True Dom?

[DaddysPet1969]

I'm a true submissive. How do you tell the real Doms from the users? I recently began talking to who I thought was the real deal. Everything he said could of come out of the Dominant For Dummies handbook. So about 20min.ago after 3 days of talking he tells me being a submissive means complete trust in my dominant and that everything I own belongs to him now. He then says give me your bank details, I want to make a purchase for myself. I immediately ended the conversation and came here. He says he is working in Dubai. Would any of you subs out there give your dom your bank details? Would any of the doms ask your subs for their bank details?

 

[Stevew0073]

I'm a true submissive. How do you tell the real Doms from the users? I recently began talking to who I thought was the real deal. Everything he said could of come out of the Dominant For Dummies handbook. So about 20min.ago after 3 days of talking he tells me being a submissive means complete trust in my dominant and that everything I own belongs to him now. He then says give me your bank details, I want to make a purchase for myself. I immediately ended the conversation and came here. He says he is working in Dubai. Would any of you subs out there give your dom your bank details? Would any of the doms ask your subs for their bank details?

Hell no. Several ladies I have run across try similar things and I called one out and she said so many desperate guys out there that she actually does make money. That kills me. Come on people wise up.

 

[HornyHal]

Yikes, I just can’t wrap my head around that. That’s just crazy.

 

[ExiledWelshman]

He did what? That's insane. It's also ridiculously manipulative as there may be someone out there who would give him bank account details. What a scumbag.

 

[JackOfNoTrades]

Wow. That type of scam never even occurred to me. I mean it is blatantly obvious as soon as the "steal my identity" questions come up, but still...wow...

I have now officially heard it all.

 

[Nezhul]

The guy you met is obviously a scammer. The sad thing is that I'm sure some people fall for it.

How do you tell a real dom though? There's no real giveaway. It's not like there's a divine sign hovering above their head. It's mostly about getting to know a person and deciding from there. As your example vividly shows, it may not be apparent right away.

Also, a man may be inexperienced in domination and BDSM in general, but he's dominant by nature. Some of the beginners may even be F-ing up similarly to the case you described - not by asking for your credit card, but by generally demanding a lot and having a skewed concept of DS relationship. For example, the notion that "dominant is always right" is a common misconception brought on by pop culture.

I think that if you are seriously looking for a dominant for yourself, here're a few things that definitely help.
1) You should know and study safe and healthy BDSM practices just as much as you'd expect your dominant to know. You should know about safewords, limits, proper course of action to outline the relationship without being a jerk or infringing upon that person's human rights and freedoms. Basically, you should be able to dominate another person, at least on paper and knowledge-wise.
2) You should be an active participant in discussing your arrangement. Don't expect dominant to give you all the rules. Be ready to state exactly what you want and how far you want to go, provide ideas and suggestions. Don't mix this up with topping from the bottom. It's one thing to participate in arranging the agreement, and the other thing entirely is constantly breaking your role later.
3) Be ready to make concessions in your arrangement, but expect similar equal concessions from them. It doesn't matter if he's a dominant and you're a sub. It's really rare to find a perfect match. There's bound to be a number of things that he wants but you don't, and vice versa. The trick is that both parties should make steps towards each other, not just the submissive.
4) To re-iterate a previous point - you may be a submissive, but you are still an equal person to your Dominant. Equally important, and your wants and needs equally matter. This is the place where you should start every relationship. Later, if you are hardcore, you may give up some of your freedoms and rights to your Dom - but never from the start. If he wants that - you may imply that this may come later, but at first it's all off the table.
I mean, to my beloved wife whom I trust I WOULD give my credit card easily. It wouldn't be a problem to submit to that extent. To a girlfriend? Not so much. To a stranger? No chance!
5) Be ready to educate another person. You will meet A LOT of people who are interested in BDSM but lack proper knowledge to start, or operate based on Media presentation of the lifestyle. Be ready and patient explaining some of the things to them. They may very well listen.
6) If you see it's not working - don't try to force it.

And remember. A Good Dominant - is not someone who knows everything, has years of experience and never screws up. A Good Dominant is a person who is serious about taking the responsibility, understands that it IS a responsibility, and is willing to learn and improve all the time. It's also someone who really wants it to work for BOTH of you, not only for himself, and will take an extra step to make sure that everything is to your liking.
These are the criteria that I would name.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I agree with everyone who has commented that you should run from this guy, and fast. He has no right to spend your money. Submissives have rights including the right to say no.

