for real you will never know...but as silly little subbies and maybe even Doms we think because we are shooting straight that the other party is also.
I don't believe you can truly love (if there is such a thing) a person until you know things like where his socks land at night and if he dribbles down the front of the toilet or what he is like at a high stress time in your lives or if he gets that sometimes you just "need" to be close to him or a million different things you can not know by typing words to a person who may just be typing back everything they think you wanna hear.
But then again i'm mostly a bitter,jaded bitch lol

 

[Cherrysweetdeal]

I don't believe you can truly love (if there is such a thing) a person until you know things like where his socks land at night and if he dribbles down the front of the toilet or what he is like at a high stress time in your lives or if he gets that sometimes you just "need" to be close to him or a million different things you can not know by typing words to a person who may just be typing back everything they think you wanna hear.
But then again i'm mostly a bitter,jaded bitch lol

That is very true, hell you never know when the way a person sits or where the sit or how they do housework. Even what they are like when they are undressing..... some stupid little thing could possibly irritate the hell out of you. Thankfully I've seen G in every situation.

Body language and tone of voice are a few big ones for telling how a person is feeling.

 

[FurryFury]

For me personally I have to both admire and pity someone before I consider myself to love them, so that makes love at first sight impossible because someone can't seem admirable and pitiable at the same time. But less than a month, if I get to spend a lot of time with them.

I don't understand the pity thing. Can you explain a bit on it, I'm curious.

Fury

Dolly, I said it right here, a couple of posts back:

But I'm sure there will be those who have known and loved their online PYL/pyl (does anyone know how hard it was for me to type that? AA...) for 6 months and will kick the chair out from under me.

Or try to.

Yep.. you're right Grace... they will come in here and try real hard to knock me on my ass. We'll see how well they can do it... LOL

Interesting post here. *Thinks about what it really means and smiles*

Fury

No one is gonna kick the chair out from under you while I'm around dolly.

As for love... sadly I don't believe it exists.
Online love?
LMFFAO
Here is how i see that subject, and from experience not from off the top of my head. If you think you are in love with someone online, chances are you are in love with who you want the person to be and not who they are. I'm not saying this happens every time but I'm betting I am not the only one here who knows that to be true.
Here are a few other things I have learned. Just because you are honest and completely open about yourself in no way means the person on the other end is doing the same. With no body language to read and no changes in voice and no every day "seeing" for real you will never know...but as silly little subbies and maybe even Doms we think because we are shooting straight that the other party is also.
I don't believe you can truly love (if there is such a thing) a person until you know things like where his socks land at night and if he dribbles down the front of the toilet or what he is like at a high stress time in your lives or if he gets that sometimes you just "need" to be close to him or a million different things you can not know by typing words to a person who may just be typing back everything they think you wanna hear.
But then again i'm mostly a bitter,jaded bitch lol

I agree with you on a lot of this even though I very much enjoy online relationships.

I have seen that even if one party is totally honest there is no guarantee the other will be.

I believe it is easier to be in love with "perfection" as we imagine the other person to be than in dealing with how he squeezes the toothpaste or any one of thousands of things that might bug the shit out of you but which if you are truly in love with a person you can overlook.

As I said though, I very much enjoy and online relationship when it's going well. I have the reality check of having a full real life too. That's one reason why I don't worry too much about "the truth," no one is really truthful in life anyway, not with themselves or others. As long as I get what I want, WTF do I care what deception there may be? I simply enjoy what I enjoy and that's all I ask at this point!

Fury

 

[A Desert Rose]

... Interesting post here. *Thinks about what it really means and smiles*

Fury

You are such an astute lady. This is twice you've alluded to knowing... LOL

 

[Recidiva]

This is tough for me, because in every one of my long-lasting relationships...I knew right away.

Knew the person was important to me. Knew I wanted to be with them. Knew they in a way belonged with me somehow.

It doesn't happen unless I have that feeling.

I don't give that feeling away, and I let the other person come to their own conclusions about me over time.

