transgender issues and how they affect U

[sandiego1]

hi kids! i figure it was time for me to change my crude posts and start over. this thread will deal with the trans community issues and "marginalization" of trans gender people. there will be NO fantasy talk on this thread or i will report you!!!!! serious posts only please.

ladies????

 

[HottieMama]

Ok..I don't know if you meant to sound like a condescending asshat in your opening post, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

As I am not transgendered, I can only answer from my experience of being in a LTR with one. I feel that gender issues are pervasive and affect every aspect of my partner's life and our life together. While I love her just the way she is at any given moment, she does not always love herself. Self- doubt can be a very powerful thing. It can and has prevented her from experiencing things in life that other women "take for granted"...such as a one night stand or innocent flirting with the attractive person at the next bar stool. Why you ask? Because of the fear that comes from knowing you are different and worrying about what may happen when "they" find out. Being uncomfortable in your body also affects your sex life. How can you be complete sexually when the external doesn't match the internal?

There are a lot more, but I will allow my partner to post those for herself. My perspective: I admire my partner for being able to look the world in the face and say.."Fuck you..I am who I am..." I don't know if I would be able to do that.

 

[Tymeless]

Ok..I don't know if you meant to sound like a condescending asshat in your opening post, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

As I am not transgendered, I can only answer from my experience of being in a LTR with one. I feel that gender issues are pervasive and affect every aspect of my partner's life and our life together. While I love her just the way she is at any given moment, she does not always love herself. Self- doubt can be a very powerful thing. It can and has prevented her from experiencing things in life that other women "take for granted"...such as a one night stand or innocent flirting with the attractive person at the next bar stool. Why you ask? Because of the fear that comes from knowing you are different and worrying about what may happen when "they" find out. Being uncomfortable in your body also affects your sex life. How can you be complete sexually when the external doesn't match the internal?

There are a lot more, but I will allow my partner to post those for herself. My perspective: I admire my partner for being able to look the world in the face and say.."Fuck you..I am who I am..." I don't know if I would be able to do that.

i really like this post. and San D. if your doing this because you really appreciate the information and really care and want to learn about the trans community then i thank you.

 

[sandiego1]

ive never met anyone trans before. until this site, ive only fantasized about m2f trans sex. so this site to me was a meeting place for cats with the same interests. i never looked at this site as a learning tool. im learning about what its like through the eyes of the people who live it everyday.


having said that, i will have to keep it real, and tell you that the trans fantasy is still one that i have. the porn industry and internet caters to the desires i have. the fantasy i have is purely sexual as with a lot of other cats in here.


i understand why you guys post when i say that i want a big dick and big boobs. im sure you guys desire different things than i do, this is just what I fantasize about.

 

[Tymeless]

no i completely respect your fantasy and the fact that you have one and the fact that your not turned off by trans is a victory for us all, i'm just making it a point to prove that we are real people and we will gladly help you live out your fantasies if you will treat us right and respect us as fellow human beings.

 

[sandiego1]

what are you doing next saturday?

 

[Tymeless]

working unfortunately

 

[Gi_Venus]

what are you doing next saturday?

sandiego at least you did not ask for picts. Grin.

 

[Gi_Venus]

Ok..I don't know if you meant to sound like a condescending asshat in your opening post, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

As I am not transgendered, I can only answer from my experience of being in a LTR with one. I feel that gender issues are pervasive and affect every aspect of my partner's life and our life together. While I love her just the way she is at any given moment, she does not always love herself. Self- doubt can be a very powerful thing. It can and has prevented her from experiencing things in life that other women "take for granted"...such as a one night stand or innocent flirting with the attractive person at the next bar stool. Why you ask? Because of the fear that comes from knowing you are different and worrying about what may happen when "they" find out. Being uncomfortable in your body also affects your sex life. How can you be complete sexually when the external doesn't match the internal?

There are a lot more, but I will allow my partner to post those for herself. My perspective: I admire my partner for being able to look the world in the face and say.."Fuck you..I am who I am..." I don't know if I would be able to do that.

Sigh! I wish I was "fuck you, I am who I am" personality I am still in the fearful self doubt stage. I admire people like your partner. Thank god I have some appointments with my therapist coming up..