I would also caution you to be wary of the word “true” associated with any other title within BDSM. There’s such a wide spectrum of submission and dominance; there’s not really one “right way” to be a Dom or a sub. “True” implies one way is right and another is not. As long as the relationship and play is safe, sane, and consensual, it’s A-okay.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I'm a true submissive. How do you tell the real Doms from the users? I recently began talking to who I thought was the real deal. Everything he said could of come out of the Dominant For Dummies handbook. So about 20min.ago after 3 days of talking he tells me being a submissive means complete trust in my dominant and that everything I own belongs to him now. He then says give me your bank details, I want to make a purchase for myself. I immediately ended the conversation and came here. He says he is working in Dubai.

This could be a run-of-the-mill fuckboy using BDSM as a way to manipulate women, but the three-day timescale "working in Dubai" bit makes me wonder if it might be a BDSM-flavoured variant on the classic lonely hearts scam. My partner used to get scammers on Facebook trying to suck her into these, and often they'd pretend to be western expats working in some exotic country.

Would any of you subs out there give your dom your bank details? Would any of the doms ask your subs for their bank details?

Financial domination is a real thing; there are subs who genuinely get off on paying large amounts of money to their dom. But any dom who tells you that this is the only way to practice BDSM (or even the normal way) is full of it, trying to scam you.

I would also caution you to be wary of the word “true” associated with any other title within BDSM. There’s such a wide spectrum of submission and dominance; there’s not really one “right way” to be a Dom or a sub. “True” implies one way is right and another is not. As long as the relationship and play is safe, sane, and consensual, it’s A-okay.

This, and also: IMHO, "one true way"-ism is very often a red flag for a manipulative/abusive person - it's used as a way to shame people into activities that they're not comfortable with. It's like a BDSM version of "if you loved me, you would..."

 

[cookiecat]

What everyone else said. Plus, don't think with your pussy. It's good to hear your brain kicked in and you ran fast!!

Online can be more powerful than real life. Those feelings are valid but it's so easy to get caught up in whatever I've built up in my head.

You don't have to be a true submissive. What does that really mean? Just be a true person.

 

[CandiCame]

Holy shit that's awful.

I think everyone is going to keep telling you the same thing but I just want to reiterate that that's insane and awful?

Idk that you should go out looking for doms to fit what you've got in your head. Like, for me, it's something that should come up in a relationship you already have, with someone you trust. It's not something I'd really just go out looking for. Because established trust is a HUGE thing so you really need to have someone that you already have a presetablished relationship with that you have that level of intimacy with.

 

[DVS]

I'm a true submissive. How do you tell the real Doms from the users? I recently began talking to who I thought was the real deal. Everything he said could of come out of the Dominant For Dummies handbook. So about 20min.ago after 3 days of talking he tells me being a submissive means complete trust in my dominant and that everything I own belongs to him now. He then says give me your bank details, I want to make a purchase for myself. I immediately ended the conversation and came here. He says he is working in Dubai. Would any of you subs out there give your dom your bank details? Would any of the doms ask your subs for their bank details?

Every bit of advice you've received to this point is spot on. This kind of demand is an over the top red flag. Run, don't walk, and do not look back. That person is not only a poser, but most likely not even into BDSM at all. He's probably just a spammer and using this as another variation of the American citizen trapped in a foreign country scam.

While that scam usually is used as a sympathy trick on somebody, asking for money to get out of a country, this has BDSM additions to it, to prey on newbie subs who don't know any different and just assume they are talking to a real dom and of course, a real dom would never try to scam anybody.

There really should be classes provided to people who are looking for a dom, because there are so many fakers out there just waiting for the next newbie submissive to victimize. It's very sad that they are out there, but they are.

Even with the list Nezhul has posted, there are never any set rules you can trust. That list is quite good, but it's far from absolute or enough on its own. There are so many spammers out in the world who are very smart and will actually act the part of a real dom quite well, for a period of time. So, even though you may have a very good list of things to look for and ways you should act and how the dom should act, there is no sure fire way to know for sure about someone, if you are complete strangers.

If you live somewhere where there are munch groups or groups of people who live the life of BDSM or D/s or just kinky people who get together for parties, it would be good to join or at least make friends with some of the members. These people will totally understand your position and may very likely help you meet possible partners from within their group.

They also will probably know of people in your area who are NOT worth messing with, because they have members who have had bad experiences with these people. Trust me...they probably have a list of names that's growing daily.

