Trace an E Friend

[londonaberdeen]

Wondering if anyone has ideas on how to search for someone.

I have a friend I have been Emailing weekly for the best part of 3 years. We will never meet so exact details of where we live/work were never important.

However for some reason the last Email I received from her was now back in September 2004, there was no hint of distress. I fully expected to hear from her again.

I know the city she works in, I know the VERY small village she lives in. I know her name. I know the type of business she works for. Kind of. I know it’s something to do with providing models/dancers but exactly what I’m not sure.

I would just like to know she is alright, or not I guess. I hold out hope of her getting in touch again. But I’ve now come to the conclusion something serious has happened to her or a family member. I know she wouldn’t just stop chatting, something must have happened.

Should I leave it well alone as I can’t be of any help or should I try to find her?

If so, how do you go about finding someone when all you have are an email address a name and a general clue of the type of work she does.
I have no intention of tracing her through a P.I. or indeed some other formal method.

I thought perhaps if I could find where she works I could call there and ask for her, see what response I got from the reception and if I get put through put on the tele-marketing voice for a new kitchen or some other lame excuse.

Another idea I had was is there a way to tell if someone has an abundance of unread emails in their Hotmail account. I have no desire to see her Hotmail account but can Hotmail tell me if someone has UNREAD messages from me??? At least then I’d know if her or someone was still accessing her account.

If this sounds desperate then it’s poorly written. I am however becoming very anxious for the well being of a friend.

PS There is no romantic interest here, we were always just good friends.

 

[SweetErika]

That's a really tough situation, Steve! If you know her name and town, why not call her home? Frankly, I wouldn't go for the telemarketing bit...I'd fess up and tell her I was concerned and considering your long relationship, wanted to make sure she was alive and well. Say you're happy to continue emailing if she'd like, but you really just wanted to know she was ok, and won't be calling again.

Without violating her privacy and breaking into her hotmail, I don't think there's anyway to see if the messages have been read or not. Some email programs like Outlook Express allow you to ask for Read Message confirmation, so perhaps you could try sending an email from one of those programs?

If none of that works, you may have to just chalk it up to the flakiness of people online. I've talked to several who have seemingly dropped off the face of the earth, and that bothers me because, like you, I worry about the welfare of others.

 

[londonaberdeen]

I don't really wish to call her home.

Our relationship was extremely open and explicit. Her SO really doesn't know anything about me.

When I say explicit, we talked openly about our sex lives. She madde it quite clear her SO didn't like her being online. I wouldn't want to put her in that position.

No me calling her home isn't ever going to happen. Thats one invasion of privacy I shall not break for anything.

I guess I'll just have to forget her and just hope all is well.

 

[SweetErika]

I don't really wish to call her home.

Our relationship was extremely open and explicit. Her SO really doesn't know anything about me.

When I say explicit, we talked openly about our sex lives. She madde it quite clear her SO didn't like her being online. I wouldn't want to put her in that position.

No me calling her home isn't ever going to happen. Thats one invasion of privacy I shall not break for anything.

I guess I'll just have to forget her and just hope all is well.

Sorry, I was assuming she was single. Who knows...her SO may have gotten into her email and been angry or deleted your messages. The fact that she's attached probably means she's ok though. Sorry you've had to go through the wondering...I know it's really difficult, but it seems to be the biggest risk of having an online friendship/relationship.

 

[londonaberdeen]

Chalking up as flakiness of online friendship then.

Nice to see you care too Erika. I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me or the way I think.

I guess I put more value in friendships than some, be they friends online or friends I have in life. Either way a friendship earned isn't simply discarded and forgotten like a paperbag.

 

[Ezzy]

For peace of mind I would fire off another email, it may be that you were open and friendly, but how friendly were you if it takes more than 4 months before you start to worry?

That sounds like a slap as I read it back to myself, but I am just trying for a clearer picture.

Did you keep emailing her? Have you checked your junk mail?

If you know where she was working, just ring them ask if she is available, and wait for their reply, then hang up. Either you will have found out she is there or she no longer works there, or they may have other information about her Etc.

Bite the bullet and get it done, first thing tomorrow, then get on with your life as best you can.

 

[londonaberdeen]

Problem is I don't know where she works.

I have carried on our practice of emailing every week even through the silence.

It's just I decided to ask Lit for help on what people thought I should or could do next.

I guess the answer is nothing really.

 

[Ezzy]

Sorry Londonaberdeen I miss read your first post. I thought you said you knew her name etc. You can try freeality.com search for persons and their reverse email look up.

If her email address was not one of the generic (Hotmail, Yahoo, Aol etc) ones but is a someone@somewhere.com you can use a "whois" service to look up the contact details, from these you can get an address for the tech suport of the website, and often an address of the business.

What information do you actually have, because alot of the searching you can do is determined by what information you have.

Look and see if there is a specialist magazine in her line of work, if there is it may have an online componant that you can search, to find that kind of work in the city she works in, or try yellow pages.co.uk or directory enquiries, there may be only 3 or 4 even in a large city (except London of cause).

If you want further help and ideas, but don't want to put all the info out on the board, you can email me and I will add what I can to help out.

Don't quit, it will still be bugging you in 5 years if you don't get and answer soon.