Training subs; true or false

[FrozenBlaze]

Ok so I was thinking how training a sub would work. I keep reading here and there on other sites about training subs. Until I read something that a poster said about subs don't need training, it's Doms that need training.

This makes more sense to me but I don't know why as I'm new to all this

Could anyone experienced in wisdom please explain.

 

[Primalex]

Ok so I was thinking how training a sub would work. I keep reading here and there on other sites about training subs. Until I read something that a poster said about subs don't need training, it's Doms that need training.

'Training' is a generic term that is used to describe different activities and techniques.

Bonding is training to strengthen the connection between Dom and sub.

Indoctrination is training to inculcate ideas or attitudes.

Education is training to make new concepts or activities known.

Shaping is training to personalize.

...


In most cases of "training" it's just used to mean:"teach her how to get me off".

 

[Farawyn]

Are you a sub or Dom?

 

[cascadiabound]

In most cases of "training" it's just used to mean:"teach her how to get me off".

Generally when an "on-line" PYL (Pick Your Label= Dominant) says he/she wants to offer to train "you" (a pyl = submissive of some stripe) they mean the above. Teach her/him how to please him/her in the most crass banal sort of way without much interest in you the person.

Most people who have been around Lit and other on-line BDSM forums generally consider this verbage to be a red flag and a sign of someone to be cautious of.

 

[FrozenBlaze]

'Training' is a generic term that is used to describe different activities and techniques.

Bonding is training to strengthen the connection between Dom and sub.

Indoctrination is training to inculcate ideas or attitudes.

Education is training to make new concepts or activities known.

Shaping is training to personalize.

...


In most cases of "training" it's just used to mean:"teach her how to get me off".

Thank you. Primalex. This has cleared things up a bit for me. I'm learning about a lot here.

 

[FrozenBlaze]

Are you a sub or Dom?

I am new and I'm leaning toward sub Farawyn, , yet I can empathise with my Dom literary characters. In the past, I've tried vanilla top, but only with a less Dominant Man and never enjoyed it. I would much rather prefer sub. Going offa my scripts, It excites me more

 

[FrozenBlaze]

Generally when an "on-line" PYL (Pick Your Label= Dominant) says he/she wants to offer to train "you" (a pyl = submissive of some stripe) they mean the above. Teach her/him how to please him/her in the most crass banal sort of way without much interest in you the person.

Most people who have been around Lit and other on-line BDSM forums generally consider this verbage to be a red flag and a sign of someone to be cautious of.

Thanks cascadiabound, that was probably how I perceived it. My mind at the moment is trying to work out a lot regarding the whole topic. You put into words what was deep in my mind but I couldn't really figure out the what or the how.

 

[Farawyn]

This thread may help. Listen to what others went through, yadda yadda.

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1357492

 

[cascadiabound]

Thanks cascadiabound, that was probably how I perceived it. My mind at the moment is trying to work out a lot regarding the whole topic. You put into words what was deep in my mind but I couldn't really figure out the what or the how.

There are also a ton of resources in the BDSM sticky at the top of this thread.

poke around there too. ask questions as they come up and folks will come around with responses. This is not the fastest moving board, but you will get responses.

Good luck. And welcome to Lit.

This recent thread may also be of help to give you some guidance on how to avoid people who may not be the best guides for a new "am I a sub - I have questions?" type
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1419130

 

[cookiecat]

I like banal and crass and being treated like an object. I'll qualify that and say I like it with someone I trust and know well. Who knows me.

The thing about training is - for me - it's hot. It's fun. I keep it in context. I like that it's actually CALLED training. That there might be lecturing involved, there might be goofy assignments or time set aside to "train." I like that my guy would want to "teach me" how to get him off. In very specific detail. With some sort of (gasp) punishment or correction involved if I'm not correct. I met someone who likes to do this to me. Win-win.

Not all the time. It's not our whole relationship. But the word "training" isn't always this awful 50 shades of fake.

Sure, people using the internet, especially new to bdsm or naive to the ways of the internet should be cautious about a LOT of stuff. There's been a lot written on this in the last several days.

To each his/her own.

 

[MeekMe]

Ok so I was thinking how training a sub would work. I keep reading here and there on other sites about training subs. Until I read something that a poster said about subs don't need training, it's Doms that need training.

This makes more sense to me but I don't know why as I'm new to all this

Could anyone experienced in wisdom please explain.