But for me it is instant. Eye contact or shaking a hand, exchanging a quip, occasionally just a dumbstruck thunderclap. I know. It's like hearing a phone ring. Do they hear it too?

 

[A Desert Rose]

... I agree with you on a lot of this even though I very much enjoy online relationships.

I have seen that even if one party is totally honest there is no guarantee the other will be.

I believe it is easier to be in love with "perfection" as we imagine the other person to be than in dealing with how he squeezes the toothpaste or any one of thousands of things that might bug the shit out of you but which if you are truly in love with a person you can overlook.

As I said though, I very much enjoy and online relationship when it's going well. I have the reality check of having a full real life too. That's one reason why I don't worry too much about "the truth," no one is really truthful in life anyway, not with themselves or others. As long as I get what I want, WTF do I care what deception there may be? I simply enjoy what I enjoy and that's all I ask at this point!

Fury

You sound as jaded as KC says she is and as I know I am when you comment on the lack of truthfulness. LOL

I've read - and can't find the evidence to support or refute this so if someone else can, please provide it - that the average life span of an online relationship is 3-6 months. Of course if you meet face to face, all bets are off. Everything changes at that point and it's no longer an online thingy. That's when you discover the warts, annoying habits and flabby rolls that weren't seen while it was still a text romance. I guess it's at that point when you decide if you can "love" all that in a person or not.

;-)

 

[A Desert Rose]

This is tough for me, because in every one of my long-lasting relationships...I knew right away.

Knew the person was important to me. Knew I wanted to be with them. Knew they in a way belonged with me somehow.

It doesn't happen unless I have that feeling.

I don't give that feeling away, and I let the other person come to their own conclusions about me over time.

But for me it is instant. Eye contact or shaking a hand, exchanging a quip, occasionally just a dumbstruck thunderclap. I know. It's like hearing a phone ring. Do they hear it too?

In real life? Up close and personal like? I think we all feel those instant attractions that you mention.

But is that Love? Personally, I don't think so. Can it become love? absolutely!

And on a side note: It's good to see you posting over this way. ;-)

 

[Recidiva]

You sound as jaded as KC says she is and as I know I am when you comment on the lack of truthfulness. LOL

I've read - and can't find the evidence to support or refute this so if someone else can, please provide it - that the average life span of an online relationship is 3-6 months. Of course if you meet face to face, all bets are off. Everything changes at that point and it's no longer an online thingy. That's when you discover the warts, annoying habits and flabby rolls that weren't seen while it was still a text romance. I guess it's at that point when you decide if you can "love" all that in a person or not.

;-)

I've had bunches of online relationships...I guess I defy the odds. My husband and I post here on lit, we had a six-year online relationship with only one real life meeting in that time. Now seven years together.

I think it depends on how deeply you need that person to be in your life, annoying habits and flabby rolls notwithstanding.

The other ones, some of 'em didn't make it to three months...some of them lasted much longer than six.

Sounds about right as an average, unless you count the one week fling with the "You're WHAT?" kicker.

 

[Recidiva]

In real life? Up close and personal like? I think we all feel those instant attractions that you mention.

But is that Love? Personally, I don't think so. Can it become love? absolutely!

And on a side note: It's good to see you posting over this way. ;-)

I think it is. At least for me, I "know" right away. No amount of me not knowing can be overcome by someone else knowing and trying to convince me.

And it definitely cuts down on the bull. I'm all in at that point, if I'm available. I'm not worried, I'm not coy, I'm straightforward and to the point. No games or denial of it.

If it always works for me, I can't see much reason to call it anything else. No amount of time changes the impression.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I have seen that even if one party is totally honest there is no guarantee the other will be.



