Total Newb Question: BDSM is about sex, right?

[teknight]

Now, before you jump on me and say that sex doesn't always occur, I'm not using sex to mean any particular sex act (penetration, masturbation, etc), nor am I saying that orgasms need to always occur (although, you know, it'd be nice if they did ).

Let me put it another way: How far away from sex (again, think broadly here, not missionary position) has BDSM taken you, if the question makes sense?

 

[where]

I think it's taken me as far as love, but for me it is closely connected because BDSM allows me to orgasm.

 

[teknight]

I think it's taken me as far as love, but for me it is closely connected because BDSM allows me to orgasm.

Hmmm...if I ask this, I derail the thread:
To the OP, sorry for doing this, man. I have to ask

Are you saying you fell in love 'cause of BDSM? Via BDSM? I mean, I'd hope you'd fall in love with a person (much as ideas can be quite lovable.

 

[where]

Hmmm...if I ask this, I derail the thread:
To the OP, sorry for doing this, man. I have to ask

Are you saying you fell in love 'cause of BDSM? Via BDSM? I mean, I'd hope you'd fall in love with a person (much as ideas can be quite lovable.

no, not because of BDSM but via. you did ask if it was just about sex and whilst for me it mostly is, it's also about love.

 

[Stella_Omega]

For me it's about sex. But you know-- they don't call it "making love" for nothing. I get attached to my sex playmates. And love is regenerated via sex.

 

[Primalex]

Let me put it another way: How far away from sex (again, think broadly here, not missionary position) has BDSM taken you, if the question makes sense?

It doesn't.


DSM are personality traits. My personality is the same, even if I'm all alone locked up in a prison cell.

 

[the captians wench]

Any S&M act doesn't nessisarily have to be about sex for me. Infact for the first 2 years into my discovery, I didn't experience bdsm and sex in the same scene.

S&M is more like...meditation for me. It's a seperate thing all together.

Tho, I guess I really could say the same thing about giving head, so that may not be the best example.

 

[teknight]

It doesn't.


DSM are personality traits. My personality is the same, even if I'm all alone locked up in a prison cell.

Part of me wants to get teknical and pull out the DSM (the diagnostic and statistical(?) manual of the American psych association to see what counts as personality traits. )
You know, I get what you're saying. I think.

Any S&M act doesn't nessisarily have to be about sex for me. Infact for the first 2 years into my discovery, I didn't experience bdsm and sex in the same scene.

S&M is more like...meditation for me. It's a seperate thing all together.

Tho, I guess I really could say the same thing about giving head, so that may not be the best example.

Hmmm....

But I need to use the "head-as-meditation" as a pick up line at some point.
Thank you for your reply...I gotta think on it for a bit.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Many I spoke with, and some I met while on my quest would not even consider someone who had sex as a motivation or focus point for their BDSM as they felt they were looking for sex, not primarily a BDSM relationship. I could relate to their thinking and had some interesting learning experiences as a result.

Catalina

 

[teknight]

Many I spoke with, and some I met while on my quest would not even consider someone who had sex as a motivation or focus point for their BDSM as they felt they were looking for sex, not primarily a BDSM relationship. I could relate to their thinking and had some interesting learning experiences as a result.

Catalina

But is that ..."posturing" by truelifers (sorry for using these exact terms...I'm not sure how to convey what I'm after), or a genuine attitude?

Besides, what's wrong with sex?

Damn, I still have to wrap my head around all this...'cause you guys are shoving a huge butt plug of new ideas into my mental schema!

 

[catalina_francisco]

But is that ..."posturing" by truelifers (sorry for using these exact terms...I'm not sure how to convey what I'm after), or a genuine attitude?

Besides, what's wrong with sex?

Damn, I still have to wrap my head around all this...'cause you guys are shoving a huge butt plug of new ideas into my mental schema!