There's no universal training if that's something that's confusing you. No hard rules about how one should do things on either side of the slash. Can one be trained to the specific needs of one person? Yes. Is training necessary? No. Does everyone do it? Maybe, it depends on what you consider as training. Some don't do training but instead over time get to know each other and learn each other's likes and dislikes. On the other hand, I often see training as more of a kink. There are people that like training and enjoy doing it in a more exaggerated fashion (example: cram this dildo into your throat everyday for X amount of time until you can take it blah blah blah).

Avoid people that approach you to be your mentor to train you. The only thing a person can teach you is how they like things done and that usually doesn't transfer from individual to individual. If you're into one off type things like that, then have fun. With that said, whatever you learn with one person may not be welcomed with the next.

I read a funny story about a d-type that started a relationship with an s-type that didn't work out. She learned all these weird poses to please her ex and the new d-type just wanted some simple things. He was constantly weirded out when he would tell her to do something and the next thing he knew she was contorted into crazy positions that were really unappealing to him. No matter what he said she would still do those things until finally they decided they weren't compatible and broke it off. So yeah, individual tastes.

As for learning skills, there are classes and such for that kind of training. Anybody can get training for different types of play or other handy skills, but that type of thing isn't always necessary and just depends on your interests. You may find someone that says they're proficient in something like rope and they tie people up all the time, this may or may not be true so it's important for you to also know about rope enough to be able to ask questions and know when something is not quite right in order to keep yourself safe. I used rope but this scenario works for any activities with higher risks.

 

[cascadiabound]

I like banal and crass and being treated like an object. I'll qualify that and say I like it with someone I trust and know well. Who knows me.

The thing about training is - for me - it's hot. It's fun. I keep it in context. I like that it's actually CALLED training. That there might be lecturing involved, there might be goofy assignments or time set aside to "train." I like that my guy would want to "teach me" how to get him off. In very specific detail. With some sort of (gasp) punishment or correction involved if I'm not correct. I met someone who likes to do this to me. Win-win.

Not all the time. It's not our whole relationship. But the word "training" isn't always this awful 50 shades of fake.

Sure, people using the internet, especially new to bdsm or naive to the ways of the internet should be cautious about a LOT of stuff. There's been a lot written on this in the last several days.

To each his/her own.

Yup - I did not mean to suggest that banal and crass in and of itself is bad. I can go for a pretty high amount of banal and crass myself but as cookie says "with someone I trust and know well. Who knows me." and I would add - who loves me.

And yes - it is super hot to be guided to do exactly the thing that most trips his buttons because - well - submission. I want to please him. It gets me off too.

But no - not all the time. not 24/7 and, as Meek said - I cannot imagine it would be all that transferable from one person to the next.

 

[cookiecat]

There's no universal training if that's something that's confusing you. No hard rules about how one should do things on either side of the slash. Can one be trained to the specific needs of one person? Yes. Is training necessary? No. Does everyone do it? Maybe, it depends on what you consider as training. Some don't do training but instead over time get to know each other and learn each other's likes and dislikes. On the other hand, I often see training as more of a kink. There are people that like training and enjoy doing it in a more exaggerated fashion (example: cram this dildo into your throat everyday for X amount of time until you can take it blah blah blah).

Avoid people that approach you to be your mentor to train you. The only thing a person can teach you is how they like things done and that usually doesn't transfer from individual to individual. If you're into one off type things like that, then have fun. With that said, whatever you learn with one person may not be welcomed with the next.

I read a funny story about a d-type that started a relationship with an s-type that didn't work out. She learned all these weird poses to please her ex and the new d-type just wanted some simple things. He was constantly weirded out when he would tell her to do something and the next thing he knew she was contorted into crazy positions that were really unappealing to him. No matter what he said she would still do those things until finally they decided they weren't compatible and broke it off. So yeah, individual tastes.

As for learning skills, there are classes and such for that kind of training. Anybody can get training for different types of play or other handy skills, but that type of thing isn't always necessary and just depends on your interests. You may find someone that says they're proficient in something like rope and they tie people up all the time, this may or may not be true so it's important for you to also know about rope enough to be able to ask questions and know when something is not quite right in order to keep yourself safe. I used rope but this scenario works for any activities with higher risks.

Great post!