See, a real dom doesn't want a reputation of being an asshole. And it's difficult to live in a city without getting a reputation, either good or bad. BDSM groups are pretty closed groups, for various reasons, and because of that, they know a lot of people who enjoy BDSM activities.

So, you could Google munch groups or BDSM munch groups or something similar to that, with your city in the google search. If you don't get any hits, change the search around until you do. Any major city in the US and probably in other countries will have such groups.

They might not be easy to reach, but they will have a way. They might have a certain day of the month when outsiders can come and visit with the group. Those are called munches. They are pretty generic meetings, maybe in a restaurant or some other public place where everybody can feel safe.

You will have the chance to meet members and they will have the chance to meet you. There is no sex involved in a munch. It's very vanilla and strictly for meeting people.

Once you get to know people in your area, you'll be taking the first step in finding someone who is a real dom or a real sub. Keep in mind that any BDSM relationship is just like any other relationship. Personalities are involved. So, just because you find someone to be a dom or a sub, they might not be the one you are looking for, or you what they are looking for.

Once you find a dom, the difficult part is talking about hard and soft limits and likes and dislikes. Don't assume the first one you meet is a perfect fit, just because they are an actual dom or sub.

But, this is one of the safest ways to proceed, if you have such a group in your area. Good luck with your search. I would never want to be a submissive looking for a dom, these days. There are far too many smart posers and spammers out there. They know all of the tricks.


http://findamunch.com/newcomer-tip/

 

[Pocketshaver]

I have been into the business so to speak since 2001. I am a dominant and proud of it. However I am NOT accepted in these little online communities like fet life.

Yes there is a difference between a dominant and a poser. the Dominant is a real person and is going to create a real relationship. Everyones dynamic varies, but their are some things that are going to be the same.

Joining fetish groups is a waste of time. Some of the most popular and respected leaders and mebers are some of the most disgusting and criminalist people on them.

SO many groups are set up as rape clubs were prospective dominants are required to bring subs around to get fucked by the existing membership to "show they are able to train a submissive properly".
Fetlife for instance is such a fucked up place that its best to avoid it. Seriously, its set up to create victims and put people into positions that are dangerous.

There was one sex party fetish event that had women getting raped and being shamed into silence when the PHOTOS of said rapes were put on the site as being "wonderful photos of sex".

There is a member of fetlife, who was one of the ruling members of the Australian community who got in international papers for being arrested for rape. Seems this highly regarded person had hundreds of submissives come over for "one on one play sessions", and when he tied them down, had all his friends come over and rape them.

[Content prohibited per forum rules]

For the record 50 shades, the MOVIES, are excellent representation of a good fetish relationship. Look closely. The only reasons that the films got lambasted and got the whole 50 Shades phenomenom lambasted by the fetlife sommunity are the following:

ITs sane and consensual. Every one agrees on things.

The contract, you need a list of does and donts. That's it. That has them tethered into a bunch because in the film, the DOMINANT is actually responsible for things going bad.
That's a really bad thing in the fetlife world because they feel the dom is sancrosanct right at all times.

The spanking in the first film was consensual. SHE ASKED for it, and he gave it to her. She couldn't handle it so she left.
That blew the corks of so many fetlifers that she was allowed to leave, that she wasn't tied down, and that she had the right to choose.

The fetish consultants for the series came from Fetlife. I mean some of the top memebers, educators, and most respected people on it. During production, they were regarded as heroes, and when the movie came out, they were forced to leave the fetlife world due to backlash over:
a consensual bondage contract that 70% of fetlife members insist needs to be done so that everyone knows what can and cannot be done. The irony escapes them.
A consensual spanking scene. In a fetlife world where tying your sub at a party, stuffing a ball gang in her mouth, and letting strangers beat her/him with a baseball bat all night is ACCEPTABLE and makes you A TRULY EDUCATED DOM

 

[DVS]

I have been into the business so to speak since 2001. I am a dominant and proud of it. However I am NOT accepted in these little online communities like fet life.

Yes there is a difference between a dominant and a poser. the Dominant is a real person and is going to create a real relationship. Everyones dynamic varies, but their are some things that are going to be the same.

Joining fetish groups is a waste of time. Some of the most popular and respected leaders and mebers are some of the most disgusting and criminalist people on them.

SO many groups are set up as rape clubs were prospective dominants are required to bring subs around to get fucked by the existing membership to "show they are able to train a submissive properly".
Fetlife for instance is such a fucked up place that its best to avoid it. Seriously, its set up to create victims and put people into positions that are dangerous.

