*True Confessions*

[ShiningEyes]

My deepest apologies for not being able to stay up and be with you longer. I was about to pass out from exhaustion and was extremely lightheaded. Thank you for understanding. I felt like I was failing you by not staying as long as you needed me.

One more small bit of advice, if I may. He wont give up if you allow him to continue. IF you dont want to deal with him, or dont want him in your life, sweetie, you must block him on your IMs and email. Im so concerned about you and your well being. Please dont sacrifice that for someone else's ideal of what they think you should forgive them for. It is NOT their decision to make. Its yours. If the relationship makes you this upset and confused, it certainly is not healthy. Regardless of the words he is giving you. If it lends itself to worry, emotinal exhaustion, bad memories, feeling scared or confused.....It needs to end. Because Beth will lose Beth in the process. And I for one will do my damnedest to not let that happen. I can understand your thoughts of "well he was only 14, and it was a bit ago"...but darlin girl....at 14, we are very aware of our actions. Maybe not the consequences, but certainly our actions. He was not responsible and he is not owning up to his illness. Instead he befriends you and knows about your past and suddenly throws a timed bomb in your lap and says "there, whatcha think about that. but actually i dont care what you think, you should forgive me cuz i have no other friends and i need you. nevermind if it happened to you"..............not fair. nor accepting.

Ultimately the choice is yours to make on whether or not this relationship continues. But please please do me a favor and dont aggrivate yourself more than necessary. I love you and do not want you to feel this way again! *big big hugs*

BIG WARM HUGS Babygirl....You didn't fail me at all!!!! I understand that you needed sleep and you've give me soooo much already!!!! I truely truely appreciate your advice and your love!!!!!!!!!! You are a true friend. And you are soooo right. I don't need that in my life. I'm trying to get over what's happened. Not have it brought up when I look at another person. I love you soooo much and thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!! For everything babygirl!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish there were some way I could repay you!!!! BIG BIG WARM TIGHT HUGS AND LOTS OF KISSES I'll always be there for you!!! No matter what is going on!!!!!!!!!

 

[ShiningEyes]

Re: Hummmm Poor timing...

I really should read all the posts before I start responding...

Sorry Beth that was ill timed and I hope you can manage to resolve your situation. I'm availible if you want to talk, you know how to get a hold of me. Friends first, Ok?

One thing that I know for a fact is that 14 year old boys lack discreetion and tact. I did when I was 14 anyhow.

Wintermute

It's alright, sweetie! It made me smile. That's all that matters! I'm dealing with this the best I can but not doing what I know I need to. *sigh* I couldn't last night. I was soo exhausted. And today. Today I think I'm going to do what I know I need to. It's hard enough to remember something from my past that effects me so when I shouldn't let it but it's even worse to be reminded of it in a face I might see everyday. *sigh*

Thank you for caring!!! You are very sweet as is everyone that's asked and given advice and hugs!!!!!!!!!!! I really appreciated it last night!!!!!

 

[Wintermute]

Afternoon Confessions

*I managed to get a little sleep

*I hate bad dreams that keep me up

*I have too big of a heart and it is slowly closing down on me

*I've Got a HUGE headache

*I am very very glad that I have all of you!!!!

*I am trying to take the bad with the good right now

*I just don't have the heart to tell someone I don't wanna talk to them today and I wish I could talk to my sister!!!!!

*by the statement above...i feel to drained to deal with it and i know i need to...*sigh* I hate that feeling

*I'm soooo hungry and wish I could eat Jewelz, Lestat_deLion, Liza, Wintermute, Curious, Phelan, Whspr, and anyone and everyone else that i'm leaving out in ONE BIG ORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*hmmmm Please don't fault for the above! Really feel close to you guys after last night!

*I am thinking I'm going to lay out soon and just ignore all the phone calls I get. I'm also getting up the courage to pass out my phone number to the Lit members I love and ask them for theirs!

More to cum

Here are more from me too...

* Lust is good but friends are better.

* I can care for and love complete strangers and I feel genuine pain if I can not help them

* I am starting to make some very good friends on Lit.

* I feel as though my real life is spinning out of control and I'm shocked by the fact that I like it.

* I have actually lead a fairly boring life but I feel that is about to change.

* I wish I didn't have to work so much.