Fury

I actually have come to the conclusion that in a lot of ways online is a lot easier to check up on honesty than RL. In RL there is often a reluctance to question, a preoccupation with physical aspects of the relationship over riding common sense in many cases, difficulty in finding ways to actually check even if you want. For me, online made that so much easier...and yes, some will say where was the trust, but for me it was important to have that trust justified more so than to trust blindly and hope it was not misplaced. It was so simple to set up another profile, contact, flirt, and see what happened.....and you know what, just as you say most are not situations where both are honest, you are right....thankfully, even though I nearly didn't put F through the unsuspecting test, I decided I should and he was the only one who did not flirt back and actually told my alt character that he was in a committed relationship and not interested or willing to risk it. I was not surprised as I already felt very secure, but it was nice to know and didn't make me feel guilty for one moment for not playing gullible sub and believing that trust means leaving yourself open to the games of those who play less than honestly and openly. In RL that would have been much harder to check.

Catalina

 

[Chicklet]

I think "love" starts out as lust. You lust after a person, and want them, and so get with them. That lust you feel that makes your stomach flitter is what I consider the definition of love. But eventually the flittering will go away, and you'll have learned to love the person behind the lust. Or else, you'll break apart.

That's what I think about it.

 

[FurryFury]

You are such an astute lady. This is twice you've alluded to knowing... LOL

*blushes*

I tend to pick up on dropped hints and pennies, it's just my nature.

You sound as jaded as KC says she is and as I know I am when you comment on the lack of truthfulness. LOL

I've read - and can't find the evidence to support or refute this so if someone else can, please provide it - that the average life span of an online relationship is 3-6 months. Of course if you meet face to face, all bets are off. Everything changes at that point and it's no longer an online thingy. That's when you discover the warts, annoying habits and flabby rolls that weren't seen while it was still a text romance. I guess it's at that point when you decide if you can "love" all that in a person or not.

;-)

I'm jaded, yes, and I wouldn't be the least bit if that were true about the 3-6 months. I've had quite a few that were shorter than that. In fact all of mine tend to be. I must be doing something VERY wrong! *SOBS*

On the other hand I'm not jaded at all. That is the way I am. I'm both. It's confusing isn't it?

Fury

I actually have come to the conclusion that in a lot of ways online is a lot easier to check up on honesty than RL. In RL there is often a reluctance to question, a preoccupation with physical aspects of the relationship over riding common sense in many cases, difficulty in finding ways to actually check even if you want. For me, online made that so much easier...and yes, some will say where was the trust, but for me it was important to have that trust justified more so than to trust blindly and hope it was not misplaced. It was so simple to set up another profile, contact, flirt, and see what happened.....and you know what, just as you say most are not situations where both are honest, you are right....thankfully, even though I nearly didn't put F through the unsuspecting test, I decided I should and he was the only one who did not flirt back and actually told my alt character that he was in a committed relationship and not interested or willing to risk it. I was not surprised as I already felt very secure, but it was nice to know and didn't make me feel guilty for one moment for not playing gullible sub and believing that trust means leaving yourself open to the games of those who play less than honestly and openly. In RL that would have been much harder to check.

Catalina

I agree with you there Catalina. I'm very happy for you too! *smiles*

Fury

 

[sunandshadow]

I don't understand the pity thing. Can you explain a bit on it, I'm curious.

Sure. I am a very nurturing person, I want to be needed, so for me an important part of attraction is seeing that a person is suffering and maybe I could help them and cheer them up. This is probably why I always fall for wounded outcast types.

Factoid: In medieval England the word pity had a much more positive connotation, more like empathy, sympathy, and mercy, and was part of what the woman was supposed to feel in courtly love. In Chauder's poem Gentilesse he lists piteousness as one of the essential traits of a noble spirit.

 

[snowy ciara]

I don't believe in true Love. I can believe in true Lust and honest, sincere Like. But that whole "true love at first sight for always, living happily ever after in our cotton candy castle" business..... :hurling smilie

 

[Recidiva]

I don't believe in true Love. I can believe in true Lust and honest, sincere Like. But that whole "true love at first sight for always, living happily ever after in our cotton candy castle" business..... :hurling smilie

Well...

If you don't believe in it, it's impossible to work your ass off to create. Cotton candy castles need permits...licenses...it's hard work.

