Too big :(

[subwannabe]

Sounds to me like you are afraid that you are sexually incompatible either due to your size or her lack of size, or a combination of the two. I really think you need to jettison that idea. Lube is probably a great idea but I do want to point out two things:

1. I hate to burst your bubble (if I do) but I'm willing to bet that your cock is not as fat as you are afraid it is and that you actually have a pretty much average size dick.

2. As others have already suggested, at some point in her life (later rather than sooner) a nine pound baby is going to be coming out of her vagina, much, much fatter than your cock.

This is a very temporary condition for both of you.

 

[yourmissl]

It is not inevitable that it will hurt. It may be inevitable with some women, I don't know, but certainly not for all. But if you are gentle enough and get her turned on enough, it may be good for her too. And that's worth working for.

I SimonBrooke

 

[UpStandingMember]

nevermind

 

[PinkLace5]

I also think it's important to remember just how much what we think/fear can affect a person physically. I didn't have a pleasant first time, but my boyfriend at the time wasn't very attentive. Because of the pain I was turned off by sex, afraid it would continually be a bad experience. After discussing the issue however with a more attentive man, he took the time to say really nice, reassuring things during the act. I stopped focusing on my discomfort and rather focused on him and voola! I relaxed and enjoyed myself. Maybe the problem is your girlfriend's anxieties and fear of possible pain. In that case, I'm sure a few nice reassuring words couldn't hurt.

 

[cherise97camaro]

.....

 

[poete_maudit]

I'm surprised no one suggested gradual dilation with a series of dildos of increasing size. It would certainly make things easier for her, if you don't mind the extra time.

Yes, exactly. Take your time, and gradually open her up. Don't rush it.

I've deflowered two virgins and each time, my (very thick) penis was bashed and tender for a week afterward. Lube won't help if she's simply not large enough to accomodate your girth.

You may want to consult a gynecologist as well.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Maybe you just need someone else to break her in. Tell me where you're at, I'll be right over.

Ooh goody, a pointlessly repetitive fucktard.

*clicks iggy*

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I'm surprised no one suggested gradual dilation with a series of dildos of increasing size. It would certainly make things easier for her, if you don't mind the extra time.

Don't you think this is just a little bit clinical? Unless the poor boy's hung like an elephant this is just totally unnecessary. Doesn't the girl deserve to feel an actual man inside her the first time? If she wanted to lose it to a toy, she could have done that solo.

not to be disagreeable, but I can't think this is good advice. to a girl the first time is pretty important. even if the first time isnt all that good physically, emotionally it's something she will remember the rest of her life. if you go break it down to some medical procedure or some mechanical detail before sex it's really going to rob her of that experience and make her resent it later. She will definitely one day ask herself why she couldn't have been with someone "normal" for the first time and made love the first time like "normal people" do instead of made an appointment to get her virginity out of the way so that her boyfriend could enjoy sex more. Not trying to sound harsh but there will be plenty of times in her future for enjoying the physical aspects of sex. The first time really is more about her than anything, including her mental state of mind and the memories or her impression of the memories you create.

Yep, those were my thoughts.

It'll sting a bit, it always does but I seriously doubt there's going to be an issue with the guy's attentiveness, given the research he's putting in.

 

[SimonBrooke]

not to be disagreeable, but I can't think this is good advice. to a girl the first time is pretty important. even if the first time isnt all that good physically, emotionally it's something she will remember the rest of her life. if you go break it down to some medical procedure or some mechanical detail before sex it's really going to rob her of that experience and make her resent it later. She will definitely one day ask herself why she couldn't have been with someone "normal" for the first time and made love the first time like "normal people" do instead of made an appointment to get her virginity out of the way so that her boyfriend could enjoy sex more. Not trying to sound harsh but there will be plenty of times in her future for enjoying the physical aspects of sex. The first time really is more about her than anything, including her mental state of mind and the memories or her impression of the memories you create.

Quoted for truth.

This is important. I took my first wife's hymen, and that fact was always very important to both of us. And a very precious memory for both of us. Even if it hurts a bit, that does not automatically make it a bad experience - and this is a very significant right of passage. Of course, there's still every reason to make it hurt as little as possible and be as enjoyable - which is why slow, why lots of foreplay, why lubricant, and why (I do recommend this) a little wine.

But don't turn this into a bureaucratic medicalised procedure. That will certainly not be a treasured memory, later.

 

[CristinaRobo]

Ooh goody, a pointlessly repetitive fucktard.