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

There's no universal training if that's something that's confusing you. No hard rules about how one should do things on either side of the slash. Can one be trained to the specific needs of one person? Yes. Is training necessary? No. Does everyone do it? Maybe, it depends on what you consider as training. Some don't do training but instead over time get to know each other and learn each other's likes and dislikes. On the other hand, I often see training as more of a kink. There are people that like training and enjoy doing it in a more exaggerated fashion (example: cram this dildo into your throat everyday for X amount of time until you can take it blah blah blah).

Avoid people that approach you to be your mentor to train you. The only thing a person can teach you is how they like things done and that usually doesn't transfer from individual to individual. If you're into one off type things like that, then have fun. With that said, whatever you learn with one person may not be welcomed with the next.

I read a funny story about a d-type that started a relationship with an s-type that didn't work out. She learned all these weird poses to please her ex and the new d-type just wanted some simple things. He was constantly weirded out when he would tell her to do something and the next thing he knew she was contorted into crazy positions that were really unappealing to him. No matter what he said she would still do those things until finally they decided they weren't compatible and broke it off. So yeah, individual tastes.

As for learning skills, there are classes and such for that kind of training. Anybody can get training for different types of play or other handy skills, but that type of thing isn't always necessary and just depends on your interests. You may find someone that says they're proficient in something like rope and they tie people up all the time, this may or may not be true so it's important for you to also know about rope enough to be able to ask questions and know when something is not quite right in order to keep yourself safe. I used rope but this scenario works for any activities with higher risks.

too funny the contortionist stuff..

Unless a guy has a PowerPoint and hand-outs, I don't see him training me to do anything..Lol

But, yes, "training" is just a general term that gets thrown about,
and yes, beware of "Masters" or Domly types who are advertising their "training" techniques...
Or, you could just poke fun at them.
That always puts smile on my face.

 

[Farawyn]

I like banal and crass and being treated like an object. I'll qualify that and say I like it with someone I trust and know well. Who knows me.

The thing about training is - for me - it's hot. It's fun. I keep it in context. I like that it's actually CALLED training. That there might be lecturing involved, there might be goofy assignments or time set aside to "train." I like that my guy would want to "teach me" how to get him off. In very specific detail. With some sort of (gasp) punishment or correction involved if I'm not correct. I met someone who likes to do this to me. Win-win.

Not all the time. It's not our whole relationship. But the word "training" isn't always this awful 50 shades of fake.

Sure, people using the internet, especially new to bdsm or naive to the ways of the internet should be cautious about a LOT of stuff. There's been a lot written on this in the last several days.

To each his/her own.

*hearteyes*

 

[hylas_]

Others already mentioned it, but "training" can also be part of your roleplay. "Pretending" that the Dom is "training" the sub, because the idea of it gets them off. You can play at trainer/trainee (drill instructor/recruit, teacher/student, coach/jock, etc), just like some others might play at nurse/patient, inmate/guard, etc.

 

[FrozenBlaze]

There are also a ton of resources in the BDSM sticky at the top of this thread.

poke around there too. ask questions as they come up and folks will come around with responses. This is not the fastest moving board, but you will get responses.

Good luck. And welcome to Lit.

This recent thread may also be of help to give you some guidance on how to avoid people who may not be the best guides for a new "am I a sub - I have questions?" type
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1419130

Great thread, and thanks for the welcome, theres so much to get through, and learn about, and with no hands on experience I'm finding, for me, it boils down to the imagination. This

One day I hope to find a cracker, but for now, I'm happy to dream

 

[FrozenBlaze]

I like banal and crass and being treated like an object. I'll qualify that and say I like it with someone I trust and know well. Who knows me.

The thing about training is - for me - it's hot. It's fun. I keep it in context. I like that it's actually CALLED training. That there might be lecturing involved, there might be goofy assignments or time set aside to "train." I like that my guy would want to "teach me" how to get him off. In very specific detail. With some sort of (gasp) punishment or correction involved if I'm not correct. I met someone who likes to do this to me. Win-win.

Not all the time. It's not our whole relationship. But the word "training" isn't always this awful 50 shades of fake.
Q
Sure, people using the internet, especially new to bdsm or naive to the ways of the internet should be cautious about a LOT of stuff. There's been a lot written on this in the last several days.



To each his/her own.

Thank you for sharing, cookiecat, it's good for me to taste peoples experiences, both experience and theory of knowledge I'm happy you found the right relationship
And it's good to know you like to call it training.
I wasnt sure if I thought (being new to kink) it was a kind of disrespect.