Wintermute

 

[sortacurious]

Afternoon Confessions

*I managed to get a little sleep

*I hate bad dreams that keep me up

*I have too big of a heart and it is slowly closing down on me

*I've Got a HUGE headache

*I am very very glad that I have all of you!!!!

*I am trying to take the bad with the good right now

*I just don't have the heart to tell someone I don't wanna talk to them today and I wish I could talk to my sister!!!!!

*by the statement above...i feel to drained to deal with it and i know i need to...*sigh* I hate that feeling

*I'm soooo hungry and wish I could eat Jewelz, Lestat_deLion, Liza, Wintermute, Curious, Phelan, Whspr, and anyone and everyone else that i'm leaving out in ONE BIG ORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*hmmmm Please don't fault for the above! Really feel close to you guys after last night!

*I am thinking I'm going to lay out soon and just ignore all the phone calls I get. I'm also getting up the courage to pass out my phone number to the Lit members I love and ask them for theirs!

More to cum

I'm glad you got some sleep, hun. I was fretting over it all night.
I hate bad dreams, too. Crying will give me a terrible headache!

If you're not ready to deal with it...if it's too overwhelming just say so. And if that's not respected, then there's another problem with respecting your boundaries. You get to call the shots in your own life, hun. No one else!
Can you call your sister?
I hope my pm last night didn't get too technical and ignore your feelings. I didn't mean to do that at all. I'm really worried about you.

 

[sortacurious]

ps

Orgy? *perk*

 

[ShiningEyes]

I'm glad you got some sleep, hun. I was fretting over it all night.
I hate bad dreams, too. Crying will give me a terrible headache!

If you're not ready to deal with it...if it's too overwhelming just say so. And if that's not respected, then there's another problem with respecting your boundaries. You get to call the shots in your own life, hun. No one else!
Can you call your sister?
I hope my pm last night didn't get too technical and ignore your feelings. I didn't mean to do that at all. I'm really worried about you.

Thank you for your pm!!! I know i need to talk to someone else other than my friends...but right now i don't have that kinda money! hehe Untill then Lit has been like theropy for me. It's a way to get away and help me think. I'm a worrier as it is. And this is just almost tooo much for me to handle. I was once told to tell my parents what happened a long time ago. But that won't do anything but add problems to their lives. Just add more stress. *shruggs shoulders*

What makes all this kinda worse is...my sister and I were talking yesterday and she was crying because she was happy but depressed! She's not sure what's making her sooo depressed and she's been thinking about everything she once tried to do. She says that she knows she wouldn't do that but that window is still there and is afraid of getting soooo down and depressed that she could actually take that road. *sigh* I feel sooo bad that I'm not there with her to help her and to give her a shoulder to lean on when she's home by herself

 

[Wintermute]

Re: ps

Orgy? *perk*

Yes! Well, wouldn't that make an interesting mass of naked sweaty humanity. I close as we've all become, I don't think anyone would leave unhappy, if we chose to leave at all.



Wintermute

 

[ShiningEyes]

Re: ps

Orgy? *perk*

Was a thought anyway! hehe

 

[ShiningEyes]

If I don't respond quickly it's because I got hungry enough to run and get me something to eat!!!!!!

 

[Wintermute]

If I don't respond quickly it's because I got hungry enough to run and get me something to eat!!!!!!

Sorry my bad, I was discussing my choices that I made from the companies Wheel Of Death (Sandwich vending machine at the office). I said I had a quarter pound weenie and I didn't hear from her again.



Wintermute

 

[sortacurious]

Thank you for your pm!!! I know i need to talk to someone else other than my friends...but right now i don't have that kinda money! hehe Untill then Lit has been like theropy for me. It's a way to get away and help me think. I'm a worrier as it is. And this is just almost tooo much for me to handle. I was once told to tell my parents what happened a long time ago. But that won't do anything but add problems to their lives. Just add more stress. *shruggs shoulders*

What makes all this kinda worse is...my sister and I were talking yesterday and she was crying because she was happy but depressed! She's not sure what's making her sooo depressed and she's been thinking about everything she once tried to do. She says that she knows she wouldn't do that but that window is still there and is afraid of getting soooo down and depressed that she could actually take that road. *sigh* I feel sooo bad that I'm not there with her to help her and to give her a shoulder to lean on when she's home by herself

When you're ready I'll pm you some information about free services available. And I'll also dig out my book referral list. There's some awesome books out there that can help with the soul-searching and explain a lot of what you might be going through.
One thing that I noticed about myself...some days it feels like I have a big neon sign on my forehead that announces my past and lets every creep know I can be vulnerable. The good part is, I put a lot of work into repairing the damage done to me and I'm a much stronger person because of it. Which gives me the element of surprise when the creepers try. Becomes another survival tool I was telling you about. It's a Very empowering feeling! And I can still be the loving, openhearted person that I am. I don't have to be cold to be strong. You can do this too, hun. I'm here to help you and so are so many others. You are loved, and your an incredible person.

