Top tens

[Expertise]

I have an absolutely perverse love of top ten lists here is one feel free to add your own.

Top Ten Reasons To Go To Work Naked

10. Nobody ever steals your chair.

9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

8. Diverts attention away from the fact that you came to work drunk.

7. People stop stealing your pens after they see where you have been keeping them.

6. You want to see if its like "the dream"

5. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.

4. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants"

3.Inventive way to finally meet that special person in Human Resources.

2. You can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

1. Hey, your boss is always yelling, "I wanna' see your ass in here by 08:00!"


Your turn.....

[Edited by Expertise on 11-23-2000 at 07:17 AM]

 

[Silverlily]

5. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking dow your blouse.

Aren't you in marketing??

 

[Expertise]

Yes....... i'm so ashamed.

 

[Deborah]

I don't think so. It's too frigging cold. Besides, I'm not working today. Thank you Lord! Hey Expertise, I'll give you the "skinny" on the snow in Buffalo. You foreign objects seem to be suffering from the weather yourselves, as in fog.

 

[Silverlily]

It's ok, we love you anyway.

Top Five Reasons this will be a traditional Thanksgiving -

5. By 6am, I have already threatened the children with eternal banishment from the kitchen.

4. By 7am, six family members have called to ask if I'm up yet.

3. By 8am, the cat's life is in serious danger.

2. By 9am, I have made two trips to the store for forgotten items and I still don't have everything.

1. By 10am, we are past banishment and I am threatening to sell the children to Gypsies (thankfully, they are spending the night with Grandma and Papa.)

 

[Expertise]

Hey Deborah long time no see.

Fog ma'am? Cool crisp and clear as bell in beautiful downtown Freddy Beach this morning.

The "n" is going on this keyboard and its really startin to piss me off.

 

[Cheyenne]

4. By 7am, six family members have called to ask if I'm up yet.

LOL. Mom called bright and early at 7:30. Normally I'd have been up by then, but it has been a hard week and I was sleeping in!

Now I SHOULD be baking pumpkin pies, and here I am goofing off....

 

[Deborah]

That sounds like a serious problem, Expertise. What are you going to do without "n" I wonder? You won't be able to say "no" to all your female admirers. Just "o" I guess. "O baby!" has entirely different connotations that "No baby!" one would think.

BTW, Expertise, since you are working today, and staying on topic of this thread, how many nekkid visitors do you think you will have today besides your prodigal son (Bobtoad)?

 

[Expertise]

Deborah

BT would never get past Sheila.

If "the stare" wasn't enough to make his penis retreat to somewhere near his spleen and his feet to do a 180.

She has a demonstrated ability with a letter opener that would make most people blanche

 

[Deborah]

If the rumor is true that BT is 12 3/4 (I tend to remember these things) then I doubt Sheila will be doing much of anything other than gagging. BTW, Expertise, when is the transplant scheduled? You should thank your lucky stars for your prodigal son.

 

[Juliangel]

Now I SHOULD be baking pumpkin pies, and here I am goofing off....

I cheated and baked all my pies yesterday, the turkey is in the oven, the ham goes in soon and then I can relax until around 2:00.

 

[naudiz]

Top Ten Signs Your Amish Teen Is In Trouble

10. Sometimes stays in bed until after 5 a.m.

9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.

8. Shows up at barn raisings in full "KISS" makeup.

7. When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou sucketh."

6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."

5. Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to rap."

4. You come upon his secret stash of colored socks.

3. Uses slang expression, "Talk to the hand, 'cause the beard ain't listening."

2. Was recently pulled over for driving under the influence of cottage cheese.

1. He's wearing his big black hat backwards.

 

[Ezzy]

Well...

1. By 10am, we are past banishment and I am threatening to sell the children to Gypsies (thankfully, they are spending the night with Grandma and Papa.)

I think it is very generous of Grandma and Papa to have the Gypsies over for thanksgiving night. LOL.


EZ http://cgi.tripod.com/smilecwm/cgi-bin/s/cwm2/sleep.gif

 

[Lovely Latina]

Guess that makes me a pervert, too

Love those top 10 lists, as well. Here's a couple of my faves for ya, Expertise.


Top ten Signs Your Grandparents Are Still Sexually
Active

10. Pair of edible Depends found on bedroom floor.

9. Lately, at night, they put their teeth in the
same glass.

8. Grandpa grabs his crotch and complains loudly of
"denture-burn."

7. Granny found cuffed to her walker.

6. Not only do you hear the bed squeaking, but also
joints.

5. Grandma regularly looks at Grandpa's crotch and
claps twice.

4. Your "Grandma" is Anna Nicole Smith.

3. You've just seen the photos in the "BeaverHunt"
section of the May issue of Hustler.

2. Grandmother starts baking Viagra-chip cookies.

1. Kraft-matic adjustable bed set for "doggystyle."

 

[Lovely Latina]

'Nother one

TOP 10 SIGNS THAT YOUR CHILD IS TOO OLD FOR BREASTFEEDING

10. He can open your blouse by himself, with one hand.

9. While suckling at one breast, he caresses the other.

8. He has developed a bad habit of flicking his tongue.

7. He keeps slipping dollar bills in your belt.

6. He uses your milk as creamer for his coffee.

5. Your birth control pills interfere with his acne
medicine.

4. After each feeding, he has a smoke.

3. He frequently invites his friends over for dinner.

2. You feel an uncontrollable urge to listen to
"Dueling Banjos."

1. Beard abrasions on areola.

 

[Lovely Latina]

One more...This one's for Doc Clozhoff

Top 10 signs you joined a cheap HMO


10. Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters.

9. Directions to your doctor's office include, "take a left when you enter the trailer park."

8. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle.

7. Only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.

6. Only item listed under Preventive Care feature of coverage is "an apple a day".

5. Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

4. "Patient responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo.

3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.

2. With your last HMO, your Viagra pills didn't come in different colors with little "M"'s on them.

1. You ask for Viagra. You get a popsicle stick and duct tape.

 

[Lovely Latina]

What a frickin' goofball I was, lol.

*Edit*

 

[Juliangel]

Top Ten Signs Your Co-worker is a Computer Hacker

10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was for $20,000.

9. He's won the Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes 3 years running.

8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.

7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office computer network goes down.

6. Somehow gets HBO on his PC at work.

5. Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeez" 95 times during the movie "The Net."

4. Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments.

3. His video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among hobbies.

2. When his computer starts up, you hear, "Good Morning, Mr. President."

1. You hear him murmur, "Let's see you use that Visa card now, Professor I-Don't-Give-A's-In-Computer-Science!"