 

[SilverBass]

Regarding training of a sub, I'll tell you my experience. Both my sub and I are first timers so it was a learning experience for both of us. I read up about D/s and realized that we were pretty much already there naturally, having never been involved with BDSM or anything related before. The D/s thing just fit our natural personalities and dispositions. With that said, we discovered BDSM and were both intrigued by it. I proposed making our relationship a more formal BDSM commitment, and if she agreed to be my sub then she would need to respect my authority on ALL matters. I told her initially what would be required of her and I told her how I would not cross any barriers concerning privacy, career, safety and family, but outside of those parameters she is mine and what I say goes, period. She happily agreed and we were off.

OK, so I'm a new Dom and this is new to me as well. I realized I was what is sometimes referred to as a "Gentle Dom", so nothing too crazy or hardcore was going to be happening, and my sub's best interests were ALWAYS my primary concern. I did read up online about how BDSM relationships typically work and realized that we were halfway there anyway. Discipline is something I had to learn. Previously when problems arose with a partner we'd hash is out, fight, argue nd etc. Often I was more powerful in this area than my partner, but it never involved disciplining her. So that was where my Dom-training came into play, I had to learn how to discipline my sub, but thankfully for both of us we have rarely had reasons to go there.

Regarding training her, yes that took a little work, though she was completely cooperative. It was just a matter of laying down the rules and correcting her honest mistakes. There really wasn't any kind of formal training, it was just a matter of going on with our normal lives, and when she said or did something outside of her submissive role, or making any decisions on her behalf, I had to remind her that these are not her decisions to make. She was never disciplined for making these mistakes as it is all part of the learning process, plus she knows that I was learning as well.

 

[FrozenBlaze]

Regarding training of a sub, I'll tell you my experience. Both my sub and I are first timers so it was a learning experience for both of us. I read up about D/s and realized that we were pretty much already there naturally, having never been involved with BDSM or anything related before. The D/s thing just fit our natural personalities and dispositions. With that said, we discovered BDSM and were both intrigued by it. I proposed making our relationship a more formal BDSM commitment, and if she agreed to be my sub then she would need to respect my authority on ALL matters. I told her initially what would be required of her and I told her how I would not cross any barriers concerning privacy, career, safety and family, but outside of those parameters she is mine and what I say goes, period. She happily agreed and we were off.

OK, so I'm a new Dom and this is new to me as well. I realized I was what is sometimes referred to as a "Gentle Dom", so nothing too crazy or hardcore was going to be happening, and my sub's best interests were ALWAYS my primary concern. I did read up online about how BDSM relationships typically work and realized that we were halfway there anyway. Discipline is something I had to learn. Previously when problems arose with a partner we'd hash is out, fight, argue nd etc. Often I was more powerful in this area than my partner, but it never involved disciplining her. So that was where my Dom-training came into play, I had to learn how to discipline my sub, but thankfully for both of us we have rarely had reasons to go there.

Regarding training her, yes that took a little work, though she was completely cooperative. It was just a matter of laying down the rules and correcting her honest mistakes. There really wasn't any kind of formal training, it was just a matter of going on with our normal lives, and when she said or did something outside of her submissive role, or making any decisions on her behalf, I had to remind her that these are not her decisions to make. She was never disciplined for making these mistakes as it is all part of the learning process, plus she knows that I was learning as well.

You two sound like you have a healthy relationship there, congrats.
IT just goes to show how we naturally fall into these roles, without much effort.

 

[SissySalina]

What is training?

Ok so I was thinking how training a sub would work. I keep reading here and there on other sites about training subs. Until I read something that a poster said about subs don't need training, it's Doms that need training.

This makes more sense to me but I don't know why as I'm new to all this

Could anyone experienced in wisdom please explain.

sissy is a sub
First what is training, training is passing on your experience to someone else. So training a sub is passing your experience, usually what you like, to a sub.

Teaching is passing knowledge, weather learned from a source or experience, to some one else.

Training is more of a repeated task than educating about the task.

When someone is saying they train a sub it really means that they, dom, is getting the sub to do what they want them to do.

This is wrong.
The relationship between a sub and dom is a lot of trust. This trust grows as both explore the relationship. The dom must understand the sub and the needs of the sub for the relationship to become a good Dom/sub relationship.
It is not really important that the sub understands the dom, the important part to a sub is to totally trust the dom.

This is the opinion of a sissy.