Totally new, looking for advice

[thatdamram]

Hello my friends,
So my girlfriend and I recently talked about incorporating a sub/dom style relationship into our sex life, but i don't know exactly what to do. I've read articles and know there's a lot of communication and trust involved, which I like, but I guess I just want to know of any tips or ideas on what to do cause I don't know anything about this.
Any and all help appreciated,
A totally inexperienced dom

 

[Bramblethorn]

Hello my friends,
So my girlfriend and I recently talked about incorporating a sub/dom style relationship into our sex life, but i don't know exactly what to do. I've read articles and know there's a lot of communication and trust involved, which I like, but I guess I just want to know of any tips or ideas on what to do cause I don't know anything about this.
Any and all help appreciated,
A totally inexperienced dom

You might get more response over on the BDSM Talk forum. It's past my bedtime so I won't try to reply to this now, but if you don't get enough answers in the next couple of days send me a PM to remind me and I'll post some advice.

 

[hedonisatlurist]

Hello my friends,
So my girlfriend and I recently talked about incorporating a sub/dom style relationship into our sex life, but i don't know exactly what to do. I've read articles and know there's a lot of communication and trust involved, which I like, but I guess I just want to know of any tips or ideas on what to do cause I don't know anything about this.
Any and all help appreciated,
A totally inexperienced dom

Read some of the BDSM stories on Lit, or google BDSM and investigate

 

[fire_breeze]

Hello my friends,
So my girlfriend and I recently talked about incorporating a sub/dom style relationship into our sex life, but i don't know exactly what to do. I've read articles and know there's a lot of communication and trust involved, which I like, but I guess I just want to know of any tips or ideas on what to do cause I don't know anything about this.
Any and all help appreciated,
A totally inexperienced dom

As Bram said, you may wish head on over to the BDSM section of the forums; they are a knowledgeable lot and are willing to help.

Also, you may wish to speak with your girlfriend about this, and ask her what and how she envisions incorporating a D/s angle into your sex-life. Does she mean ordering around? Or macrame? Rough sex? Orgasm control? With a frank and open conversation, you both have an idea what it means to you and can therefore work from there together. Just a thought

Good luck

 

[Bramblethorn]

Read some of the BDSM stories on Lit, or google BDSM and investigate

The BDSM category here might be a good source of inspiration for play scenarios, but I wouldn't take it as a how-to. Many of the stories are written as fiction and include things that would be a terrible idea in real life.

 

[Jada59]

I had an ex who was into that but for us it wasn't a lifestyle. Just something we did on occasion.
You don't need fancy stuff to start with. Some scarves for tying things up. Can also use as a blindfold or gag.

Maybe a belt or a hairbrush to spank/whip. Check out other things you have around the house. I have a back scratcher that is quite nice for using like that.

Clothespins. Get the wooden kind. Clamp some of them over something to loosen the jaws. You can use a thin paperback book, wooden dowel, whatever you have around. Test them out by putting them on that area of skin between your thumb and forefinger. However they feel there is how they will feel on your nipples or wherever you want to put them. Also check out whatever other kinds of clips/clamps you have around the house. Some may be too painful but others might work.

Sex toys are nice too. You can use them on her or her on you without giving the other person a choice.

We never had a safe word. We didn't need one. We knew each other's limits and while we did test them, nothing ever went too far. But a safe word is always a good thing to have. Use it and the other person has to back off.

 

[HBergeron]

Hello my friends,
So my girlfriend and I recently talked about incorporating a sub/dom style relationship into our sex life, but i don't know exactly what to do. I've read articles and know there's a lot of communication and trust involved, which I like, but I guess I just want to know of any tips or ideas on what to do cause I don't know anything about this.
Any and all help appreciated,
A totally inexperienced dom

I've only occasionally played dom, so I'm no hardcore expert, but what you do depends entirely on two things:
1 - what you want
2 - what your partner wants

We all do things to please, but there are things that are distasteful to me - I won't inflict real pain, leave anything but the most subtle marks (red handprint on ass) or humiliate my partner. If that's what they want, I'm the wrong partner.

Psychological 'fear of loss' play is more my thing when I do it - like "If you can't do what you're told, I guess you don't want to be here" kind of stuff.

You two have to discuss what you want out of dom/sub play and figure out what you're both comfortable with doing.

It really can be a lot of fun if you're on the same page.

 

[SissySalina]

Hello my friends,
So my girlfriend and I recently talked about incorporating a sub/dom style relationship into our sex life, but i don't know exactly what to do. I've read articles and know there's a lot of communication and trust involved, which I like, but I guess I just want to know of any tips or ideas on what to do cause I don't know anything about this.
Any and all help appreciated,
A totally inexperienced dom

As you stated, communication and trust is a must.
To start both of you should take a quiet time to sit down and write out what your expectations are on a piece of paper. Then you get together and go over the list, this gets you started in a direction.
Yes, sissy has a safe word but has never used it, but that does not mean that it is not a good idea to have one.
You should also decide on a budget for your project, this will help limit getting in too deep.

Oh, have fun.

 

[Mr_Neb]

Not that there is anything wrong with reading up on things but I might suggest that you don't start there. I suggest you and your girlfriend just work it out yourselves at first. Not "in the heat of battle" but separately and casually.

I'm guessing you are both a bit timid about starting this and you don't want it to go too far too fast. So when there is no pressure or the opportunity to take it where neither of you want to, have a simple talk about it. Ask her what she'd like and she can ask you. It will be easier to set expectations and boundaries that way.

The reason I recommend not doing much research is that what you will find might imply what you "should" or "should not" do. Figure out what makes sense for the two of you without worrying about what others might do.

Good luck.