totally new here-Is this a submissive brat or a basic bitch?

[Echo1sp]

hey there! i'm gonna get right to the chase here...i've never been a dom or a daddy. so i found myself in this relationship with a younger woman who is very submissive when it comes to sex. anything i want to try, she's up for. anything i want her to do she will do it without question. she tells me she wants to be pushed to see how far she can go, says she wants me to be the one to do that. she calls me daddy and i didn't even have to ask for it. she is constantly horny and says it's all because of me and only me. heaven right?

so here's the twist. she's very possessive, and extremely jealous. she creates fantasies in her head based on the most trivial things i do. accuses me of cheating and wanting other women. she does a lot of the push/pull, i want you i love you i need you then i don't want you, there's tons of men waiting to be with me, we're through, i'm over you, i'm not romantically attached etc etc etc. blocks me on facebook, says we're done, says she's blocking my number and before i know it, more texts, more i love yous more yes daddy, show me more daddy, sending pics...the weird thing is even when i'm blocked, she still has a way of seeing my page and fb stalking me. she's never really gone.

i was reading about the different types of submissives and i came across the type that is a brat. she's a lot like it, but i have no idea if she's a sub brat that is wanting her daddy's attention or if she's just a crazy possessive bitch that i need to hide from.

i'm very open so if you have any questions or need more information to form an opinion, please let me know. my friends that have never been a dom/daddy or dealt with a submissive all say she's crazy and f'ed up. but there's something more to it than that. i can see through her and know what's a lie and what isn't. the question is: if she is looking for a daddy to control her and praise her when she's good/punish her when she's bad, how will i know?

thanks!

 

[Blue]

I don't think this is a case of fitting her into a box...

She could be doing it on purpose to act out a fantasy role of super-brat she has in her head, or she could be doing it for attention and unwittingly annoying you, or maybe she was abused as a child and has developed some hyper-reactive attachment disorder from the years of emotional neglect by her parents? Maybe this is just a case of an easily-outraged entitled young woman?
Who knows? I/we certainly don't because we're not the ones interacting with her.

I'm going to shy away from trying to categorize her and just ask why you haven't just straight up asked her what she's doing? If it's particularly annoying then tell her that and viola, her reaction to that tells you which of the many possibilities it could be. And from that you can decide whether you want to change/develop/get-the-hell-out-of whatever the result is.

Honestly now, some anonymous strangers on the internet probably shouldn't be trying to work out your relationship for you. I've seen a number of threads like this in recent months and I can't understand why some people are so averse to talking that they would ask for relationship advice from a bunch of faceless goons.

 

[CutieMouse]

Here's a third option for you...

Not a submissive brat
Not a crazy bitch.
Just someone who has ZERO healthy relationship skills.

 

[_Necrosomantic_]

Again, I find myself echoing Consilience, why haven't you just asked her straight up why?

The scenarios you have described and issues that she obviously has need to be addressed. Either it's just the way she is or something else is going on, but regardless of where this all stems from, a confrontation is in order. There's nothing particularly mystifying about how to handle this, unless you are just procrastinating out of fear of what may come to light, or maybe somewhere in there you are enjoying the attention?

Don't jump to conclusions about labels and behaviors before you actually understand the situation. Talk.

Edit:

ask for relationship advice from a bunch of faceless goons.

Who's a goon?!?

 

[Blue]

-snip-

Who's a goon?!?

ME!

 

[Farawyn]

ME!

Yea. Me too.

 

[_Necrosomantic_]

ME!

Yea. Me too.

The hell you two are!

 

[Blue]

The hell you two are!

o.-
*Googles definition of "Goon"*

OH.

goon
1.
a silly, foolish, or eccentric person.
2.
NORTH AMERICAN
a bully or thug, especially one hired to terrorize or do away with opposition.
"a squad of goons waving pistols"

Silly North American definition is confusing us methinks.

 

[cookiecat]

Speaking from experience, I used to be an insecure anxiety ridden bitch. Add the daddy factor and for some reason, it gets really warped. Like just because you call it daddy/little girl, you - as the daddy - are supposed to spend every single moment cherishing and adoring your girl. Look away for a second and it MUST mean you're a bad daddy, unable to fulfill my every need, want and desire.