 

[snowy ciara]

I'd prefer Like really. It seems a lot less stressful than True Love... And cotton candy melts in the rain. Then the Emporer has no cotton candy. Opps wrong metaphor.

But anyway.

I'm not knocking it; if you feel that you've met your own True Love and they Love you, more power to you. When I see peeps in that situation, it's pretty neat to see. I guess, if I really think about it, I believe in it for other people, but not for me. The thought of it makes my stomach hurt.

 

[Recidiva]

I'd prefer Like really. It seems a lot less stressful than True Love... And cotton candy melts in the rain. Then the Emporer has no cotton candy. Opps wrong metaphor.

But anyway.

I'm not knocking it; if you feel that you've met your own True Love and they Love you, more power to you. When I see peeps in that situation, it's pretty neat to see. I guess, if I really think about it, I believe in it for other people, but not for me. The thought of it makes my stomach hurt.

I don't think it's possible to define it for everyone.

For me it has everything to do with feeling like I'm in the right place at the right time, with the right person.

I've had times I didn't believe in it at all. But in the end, I think it depends on whether or not you believe in it when it believes in you.

 

[babiesmiles]

Premise : I am weird !!

That said I must admit I rarely wonder or question myself about the name of my feelings or about the other's ones ... I am old enough to have seen all kinda feelings going through myself , I have met several kind of men and with some I have been ( and still am ) very close .

I don't like to make overabundant differences between online and offline relationships just now, partially due to my thoughts about the whole internet matter and because it's not the point of the question here IMO .

I think when you ( general you ) like the company of another person the most and someway need to be close to him / her to feel alive, when you feel you are understood in all your facets and you are able to understand this other person fully, when you share a "global" vision of the life , when is easy to trust him /her even when you thought to be disenchanted enough to be able to keep your feelings under "formalin " , when you feel he/she trusts you with the same ease and naturalness you do ...well when there is all the above and much more I omitted to mention to not seem abounding in my statements .. why wonder about words ?

I prefer to enjoy the situation, to live the journey, to let me flow , to try to not over analize too much . And I sure you for someone trained to work with the words and labels like me it is a great conquest , and I am very happy I have been able to get there .

But as I said above I am weird !!

 

[RJMasters]

Vizzini:
Inconceivable!!

Inigo Montoya:
You keep using that word. I do not think it means, what you think it means.

 

[FurryFury]

Vizzini:
Inconceivable!!

Inigo Montoya:
You keep using that word. I do not think it means, what you think it means.

THIS is one of my favorite parts of that film!

Fury

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

THIS is one of my favorite parts of that film!

Fury

Am I the only one in damn Lit that hasn't seen this film................cries

 

[FurryFury]

Sure. I am a very nurturing person, I want to be needed, so for me an important part of attraction is seeing that a person is suffering and maybe I could help them and cheer them up. This is probably why I always fall for wounded outcast types.

Factoid: In medieval England the word pity had a much more positive connotation, more like empathy, sympathy, and mercy, and was part of what the woman was supposed to feel in courtly love. In Chauder's poem Gentilesse he lists piteousness as one of the essential traits of a noble spirit.

I'm not saying that is wrong or anything. If it works for you I'm all for it.

For me however, pity has usually lead to really bad places with bad people and abuse.

Still, I think I see what you mean and I believe that can be a lovely concept.

Fury

 

[Recidiva]

Am I the only one in damn Lit that hasn't seen this film................cries

You must correct this, rebecca. Must. Required to continue to breathe.

 

[FurryFury]

Am I the only one in damn Lit that hasn't seen this film................cries

My I suggest you rent it?

And try to have low expectations. That always helps me enjoy a film the best. LOL!

Fury

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

You must correct this, rebecca. Must. Required to continue to breathe.

My I suggest you rent it?
And try to have low expectations. That always helps me enjoy a film the best. LOL!

So for me to know twu wuv I must be able to breathe , have low expectations and consider it a rental............hmmmn

So twu love is like a multi tasking thing then ......am I starting to 'get it'........