 

[sandiego1]

" at least you did not ask for picts."

why? do most people ask for them? if i would have would you be upset?

 

[QueenPentacles]

Sigh! I wish I was "fuck you, I am who I am" personality I am still in the fearful self doubt stage. I admire people like your partner. Thank god I have some appointments with my therapist coming up..

So do I... at least all of the time... The fuck you, I am who I am, is mostly my armor, my defenses. If I'm to be totally honest I have a lot of the fearful self doubt still in me. If I'm to be completely honest I don't think it ever goes away for us. It will always be there and it will always nag at the corners of our minds. When someone stares just a little too long we revert back to day one of our transition and feel like the world is staring at us.

But it gets better. The fearful self doubt comes less and less. The nagging at the corners of our minds becomes less intense. You notice the stares less and when you do notice them, part of you wonders if the person is staring cause the read you and thankfully part of you wonders if they're staring cause they like what they see.

My guess is that it comes with time, it comes with becoming more comfortable in your own skin as the hormonal changes occur, it comes from spending quality time on the therapist's couch, but it comes.

The fuck you, I am who I am is my armor, but it took a long time to build it, if you know what I mean. And that's not said to be discouraging, not at all, its said to be incouraging... Give yourself time to find who you and it comes!


Much love to all
Queen of Pentacles

 

[Gi_Venus]

" at least you did not ask for picts."

why? do most people ask for them? if i would have would you be upset?

Grin...I hope you are not one of the ones I was rude to. Yes a lot of them do.
First thing yes, it really pisses me off. I do not ask for them from other people. I think it pretentious and superficial, which means...I really do not want to know you probably if you ask for it right away. I have found, in all fairness, I have grown to like some people who initially made such a request on occasion. I like interaction with depth and feeling, I love connection. But it does start one off on the wrong foot I would think in any relationship.

 

[Gi_Venus]

So do I... at least all of the time... The fuck you, I am who I am, is mostly my armor, my defenses. If I'm to be totally honest I have a lot of the fearful self doubt still in me. If I'm to be completely honest I don't think it ever goes away for us. It will always be there and it will always nag at the corners of our minds. When someone stares just a little too long we revert back to day one of our transition and feel like the world is staring at us.

But it gets better. The fearful self doubt comes less and less. The nagging at the corners of our minds becomes less intense. You notice the stares less and when you do notice them, part of you wonders if the person is staring cause the read you and thankfully part of you wonders if they're staring cause they like what they see.

My guess is that it comes with time, it comes with becoming more comfortable in your own skin as the hormonal changes occur, it comes from spending quality time on the therapist's couch, but it comes.

The fuck you, I am who I am is my armor, but it took a long time to build it, if you know what I mean. And that's not said to be discouraging, not at all, its said to be incouraging... Give yourself time to find who you and it comes!


Much love to all
Queen of Pentacles

Thank you Queen((((((((HUGS)))))))) I find your words encouraging. Laughing....I have noticed more reactions from children mainly..."Look momma is she a girl? oh...a boy?" "Are you trying to look like a girl?" "Momma is that a girl?" momma shushes her. I have mixed feelings about such things. I am happy that my physical presence is transitioning but I am also trying not to draw attention to myself. My family does not know...but my brother dropped by unexpectantly the other night, I was wearing a shirt that accents my breasts.....laughing....his eyes popped out and he stuttered...but he did not say anything.... He is an MD so I wonder what he is thinking.
Gianna

 

[QueenPentacles]

Thank you Queen((((((((HUGS)))))))) I find your words encouraging. Laughing....I have noticed more reactions from children mainly..."Look momma is she a girl? oh...a boy?" "Are you trying to look like a girl?" "Momma is that a girl?" momma shushes her. I have mixed feelings about such things. I am happy that my physical presence is transitioning but I am also trying not to draw attention to myself. My family does not know...but my brother dropped by unexpectantly the other night, I was wearing a shirt that accents my breasts.....laughing....his eyes popped out and he stuttered...but he did not say anything.... He is an MD so I wonder what he is thinking.
Gianna

LOL - sorry, but that is sooooo true. Children will clock you in a heart beat because they are all visual, its how they operate in their worlds... and again soooo true that they do not have the filters yet not to ask "is that a girl or a boy Mommy". Again it gets better over time and through transitioning. Most kids have stopped clocking me unless they see my hands. I've large hands, and because of my work can't grow my nails long / color them (work around hazardous chemicals and long nails rip the gloves).

