Too Whipped?

[Link Valentine]

My girlfriend and I have only been going out for four months, but we've known each other for just about five years now.

She's always been dominant over me, and I've always done what she wanted. Now that we've stepped into the bedroom, that continues.

I've spent countless time performing oral sex on her, at first I wasn't so good, hell, she prefered me to finger her. But, over the course of two months, I got pretty good at it, and she loves it. She doesn't shave though, I keep asking her too, she says she will, but never does. And, I don't enjoy all the hair in my mouth.

On the flip side, she's spent about a half hour total of performing it on me. She's never made me orgasm, she says she feels bad, but doesn't do it anymore.

When we make love, it's always her way. Always when she says, how she says, and where she says. Which is always one of two ways. Missionary, or me sitting in a chair / leaning against a wall, with her on my lap bouncing up and down. During missionary, she basically lays there moaning, and in the other position, she does all the work, but I feel nothing when she does it.

We haven't even tried every position yet, but we have done the traditional woman on top, and I really liked it. I keep telling her, but yet, we never do that.

She knows that I'll do whatever she says, and she also knows I hardly open my mouth to voice an opinion, but I'm getting kinda tired of this. Any advice on what to tell her / how to say it would be greatly appreciated!

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Look at that last paragraph. You'll do anything she says, and you hardly open your mouth to voice an opinion.

Change those two things. Then see how things go.

 

[Bobmi357]

Some people like enjoy living in a format which clearly contains elements of Domination and submissiveness in it. However its always best if the couple at some point get that out into the open and agree thats the way its going to be.

From your post it sounds like you have fallen into that role without defining it first. Additionally it sounds like you may only be a part time submissive. Its not uncommon for people to switch roles like that.

I think its extremely important that you and she sit down for a long heart to heart talk concerning sex. Your frustration is clear in your post. Your willing to be submissive, but by the same toke you seem to feel that your needs aren't being met. Its not wrong to feel that way, but how you approach your girlfriend and how you bring the subject up is important. Remember, you want to TALK, not start a fight. Nor necessarily change your role in the relationship.

My wife and I have played around in the BDSM scene, but for us its play, not a lifestyle. Generally speaking I am more dominant in our sex life than she is, but she's not a complete submissive either. As with any relationship, in order for it to mature and thrive you must learn to communicate your needs to your partner, even a dominant one. Hell, even people that live the lifestyle will tell you that communication is key.

Sit her down and tell her what you've told us in your post. Don't accuse, don't shout, don't make this a fighting issue. But by the same token understand that even if you want to continue in a submissive role in this relationship, she has an obligation to see that your needs are met just as you have the same obligation to her. To most of us in a loving respectful relationship, these aren't obligations as much as they are pleasures. Pleasing ones partner is truly thrilling. I only call them obligations to get the point across.

Finally, lets say this was just a phase you've been going through. I think a lot of people try both roles in a relationship before it settles down into a set pattern. There's still nothing wrong with being more assertive and requesting she do more to meet your needs. She might need some time to adjust to this role switch, but two alpha people can have a good relationship together. The trick is to come to the table (and bed) as partners and not as bosses.

HTH

 

[DevilishTexan]

I'm just too dom to even respond to this it just makes me ill LOL!!!!

 

[Kataklysm]

I'm sorry. I don't think I would put up with anything like this.

 

[Ylvie]

Bobmi has some very good points here, I suggest you to listen to him and try it out. I can only imagine how this must feel for you, I know I'd never cope with it! And I say that even know I love being the submissive part of the relationship I'm in. You see, the reason why I like being submissive is that he takes care of my needs anyway. If there's one thing the two of us can talk about and communicate over, it's our sexlife. We might have had some discussions, but we have always come to agreements and solutions - and to both of us it's very important to please the other. He's not dominant because he likes to take charge and make me please him in every way he wants; he's dominant because that is a fantasy which we share and want to live out as pleasure for both.

It seems like your girl has some set ideas about how things should be in order to please her. Maybe you should try to get out her wilder sides, show her how good it CAN be. The only way to make her give it a try is to sit down and talk to her. Tell her it's important for you and that you'd like her to cooperate, perhaps you should even tell her once and for all that you are not looking for an argue and that you're not saying it to judge her, but to improve your sexlife.