There was one sex party fetish event that had women getting raped and being shamed into silence when the PHOTOS of said rapes were put on the site as being "wonderful photos of sex”
There is a member of fetlife, who was one of the ruling members of the Australian community who got in international papers for being arrested for rape. Seems this highly regarded person had hundreds of submissives come over for "one on one play sessions", and when he tied them down, had all his friends come over and rape them.

Content prohibited per forum rules

For the record 50 shades, the MOVIES, are excellent representation of a good fetish relationship. Look closely. The only reasons that the films got lambasted and got the whole 50 Shades phenomenom lambasted by the fetlife sommunity are the following:

ITs sane and consensual. Every one agrees on things.

The contract, you need a list of does and donts. That's it. That has them tethered into a bunch because in the film, the DOMINANT is actually responsible for things going bad.
That's a really bad thing in the fetlife world because they feel the dom is sancrosanct right at all times.

The spanking in the first film was consensual. SHE ASKED for it, and he gave it to her. She couldn't handle it so she left.
That blew the corks of so many fetlifers that she was allowed to leave, that she wasn't tied down, and that she had the right to choose.

The fetish consultants for the series came from Fetlife. I mean some of the top memebers, educators, and most respected people on it. During production, they were regarded as heroes, and when the movie came out, they were forced to leave the fetlife world due to backlash over:
a consensual bondage contract that 70% of fetlife members insist needs to be done so that everyone knows what can and cannot be done. The irony escapes them.
A consensual spanking scene. In a fetlife world where tying your sub at a party, stuffing a ball gang in her mouth, and letting strangers beat her/him with a baseball bat all night is ACCEPTABLE and makes you A TRULY EDUCATED DOM

Are you for real? I'm sorry, but I disagree with quite a bit of what you say. I'm sure that means nothing to you and that's OK. But my opinion might carry more weight than yours does, just because I can spell. No offense intended, but this site is full of writers and I'd say most of them are able to spell, or at least take the time to spell check their posts before posting.

I'm also a member of the Fetlife community and I don't know of anything going on there like you describe. But that site is very large and I will at least agree that there could be a group or two within the site that acts like you say. But, I know quite a few people there and just like this site, the people there are intelligent and carrying of others.

The groups I'm connected with are all organized groups that follow the SS&C method of play and even have members within the groups to help newbies find their way. And I'm not talking about sending them to some group leader to be tied up and raped.

Actually, Fetlife is made up of organized groups from all over the world and I'm sure there are probably some groups that don't follow the basic rules of BDSM, but you will not be forced out of Fetlife if you mention this to the site owners. I'm sure there are ways to point these groups out to people who would need to know.

I would be interested to know the name of the group you say does this, so I can go investigate for myself. Also, I'd like to know your nick over there or the nick of someone who was abused like you say, so I can check posts for myself. Of course, this is up to you.

And there are members of this community who are also members of Fetlife. I dare say they would also be interested to know any specifics you have as proof of your claims. If your claims are true, the BDSM public needs to know.

If you have had bad experiences at Fetlife, I'm sorry, but you shouldn't condemn the whole site for something one group has done. Fetlife is very, very large. You should have notified the site owners and let them deal with the situation.

And as for the Shades of Grey stories, they are total crap and not even worth talking about. They were vampire romance novels at best with a little D/s in there to take the place of the vampires. That's what the author said she did and she had no previous knowledge of any BDSM before she wrote the stories...and it shows.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Are you for real? I'm sorry, but I disagree with quite a bit of what you say. I'm sure that means nothing to you and that's OK. But my opinion might carry more weight than yours does, just because I can spell. No offense intended, but this site is full of writers and I'd say most of them are able to spell, or at least take the time to spell check their posts before posting.

I'm also a member of the Fetlife community and I don't know of anything going on there like you describe. But that site is very large and I will at least agree that there could be a group or two within the site that acts like you say. But, I know quite a few people there and just like this site, the people there are intelligent and carrying of others.

The groups I'm connected with are all organized groups that follow the SS&C method of play and even have members within the groups to help newbies find their way. And I'm not talking about sending them to some group leader to be tied up and raped.

Actually, Fetlife is made up of organized groups from all over the world and I'm sure there are probably some groups that don't follow the basic rules of BDSM, but you will not be forced out of Fetlife if you mention this to the site owners. I'm sure there are ways to point these groups out to people who would need to know.