As far as family goes... that's a tough one and so very individual to each of us. When I came out I leaped from the closet and did a jig in the middle of the living room floor so to speak. Growing up in the environment that I did I never heard of the trans world. Mostly I was labeled by others as a gay male, which I knew I wasn't. I knew what part of thes issues were but had never really thought any thing could be done about them so I was just "dealing" with it all. Someone came into my life that put the word trans in my dictionary. I read everything I could get my hands on and the more personal sotries I read the more I found myself in them. It was like this huge wieght was lifted from me. So I pounced out of the closet and told everyone close to me that would give me 5 minutes, without realizing I was rocking their worlds. A few stood by me, most disappeared from my life for about 5 years, and others are still gone. Right around five years a lot of the "fence sitters" as I called them started coming back around. They realized this wasn't a phase, this wasn't going away, and maybe they finally realized the core person wasn't changing. The person they knew and loved was still here but just looked and sounded different.

I have to be honest, I was hurt and mad as hell at first by the rejection. I felt like I wasn't going to make it through this with out their support and how a dare they after I had been there for all of their "stuff". It was my Mom that finally said something that made a lot of sense... Most of these people are grieving... grieving the loss of the old "self" because it like a death of sorts. They dont yet see the reincarnation of you in this new form, but they will, give them time. Be patient with them, let them slip up on the pronouns but make them call you by your chosen name... Don't give up yourself (meaning your name), allow them time to let go of the past (meaning the promouns).

I think that was probably the wisest advice she ever gave me. When you decide to come out to your family, if you decide to come out to them, be prepared... but also give them time. They do love you, and while they may need time to be away to process everything, they will come back. At least that's my fondest hope for anyone in out shoes.


Queen of Pentacles

 

[lincspoacher]

as subject

Hi All,

The "issues" affect us all .. whether we are TG,know someone who is TG,love someone who is TG .. or haven't a clue what "TG" means .. because these are "issues" which affect the way in which our "society" perceives and treats other members of that society.

On the more personal level .. the issues which are of concern to me,are the issues which concern the person whom I love .. in the same way that any partner would be concerned about things which are important to or bother their SO .. be they Employment,Social,Health or anything else .. it's all a matter of being there to support one's partner .. just like in any Marriage or Partnership.

Fantasy is fine,so long as one is aware that .. that's all it is .. "Fantasy" .. we all have them (mine is winning the Lottery .. but as I never buy a ticket,it will remain fantasy forever .. ) but when that fantasy becomes obsessive or is translated into hatred it becomes dangerous.

People who make crude,uneducated statements about something they either fail to comprehend or haven't taken the time to find out more about .. say far more about themselves than they ever do about the people to whom those comments are directed.

Pic collectors are no more than fantasists who lack the moral courage to either find out more about the object of their fantasies or desires .. or to come out of hiding into the real world.

All of that said,there is an argument for those within the Community (if they feel able) to meet and educate those who might be somewhat reluctant to otherwise find out more .. long term it's in the interests of the Community to demonstrate to the world at large that TG people are not freaks etc .. but valuable,contributing,tax paying members of society,who want nothing more than to live & let live.

Bye for now,

Poacher.

 

[QueenPentacles]

Hi All,

The "issues" affect us all .. whether we are TG,know someone who is TG,love someone who is TG .. or haven't a clue what "TG" means .. because these are "issues" which affect the way in which our "society" perceives and treats other members of that society.

On the more personal level .. the issues which are of concern to me,are the issues which concern the person whom I love .. in the same way that any partner would be concerned about things which are important to or bother their SO .. be they Employment,Social,Health or anything else .. it's all a matter of being there to support one's partner .. just like in any Marriage or Partnership.

