Transition from sub to slave

[madetobeme]

This is a question for subs who have made or would like to make the transition from sub to slave. If any Dom/mes would share their thoughts on the issue, I would greatly appreciate it as well.

How did you know you/Your sub were ready? What did the change in your/Your sub's status mean to you emotionally and what changes occured in Y/your life as a result?

Would you recommend that a sub-newbie always starts as a sub or is it possible to "jump in at the deep end"?

 

[Shadowsdream]

This is a question for subs who have made or would like to make the transition from sub to slave. If any Dom/mes would share their thoughts on the issue, I would greatly appreciate it as well.

How did you know you/Your sub were ready? What did the change in your/Your sub's status mean to you emotionally and what changes occured in Y/your life as a result?

Would you recommend that a sub-newbie always starts as a sub or is it possible to "jump in at the deep end"?

My opinion...slaves are not made or created...they fall naturally from submission to slavery under the Dominant that has the capacity and the mental fortitude to keep them deep in a submission that has no agenda other than the pleasure of their owner. Becoming a slave is not something that makes one more valuable than a submissive nor is a slave gaurenteed to be a better partner for a Dominant. A slave takes a great deal more energy and time to control and care for. Their dependency is overwhelming and should be thought of very carefully by the Dominant that wishes to own such a creature.

When My Swedish slave fell from sub to slave My responsibility became a lifetime responsibilty...consuming more energy than I wished to expend...I had no desire to own a slave and made that perfectly clear at the time...when it occurred I had to make a liftime decision...to release him immediately or accept the huge amount of work and responsibility...that was in 1999...he is still Mine and under a lifetime contract.

Some subs have a slave personality but that does not make them a slave...it simply means that with the right circumstances and opportunities slavery will be the most comfortable place for them to be.

Is it possible to jump into the deep end...only in fantasy...and this fantasy works best if the Dominant doesn't really know what slavery is either.

 

[serijules]

My opinion...slaves are not made or created...they fall naturally from submission to slavery under the Dominant that has the capacity and the mental fortitude to keep them deep in a submission that has no agenda other than the pleasure of their owner.

Very very well said. When I first became involved in BDSM, I had no desire to be a slave, no understanding of the concept, and absolutely never thought it would be a title I would use to describe myself or anyone else would use to describe me, for that matter.

When my Domme first collared me, I felt the same way. I just could not imagine feeling that level of submission to someone. Even serving my partner a drink kind of left me with an uneasy feeling.

Then about 7 months or so into the relationship, something started to change. My focus was drastically different...I had little thought for my own pleasure, and a deep deep need to meet hers. Not only did I suddenly feel "right" in serving her (be it fetching food, domestic chores, sexual services,etc) but I felt it was my purpose. I no longer thought of my body as belonging to myself, but property of her. The changes were gradual...I think they were there before I even recognized them. Learning to not just recognize them but embrace them was nothing short of incredible, for both me and my partner.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I guess I approached this lifestyle a bit differently than some for a variety of reasons. I had lead a full life, made countless sacrifices that were necessary and often for others, and successfully faced many challenges others quaked at....I began to explore what it was I wanted, under the guidance of another more knowledgeable in a practical sense, and made a conscious decision to look for what it was I sought and not go down the road of being sub to another in the hope it may lead somewhere only to go through several such arrangements before finding peace, if ever. That meant I experimented with a few people I trusted, though in no way a huge number, and sought a relationship which fulfilled those things I needed, one of which was to be a slave.

I found the one who shared my vision and was seeking the same and accepted the role of being his slave from the beginning point where we realised we had a relationship worth keeping. In reality it was more an understood goal whereby we worked toward my being comfortable in consciously surrendering my whole, though during that time I had made many steps which already set the course and removed many of my former areas of choice and decision. I offered to make the final step before planned, and have never regretted it. I guess part of the need inside me apart from it being a lifetime dream was I just did not feel I could invest any more emotional and physical energy into a realtionship where I gave so much of myself to find it went nowhere. I didn't see the point in wasting anymore time hoping and dreaming and decided to be proactive in making it happen if at all possible, and made that desire known before even beginning to communicate with anyone who might become that Master.