I would be interested to know the name of the group you say does this, so I can go investigate for myself. Also, I'd like to know your nick over there or the nick of someone who was abused like you say, so I can check posts for myself. Of course, this is up to you.

And there are members of this community who are also members of Fetlife. I dare say they would also be interested to know any specifics you have as proof of your claims. If your claims are true, the BDSM public needs to know.

If you have had bad experiences at Fetlife, I'm sorry, but you shouldn't condemn the whole site for something one group has done. Fetlife is very, very large. You should have notified the site owners and let them deal with the situation.

And as for the Shades of Grey stories, they are total crap and not even worth talking about. They were vampire romance novels at best with a little D/s in there to take the place of the vampires. That's what the author said she did and she had no previous knowledge of any BDSM before she wrote the stories...and it shows.

All of this. 100%.

 

[Miles Long]

Well, damn! I've been on FetLife for years and I'm only just now finding out about the rape clubs? Sigh, I am so bad at internetting.

 

[AlliaPotestas]

I'm a true submissive. How do you tell the real Doms from the users? I recently began talking to who I thought was the real deal. Everything he said could of come out of the Dominant For Dummies handbook. So about 20min.ago after 3 days of talking he tells me being a submissive means complete trust in my dominant and that everything I own belongs to him now. He then says give me your bank details, I want to make a purchase for myself. I immediately ended the conversation and came here. He says he is working in Dubai. Would any of you subs out there give your dom your bank details? Would any of the doms ask your subs for their bank details?

Ermmmm... not a Dom but fuck no... fuck no... and fuck no....

People don’t ask for your bank details whether 3 days, 3 months or 3 years...

Get shot of him ASAP...

 

[AlwaysFara]

Are you for real? I'm sorry, but I disagree with quite a bit of what you say. I'm sure that means nothing to you and that's OK. But my opinion might carry more weight than yours does, just because I can spell. No offense intended, but this site is full of writers and I'd say most of them are able to spell, or at least take the time to spell check their posts before posting.

I'm also a member of the Fetlife community and I don't know of anything going on there like you describe. But that site is very large and I will at least agree that there could be a group or two within the site that acts like you say. But, I know quite a few people there and just like this site, the people there are intelligent and carrying of others.

The groups I'm connected with are all organized groups that follow the SS&C method of play and even have members within the groups to help newbies find their way. And I'm not talking about sending them to some group leader to be tied up and raped.

Actually, Fetlife is made up of organized groups from all over the world and I'm sure there are probably some groups that don't follow the basic rules of BDSM, but you will not be forced out of Fetlife if you mention this to the site owners. I'm sure there are ways to point these groups out to people who would need to know.

I would be interested to know the name of the group you say does this, so I can go investigate for myself. Also, I'd like to know your nick over there or the nick of someone who was abused like you say, so I can check posts for myself. Of course, this is up to you.

And there are members of this community who are also members of Fetlife. I dare say they would also be interested to know any specifics you have as proof of your claims. If your claims are true, the BDSM public needs to know.

If you have had bad experiences at Fetlife, I'm sorry, but you shouldn't condemn the whole site for something one group has done. Fetlife is very, very large. You should have notified the site owners and let them deal with the situation.

And as for the Shades of Grey stories, they are total crap and not even worth talking about. They were vampire romance novels at best with a little D/s in there to take the place of the vampires. That's what the author said she did and she had no previous knowledge of any BDSM before she wrote the stories...and it shows.

 

[Pocketshaver]

Spanish Red from South Africa is the most prominent victim of fet life this year. Just look at what she still put on her profile.

There is so much shit, read the front page now and then.

The scenes in whole states are controlled by a few people. Hell "jeep daddy chris" is in control of Michigan and if you don't wanna share a sub with him, you get black listed

 

[AlwaysFara]

Spanish Red from South Africa is the most prominent victim of fet life this year. Just look at what she still put on her profile.

There is so much shit, read the front page now and then.

The scenes in whole states are controlled by a few people. Hell "jeep daddy chris" is in control of Michigan and if you don't wanna share a sub with him, you get black listed

I find it really hard to believe that one guy “owns” Michigan. The state.
Sounds like you have a Fet problem.

 

[Pocketshaver]

I find it really hard to believe that one guy “owns” Michigan. The state.
Sounds like you have a Fet problem.

JeepDaddyChris really is the head honcho, everything from lansing to Holland is essential under his control. Hes a "ruling" member of every munch, and until about 2017 he had sole ownership of every munch and event that happened.