All of that said,there is an argument for those within the Community (if they feel able) to meet and educate those who might be somewhat reluctant to otherwise find out more .. long term it's in the interests of the Community to demonstrate to the world at large that TG people are not freaks etc .. but valuable,contributing,tax paying members of society,who want nothing more than to live & let live.

Bye for now,

Poacher.

I hear you on this one Poacher... My family and I are in the process of relocating to Kansas for both finacial and family reasons. I'm terrified at having to go out there and look for a job, interview, back ground checks and all that goes with it. I was very forturnate to be able to transition at my current job, I've been there for 19 years and began transitioning 15 years ago.

I'm concerned / scared of having to open myself up to back ground checks that may or may not bring my former identity to light. I'm even more concerned about being able to provide for my family, not only finacially but also health benefits and such. As my partner and I are both women we are unable to marry so we are unable to proved health benefits for one another.

The U.S. has a long way to go before there is equality for all and the ability for all to pursue their individual happiness.

Queen of Pentacles

 

[Gi_Venus]

I have never really worn womens clothing before, now I am at a point where I want too. I am terrified of even approaching the womans department...... Sigh! My shopping is comprised of gazing wistfully over at the rainbow of colors as I walk by heart pounding...fearful that someone I know will see me there. It is stupid...the penalty of walking quietly undeclared. I get so angry with myself....why am I such a whimp!

 

[Tymeless]

I have never really worn womens clothing before, now I am at a point where I want too. I am terrified of even approaching the womans department...... Sigh! My shopping is comprised of gazing wistfully over at the rainbow of colors as I walk by heart pounding...fearful that someone I know will see me there. It is stupid...the penalty of walking quietly undeclared. I get so angry with myself....why am I such a whimp!

i found its easier if you take a close female friend with you Gi.

 

[Gi_Venus]

i found its easier if you take a close female friend with you Gi.

Most of my close female friends are on line. Sigh! I am close to my ex but I do not think she is ready to go shopping with me yet.....she is still ruminating over me coming out to her. Thank you Tiffany*hugs*

 

[QueenPentacles]

Gi - Online shopping Hun, Fashionbug, Target, Torrid, all have on line stores - safety and comfort of your own home and you can be a shopoholic too
Just a thought

Queen of Pentacles

PS - the online stores carry the bigger shoe sizes... I don't know about you but I wear a 14 to 15 in womens shoes and regular stores just dont carry them.
Again, just a thought

 

[Tymeless]

i'm pulling for you Gi!

 

[KABUKISTAR]

ladies????

...and gents. Everyone seems to forget that transsexualism goes both ways.

 

[Tymeless]

...and gents. Everyone seems to forget that transsexualism goes both ways.

I for one don't but the ones i seem to interact with here on a regular basis are mtf's

and the majority of the people that do the fantasizing seem to be of the ones that want tits with a cock. I wouldn't be opposed to muscles with a vagina but then we are just reducing people to their sexual organs again and thats not what i'm about. I'm about the person as a whole, while i'm attracted to women i'm not opposed to the right guy and i'm keeping my options open and to me it doesn't matter if your male female mtf ftm its the interaction that matters.

 

[QueenPentacles]

Nope, we've not forgotten it goes both ways at all Hun, and would love to hear from the Gents about their experiences as well. I've had two good friends along my journey that were F2M Gents and find both the paralles and differences in our physical and emotional journeys very interesting. Please feel free to post about your issues, I know we'd all love to learn

Queen of Pentacles

 

[lincspoacher]

as subject

Hi Queen,

Apologies for the delay in responding .. I've been in London for the last 5 days seeing my kids (both grown up now).

I'm a bit surprised to learn that the US is apparently so backward .. here in UK we have the Gender Recognition Act,which protects Transgendered people in areas of Health care,Employment etc .. it's now illegal to discriminate on grounds of Gender,or Sexual orientation.

All official documents (Driving Licence,National Insurance,National Health Card,Passport,Bank Accounts etc) may be changed once one has changed one's name (by Deed Poll) .. with the exception of the Birth Certificate .. in the case of a M2F or F2M,this can be done only after SRS.

So seemingly,background checks here aren't quite as bad as over there .. I wish you luck with your re-location & hope your worst fears prove to be groundless.

Bye for now,

Poacher ..