Nope. There are a huge number of subs whose main focus is having sex, having an orgasm, and primarily having their needs met as opposed to meeting the needs of the PYL and submitting as such. The type of men I was interested in were those whose focus was domination and sadism, and a healthy sexual appetite. In other words the sexual appetite was not the beginning and focus, and most especially not the motivator, with sex a possible ending, but not necessarily, and not necessarily every time. For me this worked and I have to say is still the way I am. I am far more likely to have fantasies about domination and SM than sex, probably 99% more likely, with sex sometimes being a secondary aspect of the fantasy at some point. F is pretty much the same, and yet we both have high libidos, we just are not ruled by them if that makes sense. It can be amazingly erotic knowing you are with someone whose needs are not dominated above all else by sex...also a lot more satisfying for me.

Catalina

 

[00Syd]

For me it's about sex, and I'll admit to being skeptical of anyone who says that it's not, or who says that BDSM and sex don't necessarily have to go together. I mean, come on.

 

[Bette_coquette]

For me it's about sex, and I'll admit to being skeptical of anyone who says that it's not, or who says that BDSM and sex don't necessarily have to go together. I mean, come on.

Aren't there couples in a BDSM relationship who have difficulty having sex? I think of men who've had prostate cancer or women who have gone through menopause and their libidos are down in the dirt. Can't the relationship continue indefinitely yet be less defined by an orgasm count?

 

[Keroin]

For me it's about sex, and I'll admit to being skeptical of anyone who says that it's not, or who says that BDSM and sex don't necessarily have to go together. I mean, come on.

Sorry, total hijack, but I have to catch Syd where I can...

I started watching "Madmen" thanks to you. Almost done the first season. Good stuff. Wow.

If you come to the Blurt thread I'll talk more about it.

/hijack

 

[catalina_francisco]

For me it's about sex, and I'll admit to being skeptical of anyone who says that it's not, or who says that BDSM and sex don't necessarily have to go together. I mean, come on.

LOL, perhaps in 10 or 20 years you will change your mind, perhaps not.

Catalina

 

[teknight]

Sorry, total hijack, but I have to catch Syd where I can...

I started watching "Madmen" thanks to you. Almost done the first season. Good stuff. Wow.

If you come to the Blurt thread I'll talk more about it.

/hijack

Just for that, you have to do 30 minutes of cardio for me.
Thread jackers, beware!

 

[teknight]

Bah! Old people!

</bad humor>
Sorry, my brain is idling right now...

 

[JMohegan]

Control is a way of structuring a personal relationship, both physical and non-physical elements. For me, it's not just about sex, no.

Not that I perceive anything inherently wrong or inferior about bedroom-only. It's just an untenable model for a person such as myself.

Sorry, total hijack, but I have to catch Syd where I can...

I started watching "Madmen" thanks to you. Almost done the first season. Good stuff. Wow.

If you come to the Blurt thread I'll talk more about it.

/hijack

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=721050

 

[Keroin]

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=721050

Thanks!

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

BDSM gives my life a structure and accountability that I need. Sure, I can fend for myself no worries, but I do *better* when someone is in control, and therefore I'm happier.

That being said, the sex is awesome.

 

[Primalex]

For me it's about sex, and I'll admit to being skeptical of anyone who says that it's not, or who says that BDSM and sex don't necessarily have to go together. I mean, come on.

Hm. Let me try it this way:

Bondage:
Compare this and this.

 

[sb2009]

Would I be too off base to say that there seem to be two (albeit overlapping a times) schools of thought - that it's about sex and that it's NOT about sex?

For me it's most absolutely about the sensation aspect - even if I'm not having "sex" it's about the experience. Though my marriage may be a bit of the D/s dynamic, that is probably because i'm a lazy fuck or passive or afraid to made decisions.

 

[Netzach]

I say it's sex. But my sex definition expands to meet my BDSM. There's a lot of tightly contained perverse eroticism to enjoy.

 

[ecstaticsub]

If I am going to get beaten I need to get fucked.

However, I will say now there are times when Daddy and I are together that I am more horny for a beating than a fucking. When I reached the point where I could orgasm from a spanking or getting my clit slapped then I am happy with either that or sex.

But I can't see myself ever totally separating the sex from BDSM.

 

[CutieMouse]

I say it's sex. But my sex definition expands to meet my BDSM. There's a lot of tightly contained perverse eroticism to enjoy.

Yup.

For me it boils down to intimacy, and intimacy on some level = sex, even if it isn't what one would typically think of as "sex".