*True Confessions*

[naded]

Well, we would be honored to have ya hon.

 

[sortacurious]

Jewelz,

When you see this in the a.m.:
Could you help me figure out how to turn that pic into an Av?

 

[Freya]

Ya know? I've decided that I have absolutely no interest in young guys. By young I mean those who haven't experienced enough of life to have a normal conversation. My friend (shes 29) has recently found what she terms a boy toy (23 or so)...she had him over last night...what a feckin twit! It was like talking to my daughter's friends....does this make me old? I don't care about supposed stamina, not when you can find that same quality in an older guy.....the conversation would burn my brain.

*had fun tonight with a girl who is so totally innocent, hanging around my friend and I,, and a mostly male group...everything she said we, of course, translated into something rude or sexual...she had no idea!*

* Is thinking dirty bathtime thoughts right now*

*Is smiling still....I know, it's like a multiple personality!*

*thinking of Jewelz, SE, Amber and Batch right now...hoping they will be happy*

 

[naughtygirl]

Welcome back Fiesty!!!! We missed you...I hope you had the best trip....

Im sending all my Lit friends the best wishes this evening, please take it one day at a time, and rely on each other when you need it.

fucked up Bedtime confessions....

*now blasting Precious Things by Tori Amos through my house, is completely capturing how I feel at the moment "these precious things, let them bleed, let them wash away, let them break their hold over me"

*just had a power outage for over an hour

*was left in the dark, candle light flickering and completely alone with my thoughts

*it was not a good thing to be left with my thoughts...doubt, insecurity has plagued me all day and got worse as I laid there

*trying so very hard to be positive, optimistic...he has given me every reason to believe him, trust him

*why is this sooo hard for me? why does this tear at me? why cant I just accept it and enjoy it instead of trying to find reasons I dont deserve it...

*fears deep down that I will ruin this, that I will drive it into the ground

*needs to be deeply needed

*wants to be deeply wanted

*doesnt want to be given up on

*who wants to deal with my bullshit????

NG

 

[warriorpoet]

I have a hard time talking about me, I am so much better at talking to others. The strength of one so special has brought me here tonight. I miss my children and I hate the fact that because I am a man and not blessed with a friggin womb, I am not seen as cpable to love and take care of them. I have tried so hard to ensure they would never feel the pain I did growing up and would spend every day ensuring they know how much i love them and how they can accomplish anything in life. Babies your daddy loves you and misses you so and wishes he could hold you now. I never grew up with a father that loved me and brought nothing but pain into my life and I wanted so much to ensure that they never went a day without a smile. I hope this gets easier and I hope they someday understand and don't grow hating me because I couldn't tuck them in every night. I'm sorry I will stop rambling thanks for listening!

MLFA
Warriorpoet

 

[sortacurious]

Freya, keep smiling! I love it when you smile.

NG, I'll put up with your bullshit!!! Anyday!

WP, You sound like a wonderful father, any child would be blessed to have you as their daddy. I'm glad you were able to come here and speak about it. My heart goes out to you.

 

[Freya]

I have a hard time talking about me, I am so much better at talking to others. The strength of one so special has brought me here tonight. I miss my children and I hate the fact that because I am a man and not blessed with a friggin womb, I am not seen as cpable to love and take care of them. I have tried so hard to ensure they would never feel the pain I did growing up and would spend every day ensuring they know how much i love them and how they can accomplish anything in life. Babies your daddy loves you and misses you so and wishes he could hold you now. I never grew up with a father that loved me and brought nothing but pain into my life and I wanted so much to ensure that they never went a day without a smile. I hope this gets easier and I hope they someday understand and don't grow hating me because I couldn't tuck them in every night. I'm sorry I will stop rambling thanks for listening!

MLFA
Warriorpoet

You NEVER have to apologize for talking on here. That's why Jewelz made this thread.

Speaking from the female point of view (Hey? Here's a switch!), I could only wish to have had a father for my daughter that was as caring and good as you. Unfortunately it seems to be a reverse effect, those who wish to be in their children's lives cannot be for whatever reason, and those who should be aren't.

I firmly believe that your children will (if not now) know one day how special their father is, and how much he loves them. It's a shame that you can't be with them the way you wish, but just know, they will come tracking you down one day, and they will then know how much you love them.

 

[Freya]

Welcome back Fiesty!!!! We missed you...I hope you had the best trip....

Im sending all my Lit friends the best wishes this evening, please take it one day at a time, and rely on each other when you need it.

fucked up Bedtime confessions....

*now blasting Precious Things by Tori Amos through my house, is completely capturing how I feel at the moment "these precious things, let them bleed, let them wash away, let them break their hold over me"

*just had a power outage for over an hour

*was left in the dark, candle light flickering and completely alone with my thoughts

*it was not a good thing to be left with my thoughts...doubt, insecurity has plagued me all day and got worse as I laid there

*trying so very hard to be positive, optimistic...he has given me every reason to believe him, trust him

*why is this sooo hard for me? why does this tear at me? why cant I just accept it and enjoy it instead of trying to find reasons I dont deserve it...