Wish you luck.

 

[Succulent-one]

I am far from an expert on dominant/submissive aspects....but to me it sounds like you really need to be the dominant and start taking control. Your sex life will continue to be dismal at best until you step back and take a look at what is really happening here. Good luck!

 

[SexyChele]

Maybe it's just me, but I'm not seeing submissive here as in the BDSM context. I'm seeing a man who is looking to give for pleasure, but who would like to receive as well.

Expecting mutual satisfaction and pleasure is something everyone deserves in a relationship. I would follow Vixenshe's advice. Voice your opinion and if she says to do something and you don't want to, don't. See where the relationship goes from there.

Good luck!

 

[ApplesMcgee]

rough times...

.....

 

[lilpriss]

I think you ought to just surprise her one day and take control...
if she tries to turn the tables, don't let her. Hell tie her hands if you have to... while she's tied, take care of that pesky bush! Get on your knees over her face and feed your cock into her mouth. If she reacts in an averse way to this type of sex play, well you have to let her up, but she may surprise you and let it happen.

Sometimes the really forceful and dominant women really LONG for someone to take control.

Of course I prefer action to a lot of talk... so I may not be the best on advice in this area.

Personally, the minute I start to feel like I am doing nothing but give - give - giving I say, <AHEM> "HEY!! MY TURN NOW!" Or I just take matters into my own hands and he can either lie there and watch or help me out.

 

[Sarah_C]

Firstly, vixenshe and Bombi both said some really good stuff. You should read it again.

Now, my turn.

Yes, you really need to talk with (not to) your partner about sex.

It's vital you don't have this discussion just before, during, or after sex, or at a time or in a place where you are likely to have sex. You need to talk about it at dinner, or over coffee, or during a walk in the park, or sometime and place that neither of you associates with sex.

Your partner does not have to shave just because you want her to. But then again, you don't have to give her oral sex just because she wants you to, either.

(A side note here: Shaving one's genitals can be a horrible, horrible experience. May people have itching, raches and ingrown hairs for weeks and weeks. And making love to a vagina that has stubble growing all around it is really really nasty. Trimming might be a good idea, as a compromise. Just something for you to think about)

If her shaving is very important to you, why not take the plunge yourself and shave for her. She might find it exciting, and it may even make her *think* about what you have asked her to do, rather than just agreeing and forgetting it.

If you want more sexual variety, you have to ask. During your conversation, let her know that you know she loves having sex sitting on your lap, and that you love doing things that she loves, but that it isn't a position which is particularly satisfying for you (Let her know that it is the position that isn't particularly good, not that you don't think she is good, too). Let her know you are happy to make love in this position sometimes, because pleasing her delights you, but that you would like to make love in other positions too, because you need to please yourself as well.

Let her know, in your conversations, the positions you have tried that felt particularly good. Let her know, in your conversation, the positions and/or activities you would particularly like to try with her.

Let her know that, as much as you love her and want to please her, your sex life together is not satisfying for you, and that the two of you need, together, to try to change this.

And be aware that it can be a long, long road. It took almost four years for me to feel totally sexually satisfied in my relationship - we did a *lot* of talking, and it was often very difficult to not just yell at each other, or be offended.

It takes love, and tact, and a clear idea of what you actually do want and need to work this out.

Best of luck, and let us know how you get on.

Sarah

 

[Alphasarge]

Either be the nice guy and "talk it out" with her or grow a set of nuts and take charge in the bedroom, pal.

 

[lovechild27]

I agree with sexychele...this doesnt seem like a bdsm lifestyle...she seems like she has no care for your feelings, wants or desires. Relationships are give and take. You dont like it you can change it buddy.

 

[Link Valentine]

Thanks

Thanks for the advice Bombi and Sarah. We talked about it today, well, tonight. She said she would shave if I would. I said fine. She said we could do more positions if I was willing to be dominant more often. I said fine - happily.

So, thanks again, and everything should be good. Then again, I won't see her for another month, it's the semester break, yay...

 

[ApplesMcgee]

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