*clicks iggy*

{gives VelvetDarkness a 12-pack of iggy refill pens} You probably need these!

 

[infinity706]

Don't you think this is just a little bit clinical? Unless the poor boy's hung like an elephant this is just totally unnecessary. Doesn't the girl deserve to feel an actual man inside her the first time? If she wanted to lose it to a toy, she could have done that solo.



Yep, those were my thoughts.

It'll sting a bit, it always does but I seriously doubt there's going to be an issue with the guy's attentiveness, given the research he's putting in.

Yeah, I agree. The only reason to see a doctor over a hymen is if it's unusually thick or covers a large part of the vagina. There are some extreme cases, though, just like the jumbo dicks out there.

I'm not totally sure about the stinging, though. Some women have told me that there was no discomfort at all. Of course, that likely has something to do with a woman's sex life as a virgin and just how strictly you want to define it.

 

[Eilan]

Maybe you just need someone else to break her in. Tell me where you're at, I'll be right over.

I believe your username is inaccurate, at least in one sense.

 

[SweetErika]

Quoted for truth.

This is important. I took my first wife's hymen, and that fact was always very important to both of us. And a very precious memory for both of us.

So, if your wife didn't have a hymen (like most virgins these days), would the memory be less special?

Even if it hurts a bit, that does not automatically make it a bad experience - and this is a very significant right of passage.

Go tear your cock open and report back.

But don't turn this into a bureaucratic medicalised procedure. That will certainly not be a treasured memory, later.

No one's suggesting it should be turned into a "bureaucratic medicalised procedure." It seems like Cherise misread and went off the deep end, and you jumped right in after her.

What WAS suggested was having the woman in question checked out by a doctor to make sure everything was okay before the couple made another attempt. That's good, common-sense advice; really, everyone who's considering becoming sexually active should follow it to ensure there are no physical problems and they have the protection they need to be safer and feel more comfortable.

And, yeah, if there's a problem with the hymen being too thick or whatever, it's probably best to have it fixed under local anesthetic by a medical professional. Having a problem corrected by a professional to prevent major pain and bleeding certainly doesn't make the woman any less of a virgin or the first time any less special.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Go tear your cock open and report back.

Ok. This is why I you.

 

[phelon]

Quoted for truth.

This is important. I took my first wife's hymen, and that fact was always very important to both of us. And a very precious memory for both of us. Even if it hurts a bit, that does not automatically make it a bad experience - and this is a very significant right of passage. Of course, there's still every reason to make it hurt as little as possible and be as enjoyable - which is why slow, why lots of foreplay, why lubricant, and why (I do recommend this) a little wine.

But don't turn this into a bureaucratic medicalised procedure. That will certainly not be a treasured memory, later.

Interesting enough, the one Virgin that i had the priveledge of introducing to both sex and making love with a man wrote a poem and at least 2 diary entries about it once we had finished, and later in the relationship was still quite pleased with what happened... yet, her hymen had been gone for years... and that was never an issue...
I think that the emotions of the two people involved, and him taking the time to make love to her will be what sets the tone of any emotional memory made as long as there is no true physical problem to cause an issue.

 

[renthead29]

Thanks everyone again, for all of the advice and suggestions

Except for UpStandingMember. I was fairly offended by the fact that you offered to take MY girlfriend's virginity, something special that I think could be an important memory later in our relationship. In all honesty, I think it was THE worst, douche-baggiest, fucktardiest suggestion/offer that could have been made, serious or not.

That being said, thanks everyone again. I think the things i'll take away most from this is the foreplay, the tenderness, and taking my time with it. These were more of a confirmation of what I thought would be the right idea, but...heh, being a virgin doesn't exactly quailify me for expertise in the subject.

 

[renthead29]

Well everyone, tomorrow is the test! Hope your advice works, and she and I can have the night i've been dreaming about for months!

Thanks everyone!

~Renthead

 

[SimonBrooke]

Well everyone, tomorrow is the test! Hope your advice works, and she and I can have the night i've been dreaming about for months!

Best of luck to both of you. Have a wonderful (and memorable) time.

 

[Big Ben IV]

i wouldent focus on the anal yet, get started with the regular sex for a while and get used to eachothers bodies no need to rush anal. From experience I can say you should get some toys smaller than you to use first ( I know the idea of your penis being the first thing ever in her ass is hot but its not likely to work especially if you are wide) use a finger then mabie a toy if she feels like she is up to trying you then do it if not just wait till she is ready. Its all about her its gonna feel good for you no matter what but i know for me the girl not wincing and being in tears makes it more enjoyable.