*fears deep down that I will ruin this, that I will drive it into the ground

*needs to be deeply needed

*wants to be deeply wanted

*doesnt want to be given up on

*who wants to deal with my bullshit????

NG

Just know you are a good person, and he sees it, just as we do. You deserve this hun, and you will learn to accept that.

 

[Freya]

Freya, keep smiling! I love it when you smile.

NG, I'll put up with your bullshit!!! Anyday!

WP, You sound like a wonderful father, any child would be blessed to have you as their daddy. I'm glad you were able to come here and speak about it. My heart goes out to you.

*huggles* Thanks.

 

[badmatt]

*confesses to being lost without her

 

[SexyAmber]

I have a hard time talking about me, I am so much better at talking to others. The strength of one so special has brought me here tonight. I miss my children and I hate the fact that because I am a man and not blessed with a friggin womb, I am not seen as cpable to love and take care of them. I have tried so hard to ensure they would never feel the pain I did growing up and would spend every day ensuring they know how much i love them and how they can accomplish anything in life. Babies your daddy loves you and misses you so and wishes he could hold you now. I never grew up with a father that loved me and brought nothing but pain into my life and I wanted so much to ensure that they never went a day without a smile. I hope this gets easier and I hope they someday understand and don't grow hating me because I couldn't tuck them in every night. I'm sorry I will stop rambling thanks for listening!

MLFA
Warriorpoet

Warrior,

Damnit! I am so angry and you know why. All I can say is I know your girls love and miss you. You are a better person for not trying to bring up all the things that would ensure you get them. And someday they will understand why you did what you did. Your daughters are blessed to have you for a father and I am so very proud of you.

A

 

[sortacurious]

Woooooohoooooooo!
He's leaving for hours!!!!
I get to get naked!

whoops, sorry...back to the regularly scheduled program.

 

[Freya]

Woooooohoooooooo!
He's leaving for hours!!!!
I get to get naked!

whoops, sorry...back to the regularly scheduled program.

Whoo hoo!! *sings* "Sorta's getting naked, Sorta's getting naked!!"


*peeks*

 

[CP]

Hello all,
I posted about a month ago and confessed i needed to go to rehab. Well I went. I had a 3 to 4 gram a day cocaine habbit. It was a strange thing at first. I diddn't think I was going to stay. The whole group therapy thing was a little overwelming. I stuck it out and now have been clean for 20 days. I can't believe how good I feel. I wake with a hard on. Something that hasn't happened in years. Sex is incredible! My first night out I had back to back sessions with two different girl "friends". The group therapy I like. I will post more later.

Thanks for listening,
CP

 

[sortacurious]

Whoo hoo!! *sings* "Sorta's getting naked, Sorta's getting naked!!"


*peeks*

dancing around to the singing!

*flashes*

 

[naded]

I have a hard time talking about me, I am so much better at talking to others. The strength of one so special has brought me here tonight. I miss my children and I hate the fact that because I am a man and not blessed with a friggin womb, I am not seen as cpable to love and take care of them. I have tried so hard to ensure they would never feel the pain I did growing up and would spend every day ensuring they know how much i love them and how they can accomplish anything in life. Babies your daddy loves you and misses you so and wishes he could hold you now. I never grew up with a father that loved me and brought nothing but pain into my life and I wanted so much to ensure that they never went a day without a smile. I hope this gets easier and I hope they someday understand and don't grow hating me because I couldn't tuck them in every night. I'm sorry I will stop rambling thanks for listening!

MLFA
Warriorpoet

WarriorPoet my friend,

WP, my name is Jay. Thats what my friends call me and I hope you will consider me as such. I read thru what you just wrote and I have to say it hit me like a ton of bricks. I know the pain you are suffering, I know that hurt, that feeling you get when your seperated from your children.

I have a ten year old boy, and he lives with his mother, who is an Air Force fighter jockey. Six years ago I fought to have him in my custody full time, I wanted my son to grow up with me. I wanted to teach him baseball, and football and how to ride a bike. I wanted to be there when he got his first girlfriend, I wanted to drive him to his first dance, or just spend a lazy saturday afternoon fishing with him and his grandfather.

The court deemed my job in the military not in the best interest of my son and refused to grant me custody and even reduced my visitation rights, against his mothers requests. I had to be redeployed to a different base and was not allowed to be assigned on the same base as him and his mother.

It almost crushed me, it filled my heart with such great saddness I almost could not go on. I could not stand my son not being by my side and watching him grow into a man. But a wise old sargeant pulled me aside and told me a story, a story much like mine, and much like yours.

He told about the way he showed his children how badly he loved them every chance he got. He told them of the love for them he had and how no matter where he was, no matter how far away he was always thinking of them. Things were hard on him, but they knew he loved them. And that made it a little more bearable (ms) and little more easier to deal with.

I took his advice, and to this day I tell my son how much his daddy loves him. How much his daddy misses him and how often his daddy thinks of him. I told him him no matter where I am, no matter how far away, he is always in my thoughts. He is always in my heart and I will never stop loving him.