A horny young bratty girl seems like a dream come true but don't let your cock cloud your red flag meter.

Girls should have respect for their daddies. Ummm. Wait. Partners should just have respect for each other but in this context, you should "daddy" up and tell her to have some more respect for herself and for you.

Corner time, with her nose holding a dime to the wall seems in order. Then a lot of cock worship as she apologizes to you with a mouth full of your dick.

 

[Echo1sp]

WOW! Thanks so much for the responses and support! to answer the question as to why i haven't confronted her yet was because the night before i did, someone said it sounded like a BDSM thing with the whole daddy sex talk. i did some very quick research and thought, "yeah...i have no idea what's what. i better ask some questions first". and so here i am...

there are issues that do need to be addressed and i am tonight. not fear as much as totally bewildered. i love the comment about her having 0 healthy relationship skills really put my mind at ease. as the saying goes: crazy will make you crazy, and i was half way there.

i really appreciate all the anonymous goons who said something, and you know, i'd never expect a group of people i did know help work out a relationship for me. that being said, i thought i would just cover all the bases, just in case. really the only thing i didn't know was how to handle her if this was a case of her being a submissive brat. it really looks like this is just her being her.

confrontation is in order and i really am grateful for your insight, reasons and explanations.

 

[SpunThings]

The whole brat dynamic is generally negotiated and agreed upon by both parties, with the brat/sub ideally respecting their dominant partner's limits. In a healthy relationship that is.

 

[cookiecat]

Hey! It's so cool you came back to say you've read all this. Awesome!

I hope you guys get things figured out. You're right to talk to her. If you think things are worth working out, the whole bdsm Daddy thing can be fun.

Good luck.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Unhealthy = unhealthy, regardless of the presence of BDSM. You should consider talking to her outside of a play context and discuss parameters and healthy behavior.

Welcome to Lit!

 

[Que]

You can't reward poor behavior or you get more of it. Since I doubt she is anything close to relationship ready, see her when she is behaving in a way that is fun for you and her, completely ignore her when she acts out. More likely than not she will come around more from being ignored than appeased. Probably more enjoyable for her as well. Radio silence is a reasonable balance between avoiding the crazy and giving her some drama she needs apparently.

Here's a third option for you...

Not a submissive brat
Not a crazy bitch.
Just someone who has ZERO healthy relationship skills.

This.^^^

Or, she is what is technically known as a psycho hose-beast.

The whole brat dynamic is generally negotiated and agreed upon by both parties, with the brat/sub ideally respecting their dominant partner's limits. In a healthy relationship that is.

Personally, I have close to zero interest in bratty play, although I can see how those with energy and time to burn might enjoy it.

I have less than zero interest in brattyness thrust upon me outside of play.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Kantarii]

I wouldn't exactly call that Heaven. It sounds more like Hell to me.

 

[clistenovena]

Here's a third option for you...
Just someone who has ZERO healthy relationship skills.

This. And maybe the reason he hasn't talked with her about it is because of what CM said above. Hard to have a meaningful discussion when insecurity and manipulative behaviors abound. Good luck.

 

[ExpressxLove9]

Here's a third option for you...

Not a submissive brat
Not a crazy bitch.
Just someone who has ZERO healthy relationship skills.

Wish I could "like" what people say on here. So true, CutieMouse. Your comment made me chuckle.




In all seriousness, it doesn't matter what she is, it matters what you like and are willing to handle.

 

[Setanta84]

Here's a third option for you...

Not a submissive brat
Not a crazy bitch.
Just someone who has ZERO healthy relationship skills.

I'll join the line of people backing this up with the proviso that I think she IS a crazy bitch and a very specific one.

Blocking your ability to communicate--your number, social media, etc--has a very specific name in the psychiatric community and in support groups dedicated to a very specific type of toxic relationship. It's called "silent treatment" and it is a widely recognized form of passive-aggressive abusive behavior by mental health professionals. (It's also widely recognized to be a favored manipulation tactic by people with psychopathic/sociopathic/anti-social tendencies.)

The mood swings, the constant need for attention, the accusations of cheating, the silent treatment, calling herself a "brat"--you're dealing a textbook case of a person with either very pronounced narcissistic traits or even full-blown NPD.

