Tried and tried

[Marion12]

How do you find a relationship or friendship with someone when all things haven't worked out so far?

I'm 26/M looking to explore my submissive side. Hell, I'm now just looking for someone to be open with about myself and make friends.

I've tried many different ways to meet women, or even men, and it's not worked out for me. Either they are too into the sex aspect, or they are just not into me. Sometimes I feel so downhearted about it all that I don't know what to do or where to look.

I end up coming here and posting, hoping and waiting, and never meeting someone to talk with or be friends with.

Is it something I'm doing wrong?

Venting.

 

[CuckSlaveHusband]

Hang in there you'll find the right person when you least expect it.

 

[Hypoxia]

My experience with hunting for partners (or even friends) led me to a straightforward strategy: Don't try too hard. Do what you like, and take it social. Find groups that share some interest of yours. You like nature? Go on singles' hikes. You like photography or other arts or music? Take classes. You like watching TV sports while drinking beer? Sorry, can't help you there.

Involve yourself with people, connect with them, but be easygoing, not too desperate. Relax. Meat markets are not relaxing. I never met anyone I liked in a hot club. YMMV. Good luck!

 

[Teenidle]

I'm with Hypoxia on this.

Think about the sort of person you want to be with.

What are they like? What do they like to do?

Are they bold and like to take the first step, or are they more shy and prefer to be courted?

Don't worry about what you're "supposed" to be doing. Go where you think they might be, and focus on being you. If you want a dominant who wants to make the first move, then you're going to have to let them - and if you're busy being you in the meantime, you know that the people who are drawn to you are the sort that will like you without your having to put on a show.

And isn't that what we're all after, in the end?

 

[SunDevilGirl]

Have you tried meetup?
They have gatherings for just about anything.

good luck! Try something new!!!

 

[silverwhisper]

i too agree with hypoxia. find out where like-minded people meet, have conversations and see what happens.

as for people to talk with, did you already try the BDSM cafe forum here?

ed

 

[SweetErika]

What have you tried so far? BDSM/Kink personals and social media sites? Local BDSM groups, clubs and gatherings? Mainstream personals sites that have quite a few kink-friendly members (OKCupid is such a site - lots of kinky and poly folks there)?

My own experience is that D/s adds another layer of complexity to the search. It's really difficult to find someone I really enjoy as a person who has similar interests/ideas on the kink side of things AND is attractive to me as a playmate or sex partner or whatever. It's tough if you want to meet someone who's a good match on multiple levels, even for a platonic friendship. I've never invested enough in the process to meet a really good match, but it seems like people who do put in the time and effort usually find great matches eventually.

So, it's wise to put yourself out there in an honest, appealing way and have a ton of patience. Try to learn something from every contact and remember that it's that knowledge and even the mishaps that will lead you to a great match someday.

 

[COCK_STAR]

Your problem is between your ears. Quit questioning yourself, and start acting like a man.

 

[Vixandra]

Have you tried finding a local munch (BDSM gathering in a public setting)? Check out fetlife.com to find one near you. It's also multiple regional groups and other interest groups. Hell, one of my favorite medical groups is there.

Its difficult for a submissive male, primarily because dominant women aren't the norm and its their market. But keep trying- if you don't try, you auto-fail.

Get out and about with people with similar interests, join Facebook groups and participate in them.