And things have gotten a little easier, things have gotten a little better and my son knows how much his daddy loves him. So my friend I just offer you this bit of advice this wise old sargeant told me, and now I tell you.

Just tell them constantly,

Daddy loves you so very much,
and no matter where I am,
and no matter how far away I am,
your daddy loves you,
And I will never stop loving you.


I hope this helps my friend, and if you ever need a friend, you ever need a buddy to talk to, I am here.

Your friend,


Jay.

 

[sortacurious]

WP & Naded,

I don't know if this will help, but...

I only saw my father 6 weeks a year during the summer, my entire childhood. The rest was with my mother and grandparents. He was in the airforce and moved around some later on. But he always kept in touch with me. He told me those same things Jay, always. He wrote to me, called me, and when I did get to see him, he made a point of always spending special along time with just me.

Today, and during my entire teen and adult life, my father is my idol. He is forever on a pedestal in my heart. I am completely at ease with him. When I need advise or am troubled I call him. When I'm hurting he's the one I know is there for me. I can tell him anything, and I feel secure in his unconditional love for me. I got all my good traits from him, thank God, regardless of the infrequent time we got together. We talk weekly and sometimes daily. I know more about him than anyone else. We are closer than any of my siblings who grew up with him.

So....my point is...if a child hears and feels secure in there daddy's love, no separation or distance can put a barrier between them.

I hope this helps you both.

 

[warriorpoet]

Thank you all

I thank you all for your strength in my moment of weakness and for all your loving thoughts. I can't begin to tell you how onderful it is to have people such as yourselves around to lift each other up when they are down. All of you are wonderful and I hold you close to me now and let you know that I am here to you, as a friend as a shoulder and as family!

Thank you all!

MLFA
Warriorpoet

 

[zetacon4]

Way to go, CP!!!!!

I am very proud that you stuck it out. Now you see how much you had been giving up to that devil cocain. Big hug for your endurance and keep posting your progress. One day at a time... You will do it!

 

[Freya]

Re: Thank you all

I thank you all for your strength in my moment of weakness and for all your loving thoughts. I can't begin to tell you how onderful it is to have people such as yourselves around to lift each other up when they are down. All of you are wonderful and I hold you close to me now and let you know that I am here to you, as a friend as a shoulder and as family!

Thank you all!

MLFA
Warriorpoet

Hun, it's not weakness to love. It's not weakness to hurt. I am just in tears at the thought of the pain you and Jay are in right now, and wish I could help somehow. Be strong, both of you...your children WILL know that their dads love them, trust me.

 

[naded]

Anytime, brother, anytime

 

[Freya]

Hello all,
I posted about a month ago and confessed i needed to go to rehab. Well I went. I had a 3 to 4 gram a day cocaine habbit. It was a strange thing at first. I diddn't think I was going to stay. The whole group therapy thing was a little overwelming. I stuck it out and now have been clean for 20 days. I can't believe how good I feel. I wake with a hard on. Something that hasn't happened in years. Sex is incredible! My first night out I had back to back sessions with two different girl "friends". The group therapy I like. I will post more later.

Thanks for listening,
CP

Way to go CP. Having beat a cocaine/crack addiction myself, I know how hard and painful it can be. Just be strong, avoid temptation and you will do well. Might be a cliche but the fact that you admitted your problem and have sought help is the best step you coul dhave taken.

 

[sortacurious]

Hello all,
I posted about a month ago and confessed i needed to go to rehab. Well I went. I had a 3 to 4 gram a day cocaine habbit. It was a strange thing at first. I diddn't think I was going to stay. The whole group therapy thing was a little overwelming. I stuck it out and now have been clean for 20 days. I can't believe how good I feel. I wake with a hard on. Something that hasn't happened in years. Sex is incredible! My first night out I had back to back sessions with two different girl "friends". The group therapy I like. I will post more later.

Thanks for listening,
CP

CP,

Thank you for coming back to share your progress with us! On a personal note this is inspiring for me to see, so I really appreciate it.

Congradulations on your sobriety! And the awesome sex!

Please do come back again.

 

[SexyAmber]

CP congrats on your soberity

Jay and WP,

Not to ignore the other confessions, it is not intentional but I feel I need to speak to both of you. I admire both of you so very much, in way can I even say I know how you feel I don't. I wish that I could do something to take away the pain you both have. But know that every child should be as lucky as to have father's like you both. I pray that someday I will be fortunate enough to be such a positive influence and rolemodel to a child as you two are.

Thank you both for sharing your pain with us...I am at a loss of words of what to say to comfort either of you.

my love
Amber

 

[warriorpoet]

Thanks again

Thank you again Naded, I am fortunate to call you a friend and a brother, your strength gives me strength.

Amber, wow I don't know what to say, it really is hard to make me speechless as everyone can see. But I am still in utter amazement with what you posses inside thanks for sharing it with me. I will allways be here for you!

MLFA
Warriorpoet