Catalina

 

[TaintedB]

Like Catalina, I jumped off the deep end, although I had no guide prior to that point. I'd always known what I'd wanted since I was very young: to be a slave, that desire never changed, and after I became aware that people actually do that sort of thing in real life, it was a matter of a few months before I found someone compatible who desired to enslave me. Then ensued the 16 most happy years of my life. I had no real conception, until long after I was enslaved, that some people did things in stages or were lifetime submissives rather than slaves, and when I first heard about those types of people I was pretty incredulous that they could exist. Later I discovered that, even back then, they were the rule rather than the exception.

 

[sexymom]

This "transition" idea depends totally on the definitions of sub vs. slave, and there is not much agreement on these definitions. It seems to me that slaves grow into submissives, not the other way around. Slaves are child-like; they obey and submit because they are owned, have no choice, and/or don't know anything else. They often disobey, because their obedience is not from the heart- it is involuntary. That's why so much of the literature of slavery, both pre-1865 "real" slavery and modern, fantasy slavery, deals with the punishment of unruly and/or lazy slaves.

 

[serijules]

This "transition" idea depends totally on the definitions of sub vs. slave, and there is not much agreement on these definitions. It seems to me that slaves grow into submissives, not the other way around. Slaves are child-like; they obey and submit because they are owned, have no choice, and/or don't know anything else. They often disobey, because their obedience is not from the heart- it is involuntary. That's why so much of the literature of slavery, both pre-1865 "real" slavery and modern, fantasy slavery, deals with the punishment of unruly and/or lazy slaves.

Couldn't get further away from my own definition of a slave if you tried. To each their own I guess...what you described to me is a brat.

"real" slavery really is quite a far cry from bdsm slavery, and most of what you read in literature regarding the punishment of slaves is due to having assholes as masters, whom will punish for any and everything regardless if it is "deserved" or not. Again...a far cry from a bdsm lifestyle master/mistress/slave relationship.

 

[Netzach]

To me the transition point is very simple and not all that grand, but it has all the import in the world: can you make a leap in which you view yourself as owned property rather than autonomous human. If that thought inspires dread and loathing, you're going to have a tough time with slavery. If that thought resonates, even in a scary but "I admit this is so" way, then it may be for you.

 

[serijules]

To me the transition point is very simple and not all that grand, but it has all the import in the world: can you make a leap in which you view yourself as owned property rather than autonomous human. If that thought inspires dread and loathing, you're going to have a tough time with slavery. If that thought resonates, even in a scary but "I admit this is so" way, then it may be for you.

It's funny, I transisted from the "dread and loathing" part to the "resonating" part with D. I never ever thought I would consider myself owned property. Now i simply AM owned property.

 

[Netzach]

It's funny, I transisted from the "dread and loathing" part to the "resonating" part with D. I never ever thought I would consider myself owned property. Now i simply AM owned property.

You have a very good point, and in your case (having poked around your site etc.) I'd say it has everything to do with the owner as much as it does you.



It's a nice reminder that it's as much about capturing and seducing and keeping and winning over your property as much as it is about a decision on the part of the slave to be a slave -- this is not a one-sided endeavor, and often I see a lot more of the legwork being done by the slave/sub/bottom than the Dominant. That usually does not work. While these are not 50/50 you do dishes I do dishes relationships they ARE 50/50 in terms of how much thinking/energy/time and work we put in.

 

[serijules]

You have a very good point, and in your case (having poked around your site etc.) I'd say it has everything to do with the owner as much as it does you.

That is does, that it does. She never pushed for it, in fact, had only mentioned the thought once, but that was enough to get me thinking about it and the rest just naturally happened from there. It still kind of, well, shocks me really, considering my attitude towards it "pre-D" and how easily I let go of that attitude once with her. I very much give her the credit there. I had a previous partner try to force me into the role and let me tell ya, that didn't work in the least.

My site is pretty much a giant journal of my journey in BDSM. *plays sappy music*. Sometimes I read back on some of my first stories, be they RL or not, and I'm almost embarassed by them. The devotion I gave people that didn't deserve it, the things I thought I knew that I really had no idea about, what my idea of "pain" was back then, ha. Sometimes it's hard to not just rip it all down...but...but...it was all a learning process that lead to the "now" so I have an odd attachment to every story and every experience...even the ones that were incredibly stupid. It kind of makes me blush when people tell me they've been to my site though.