[Content is prohibited per forum guidelines.]

There was a real popular profile post that made the kinky and popular page. a gay guy in jersey city was drinking with a straight male friend, and when the friend was drunk, the gay guy felt his straight friend had someone "defame homosexuality" so he took the drunk guy to a well known public sex spot for gay guys and video taped him getting gang raped by 3 or 4 guys.

There is so much non consensual activiites going on its not funny. Last few years its an almost weekly surge of posts that make the popular page about how they got violated by someone. I don't mean "so and so used the wrong brand of condom".

But little things like "I went to this persons place, got naked and let them hog tie me like we agreed to do. Next thing I know, im on my face and have something stuck in my ass"

 

[Pocketshaver]

Well, damn! I've been on FetLife for years and I'm only just now finding out about the rape clubs? Sigh, I am so bad at internetting.

Its not just rape clubs. Theres an entire prostitution ring in the Arizona area that's operating from truck stops.

Every time I complain about the shit I find on their to management, my profile gets deactivated the next business day for some odd reason.


Lots of people used to mention that when certain important people had public complaints lodged against them, that the person who lodged the complaint had profiles deleted.

The reporting of victims getting profiles deleted after filing complaints stopped, when the people who reported it had their profiles deleted.

We had a semi famous photography on fet for a few years, his time ended in perhaps summer of 2017 when someone took their accusations to the actual police instead of fetlife.
Seems that when he was doing his erotic photo shoots, he was taking pictures for himself of people who didn't want those pictures taken. and a lot of his "simulated sex scene photos" were NOT simulated. Meaning instead of simply positioning himself behind the tied of naked woman... hed get behind and stick his dick in them.

 

[Pocketshaver]

What everyone else said. Plus, don't think with your pussy. It's good to hear your brain kicked in and you ran fast!!

Online can be more powerful than real life. Those feelings are valid but it's so easy to get caught up in whatever I've built up in my head.

You don't have to be a true submissive. What does that really mean? Just be a true person.

true submissive can be taken as "I am actually a submissive person. I need to submit to feel happy" versus the overly common fake submissive who simply "play acts" being a submissive in order to absolve them of feelings of shames for doing things they feel is disgusting to do.

meaning, if sally is curious about getting pissed on, and shes to embarrassed to tell her boy friend, shell go find herself a "dominant" and become "sally the goldenshower slave" so she can claim its all ok and fine because "its what submissives do"

 

[Pocketshaver]

Well, damn! I've been on FetLife for years and I'm only just now finding out about the rape clubs? Sigh, I am so bad at internetting.

Also if Fetlife is such a wholesome place, why are they forcing American members to send membership payments to either a po box in Vancouver or an address in Malta?

And only in the form of GIFT CARDS

 

[AlwaysFara]

This isn’t Fet. Be quiet about it.

 

[cookiecat]

true submissive can be taken as "I am actually a submissive person. I need to submit to feel happy" versus the overly common fake submissive who simply "play acts" being a submissive in order to absolve them of feelings of shames for doing things they feel is disgusting to do.

meaning, if sally is curious about getting pissed on, and shes to embarrassed to tell her boy friend, shell go find herself a "dominant" and become "sally the goldenshower slave" so she can claim its all ok and fine because "its what submissives do"

What's the "problem" with that (other than not being able to discuss things openly with boyfriend)? So what if women or men do a bit of "play acting" to get their "fantasies" fulfilled.

I'm an American member of Fet and have never been asked to give anything monetarily. I like Fet. I've been involved (as someone watching a scene) in situations that went from consensual to non in a second. The aftermath played out on Fet. So, agreed, those conversations / situations do happen on Fet. A lot of good things happen on Fet, too.

As a moderator of a local kink group, it was difficult to be the police when accusations against a member occurred. It was good to be aware but those accusations should be taken to the police. We could kick someone out of the group but what then? Do we ruin someone's reputation on a false allegation? Do we leave a predator in the group if it's not false?

Same with Fet on a much larger scale. If it's a rape accusation, take it to the police, not John Baku. Take it locally so someone with some authority can handle it, not start a discussion thread on Fet. As you stated, look what happened when someone finally went to the police regarding the photographer. The - as you point out - the actual police. Not the phantom Fet police. Because there is no Fet police.

Anyways - 'nuff said about Fet. As Fara pointed out, this isn't Fet.

So. True submissives.... have we conceded nothing is actually "true" anything - it's simply a part of who you are?