Also, what happened to you and your sister...those are individual choices as to who you tell. Including you parents. If you don't want to for whatever the reason, then don't. If there comes a time that you think you'd like to tell them...then & only then, go for it. If you'd like to work on how...write them a letter...knowing they'll never read it you can say exactly what your heart needs to say. Hold a little ceremony afterwards to destroy the letter. Burn it, or flush it, or toss it in the ocean or river. Watch the words disappear, and pay attention to you feelings as you watch. Just a suggestion, but I'm telling you, this helped me with things I could never talk about, and with a confrontation that I can never have.
Does your sister have a counselor or do you think she'd be interested? I can give you some info. where to get started. Depression is not something to mess with, hun! Not at the stage you are describing. I almost lost my brother last year, *I shudder just thinking of how close it came*. We actually found out a diagnosis and he's being treated for mental illness now, that's all about chemicals in the brain. So, now I wish we hadn't procrastinated so long when we knew something was wrong.

Crap...told ya I'm long winded

 

[Jewelz]

.

 

[ShiningEyes]

You are welcome Beth. Im just trying to be a good friend

~~~~~HUGS~~~~~

How are you feeling today????

 

[sortacurious]

ok, gotta go get cleaned up and spend some time with my grandma.

hmmm, still thinking of orgies...imagine that!

 

[Jewelz]

.

 

[Wintermute]

ok, gotta go get cleaned up and spend some time with my grandma.

hmmm, still thinking of orgies...imagine that!

That's going to be wierd. Hanging out with Grandma while thinking about ogies.



Wintermute

 

[Wintermute]

Laughter is the best medicine.

A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Africian Tribal witchdoctor walk in to a bar.

The bartender looks up at them and says, "What is this some kind of joke?"

<Rim Shot>

WM <--- running from the rotten tomatoes

 

[ShiningEyes]

I'm glad to hear you are doing alright, Jewelz! I was worried about you yesterday and last night!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I appreciate all your help, Curious!!!! I feel like sometimes I need to tell my parents because they don't know what's going on and why I'm sooo down at times. My family is so spread out now tho. It wouldn't do to tell them and not be able to hug them and cry on their shoulders.

I don't know that she would seek help. I know I need it. And am more than willing to talk to whom ever I have to to fix this. I don't like crying myself to sleep every night and waking up feeling exhausted from tossing and turning. I don't like having to force myself to smile just to hide what's going on inside.


ok...i'm gonna stop now!!!!! back to confessing and i'll continue in pms!!

 

[Jewelz]

.

 

[ShiningEyes]

Afternoon confessional:

*Im hurting

*Im in love

*Im scared

*Im sick

*Im tired

*Im worried

*Im missing him

*rushes over to Jewelz and gives her a big hug!!!!* Hun...all will be alright! I promise! *holds Jewelz tight*

 

[Jewelz]

.

 

[ShiningEyes]

my heart is very heavy today. thank you sugah, i know it will be ok...just getting there is insane!

I can truely understand what you mean!!!

a few confessions

*I sometimes feel like moving away to a remote location where I'm hidden from most of the world.

*I'll never give up or turn my back on my friends and family

*Sometimes feels helpless and worries that I"m not going to be able to come back from the places I go

 

[Jewelz]

.

 

[Wintermute]

ShiningEyes had to reboot her computer she should be right back hopefully but she told me to tell you that she'll be right back and the she loves you Jewelz. (pssst. So do I. )



Wintermute

 

[whspr]

*debating how love can make you so happy but still hurt so much

*missing the feel of someone's arms around me

*wishing life were easy

*wanting meop "home" with me

*wanting to kiss Jewelz and SE on the cheek right now

*cares about everyone

*wants everyone to like her

*needs friends to survive

More later.......