It's a nice reminder that it's as much about capturing and seducing and keeping and winning over your property as much as it is about a decision on the part of the slave to be a slave -- this is not a one-sided endeavor, and often I see a lot more of the legwork being done by the slave/sub/bottom than the Dominant. That usually does not work. While these are not 50/50 you do dishes I do dishes relationships they ARE 50/50 in terms of how much thinking/energy/time and work we put in.

SD made a good point about this too in her reply.

When My Swedish slave fell from sub to slave My responsibility became a lifetime responsibilty...

The point is a very very good one. As a slave, I find my needs to please and submit are very strong. If I don't have anywhere to put those feelings, they build up and I get all out of sorts. I need to please, I need to serve, often even at times when I don't want to, when I'd rather be lazy or do my own thing. I have a harder time shutting it "off" so to speak. That is a lot of responsibility to take on. Right now I'm struggling with accepting that my level of submission as a slave isn't a burden to D, so we have been discussing that.

 

[amasterfound]

I wasn't always a slave myself. I had been married 3 times before, during which I had more of a dominant personality. I was scared to give up control to someone else. I viewed it as weakness. During my 3rd marriage, I started reading BDSM porn and viewing pictures online. I was turned-on by them. I played around in some chat rooms as a submissive. The idea of being spanked and dominated intrigued me increasingly.

When I realized that the marriage was over, I started looking for something else. I decided not to hide from my true self anymore. I started searching for whom I really was. I realized that I wanted to be a sub/slave, depending on your definition of the terms.

In general, I wanted to give up control to someone else. For once, I wanted someone else to take charge of my life. Don't get me wrong; this idea still scared the living daylights out of me. I was petrified at it. I had heard so many stories about what could happen and I was raised in a very religious home. The women in my family were very dominant, especially my mother. My mom was the one that ruled the household.

I came across an author called SEVERUSMAX on another story site and was intrigued by his stories and profile. He described himself as being a "benevolent master". I never e-mailed him, for fear that he would be too busy to answer my e-mails. At one point, I disagreed with a review that he left on a story that I had read and posted one of my own, stating that I disagreed with him. As I seldom go back to read the reviews after I post one, I missed his reply, asking why I disagreed with him.

After several months, when he had not received any response, he e-mailed me and asked me. I sent him one back. We started talking and he admitted that he was intrigued by my e-mail address, amasterneeded@. After a while, our friendship grew. We exchanged phone numbers and began talking on the phone.

I finally admitted that I was in love with him and that I was looking for a master, one that would be gentle with me and let me gradually adjust to the lifestyle. Eventually, we moved in together. I am in a 24/7 Master/slave relationship. The adjustment has been hard for me, as I am still trying to get past my fear of being "weak". Even though I rationally know that this is not the case, I still have that fear.

I read everybody else's comments about how they fell into the role of slave/submissive and often wonder why it's so hard for me to give up control.
He is the first man that I have EVER been this submissive with and I want to be even more so, but I don't know how. We are both new and learning at this.

I do know that this is the kind of life that I want to live. Even the amount of control that I have surrendered to him has been a relief and I feel freer. I am still working at being totally submissive.

 

[pandoravampire]

Thankyou so much for this thread and its replies. This thread has answered some of my questions about har far will i go, how far will it lead, i did not believe that i could ever be a slave. That i just did not need that much control, that it would not be 'me'. My freedoms are found a little earlier on. I cant but help romanticise that one day, ill be so good at pleasing him, that i would change my mind. (thats assuming he'd want a slave?) and i would walk over my limit gladly with him. But that is, for me, a fantasy. Beautiful to dream of, but much harder to attain i suspect.
I read something the other day, and again, it concerned slaves. I have been mulling it over, asking myself questions? I dont know any slaves, i cant ask them. But what i wanted to ask, i was unsure of. This thread, and the piece i read the other day, affected me profoundly. I thank you for that.

sometimes the penny drops, and i think, "oh yeah!", Doh!