A few things to keep in mind from a person who has traveled this path before:

1) When a person with this kind of personality accuses you of cheating, there is one thing you can put money on: SHE'S cheating. They project. They love to project--mainly because they can't see themselves as anything but perfect and red to externalize their own bad behavior.

2) It never gets better once she starts showing you the ugly side. It only gets worse.

3) Once she starts showing you the ugly, needy side of her, you've started the countdown to the day she cuts things off brutally. Relationships with these people share the "sweet/mean" cycle of all other toxic relationships and follow a predictable "Idealize, Devalue, Discard" progression. And you go through it multiple times before the Grand Finale. (Silent treatments are soft discards. When she's cutting off your ability to contact, she's freeing herself up to test out and fuck other sources of narcissistic supply, which is the reason she keeps tabs on you--you are now the backup source of supply.)

4) Be prepared for the abuse to "go to 11" when things finally end. There is no healthy, amicable breakup with these people. She's going to try to destroy you.

5) If she hasn't already, she's going to start negatively comparing you to male "friends" of hers and bring them up in your arguments. This is called triangulation. The people she is triangulating are members of her narcissistic harem/the guys she is fucking behind your back.

6) The Elektra Complex is actually one of the main red flags of the formation of a cluster B personality disorder.

7) Run, don't walk, away.

 

[Farawyn]

The hell you two are!

We soooooooo are.

 

[Farawyn]

I'll join the line of people backing this up with the proviso that I think she IS a crazy bitch and a very specific one.

Blocking your ability to communicate--your number, social media, etc--has a very specific name in the psychiatric community and in support groups dedicated to a very specific type of toxic relationship. It's called "silent treatment" and it is a widely recognized form of passive-aggressive abusive behavior by mental health professionals. (It's also widely recognized to be a favored manipulation tactic by people with psychopathic/sociopathic/anti-social tendencies.)

The mood swings, the constant need for attention, the accusations of cheating, the silent treatment, calling herself a "brat"--you're dealing a textbook case of a person with either very pronounced narcissistic traits or even full-blown NPD.

A few things to keep in mind from a person who has traveled this path before:

1) When a person with this kind of personality accuses you of cheating, there is one thing you can put money on: SHE'S cheating. They project. They love to project--mainly because they can't see themselves as anything but perfect and red to externalize their own bad behavior.

2) It never gets better once she starts showing you the ugly side. It only gets worse.

3) Once she starts showing you the ugly, needy side of her, you've started the countdown to the day she cuts things off brutally. Relationships with these people share the "sweet/mean" cycle of all other toxic relationships and follow a predictable "Idealize, Devalue, Discard" progression. And you go through it multiple times before the Grand Finale. (Silent treatments are soft discards. When she's cutting off your ability to contact, she's freeing herself up to test out and fuck other sources of narcissistic supply, which is the reason she keeps tabs on you--you are now the backup source of supply.)

4) Be prepared for the abuse to "go to 11" when things finally end. There is no healthy, amicable breakup with these people. She's going to try to destroy you.

5) If she hasn't already, she's going to start negatively comparing you to male "friends" of hers and bring them up in your arguments. This is called triangulation. The people she is triangulating are members of her narcissistic harem/the guys she is fucking behind your back.

6) The Elektra Complex is actually one of the main red flags of the formation of a cluster B personality disorder.

7) Run, don't walk, away.

Yes!!! Especially #1.

 

[Que]

It's good to see you in here que. but the bratty side of me kinda wants to call you Sir to play with you a little

Hmmm. It occurs to me that There are contextual differences at times.

Since I can't picture you being actually bratty, the idea of you being bratty in a sexual context has more of an appeal than somebody who's consistently kind of bratty to others.

It's entirely possible I'm simply a lazy dominant therefore disinterested in enforcing some sort of compliance.

There might be validation issues as well because there is something incredibly validating about eager compliance.

Voice to Text wanted to spell that Iker compliance I'm going to have to look that up- it looks highly technical. Would that I was Mr Iker, so that I could demand that level of compliance

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[hooterbif]

Bpd

Have you googled BPD?

If you become entangled with a BPD, chances are you will view it as the biggest mistake of your life.

 

[Jessica_29]

Run.
Away.

Don't look back.