 

[renthead29]

umm...thanks big ben, but we've already gone past the idea of anal and the fact that I won't do it...


But...lolz on me. She came home to visit this weekend...and she's on her period....HA! so...one more week. I'm goin to visit her this weekend, so...try again!

 

[cebalrai]

I lost my viriginty to woman who was a also virgin. I was 21 and she was 19. When we decided to have sex, we had a whole encounter that ended in frustration because the pain was too bad and I wasn't able to get insider her. I felt *really* horrible about causing her pain, even though she said it wasn't quite as bad as I was making it out to be. I think it was the whole idea of causing pain with my penis or somthing...

Her hymen wasn't 100% blocking her vagina or anything because a finger would be able to penetrate her. But she mad a gyno appointment anyway but then canceled it... A couple days later we ended up trying again... She had a "just do it" attitude and I pressed into her hard enough and made it inside. I kind of have mixed feelings about it because of the whole pain thing but feeling the tissue break as I entered her was a beautiful experience. She cried a bit and I asked if we should stop - but she insisted that we keep going.

I had an orgasm but she didn't, which I guess is pretty normal for the first time. She bled a whole lot, and also bled a bit the second time too.

After that we had sex like rabbits and everything was great.

So if you're still "stuck", go with the gyno appointment idea.

 

[Tyr51]

Some women do have pretty entrenched hymens. I was one of them, despite the fact that I had been horseriding most of my life and was very active. I had this same problem the first time I tried to have sex.

As long as you're not "coke-can" big as you put it, chances are you're just fine. And if you're both committed, loving partners, then it is probably time for her to talk to her gynocologist.

I tried having that conversation. My GP was a woman, and not a very sympathetic one at that. I got the "all women go through this, you'll surive" lecture. I should have insisted.

My memory of my "first time" was not of something beautiful. It was of an ordeal I was really, really ready to get over so I could get to the beautiful part.



My advice is that if there are difficulties that she make an appointment with her doctor and prepare for a candid discussion. "I'm in a committed relationship, and my partner and I are trying to have sex. We haven't been able to do it. Can you please check me out?" And if her hymen is still intact, as an adult (and if you're 18, I hope to hell she is too) she can insist on a very minor outpatient surgery to remove it. This is also a great time for her to have another talk with her doctor about birth control options and anything else that she might want to discuss before taking this step in her life.

If she is your age, she has had an exam by this time. It's never a fun thing to go, but it isn't a very big deal either. It's certainly not as big a deal as it is to decide to become sexually active, or to take a relationship to a sexual level.

Even with the hymen removed, if she's never had sex, the whole experience of sharing that with you, and you with her, will be unique and special and important if you chose to make it so.


If she doesn't like the idea of going to a doctor then I agree with what others have posted. Get good lube (KY is only mediocre. I can recommend ID Glide). Take a long time with the foreplay. Go really slow, and have her on top, and just be the best, most understanding gentleman you can. It may take awhile and it may not happen the first few times. And, as always, please do use protection.

I want to say I think very highly of you for being so concerned about making this comfortable for her.

Best of luck.

 

[sexysharonmilf]

I'll be honest, and i'm not trying to sound like a douche bag by asking this question. Neither my girlfriend or I have ever had sex. We've had a lot of mutual masturbation with each other, but tonight we decided to go for it.

Turns out...i'm too big.

Is there anything I can do to help us both out? I don't want to hurt her and I don't want to just give up. I have 2 weeks until she comes back from her trip...3 if i'm unlucky, so any answers i get in that amount of time would be greatly appreciated.

~Renthead29

Lube. Astroglide or something as good as it. Slow entry. Let her get used to it. Never had a problem with a 6" cock though.

 

[Submission13]

Hey how did things work out? Hope it worked out well for both of you. Always practice safe sex!

 

[renthead29]

Lol...didn't go at all this past weekend. Bad time of the month.

Then I was gonna go this weekend, but my plans got cancelled to visit her at her college. Son of a bitch. So i'm still a virgin for the next 3 weeks, at least.

It seems like every time i'm given the chance to do something, the option gets taken away from me. One other example: I was going to a strip club after i turned 18 (before my gf and i started dating) and i was kinda nervous, didn't know if it was the best idea...then...got lost. Didn't get to go even if i wanted to. sigh.

soo...as of right now, nothin to do but wait.